mortensorchid Posted September 4, 2018 Posted September 4, 2018 I had known him for a bit, we'd seen each other off and on through the years. I've seen him at some recent parties and he was friendly and chatty with me. We friended each other on Facebook and I initiated a chat here and there. I was curious if he was attached to someone or not, others said no. So I thought I would ask him because I was ... Interested. We had chatted about stuff here and there through the Instant Messenger. I said I wanted to ask him something. He asked what was it. I said "I'm afraid to ...", he said "What is it? Don't be afraid." So a week ago or so I asked in an IM (when he was not on) if he had a gf or not. He responded today with "I'm working on a relationship that ended in March. We shall see what we see. Was that so hard?" And I responded "Working on it? ANd so it is. And yes it was hard." I've been rejected. Again. I never should have asked to begin with. Now I'm the pathetic to him.
Lotsgoingon Posted September 4, 2018 Posted September 4, 2018 And how does this exchange make you pathetic? You showed courage and confidence here. You took the initiative and asked him his dating status, and he told you he was still entangled with someone (in his own messy language apparently--probably a messy relationship). That's not a rejection. That's a he's dating someone else. Or more precisely here, he wants to get back to dating his someone else. So you're assuming that that was a fake reason? ... No, even if he was truly "rejecting" you (and fibbing about his interest in his ex) the truth remains the same: Asking people out is one of the coolest things an individual can do--no matter what the result. OMG, have you any idea how many people in the world get out of relationships because they realize someone else is interested in them? ... Or how many people break up with a partner and later remember the energy and interest of another person (from earlier in their life) and contact that person? People are impressed when other people go for what they want in life. I have a woman friend right now who has expressed interest in me ... I'm not interested in romance with her. She is totally kickbutt! ... I met her through a dancing group, and she plays tennis, reads a lot, is healthy as all and funny. She's just not for me. But I'm blown away by this woman's energy and creativity. The idea that I would think she was pathetic merely because I don't think she's a good fit for me ... No way! Applaud yourself for taking action here! Bravo! 3
Fair Posted September 4, 2018 Posted September 4, 2018 You're not pathetic to him. Why should you see it that way? Why don't you think he'd be flattered? I'm sure he is... Am I right in thinking you've hung that label around your own neck because you're single and therefore view yourself as such anyway? It concerns me how we women see ourselves that way without a man to validate our worth. You were brave. There's no shame in asking a man if he's single. Nor were you rejected. 1
BaileyB Posted September 4, 2018 Posted September 4, 2018 How exactly were you rejected? You asked if he was single. He told you he was not. There was no reaction there... He is just not available. Am I missing something? It seems to me like you are catastrophizing here... 4
Scarlett.O'hara Posted September 4, 2018 Posted September 4, 2018 I'm sorry to say it but if he wasn't interested before, your negative response probably did the trick. Had you responded with, “I hope things work out for you. She's a lucky you girl. You seem like quite a catch. ” you would at least be leaving it on a light and flirty note. Men love compliments, and the message would subtly imply that if things don't work out with her, you might be open to more in the future. That's just an example of a lighter way of acknowledging a “rejection” and turning into a positive. It's hard when you are feeling down on confidence, but you have to fake it until you make it some times. 5
shydad Posted September 4, 2018 Posted September 4, 2018 It's not pathetic at all. It shows you are interested in him and have the confidence to let him know. That's a good thing. He should be delighted by that. 1
BaileyB Posted September 4, 2018 Posted September 4, 2018 You act like it's some kind of tragedy that some guy you barely seem to know is currently seeing someone. It's not. You just have this immense chip on your shoulder or something because the tiniest thing in your life brings out a huge amount of negativity. This is sort of "rejection" that most people wouldn't be slightly troubled over. Yup! Catastophizing. Sure, it may make you feel better in the moment to start a thread and vent... but it’s not a very healthy or productive thing to do... 3
Larry56 Posted September 4, 2018 Posted September 4, 2018 Bleh, so what. You got one rejection. Big deal. You took a risk and it didn't work out. That's how life works. Oh so now you're never gonna approach another guy again...So now your options get more and more limited. Not a good idea. 1
basil67 Posted September 4, 2018 Posted September 4, 2018 Finding out if someone has a partner is a basic part of conversation among friends. He's probably wondering why you made such a big production out of the whole thing. 4
PegNosePete Posted September 4, 2018 Posted September 4, 2018 He's probably wondering why you made such a big production out of the whole thing. Exactly. All this "I'm afraid to ask..." guff is a proper turn off for guys. Who wants to have to ask what it is and encourage you, it's like pulling teeth. If you've got something to say or to ask, just come out and say it. Psyche yourself up in front of the bathroom mirror all you like but don't start to talk until you're ready to have a proper, adult conversation. 2
MaleIntuition Posted September 4, 2018 Posted September 4, 2018 Exactly. All this "I'm afraid to ask..." guff is a proper turn off for guys. Who wants to have to ask what it is and encourage you, it's like pulling teeth. If you've got something to say or to ask, just come out and say it. Psyche yourself up in front of the bathroom mirror all you like but don't start to talk until you're ready to have a proper, adult conversation. This. That was “cringe” to read. You are not a teenager. 4
guest569 Posted September 4, 2018 Posted September 4, 2018 That's sucks. I cn SEE see you would feel pathetic.
nospam99 Posted September 4, 2018 Posted September 4, 2018 {sigh} I don't think that's rejection. If that's rejection, what do you call the hundred (or hundreds of) OLD messages men send without getting any response? I don't think they're rejection either, just disinterest. OP, I'll repeat a suggestion I posted in a reply to another of your threads, get a friendly 'wingperson' to 'watch' you and raise the red flag when you start going negative.
kendahke Posted September 4, 2018 Posted September 4, 2018 I had known him for a bit, we'd seen each other off and on through the years. I've seen him at some recent parties and he was friendly and chatty with me. We friended each other on Facebook and I initiated a chat here and there. I was curious if he was attached to someone or not, others said no. So I thought I would ask him because I was ... Interested. We had chatted about stuff here and there through the Instant Messenger. I said I wanted to ask him something. He asked what was it. I said "I'm afraid to ...", he said "What is it? Don't be afraid." So a week ago or so I asked in an IM (when he was not on) if he had a gf or not. He responded today with "I'm working on a relationship that ended in March. We shall see what we see. Was that so hard?" And I responded "Working on it? ANd so it is. And yes it was hard." I've been rejected. Again. I never should have asked to begin with. Now I'm the pathetic to him. Ok. So in your mind, you're pathetic to him now because you asked him if he was involved with someone else and he said "yes I am"? He didn't reject you---he isn't available to you---big difference. Rejecting you would be "no, I don't want to date you" and he didn't say that. Thing is: you must not know him all that well if you're asking "others" about his relationship status and not him. No, you needed to know if he was available or not. He told you he wasn't, so you move on gracefully. 2
alphamale Posted September 4, 2018 Posted September 4, 2018 mortensorchid can you post a pic in your public profile? I want to see what you look like before I post my response. Thanx
damni Posted September 4, 2018 Posted September 4, 2018 I would not class that as a rejection, he was tied up with someone else.
smackie9 Posted September 4, 2018 Posted September 4, 2018 You are 44? why are you so "afraid" ? it's a simple question, you are a grown %&& woman for crying out loud. And btw he can't read your mind. He has no idea why you would be asking him that. It's just a question. I'm concerned about you lately....you have been so down about yourself, and posts like these are not making any sense as to why you feel you are being rejected, when it's not the case. What is really going on with you? 5
guest569 Posted September 4, 2018 Posted September 4, 2018 Another dead end. not rejection exactly but it's another fail. Not an epic fail. Just a disappointment 1
Dis Posted September 4, 2018 Posted September 4, 2018 I agree with the others. This isn't rejection. He's just taken by someone else. This shouldn't be a problem or something to feel rejected over. I've noticed your threads are all voiced from a very negative point of view. The littlest things become dooms day scenarios in your mind. You always allude to wanting a partner to share your life with but you have such a negative perspective on seemingly everything that happens in your life and that's is probably why you haven't been successful. You get what you put into dating. No one is so unlucky in love that they remain single for decades even though they've put in the work to find someone. You are the common denominator in all this. You can change this. I'm so sorry you're feeling so down. I can feel the defeat in your threads. Nothing in your life will change if you don't change first. Counseling would be a great idea 5
rightondude Posted September 6, 2018 Posted September 6, 2018 (edited) I for one think this dude knew exactly what you were gonna ask and wouldn't be texting with you like this "gee golly wow what do you wanna know" BS aloof crap if he didn't. I think he wanted you to come right out and ask him out because he's too scared to ask you ... IF he wanted to go out with you. He didn't want the rejection you just got and instead is playing some game with the "I'm trying to fix this breakup" thing. Don't be surprised if the relationship doesn't get "fixed" and he comes back asking if you still wanna do something. I would suggest you don't. Edited September 6, 2018 by rightondude
Ruby Slippers Posted September 6, 2018 Posted September 6, 2018 I agree that you tend to interpret things in a negative way and compound the negatives. Everything begins in the mind. I've come a long way. I recently got on a dating site again. Last week after I politely turned a guy down when he asked why I stopped messaging him, he replied with a mean insult. I just laughed at how childish he was and with a touch of satisfaction hit "block". Water off a duck's back. 1
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