Strange thing girlfriend said

[Surfer Joe]

Yup. Cut and run. 5 months is not long enough to consider having a child with anyone.

 

Bringing a kid into the world is a big deal. Heck, it is more than a big deal. What she is asking is completely unrealistic and unreasonable and unfair.

 

If she wants to pursue single motherhood - there are ways she can do that without involving you and creating a situation that will probably end up being very confusing for the child.

[Jaimsie]

I e-mailed her earlier for some clarity. She replied. In the email she said and I quote:'In my heart I have thought about having a baby in my life who would grow up to be a child of mine forever. I have known for a long time I wanted children and I have wanted this so much it hurts. It has been a huge part of my thoughts over the past 5 years which almost consumed me on a nightly basis.'

Without any doubt now, I am extricating myself from this situation. She is crazy for a baby. She actually said the thought of a baby almost consumed her over the past 5 years on a nightly basis. She is focused on a baby, not on a family. Imagine just 5 months into a relationship and saying that whacko statement: "I want a baby whether we are together or not.' She is baby crazy and she cannot be trusted. Time to run. Thanks posters. How mad is she?

[Orokotikki]

Doesn't matter anymore cause you are getting out of that situation.

Not your barrel, not your monkeys.

 

I think we are all expecting your next post to describe how clearly you made it known you won't be seeing her again and you are getting ready to re-enter the general dating pool.

[RecentChange]

Here's the thing- I don't want kids, never have, so I can't really wrap my head around being baby crazy.

 

She obviously really wants to get pregnant - but I don't know why she would think a guy she has been dating for a few months, who has a major drinking problem would be a suitable "sire" for her future child.

 

I won't call her crazy for wanting a baby, many people want that. The way she is trying to go about it on the other hand is beyond foolish.

 

She could simply go to a sperm bank. Donors are screened for genetic issues, it's LEGAL, no baby daddy drama (or in your case being liable for child support).

 

Please! Please be sure to never have sex with this woman again, even if you get really drunk - your future is on the line.

[preraph]

And you added now that you have a bad drinking problem, so until you've been sober a few years, it's not in the child's best interests. This is her trying to find someone to get her pregnant. It's too big a thing to ask of someone. It's a lifetime commitment. You are not ready for that.

And if you were, you'd probably want to do it with someone you had a good partnership with at least.

[Whodatdog]

I dont know why the OP keeps calling her crazy. She isnt. She knows exactly what she wants, and is figuring out how to get it. I do think a sperm bank is a much better option, unless she has thought of the financial side of this, and is looking to hook some poor sucker into that role.

[Jaimsie]

I only used the word crazy after multiple other posters have called her that. If she really wants a baby, rather than say the bizarre thing she said couldn't she do what most others do, which is: meet someone, build a steady stable relationship, and when the time is right have the baby discussion with her partner and make a mutual decision to try fpr a baby. I think the idea of deliberately bringing a child into the world where the father might not be around is very selfish. A stable family is best for a child, thought there are great single parents everywhere. i stand over what i said it was a crazy thing to say and am moving on. It is all too ****ed up for me. i don't want a mess for a poor child.

[BaileyB]

If she really wants a baby, rather than say the bizarre thing she said couldn't she do what most others do, which is: meet someone, build a steady stable relationship, and when the time is right have the baby discussion with her partner and make a mutual decision to try fpr a baby.

 

She is 34 years old. Her time is NOW.

[Lotsgoingon]

Dude, you are over-shaming yourself about visiting a prostitute. OK, there is exploitation involved in prostitution with nasty pimps, but ... dude, focus on your drinking problem.

 

The drinking is something to address ... and in your recovery, you can let go of all your shame. You say you are going to feel bad about visiting a prostitute for the rest of your life. Rest of your life?! ... You didn't murder anyone.

 

I'm not sure why you needed us on this board to tell you that there was something off about this woman's proposal to you ... In fact, when she made that statement about pregnancy early on, that was your Red Flag to hit the pause button.

 

Is there a confidence issue here? ... How come you didn't get suspicious the first time she raised pregnancy? .... And you're worried about whether SHE will be mad. Who cares if she's mad?

 

Get to recovery for alcoholism, brother! ... Maybe therapy and recovery. First topic: shame! ... Second is lack of confidence in your basic judgment.

[Jaimsie]

Yes, there is an esteem/confidence issue. I knew what she said was strange but I suppose I posted here kind of grasping at straws that she in fact wasn't babymad but the overwhelming view here is that she is desperate for a baby. I should have been able to trust my gut. I kinda can understand how she is running out of time baby wise but she shouldn't just consider using me as a sperms donor. Mostly a child is a better to be in a loving stable home and nurturing two parent family. . Anyway, it is time to move on and address my own issues. Thanks to all posters for their views.

[kendahke]

I should have been able to trust my gut.

 

Please learn to develop this. It will save you so much time and heartache.