Should I reach out to ex after 1 year

[dsprimal]

Hello LS,

 

It has been a year since my ex left me due to me cheating on her. Over the past year i’ve moved to a new place to help rid the memories me and her had at my last place. I was dating and sleeping around for a couple months after the breakup in July 2017. She has been dating soemone new 2 months after she broke up with me. The girls i’ve dated wanted to pursue relationships but I just cant get over my ex and it wont allow myself to open up emotionally to any future gf.

 

My ex is 21 and i’m 31. She is definitely an old soul i genuinely believe that. She feels like my soulmate. The girls out there today are trashy and its so rare to find someone REAL. In which my ex was and I didnt appreciate it. So I took it upon myself to not date and just soul search and try to grow and be happy with myself for the past 6 months. Things have been great but I still cannot shake my soul wanting to get my ex back.

 

Her birthday is coming up and I thought about sending her a letter just hoping she is ok and doing well. We ended in a fight and never tried to reconcile. So i believe a year of no contact will come across genuinely when I send her a letter hoping she is ok and that more importantly I do appreciate her. We understood each other on a level I cannot explain. The cheating and different pages of our lives masked something I believe we both know could have been more.

 

Am I the only one that truly believes in instincts and feels like this girl is the one for me? I’ve even thought if she did come back that I would propose marriage to her eventually. She is again 21....very young and lacks experience. Idk if she will see me in the same light if we spoke again...idk what to do. I want to move on but I also want to make peace with her. Idk if reaching out will do either of us any good.

 

We are no longer friends on social media but every now and then I go to her page and theres no pictures of her and her new boyfriend.

 

I just want her to know how much I appreciate her.

[preraph]

Well you made the comment about how it feels to be all trashy women out there. I think you better be prepared that maybe your ex considers you trashy now that you cheated on her. You're all sentimental about her now but you weren't sentimental enough to not cheat on her.

 

She's too young to get married. I think you're going to find that she's done some growing up in the last year, but 21 is too young to get married and you're a lot older than her. If she has a brain in her head she's not going to marry you because she already knows you'll cheat on her. My guess is her perspective has totally changed because she's at that young age when people just grow by leaps and bounds and explore and change rapidly.

 

I don't know what your breakup was like but if she has ever told you she doesn't want to talk to you again and to leave her alone then you should not bother her again. It would be disrespectful.

[Marc878]

Too late. Leave her alone. She's too young anyway

[Ddog]

Exactly first of all she way too young... If the gap of age was lower, it could have been something else but i will try to educate you a little bit anyways

 

I don't know how did you cheated on her, single time, multiple time came clean or not, but you call all the other woman trash look at yourself first before saying thing about people you don't even know...

 

For the rest that a lesson to learn whatever you done she obviously didn't approve of it and she done the only thing she could have done when someone cheated on you and that "respect herself and getting back her dignity"

 

Please don't send anything she got a new boyfriend. She moved on most likely a long time ago... She will maybe don't even respond or be frustrated that a ghost from her past came back. Anyways you will look like a perfect dumb ass that still don't respect her.

 

The only thing that you said that make sense is : "If she come back" because that her choice. If she don't... Like here! Leave her alone... and learn about your mistake and try to repeat it with the next one!

Edited September 4, 2018 by Ddog

[Gretchen12]

I think contacting her would just confirm for her she doesn't want you. So not only did you cheat on her, but you don't think much of it, otherwise you wouldn't dare contact her so nonchalantly. You are ignoring the hurt she went through. That part you just totally ignore as if you guys simply lost touch. If you understood what she felt when you cheated, you wouldn't insult her with small talk, as if it's ok and everyone let's be friends.

[dsprimal]

She said she felt like she cut the relationship too short, she said ill know where to find her for the next 4 years because she’ll be at home still, this was all said after the initial break up. Idk if should take that genuinely.

[dsprimal]

But we had constant fighting throughout the relstionship.

[Mr. Lucky]

But we had constant fighting throughout the relstionship.

 

Strike one...

 

My ex is 21 and i’m 31.

 

Strike two...

 

my ex left me due to me cheating on her.

 

Fill in the blanks...

 

dsprimal, what you're considering is, in it's own way, just as selfish as cheating - it's all about you. She's moved on, made no attempt to contact you IRL or online and is in a new relationship.

 

Let it go...

 

Mr. Lucky

[BaileyB]

Am I the only one that truly believes in instincts and feels like this girl is the one for me? I’ve even thought if she did come back that I would propose marriage to her eventually.

 

I just want her to know how much I appreciate her.

 

My instinct is telling me that this isn’t going to work out the way you think...

 

I think you’ve lost your opportunity here. Leave her be. Best to move on with your life...

[ExpatInItaly]

Am I the only one that truly believes in instincts and feels like this girl is the one for me?

 

Probably, yes.

 

She has moved on. Leave her alone, OP.

[Ralph79]

She has been dating soemone new 2 months after she broke up with me. The girls i’ve dated wanted to pursue relationships but I just cant get over my ex and it wont allow myself to open up emotionally to any future gf.

 

You made a mistake. You had your opportunity to prove yourself to her as a life partner and you constantly disrespected her. You may or may not have physically cheated on her but you did "keep your options open" via inappropriate texts to other women. There is no valid excuse to cheat on your partner. None.

 

I've seen people cheat due to marital dysfunction over the years, and although it is STILL inexcusable, at least there is an incentive to repair the relationship because of kids or at least a solid foundation that led to years of happiness.

 

You got caught cheating on her, 8 months into a relationship and she's 21. If I were her, I would be thinking: "He was willing to cheat on me when I'm 21. How many times will he have betrayed me when I'm 31. Would I still be married to him when I'm 41?" ... That is, if I were thinking about you at all.

 

After your breakup, she wanted to approach you at her own pace before you lost patience with her hesitation and blew up . You told her how much you hated her. [According to a previous post of yours].

 

Stop fishing for breadcrumbs. Stop snooping at her profiles. Log out of the Youtube profile she left open on your TV and let things be. She was hurt by what you did to her and she's trying to find her way in life. She's found someone that has apparently given her the guidance she sought. Don't turn her into what you are to her. Don't make her cheat . Respect the relationship she chose to be in.

 

Based on your previous post it seems that you are desperate for this girl's attention because she no longer came back as she used to do. If you were ever able to convince her somehow, I really don't see how you will treat her any differently. Once you get the adulation you used to get from her again, you will end up taking her for granted.

 

Ask yourself, Does this girl deserve to spend her college years with someone who treated her the way you did ?

 

You aren't even her BF right now and you are STILL disrespecting her by browsing her Youtube history without her permission.

 

Open your eyes brother. This girl isn't the one. She brings out the worst in you.

[d0nnivain]

But we had constant fighting throughout the relstionship.

 

When we tell you not to reach out for her 21st birthday, you won't listen. You are going to do it, so just own it.

 

It's been a year. She has at least dated one other person that you know of. You have no idea what her status is.

 

In all likelihood your missive will be unwelcome & she won't respond. all you are going to do is put a damper on her celebration.

 

If she does respond & you get what you refuse to acknowledge that you want -- to get her back -- what are you getting? The dysfunctional relationship you had wasn't working & resulted in constant fights. Who wants more of that?

 

Hopefully she will be smart enough to realize that she dodged a bullet when she caught you cheating.