JVort Posted September 5, 2018 Posted September 5, 2018 This is hard to talk about putting yourself out there. Anyway, Ive been speaking to a woman for about a week quite. bit. She lives like 50 miles away, is bright, attractive. 44 yo. In us getting to know each other somehow we get to joking about young men coming onto women in their 40s etc. I don't know how it came up but she reveals she's bagged 3 men in their 20s. One was 21 yo. Less than half her age. It was a definite red flag for me but I couldn't figure out why. Certainly, my insecurities may be at play here but here is also a question of character. Does this reflect on her character and what does it mean moving forward. She then reveals she was cheated on right before that happened. So that seems to be her motivation and I get that. Turning the tables I just don't see how I ever bed down a 21 yo at my age. It just grosses me out and makes me wonder if this relationship is doomed to fail or should I just deal and see what happens? She and I will be meeting in the next couple days. I think she has some idea that it bothers me. What do you guys think?
BaileyB Posted September 5, 2018 Posted September 5, 2018 If it bothers you, then don't date her. If my guy was "bagging women" half his age, that wouldn't be very attractive to me either... Not that there is anything wrong with what she is doing if they are both consenting adults. 1
Veronica73 Posted September 5, 2018 Posted September 5, 2018 It would bother me too. I think I’d feel really gross sleeping with somebody that young. When I was around that age (early 20’s) I slept with somebody who was 50, and while at the time I didn’t see anything wrong with it, looking back I’m grossed out and ashamed of it. And I don’t think well of the older man.
MidwestUSA Posted September 5, 2018 Posted September 5, 2018 I'd next her not for the fact that she did it, but that she felt the need to tell you about it. It's poor form to discuss one's sex life on a first date. At a certain age, it's safe to assume people have some, um, experience in that area. No need for the gritty details. Have you met her in person, or just been texting/ taking via phone? It's one thing to 'brag' that she's had younger men find her attractive, but come on. It sounds like she's seeking validation of her perceived youth and attractiveness. After getting out of a seventeen year, horrible marriage at 42, I rejoined the dating world. I may or may not have 'bagged' a 26 year old. But I've sure never felt the need to tell anyone about it. 6
coolheadal Posted September 5, 2018 Posted September 5, 2018 This is hard to talk about putting yourself out there. Anyway, Ive been speaking to a woman for about a week quite. bit. She lives like 50 miles away, is bright, attractive. 44 yo. In us getting to know each other somehow we get to joking about young men coming onto women in their 40s etc. I don't know how it came up but she reveals she's bagged 3 men in their 20s. One was 21 yo. Less than half her age. It was a definite red flag for me but I couldn't figure out why. Certainly, my insecurities may be at play here but here is also a question of character. Does this reflect on her character and what does it mean moving forward. She then reveals she was cheated on right before that happened. So that seems to be her motivation and I get that. Turning the tables I just don't see how I ever bed down a 21 yo at my age. It just grosses me out and makes me wonder if this relationship is doomed to fail or should I just deal and see what happens? She and I will be meeting in the next couple days. I think she has some idea that it bothers me. What do you guys think? Sounds like HOT P"" I won't use the words here. If I was you, as you said she bag/or pop some cherries you should keep yourself away from her.. Nope love no life with her sort of women!
MidwestUSA Posted September 5, 2018 Posted September 5, 2018 Sounds like HOT P"" I won't use the words here. If I was you, as you said she bag/or pop some cherries you should keep yourself away from her.. Nope love no life with her sort of women! I don't believe she claimed to have 'bagged' virgins. There are men who prefer to lose it to an older woman, or get with one later, because we're the best teachers. At least that's what my student told me. 1
salparadise Posted September 5, 2018 Posted September 5, 2018 I'd next her not for the fact that she did it, but that she felt the need to tell you about it. Exactly. That's just terrible judgement. And if she's so proud of it that she brags to a new guy, it makes you wonder about her whole range of motivations and predilections. Of course, it depends on what you're interested in or willing to accept too... I'd guess that she's disinhibited to say least. 2
MidwestUSA Posted September 5, 2018 Posted September 5, 2018 Exactly. That's just terrible judgement. And if she's so proud of it that she brags to a new guy, it makes you wonder about her whole range of motivations and predilections. Of course, it depends on what you're interested in or willing to accept too... I'd guess that she's disinhibited to say least. My guess is that she hasn't been out of her failed (long term?) relationship and dating mature men long enough to have figured out that it's not a good topic to bring up. And if her reason for the young uns is that she was cheated on, who's to say what she'll do when the next guy wrongs her in any way. Sounds like she's on the rebound. 1
hippychick3 Posted September 5, 2018 Posted September 5, 2018 I can relate to how you feel. I started dating again in my 40’s and despite being hit on often by men in their 20’s, I just couldn’t go there. They were like “kids” to me. It just felt wrong. One guy I went out with a few times who was slightly older than me had told me his last relationship was for 2 years with a 24 year old. I couldn’t get past that. It was so icky to me that I ended it with him fairly quickly.
smackie9 Posted September 5, 2018 Posted September 5, 2018 Nothing wrong with sowing your wild oats, but to brag about it...nah not relationship material. It's kinda trashy, unless you like that kind of stuff. 2
ozzies Posted September 6, 2018 Posted September 6, 2018 I'm not a dating expert by any means, but I can say without doubt that it's common among some guys to talk openly and chase their "notches" for their belt. Not to offend anyone, but they want the white girl, the black girl, the Asian girl, the heavier girl, the skinny, and yes the older woman. My point is while a fraction of guys really are attracted to older women, most of those guys seek older women exclusively. There are many, many more guys who just want to bag one (or more) of everything, and as an older woman having sex with younger guys, you're more likely to just be one of these notches and not necessarily someone the younger guy truly intends to pursue or commit to. Trust me, as a "notch," the guys aren't talking fondly or respectfully about you to their mates! I'm sure females do the same thing, but I don't talk with women about this stuff. I hear it from guys all the time. In your situation, I would be concerned she allows herself to get sucked in by the excitement of sex with a much younger person. I get grossed out thinking about sex with someone younger than 30. What is she chasing? Whatever it is, if you're not 25 or younger, there is nothing you can do to provide it.
Ruby Slippers Posted September 6, 2018 Posted September 6, 2018 It would gross me out, too. It was poor form to brag about it. And yes, it's easy as a woman in her 40s to get men in their 20s. They're usually baggage-free, have minimal commitments, and looking for fun.
Author JVort Posted September 6, 2018 Author Posted September 6, 2018 Smackie, I respect your opinion. I think one was 26 and one 28 and thats sorta ok but I have a real problem with the 21 yo. Dude is just out of HS. Not emotionally developed at all. Its taking advantage of someone. Imagine if we were talking about a man 44 bedding down a 21yo it certainly wouldn't be sowing his wild oats. It would be uproar. I think the pattern of behavior is also concerning. Its like being used as a pick me up. Its a red flag for me. 1
Orokotikki Posted September 6, 2018 Posted September 6, 2018 If you're both single and you really want the lay, maybe a clear NSA thing - just be sure to wrap it before you tap it. When I was 20-21 got involved w/ 35ish widow - the sex was pretty great tbh, and taught me a good bit which I needed to learn. But once the crazy switch was flipped - it was quite evident. So yeah avoid a serious R. My 2 cents I guess.
FMW Posted September 7, 2018 Posted September 7, 2018 She sounds insecure, like she's trying to prove something. I know a woman like that, loves to brag about it, she thinks it means she doesn't look her age and is "hot". Sheesh, I'm 53 and I get hit on by guys in their 20s. I don't take it to mean anything more than they think an older woman is an easy mark. I'm not flattered! I'd see her telling you about it as a definite flag. Proceed with caution.
Author JVort Posted September 8, 2018 Author Posted September 8, 2018 This is hard to talk about putting yourself out there. Anyway, Ive been speaking to a woman for about a week quite. bit. She lives like 50 miles away, is bright, attractive. 44 yo. In us getting to know each other somehow we get to joking about young men coming onto women in their 40s etc. I don't know how it came up but she reveals she's bagged 3 men in their 20s. One was 21 yo. Less than half her age. It was a definite red flag for me but I couldn't figure out why. Certainly, my insecurities may be at play here but here is also a question of character. Does this reflect on her character, promiscuity etc and what does it mean moving forward. This was over the course of a few years and she says age was inconsequential. Turning the tables I just don't see how I ever bed down a 21 yo at my age. It just grosses me out and makes me wonder if this relationship is doomed to fail or should I just deal and see what happens? Furthermore, if the tables were turned there would be uproar at a man doing something like this. I think she has some idea that it bothers me.Three NEW developments are that we met and things went well she was very into me and continues to be. It was difficult for me to focus knowing this bit of her history. Second, she was in two relationships where she participated in infidelity. One was for 2 years and she didn't know the man was married. I believe her however when she found out she continued for a bit of time before ending it. Next, she as she says "made out" with a married man numerous times over a 6 year period. She maintains there was no sex which I find hard to believe, but she was aware the man was married and sees it as no issue as there was no sex. She even asked Is that weird regarding this? and to go as far as to say she was bored. I like this girl but I cant ignore the numerous red flags here regardless of how well she's treated me. How can I trust her? What do you guys think?
MountainGirl111 Posted September 8, 2018 Posted September 8, 2018 I think you’re definitely a man if you use words like ‘Bagged’ to describe her having sex with three young men... In my view that’s way too young and I couldn’t go there... no... just no... but I’m kind of old fashioned... I’ve known of much younger guys who found me attractive... but that’s as far as it went
MountainGirl111 Posted September 8, 2018 Posted September 8, 2018 If this bothers you I say listen to your gut... you know she’s into you but is that enough??
Veronica73 Posted September 8, 2018 Posted September 8, 2018 (edited) Generally, it’s not good to ignore red flags. And these are some doozies. And whether you approve or not of someone dating a married man.... how could you date a man for 2 years and not realize he was married? I’m genuinely curious. (Edit) I doubt that there would be “uproar” over a single 44 year old male sleeping with a single 21 year old who isn’t an employee or something like that. I’m sure this happens ALL the time. (Not that I approve, but I don’t see an “uproar” happening.) Edited September 8, 2018 by Veronica73
DKT3 Posted September 8, 2018 Posted September 8, 2018 I think it's very telling and suggests she isnt really someone you should get deeply involved with. Occasionally an older woman can catch the feels for a boy (come on 21 is still a boy) and progress into something. However several over what seems to be roughly a decade says she is either 1) look to validate she is attractive 2) looking for someone she can mold and control. My question is, how is she meeting these guys..I mean 40 something women dont usually run in social circles that include 20 year old boys. She must be actively looking for this. Which says 1 she is looking for outside sources to feed her ego. No easier way then grabbing a couple young dude off a college campus.
ExpatInItaly Posted September 8, 2018 Posted September 8, 2018 OP, I think you just need to concede that this woman has very different values than yours and it might be best to avoid going further. She's free to do what she wants, but she appears to place a lot of importance on sexual "conquests" which could suggest some underlying, deep need for attention to feel good about herself. The fact that she seems to go after men who she deems unattainable is a red flag, in my opinion. I don't know in what context she's been revealing all of this to you, but it seems she's trying to fluff her own feathers and appear desirable. For me, as a woman in my late 30s, she comes across as a little desperate, honestly. Not sexually, but emotionally. She fancies herself a temptress and does what she can to maintain that idea in her head. She sounds very much like a woman I know. Right around the same age, too. Sure, she gets a lot of attention from men, but none of them stick around. We're from a small town and her reputation precedes her, unfortunately. A friend's brother actually dated her for a while, but had to end it when he realized she hadn't changed her ways and was still seeking inappropriate attention from other men. Just something to think about.
Veronica73 Posted September 8, 2018 Posted September 8, 2018 The fact that she seems to go after men who she deems unattainable is a red flag, in my opinion. I don't know in what context she's been revealing all of this to you, but it seems she's trying to fluff her own feathers and appear desirable. For me, as a woman in my late 30s, she comes across as a little desperate, honestly. Not sexually, but emotionally. She fancies herself a temptress and does what she can to maintain that idea in her head. This seems quite insightful, to me.
BaileyB Posted September 8, 2018 Posted September 8, 2018 If you don't like what you've learned about this woman, don't date her. It's only been a week... don't worry about it. She is just not the one for you.
MidwestUSA Posted September 8, 2018 Posted September 8, 2018 Why are you referring to her as a GF when you've met once? The replies to your first thread told you what you need to know, now you've got extra confirmation. Are you that hard up?
smackie9 Posted September 8, 2018 Posted September 8, 2018 Are you sure you are not being catfished??
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