Dumper initiating contact after 7 weeks of NC.

[Angels_heart]

Sorry for this very long mail...

I've really tried to keep it short..

So here's my story:

 

My ex tells me I ended the relationship, but I don't believe I did....

 

I had reached some kind of bottled up feelings, sure that he was pulling back because he’d lost interest in me and because of that I made a huge mistake by saying goodbye through Whatsapp one evening 5 weeks ago.

 

Intro to the relationship:

Met him online, he was travelling around the states wanting to furfil a bucket list after his divorce 3 years ago. Being a carpenter and a handyman he did small jobs here and there to finance his travels, living as cheap as he could. We text, talked, every day throughout the day and have meet twice while he was travelling. We live 4000 miles apart. After the second time in April we talked about making it more serious, him getting a steady job, also talking about him coming over for more than just 2 weeks.

 

Background story leading up to break up:

Before it really got bottled up I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt because our texts and phone calls had changed throughout the past 4 weeks. Knowing that things doesn’t always goes as we want and some days/weeks/month will vary in all relationships I let my insecure thoughts go and instead I decided to encouraging him by focusing on the positive sides of our relationship. Like “I love it when you make you make you and me time”….. “your goodnight calls are the best time a day”…. stuff like that. Somehow that must have worked because in one of our talks – a webcam talk, he told me how amazing I was for always supporting and understand him and that he felt bad knowing he didn’t always have time for me, feeling he sometimes let me down because of it. Telling me one day he’d want to put a ring on my finger (something he’d said before.. )….one thing led to another and by the end of the talk we were “engaged”! Crazy right..?!

 

happy yes and one big smile on my face…., BUT the practical girl got to me… 48 hours later I called him and told him, that regardless I was happy about the engagement I was also concerned about the whole financial issue plus in my head I also thought it might be good getting to know each other better.

So why did I say yes to marry him… Oh dear, what can I say… I was in love, followed my heart…it made sense to me….

Nevertheless he listened and agreed and I didn’t feel any grudges against me…

 

Fast forward 10 days late before the break up:

He would still text me good morning and goodnight and something in between, always loving and supportive. But it seemed as if the in between was now more initiated by me now, and the our phone calls where reduced to 12 min. compared to our usual 30 min. – 2 hours a day. Looking back I’m guessing that him pulling away was not done intentionally to hurt me. But because by telling him that unless he settled his personal issues (done travelling on the road) and became more financially secure I put him under some kind of pressure?

 

Anyways…

The evening of the break up, we had texted and in the evening he called – as part of our “routine”. Not having much battery on his phone he told me he would make it short. His voice seemed tire and off and still being affected that he had stopped “sharing” what we usually share throughout the day, I got worried – again was he pulling back??

 

Now see because I’d been complaining (to myself) and aired it respectfully to him, that I missed sharing the highlights in our lives I reminded myself, that maybe I hadn’t been so good a LDR girlfriend either, so right after we hung up I decided to send him an important FYI message, showing some “good will” on my end as well.

 

I sent him two texts, my FYI text and just right after one saying “Love you”.

He texted back “I love you my name, goodnight baby”.

I didn’t want to react to him not mentioning my FYI – as it wasn’t a life and death thing, but I did however react to his “goodnight” (I had just started vacation and it was only 9PM on my end, way too early for a goodnight). As mentioned before I was determined not to let the small things get to me, but still I wanted to give him a little “ok buddy what the h#¤# is going on???” so I sent a text back what I felt was a cute/get on board kinda message saying “what’s up with you lol it’s too early for bed! on vacation (smileys) too early for goodnight (smileys) I love you”.

The text I than received back was the one the blew me off …

“what’s up with me?! my batt. is going to die, I will talk tomorrow. Stop blowing up my phone”…

 

And OH my GOD! this is when I wish I wish I could turn back time…..again and again and AGAIN….

 

Cause what I answered next is the reason why I’m sitting this very moment writing this very long message to you guys out there …. and to be honest I’m not sure what got into me… pride? Stubbornness, feeling like a doormat? I’m not sure and in the mix of being insecure that he had wanted out but didn’t know how to talked to me about it his words triggered me and so….

 

I texted: “I’m going to do you a favor. Goodbye!”…..

 

Silence….and that it started…and OMG the humiliation of pleading and begging the next following12 hrs, trying to explain to him my side of the story and that I would have respected if he’d just tell me if he didn’t want us anymore instead of pulling back. But the only thing he seemed to be able to reply was “YOU ended it, I’m done” followed with the devastating words “don’t contact me”… yeah needless to say he was angry!... 

 

So I didn’t until a week later when I saw he had deleted his Whatsapp….

It shocked me and in my shock I called him…I guess losing him made me lose my mind (I’m so embarrassed)

But again he refused to speak to me, the only thing he said was “You can’t change my mind, YOU ended it”..

I texted him on his phone, angry, devastated and hurt and 100% that he had played me and because he didn’t want to talk I said, what I believe killed it, and that was “I get know why your son is angry at you” OUCH! I know…. Really low blow….(long story I won’t get into) but no excuse for dragging his son into it and I feel horrible to have done so.

Wow had I only gone non-contact and saved some of my dignity. But I was sure it was all a misunderstanding and that there was a change I could save it sending him a mail explaining to him and telling him I respected his decision and I wasn’t writing to change his mind, but I wanted to apologize for dragging his son into it. He answered my mail – more conversation mails basically him saying “you haven’t lost me”, “I never played you”, “but now you brought my son into it”. I asked how I could make it up to him and he answered “no making up” and ended it by writing “going to bed now, we will talk later”.

 

I was happy, because it looked like reconciliation, but the words of not making up kept clouding my mind.

So not hearing from him the next two days I wrote that I wasn’t sure what he meant by “hadn’t lost him”, but “no making up” meant, but if it was only to be friends I wouldn’t be able to go through with it.

 

I might have done all the bad mistakes during a break up, being an emotional being an emotional wreck, really trying to move on but in the same time feeling lost and heartbroken, I guess it numbed all my rational senses and I reached out to him again and again, 6 times in all. Yeah I counted and in one of them I even said if he there was a chance we could be friends? Pathetic I know he never answered…. (can’t blame him)…

 

At last I caved and called – this is 20 days later. He was still angry, no wonder… who wouldn’t be, not respecting the “please don’t contact me”. But this time he said I love you, but I’m done, I’m not playing games and he hung up.

 

It’s been 8 days now…. and here I am…

 

I know some of you might think that I should have been more mature about the break up and shown more patience towards the whole job situation ecs. and honestly I would have tied up my best friend (even a coworker) and thrown out the phone if they had been acting the same way I had. But during the break up and when I sent the messages and every time I reached out, it always made sense to me. I also know that some of you may think and say that I would have reacted differently and not have had said “goodbye” if I had still been in love with him. I don’t know if that’s true. Because I really was in and guess in many ways I still am in love with him. But the fact that I felt played with, feeling challenged by the distance, the financial troubles and feeling somehow alone with all these feelings made me lose faith that one second, making me pull the plug.

 

But still I’m the one who feels dumped……

 

Not sure what your answers will do, guess when I started this letter I needed some clarification, but by the end of the day it really doesn’t matter who dumped who, maybe it was a mutual feeling of feeling lost (each our own reasons) … I just guess being “labelled” as the one who dumped just feels so unfair as I know that leaving him was the last thing I’d ever do… and maybe that’s where I need to my peace. To know that I wasn’t the one to leave him, but he left me…

 

If you’ve come so far, thank you and if you’ve managed to get just a little sense of my breakup I hope you might have some kind of input in any of this …

 

I have a hard shell, so feel free to share what’s on your mind. But please go easy as I’m still hurting too….

 

Thank you for ready my letter....

Edited August 14, 2018 by Angels_heart

[bathtub-row]

The guy sounds like a child and you did a good thing by following your instincts and ending it with him. Stop back-peddling. Yes, he was most likely pushing you to end it. It's a classic, passive-aggressive move that many men use. Then again, he might just be a clueless dummy who thought treating you in such a way was ok.

 

The truth is, he was probably cheating on you at the time and is throwing the guilt on you so that you won't question his actions.

 

It may be hard but you need to let this go. You're letting some form of twisted guilt affect your judgment and it's going against your better instincts. You know this situation was bad for you, LDR's are typically a total waste of time, and he has been acting jerky for some time now. You know all of this in your heart of hearts. If he contacts you and accuses you again of ending it, say, "Yes! I certainly did and it was my smartest move ever."

[Angels_heart]

The guy sounds like a child and you did a good thing by following your instincts and ending it with him. Stop back-peddling. Yes, he was most likely pushing you to end it. It's a classic, passive-aggressive move that many men use. Then again, he might just be a clueless dummy who thought treating you in such a way was ok.

 

The truth is, he was probably cheating on you at the time and is throwing the guilt on you so that you won't question his actions.

 

It may be hard but you need to let this go. You're letting some form of twisted guilt affect your judgment and it's going against your better instincts. You know this situation was bad for you, LDR's are typically a total waste of time, and he has been acting jerky for some time now. You know all of this in your heart of hearts. If he contacts you and accuses you again of ending it, say, "Yes! I certainly did and it was my smartest move ever."

 

 

Hi :-) Thanks for your reply. I’m not sure if my instincts where right I keep thinking his lack of communication was caused by being stressed and depressed because of the job hunt and on top of that feeling pressured knowing it was why I “rejected” his proposal.

At the time of the quarrel he had been staying in his home city where he knew a lot of friends, who would constantly be around him not giving him much time to communicate. Thinking about it, it was exactly the same thing that happened when he visited his hometown last year. The exact same insecurity in me occurred. I guess the difference now was that it was added with some new baggage, the financial situation and his “depression”.

 

I can never know if he was cheating, but one thing I know is that he never has in his prior relationships and because his father left his mother for another woman, leaving him with his siblings and mother alone when he was very young affected him so much that cheating was something he had very little respect for. Again I can’t say.

 

But your right, I think they might be some signs of him wanting me to push to end it, to be honest I had been thinking if I should end it myself, I loved him, I was in love with him, but there also seemed to be adding more obstacles. But then again you keeping fighting right? Supporting and encouraging.

So if his pushing away was done consciously or not I don’t know. Doesn’t matter, it happened and when it did I think he toke the opportunity to make it his exit and your right giving me the blame made the blow easier on him…

 

I know things will be better and I will find happiness. I wish it could have been with him, but sometimes even though being in love with someone it just isn’t just enough - unfortunately. Maybe not being in an LDR relationship would have helped, though I wouldn’t go as far though as to say it was a waste of time …. :-)

[Angels_heart]

To all you guys who believes the dumper is the one better off by being the one to have ended their relationship, I want to share that the dumper can be as much lost in their feelings after a break up.

 

As much as I hate to admit it I had been thinking about ending things 4-6 weeks before the break up. I really do love my ex and I still feel like I’m in love with him and would take him back in a split second, but when I’m most hurt and sad I keep telling myself that there where things that didn’t work.

 

For a while I kept hope, wanting to work on us, hoping things would change. But they didn’t and to be honest I never wanted to break up but I felt pushed to it.

 

Unfortunately the break up resolved in a big fight making me feel like I was the one being dumped.

 

I think the fight has made it harder and the stages I’ve gone through has been messing with my mind. One minute I can reminisce and be thinking I made a big mistake by dumping my boyfriend and maybe I read all the signs wrong and the next minute I can be thinking “there was a reason I said goodbye”.

I really hate how things ended and maybe that might be the worst part of the break-up. Because I think we both knew it had to come to an end, I just wish we could have parted more amicable or at least tried to have solved the problems that led to the break-up…

 

So guys it’s not always too great for the dumper either …..

 

We had only been dating for 18 month in a LDR relationship.

[stillafool]

I've noticed that women dumpers seem to carry more remorse than male ones. Women often use the break up talk to get men to change their behavior. They also seem to want the man to chase after them promising to change their ways and do better. When the guy doesn't do these things they still miss them and want them back.

[Angels_heart]

I've noticed that women dumpers seem to carry more remorse than male ones. Women often use the break up talk to get men to change their behavior. They also seem to want the man to chase after them promising to change their ways and do better. When the guy doesn't do these things they still miss them and want them back.

 

 

Breaking up to want to change someones behavior would never make sense to me. To me breaking up would only be done, if there was some kind of deal breaker in the relationship in which that would “never” be able to fix. I do want him back and I do miss him, but not on the deal breaking terms which led to the break up.

 

What I meant by wanting to fix things was more being able to address the reason to the break up instead of having a fight over assumptions and being stonewalled ...

 

Do we as women carry more remorse after a break up? I don't know. I have broken up relationship more than once and never looked back or remorsed...

Edited August 15, 2018 by Angels_heart

[bathtub-row]

What I meant was that they’re a waste of time if things don’t move forward fairly quickly. The relationship was high stress and you cracked from the pressure. Most of the time, love alone is not enough. Find someone who’s more geographically desirable.

[OngoingThoughts]

To all you guys who believes the dumper is the one better off by being the one to have ended their relationship, I want to share that the dumper can be as much lost in their feelings after a break up.

 

As much as I hate to admit it I had been thinking about ending things 4-6 weeks before the break up. I really do love my ex and I still feel like I’m in love with him and would take him back in a split second, but when I’m most hurt and sad I keep telling myself that there where things that didn’t work.

 

For a while I kept hope, wanting to work on us, hoping things would change. But they didn’t and to be honest I never wanted to break up but I felt pushed to it.

 

Unfortunately the break up resolved in a big fight making me feel like I was the one being dumped.

 

I think the fight has made it harder and the stages I’ve gone through has been messing with my mind. One minute I can reminisce and be thinking I made a big mistake by dumping my boyfriend and maybe I read all the signs wrong and the next minute I can be thinking “there was a reason I said goodbye”.

I really hate how things ended and maybe that might be the worst part of the break-up. Because I think we both knew it had to come to an end, I just wish we could have parted more amicable or at least tried to have solved the problems that led to the break-up…

 

So guys it’s not always too great for the dumper either …..

 

We had only been dating for 18 month in a LDR relationship.

 

But if he truly worked on himself during your time apart after the break-up to change his ways. Let's say 3-4 months. Would you reconsider trying with him, even if it would be unsure it might work out? Or would you be convinced you made a good choice when you said goodbye and trust your own decision back then?

[Angels_heart]

But if he truly worked on himself during your time apart after the break-up to change his ways. Let's say 3-4 months. Would you reconsider trying with him, even if it would be unsure it might work out? Or would you be convinced you made a good choice when you said goodbye and trust your own decision back then?

 

Absolutely, in a heartbeat. Life and relationships will allways have it's challenges and if you love someone you will face those challenges toghether. But it takes two to do that, I wouldn't be able to do it alone, so yes if he wanted to work on himself absoultely.

I need to say that he confessed that he was an alcoholic, so that was what I was figthing against... But I would, if there was any chance of recovery.....

[OngoingThoughts]

Absolutely, in a heartbeat. Life and relationships will allways have it's challenges and if you love someone you will face those challenges toghether. But it takes two to do that, I wouldn't be able to do it alone, so yes if he wanted to work on himself absoultely.

I need to say that he confessed that he was an alcoholic, so that was what I was figthing against... But I would, if there was any chance of recovery.....

 

God this sounds like problems I am struggling with atm. Only I wasn't the one breaking up, she did. But she had a hard time doing it. And she was the drinker as well. So it's a bit different. She didn't like my comments on it and the jealousy that came with it (from my insecurity). I am just on the opposite side of where you are (she called the shots). But I am working on myself and my insecurities rn. Still idk if that is enough for her to try again. She doesn't believe I can change, but I am working on it during our NC. For my own wellbeing.

Edited August 15, 2018 by OngoingThoughts

[Angels_heart]

God this sounds like problems I am struggling with atm. Only I wasn't the one breaking up, she did. But she had a hard time doing it. And she was the drinker as well. So it's a bit different. She didn't like my comments on it and the jealousy that came with it (from my insecurity). I am just on the opposite side of where you are (she called the shots). But I am working on myself and my insecurities rn. Still idk if that is enough for her to try again. She doesn't believe I can change, but I am working on it during our NC. For my own wellbeing.

 

I'm sorry to hear about your break up. Sounds like she's putting all the "blame" and work on you to fix the realtionship?? I may be wrong. Can I ask how did she break up with you? and how do you thing you where being insecure because of her drinking if I may ask?

And just to be blunt aren't you both suppose to do some work in changing, or does she only think you're the ones to need to change?

Thank you for sharing your story :-)

I have shared my own story about the break up on this site, if you're interested you can read it to get a bit more info :-)

[marky00]

I've noticed that women dumpers seem to carry more remorse than male ones. Women often use the break up talk to get men to change their behavior. They also seem to want the man to chase after them promising to change their ways and do better. When the guy doesn't do these things they still miss them and want them back.

 

Kind of.

 

Men definitely feel remorse but they tend to internalise it more. Can blame society on that one I guess.

 

But women dumpers do seem to be the more active post breakup. I have been dumped probably a half dozen times and everyone one of them would reach out to me afterwards. Some of them told me why they were contacting me and for the others who didn't give the real reason, I worked it out anyway.

 

The primary reason seems to be that women don't like it when another human on planet earth hates them. Why? Well, one theory I have is that since women are supposed to have a nurturing quality, when they dump a nice guy because they were no longer feeling it, that goes against that instinct of being the nurturer.

 

They left to make their heart happier somewhere else but then they have to deal with feeling like they aren't a nice person. And that does seem to bother women and they definitely externalise that feeling.

[Angels_heart]

Kind of.

 

Men definitely feel remorse but they tend to internalise it more. Can blame society on that one I guess.

 

But women dumpers do seem to be the more active post breakup. I have been dumped probably a half dozen times and everyone one of them would reach out to me afterwards. Some of them told me why they were contacting me and for the others who didn't give the real reason, I worked it out anyway.

 

The primary reason seems to be that women don't like it when another human on planet earth hates them. Why? Well, one theory I have is that since women are supposed to have a nurturing quality, when they dump a nice guy because they were no longer feeling it, that goes against that instinct of being the nurturer.

 

They left to make their heart happier somewhere else but then they have to deal with feeling like they aren't a nice person. And that does seem to bother women and they definitely externalise that feeling.

 

 

You have a point there, absolutely. I reached out after the break up wanting to explain the cause and not just being accused of assumptions for the break up. I didn’t want to be the person who was being accused of just giving up. But at that time, it was too late, I had already been stonewalled and therefor feeling like the one who had been dumped (if that makes sense) I guess women also reaches out to connect and resolve =nuture? I’m not sure? It’s all very subjective as I don’t feel I was externalizing my feelings because I wasn’t being liked, but rather because the break up just seemed cause by one big misunderstanding….

[OngoingThoughts]

I'm sorry to hear about your break up. Sounds like she's putting all the "blame" and work on you to fix the realtionship?? I may be wrong. Can I ask how did she break up with you? and how do you thing you where being insecure because of her drinking if I may ask?

And just to be blunt aren't you both suppose to do some work in changing, or does she only think you're the ones to need to change?

Thank you for sharing your story :-)

I have shared my own story about the break up on this site, if you're interested you can read it to get a bit more info :-)

 

She said that we were both at fault. But she doesn't see the quantity of her drinking as excessive since her whole family just drinks. I was insecure because I know how I get when I drink: I become a flirty and outgoing. I guess I projected that on her even though she is not that kind of person. Also she didn't get flat out drunk, just very tipsy to feel the buzz. We had discussions about it. I didn't understand why there always had to be alcohol on every occasion (like drinking with friends or family). I am just not really a heavy drinker myself and was far too controlling because of my insecurity. Been working on that now and see the mistakes I made. Stress of the past year (work+studies) made me lose confidence in myself and right now I am working on getting that back

[OngoingThoughts]

When a relationship ends we all do things we later regret. I have made my fair share of mistakes after my EX ended it. But each time I learn again. I acted how I thought was right in that moment and can't blame myself for trying to save things. I didn't give up. But after some time you have to stop trying if you are the only one doing so. Eventually NC is when you start to see things clearly and really start thinking about the issues in the relationship. During NC everything gets clearer as the raw emotions settle down. I'd say stay NC and see if you can find out what really made this relationship dysfunctional (if it wasn't dysfuncional it wouldn't have ended.. hard truth). See if it is possible to change what went wrong and from there on decide wether or not you want to try and rekindle things but with a strong and stable mind instead of with raw emotions. But be aware he might not want to. Without him you are whole as well. We just have to find that part of ourselves again, and that takes time. I am still working on it too but I know I will be okay eventually.

[Angels_heart]

Eventually NC is when you start to see things clearly and really start thinking about the issues in the relationship. During NC everything gets clearer as the raw emotions settle down.

 

Hi, will you explain “raw emotions” please?

 

Thanks for your input...

The NC definitely helps. The reason for the break up on my side was painful but clear (I’m the one who wrote: (“a dumpers confession”) the NC helped me get away from the pain of constantly being in contact.

And as painful as it is waking up knowing that each day brings me further away from him it also eases me knowing that another day has gone with success and bringing me closer to a better days ahead….

I believe I’ve learned a lot from the relationship, the break up and not least about myself during the last 18 month.

Good luck on working on yourself as well

[Angels_heart]

What I meant was that they’re a waste of time if things don’t move forward fairly quickly. The relationship was high stress and you cracked from the pressure. Most of the time, love alone is not enough. Find someone who’s more geographically desirable.

 

You're right, love isen't always enough

[OngoingThoughts]

Hi, will you explain “raw emotions” please?

 

Thanks for your input...

The NC definitely helps. The reason for the break up on my side was painful but clear (I’m the one who wrote: (“a dumpers confession”) the NC helped me get away from the pain of constantly being in contact.

And as painful as it is waking up knowing that each day brings me further away from him it also eases me knowing that another day has gone with success and bringing me closer to a better days ahead….

I believe I’ve learned a lot from the relationship, the break up and not least about myself during the last 18 month.

Good luck on working on yourself as well

 

In the beginning when the relationship ends, we react out of pain and loss. Those are the intense and raw emotions we feel because we feel rejected and want something we apparently can not have anymore. Those emotions cloud your judgement because we try to make whole what has been broken at all costs, to avoid the pain. This sometimes makes us act irrational.

After a while you start to accept that person is not with you anymore. These emotions that were the seeds of all you actions, are not as strong (raw) anymore. This gives space to think about the issues in the relationship more objectively.

 

I also learned a lot from the RL and BU. I believe I will be a stronger person afterwards and in my next relationship. Even though sometimes it still hurts, it will be okay.

[guest569]

Yes, it's not easy to break up with someone. The only thing that can make it easier is a sense of relief from taking action against being hurt and being in a situation that is not quite right. Try to take some comfort, but yeah it sucks. It is heart breaking and hard to let go.

[marky00]

You have a point there, absolutely. I reached out after the break up wanting to explain the cause and not just being accused of assumptions for the break up. I didn’t want to be the person who was being accused of just giving up. But at that time, it was too late, I had already been stonewalled and therefor feeling like the one who had been dumped (if that makes sense) I guess women also reaches out to connect and resolve =nuture? I’m not sure? It’s all very subjective as I don’t feel I was externalizing my feelings because I wasn’t being liked, but rather because the break up just seemed cause by one big misunderstanding….

 

I was referring more to the classic dumper who dumps due to loss of feelings. You were the official dumper but based on who was more emotionally invested, I'd actually class you more as the dumpee here. Some people on here call them forced dumpers. I agree with that concept.

[Angels_heart]

Yes, it's not easy to break up with someone. The only thing that can make it easier is a sense of relief from taking action against being hurt and being in a situation that is not quite right. Try to take some comfort, but yeah it sucks. It is heart breaking and hard to let go.

 

I cried after having read your words, because you're right, I toke action on something to prevent more hurt, I just guess I wasn't really ready to accept that before I reading your words. Why I cried last night.

It's slowly starting to zink in and has made my day today a little better.

Thank you for your support :-)

[Angels_heart]

I was referring more to the classic dumper who dumps due to loss of feelings. You were the official dumper but based on who was more emotionally invested, I'd actually class you more as the dumpee here. Some people on here call them forced dumpers. I agree with that concept.

 

Makes sense, thanks :-)

[Angels_heart]

She said that we were both at fault. But she doesn't see the quantity of her drinking as excessive since her whole family just drinks. I was insecure because I know how I get when I drink: I become a flirty and outgoing. I guess I projected that on her even though she is not that kind of person. Also she didn't get flat out drunk, just very tipsy to feel the buzz. We had discussions about it. I didn't understand why there always had to be alcohol on every occasion (like drinking with friends or family). I am just not really a heavy drinker myself and was far too controlling because of my insecurity. Been working on that now and see the mistakes I made. Stress of the past year (work+studies) made me lose confidence in myself and right now I am working on getting that back

 

Thanks for sharing :-)

[Angels_heart]

I was dumped 7 weeks ago https://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/662378-ldr-relationship-18-months-he-says-i-m-dumper

 

Feeling I had no choice after weeks of being patient and overbearing and probably – looking back, due to misunderstandings I said goodbye in anger, on text (LDR relationship) 7 weeks ago

https://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/662429-dumpers-confession

 

During the breakup and a week into NC I saw he had blocked me on Whatsapp. After not wanting to speak to me on the phone either I got very emotional and sent him a series of text (6 in all…). I ended with a text saying “I get why your son is angry at you”… low blow I know :-( and there’s not excuse really, but at the time I was devastated, angry and thougth that I’d lost him for good.

 

Since the breakup (8 weeks ago) I’ve sent 12 emails, trying to explain my reason to “walk away”.

 

Last week I sent him a “permission to move on” letter basically saying that I would know move on, since he didn’t respond or wanted me in his life anymore, apologizing once again and saying I was sorry for having contacted him so many times. He replied with a short mail telling me that “I’d crossed a line (saying what I said about his son) a line that couldn’t be uncrossed and he was better of alone”.

 

I received his answer with mixed feelings of anger and sadness. I wanted to respond to the letter in anger – wanting to tell him that he too had made mistakes, but I didn’t (I actually take pride in always taking responsibility for my actions regarding the argument. Never pointing fingers on who fault it was or trying to put the blame on my ex or trying to make it a competition on who has the most right)

 

For the first time in 7 weeks I didn’t felt that not responding was the best thing to do, I guess I was “done”. I had apologized for my mistake more than once (the 12 mails), I had made it clear that I wanted him back, still loved him and missed him and how hurt I was. Not responding, actually felt pretty good and I’ve I feel that I’ve done pretty well this week, being able to think just for a minute or two of other things than my ex and the breakup.

 

2 days ago i discovered that he had been on Whatsapp on the day he sent the responds (he only has the app because of us), which must mean he has unblocked me, or at least that's how it seams, because I can only see his "last seen" and not his profile picture. He has been on it since...

 

This morning I woke up seeing an email from my ex. I don’t know why he wrote to me, maybe he thought I hadn’t received his answer since I hadn’t written back. I received his mail on another gmail account I have. He mentioned his mother being in the hospital, said he loved me and missed me, but couldn’t see how it could work out, and why cutting ties with was easier than to fighting about it”.

 

What the h… is THAT all about…??...!

Edited September 5, 2018 by Angels_heart

[PRW]

NC is not a "thing", it is not a noun. People either communicate,...or they don't. There is no "timer" ticking on anything and there is no bell that rings when the timer runs out.

 

I received his mail on another gmail account I have. He mentioned his mother being in the hospital, said he loved me and missed me, but couldn’t see how it could work out, and why cutting ties with was easier than to fighting about it”.

 

What the h… is THAT all about…??...!

Stop trying to look for hidden meanings. He is saying he misses the "good times" you had together but he doesn't believe it can work. The comment about his mother being in the hospital is just him hoping that would inspire a little empathy in you so that claws don't come out if you respond,...this way he can leave you unblocked and you can be civil to each other while you both go on with your lives, rather than having ongoing drama.

 

It doesn't mean anything more than that.