shellybing Posted September 5, 2018 Share Posted September 5, 2018 So, there is a guy I met on FB through other mutual friends on FB we had a few nice chats, and I had gone out on a horrible horrible date, and then he politely offered to take me on a better date in the comments. So, i declined. I wasn't quite ready, i had just been stood up. I didn't like the restuarant he wanted to take me to, and I was really just taken off guard at the time. I told him I like to get to know people first and be friends and go from there, and that was that. Which is true yea. So we continued to chat for a while and fell off radar for a few months. Then, I reached out to him because I thought he may be able to help answer some questions another friend had, and he asked me out for coffee this time I agreed. Is it a date or not a date? I dunno if it is a date or not. But he did say "I would be HONORED to take you out" at which point I am super flattered. How do you say no the that lol. He's an okay guy I think. We will try him out and see what happens. Just looking for thoughts here Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted September 5, 2018 Share Posted September 5, 2018 It's a date. A coffee date. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted September 5, 2018 Share Posted September 5, 2018 It's a date. He considers that you asked him out. Did he answer the questions already and the date is separate, or are you asking the questions at the date? If the latter, you should pay for the coffee since it's for a favor. But he's glad you made contact and it's a date. Have fun! Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted September 5, 2018 Share Posted September 5, 2018 Any meeting between unattached people is a date ... or potentially a date ... which is the same thing as a date. You will know when you see him what the energy is like. What do you want this to be? Do you want it to be a date? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author shellybing Posted September 5, 2018 Author Share Posted September 5, 2018 It's a date. He considers that you asked him out. Did he answer the questions already and the date is separate, or are you asking the questions at the date? If the latter, you should pay for the coffee since it's for a favor. But he's glad you made contact and it's a date. Have fun! the coffee is seperate I think? I dunno, we talked a bit otp about the situation with the other friend, and really the only thing left was to let him know to please answer the friends req so the two of them can connect. Link to post Share on other sites
Author shellybing Posted September 5, 2018 Author Share Posted September 5, 2018 Any meeting between unattached people is a date ... or potentially a date ... which is the same thing as a date. You will know when you see him what the energy is like. What do you want this to be? Do you want it to be a date? I dunno, I am not so good at this. This is why I was asking. I was just going to meet him and go, because I had free time and hoped to meet a good guy. I am not sure if I want it to go anywhere until I know him better. Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted September 5, 2018 Share Posted September 5, 2018 Well in any case (date or no date) you want to show up as yourself. Relax and feel him out ... See if you like his energy and like him ... and she if you pick up interest on his part. Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted September 5, 2018 Share Posted September 5, 2018 As soon as I stopped writing, another thought hit me. So you seem interested, but you're cautious based on the past bad date and all of that ... So you're kinda guarded it seems ... Totally fine attitude for coming in to a date ... You can be guarded and open at the same time. Guarded does means you don't NEED this date to be wonderful. You are keeping your hopes in check ... and you might find that you again don't like this guy's company. But maybe he's a friend. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Author shellybing Posted September 5, 2018 Author Share Posted September 5, 2018 As soon as I stopped writing, another thought hit me. So you seem interested, but you're cautious based on the past bad date and all of that ... So you're kinda guarded it seems ... Totally fine attitude for coming in to a date ... You can be guarded and open at the same time. Guarded does means you don't NEED this date to be wonderful. You are keeping your hopes in check ... and you might find that you again don't like this guy's company. But maybe he's a friend. Good luck! I am guarded. I am guarded because i have been in abusive relationships (all of them have ended with a mans hands around my neck, 4), I was really just saying the other guy stood me up to tell how it happened, which was really no skin off my back. I have been single for almost 3 years now since my last relationship and have had a handful of dates. I have not felt more comfortable with any of them, except this guy. But then again, who knows. My man picker is obviously broken, so I am hopeful but yes cautious. I like him, and with his background he seems like he is a kind and loving guy that can be strong enough to handle who I am. Because while I am guarded, I am also very independent, stubborn, and strong willed. I think thats really the reason I have been in absusive relationships, is because I refuse to be held under a man's thumb and submit to their every whim. I disagree, I can be blunt and bold, and I do what I want. . . .and i don't think there is anything at all wrong with that, but i see that it gets me into trouble with men who feel entitled. This guy is different in every single way than any other guy I have dated. So I am really stepping out of the box here. He is really good looking too, and really the only thing I dislike is that he is just a tad bit older than what I would normally go for. The limit is 10 years for me, but he ii 12 years older. I don't think that makes much difference at 3os and 40s and though. I did shortly date a 42 year old who acted like a 28 year old when I was 28, but i tend to gravitate toward older guys who are more mature, so age is not a huge deal, but 10 was my limit and i don't think 12 is over doing it. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted September 5, 2018 Share Posted September 5, 2018 I dunno, I am not so good at this. This is why I was asking. I was just going to meet him and go, because I had free time and hoped to meet a good guy. I am not sure if I want it to go anywhere until I know him better. Well, that's what a date is for. You have already let him know you have to get to know someone a little before you want to date, but always remember, dating is not any kind of commitment. Dating is just to spend some time to get to know someone. Try not to feel pressured. If you want you can even tell him you are nervous on dates and make them out to be more than what they were meant to be. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mortensorchid Posted September 5, 2018 Share Posted September 5, 2018 I'd say it is, about 80%. The other is the unsure of course, but ... Might as well try, right? Link to post Share on other sites
Author shellybing Posted September 5, 2018 Author Share Posted September 5, 2018 I went and got my brows waxed for this. Should I call and ask how he is doing before the date, if its a date? I confirmed the place with him this morning, its just coffee. I don't want to get too hopeful, but the more I think about it, the more I am honored to be meeting him too. Link to post Share on other sites
MaleIntuition Posted September 5, 2018 Share Posted September 5, 2018 I went and got my brows waxed for this. Should I call and ask how he is doing before the date, if its a date? I confirmed the place with him this morning, its just coffee. I don't want to get too hopeful, but the more I think about it, the more I am honored to be meeting him too. You have already confirmed, I don’t see any point in calling. My guess is that your picker is off precisely because you see yourself as strong and independent, and are therefore looking for someone whom you perceive as stronger. Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted September 5, 2018 Share Posted September 5, 2018 (edited) I went and got my brows waxed for this. Should I call and ask how he is doing before the date, if its a date? I confirmed the place with him this morning, its just coffee. I don't want to get too hopeful, but the more I think about it, the more I am honored to be meeting him too. You're really overthinking this. Just go on the "date" and enjoy. Frankly, I think it's a good idea not to go over the top in terms of a "date" the first time you meet someone from OLD. It's just a relatively short meet up to see if there's enough interest for the both of you to go out on a "real" date that lasts a few more hours and costs a little more. A guy shouldn't spend a lot of money on an OLD prospect the first time they meet. Something simple like drinks or coffee is fine. There are some women out there who just use OLD for free meals. Somewhere in the conversation, be upfront about what your overall dating goals are and find out what he's looking for -- i.e. he wants to explore possibilities for a long-term, committed relationship or is just casually dating. If you're not on the same page in terms of overall goals, it's a no go anyway. If he says he's interested in long-term with someone, you sit back and observe whether he dates you that way. At this point, the conversation isn't about possibilities between the two of you, it's just overall goals. Take baby steps and listen and observe. Edited September 5, 2018 by Redhead14 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Veronica73 Posted September 5, 2018 Share Posted September 5, 2018 Don’t call. You have already confirmed. You want to have stuff to talk about over coffee. Personally, when you first posted, red flags would have gone up for me when he said he would be “honored” to take you out. But I can’t explain why exactly. But then you said you felt honored as well, so maybe it is all fine. But trying to think this through... to me “honored” is extremely high praise. But it seems like you guys hardly know each other. Why would you be “honored” to have coffee with somebody you barely know anything about? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted September 5, 2018 Share Posted September 5, 2018 it's a date for sure 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Jacob_Duluoz Posted September 5, 2018 Share Posted September 5, 2018 It's a date. C'mon now. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author shellybing Posted September 5, 2018 Author Share Posted September 5, 2018 Don’t call. You have already confirmed. You want to have stuff to talk about over coffee. Personally, when you first posted, red flags would have gone up for me when he said he would be “honored” to take you out. But I can’t explain why exactly. But then you said you felt honored as well, so maybe it is all fine. But trying to think this through... to me “honored” is extremely high praise. But it seems like you guys hardly know each other. Why would you be “honored” to have coffee with somebody you barely know anything about? What I know about him is that he has a heroic background and it is fascinating and very respectable. That is why Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted September 7, 2018 Share Posted September 7, 2018 What I know about him is that he has a heroic background and it is fascinating and very respectable. That is why So, how was it? Link to post Share on other sites
Author shellybing Posted September 7, 2018 Author Share Posted September 7, 2018 no physical attraction or connection. ? Think we are just going to stay friends. ? but at least my brows are pretty now. Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted September 7, 2018 Share Posted September 7, 2018 ? but at least my brows are pretty now. Silver lining! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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