michelle1 Posted September 4, 2018 Share Posted September 4, 2018 (edited) Hello everyone. I’ve been through hell the last 3 weeks. I’ve known my boyfriend for 3 years and 2 months. The first 2 years of our relationship were very difficult, as I was struggling with some family problems and a crazy ex that drove me crazy, it was a very dark time in my life and I wasn’t quite ready for a relationship. Still he stood by my side and helped me with everything he could, loved me and respected me like no one else did. I didn’t behave very nicely, not at all, I treated him horribly ar times. In June 2017, we broke up, cause he couldn’t stand me anymore. It was when I lost him I realized how much I actually love him, I tried to be a better person and in some ways I succeeded. I tried to get back together with him for 5 months and we finally did it in December 2017. The following months were the best time of my life, we spent all our time together and did a lot of things, it was amazing, we loved each or her so much. In the past 2 months, I quit my job in order to learn something new and try to do something else with my life, cause I was very unhappy. But what happened is that I got depressed, I was already suffering from anxiety, I got moody again, lost some friends and got really jealous and frustrated and took it all out on him, until 3 weeks ago we had a huge fight involving a mutual friend and my bf got so mad and broke up with me. Of course I immediately apologized and hoped we could get over it. He said no, there’s absolutely no chance, gave my stuff back and that was it. I begged for 2 days then I stopped. Then 5 days later, I got a call from him wanting to meet me to have a talk about our breakup. We met and he insisted that this relationship is over, but he loves me and he hopes to get back together in the future, but he needs to see some real changes this time. That I should go to a therapist, solve my problems, focus on my hobbies etc. He told me whenever I need him, he’s gonna be there for me and he won’t find other girl for sure. We kissed and hugged and went separate ways.That was exactly a week ago, then last Thursday I got a message from him wishing me good luck at my first therapy session and to let him know how it went. On Saturday night, I had a panic attack again and I was desperate, I called him and he came pick me up and went to his place. We ended up having sex, cause we are way too attracted to each other to resist and we went to sleep. The following day we spent the 1st part of the day together, we went out somewhere to eat, he kissed me and hugged me all the time, told me how much he loved me, but that if we get back together right now. We are going to have the same stupid fights and things would get even uglier and he encouraged me again to work on myself for me and for us. He even offered himself to help me move my stuff, cause I’m leaving my old home soon. So this is it. I am wondering if he is doing all this out of pity or he really hopes to be with me. Maybe he saw me desperate and gave me false hopes... I don’t know. Sorry for the very long post, but I had to take this off my chest. Thank you Edited September 4, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted September 4, 2018 Share Posted September 4, 2018 It sounds like he really cares about you but you know him better than me. It sounds like a completely unhealthy relationship and whether you guys get back together or not you definitely should go through therapy to manage your mental health issues. Even if you don't get back together with your ex therapy will help you move forward with your life. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted September 4, 2018 Share Posted September 4, 2018 What was this huge fight involving a mutual friend about, OP? What happened that made you lose friends in the last couple months, exactly? I ask to gain more clarity about the nature of your relationship recently, and what his mindset might be now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author michelle1 Posted September 4, 2018 Author Share Posted September 4, 2018 Well, two of my best friends recently moved out of the country and with the third somehow things just got cold. I was spending a lot of time with my bf and she got upset. That’s pretty much all. The fight we had was about a female friend of ours, actually mostly his( no jealousy involved here, he has nothinng to do with her) who lately has been talking a lot sh*t about me to many people and a lot of lies. When she asked him to do her a favour(drive her somewhere amd help her out with some stuff) I told him not to do it, because I would feel hmiliated. He said it’s a stupid and childish request and he did it anyway. I called him and her while they were in the car together and I became hysterical over the phone and that was pretty much it. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted September 4, 2018 Share Posted September 4, 2018 A leopard doesn't change it's spots. This was your 2nd chance; this was your opportunity to show him you can manage your emotions. You showed him that you are the same emotional person that you always were. He may very well love you but he has finally realized he has to love himself more & get away from you because being with you is not healthy. I understand your upset at this OW who talks trash about you. Because she undermines you, your BF should not be so willing to help her. When he picked you over her, there was no need to be hysterical. That was your cue to realize that you are not his # 1 priority & he's disloyal. Rather than fighting with him & getting all emotional, you should have said, it's her or me then dumped him when he picked her. You still need to address your own histrionics & make better decisions. No matter how unhappy your job makes you quitting without another source of income is a bad choice. No wonder you got depressed & anxious. You don't have an income. Leave him be. Work on yourself. Become a stronger calmer person. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author michelle1 Posted September 4, 2018 Author Share Posted September 4, 2018 Thanks for all the answers. d0nnivain, I get your point of view, but 1st of all I didn’t quit my job to lay in bed all day, I have some other plans which need time. I also lived from my own money, taking a 2 months break from a 9 to 5 job to pursue my dream doesn’t make me a loser. My depression and anxiety have different roots and I won’t go into details here. About my ex, on the other hand, we still love each other very much and we agreed to change things about us and maybe give it another try in the future. I tried to stay quiet, but he wants to be in contact and to help me. I guess it’s pretty obvious that someone who wants to get rid of me forever wouldn’t do this, right? I came here looking for another opinion and a kind advice, not bitterness. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted September 4, 2018 Share Posted September 4, 2018 I tried to stay quiet, but he wants to be in contact and to help me. I guess it’s pretty obvious that someone who wants to get rid of me forever wouldn’t do this, right? I came here looking for another opinion and a kind advice, not bitterness. Not necessarily. He probably feels bad for ending it because he knows you're not in a good emotional place. Someone can want to end a romantic relationship for good, but still not want to see you suffer further. He obviously cares about you, but I would be very cautious in assuming it means something more. It's also very risky to have vague promises of getting back together in the future. Some people do reunite, it's true, but the majority eventually move on. Given that this is not the first break-up, I think you need to be prepared for the possibility that it really is over this time. Also, I don't see any bitterness in d0nnivain's post. She is simply trying to explain what this looks like to your ex, and why he broke it off. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted September 4, 2018 Share Posted September 4, 2018 I am not saying you are a loser & I'm truly sorry if you inferred that from my post. If you have a plan & are developing other interests, good for you. That wasn't clear from the post. I feared that with your depression you were laying in bed, further isolating yourself & making the depression worse. I'm certainly not bitter. Despite my depression, I have a great marriage & love my husband. My main point is that you are getting all upset about a disloyal guy who isn't worth the emotional effort you are giving him. I want you to feel empowered over your life, not chasing some guy who goes off & helps some woman who is trash talking you. Why is a man like that worth having multiple fights with? Yyes, I get you said he's too sexy to resist but seriously, all I see is a man who was mean to you. Why don't you see that? Link to post Share on other sites
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