jungchulism Posted September 4, 2018 Posted September 4, 2018 (edited) Hello and how are you? I am a guy in my mid 30's(never married) and the girl I am interested, as the title suggests, is 27 year old virgin. She and I work and live in two different countries. And yes she is from one country and I from another. Her firm and mine are very closely associated so I would fly down to her country and vice versa. We worked on several projects together. And we have known each other almost 4 years and I have a pretty decent reputation in the industry haha. Enough with the back story. Back in June, when she was in my country on a biz trip, I told her that I like her and am interested in getting to know her better, adding I would like to take her out on a date sometime. To which she said the following; "I like you, too. But you know I go out on dates with guys. And guys seems like they just want to have fun with me. Especially the guys from your country that I got to know did. And I have never had a boyfriend" Anyhow, since then(June), we have been communicating back and forth via daily text or sporadic calls. It is not like we have been on an official date since we live far apart (7 hour flight) All I could have been doing was to communicate and to send her some small (under 10 USD haha) gift that I picked up while travelling all over the world. Things that reminded me of her or things that she said she likes and some post cards from different countries I travel to. Now she is in my country on another biz trip. I met her a couple days ago, driving almost 50 miles to her hotel. And I plan on meeting her shortly this Thursday before she goes back home. She will come back to my country in October on another business trip. I would not say I am in a rut. It is not like I have invested a lot in this yet. Text messages here and there, small gifts here and there. And yet the interest hasn't fizzled out. But by the end of this year I think of going to her country to go on a date with her for sure. Her being a virgin, does not make me stop pursuing her. I really don't see her differently. I guess my questions are 1) Although I try not to see it, is there anything should do differently considering she has never had a boyfriend before? 2) In general, what would be next step for me to take? Thank you very much for your time. P.S. She said "as most of women" at work sometimes she gets inappropriate jokes from the guys in the industry and they touch her body inappropriately P.S II About a year ago, while she was walking down the street in her country, she was almost robbed and dragged about 10 feet by the two pickpocketers on a bike and it naturally left a permanent trauma both in her body and mind. So, she is naturally overprotective of herself while outside. Edited September 4, 2018 by jungchulism .
carhill Posted September 4, 2018 Posted September 4, 2018 Welcome to LS..... dating customs vary around the world so what might be customary in my country could be inappropriate in yours and vice versa...however ... I guess my questions are 1) Although I try not to see it, is there anything should do differently considering she has never had a boyfriend before? She's 27 and has interacted with adult males for quite sometime. Presuming she knows how to socialize, she'll be fine just as she is. Progressing through dating is just flowing intimacy from one step to the next. Letting it happen. 2) In general, what would be next step for me to take?The last meeting should have been a date, or at least considered to be one. Definitely make the next one a date and do what you do when you date women. If she doesn't like that, discontinue any pursuit of her. She already knows whether or not she finds you attractive for being a boyfriend/dating partner. However, your dating culture might preclude clear and definitive steps, rather engaging in a more lengthy process. I remember when I was dating internationally I'd hit the ground, get settled in my apartment, then ring up any ladies I'd been in contact with and take them to dinner, the theater, symphony, circus, whatever and we'd be in close physical contact, be spending one on one time, sometimes walking in the snow, throwing snowballs at each other, playing, sometimes kissing, etc. It was male-female mating rituals. With women I didn't know for any real length of time who lived some 7000 miles away. That's how adult dating goes. I was a virgin later than your love interest and still did plenty of dating prior. It was easy. Go on dates. Socialize. Be physical. Be affectionate. That doesn't mean genitals have to be involved. If your virgin date expresses concern, communicate that to her. If she likes you she'll respond positively. If not, don't keep beating a dead horse. Move on.
basil67 Posted September 4, 2018 Posted September 4, 2018 Two questions for you: Why is she a virgin? (Cultural/religion/dating views/etc) What happens if you form a relationship? I assume you're OK with moving to where she lives.
Author jungchulism Posted September 4, 2018 Author Posted September 4, 2018 (edited) Thank you very much for your insight I think she chose to be a virgin due to her religion (Muslim) But she is more liberal one with no hijab. What may happen? I would like to have her in my country. Well, She works for a firm that my government runs in her country. Let's say she works for the embassy of my country in her country. Since she is vastly interested in my country and its culture, that's why she applied for the job. And she speaks the language a bit as well. Of course, I need to mention that her country and mine have two different religions with the former more Muslim Predominant (not Arab but Southeast Asia), and mine almost non religion such as Japan. Edited September 4, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Merge
preraph Posted September 4, 2018 Posted September 4, 2018 She has become distrusting of men, but she at least let you know. I think the main thing you need to talk to her about is whether her religion and yours being different would prevent her from considering you as a serious boyfriend with a future. There may be strict parents or whatever, customs. Let her know that you are not just trying to sleep with her and are genuinely looking for a relationship if it's possible. She's been frank with you, so you can be frank back and say, "I promise, I am not trying to just use you." Good luck.
kendahke Posted September 5, 2018 Posted September 5, 2018 is there anything should do differently considering she has never had a boyfriend before? Reconsider starting something with someone who doesn't live close by, let alone in another country. Broadly speaking, starting out in an LDR's right off the bat generally will not work--they are hard when two people have lived in close proximity to one another before the LDR. Eventually for a relationship to work, someone is going to have to uproot themselves and move to another country and all that that entails. Are you willing to uproot your life and move to her country to be with her? Other than that, convert to Islam would be my recommendation.
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