orangele Posted September 7, 2005 Posted September 7, 2005 I am twenty years older than my GF (different issue). Prior to ever meeting we discussed the fact that I am very private, and quiet, and she seemed to be very social and outgoing. She told me that she really did not need to have alot of friends, but that she had many to compensate for her lack of the "special someone." I made it clear that I would not be interested in socializing with alot of new people before we ever met. My GF and I get along fine, and she also enjoys quiet activities such as nice dinners, and movies with me when I am not busy making a living. Since being together, she has continued to be social and outgoing, and I have continued to be quiet and private. I have not discouraged her from meeting new people (mainly done online). My problem has been that the people that she meets are people that I don't trust. Some I have met, and some I have not, but I really do not want to meet them. After all, they are much younger than me, like to drink and party, which I do not at all. The majority of the people she meets are active or former cocaine users. Looking at their webpages, they use profanity like it is normal acceptable language. What can I do since I do not want to seem controlling, and tell her who I think she can socialize with. Also, I have no interest whatsoever in going out and socializing with these people myself since I do not even drink alcohol, I am 20 years or more older than these people, and bars and clubs seem to be where they go to socialize.
fudge_cake_89 Posted September 7, 2005 Posted September 7, 2005 i know this sounds harsh and pretty to the point but, she mixes with the people she likes, she's probably not going to stop being the way she is because you dont like it and the way she is, is the way she was born to be, and she cant change that. i had a big argument with my ex about the fact that he didnt like certain things i did, and i didnt like the things he did, but in the end we are who we are and its hard to change that. i wanted someone who appreciated me for the way i am, but he wasnt the right guy because he was like you - quiet and private - and im more into socialising and having a good time. i know they say opposites attract but this series of opposites, attract but dont end up working out. for me any way. i know im not in your situation, but she is 20 years younger than you, she wants to live her life going out and having fun like any other young woman would. if you like her that much then you gotta let her live her younger years, and enjoy them before they disappear.
bluechocolate Posted September 7, 2005 Posted September 7, 2005 She told me that she really did not need to have alot of friends, but that she had many to compensate for her lack of the "special someone." Given that she is still meeting a lot of people & still doing a lot of socialising does that mean you are not that "special someone"? I know you said age was a different issue but it sounds to me like it is a big issue here. My problem has been that the people that she meets are people that I don't trust. People reveal a lot about themselves through the people choose to socialise with. What can I do since I do not want to seem controlling, and tell her who I think she can socialize with. I really don't know. For what it's worth, I couldn't imagine going out with someone if I didn't like ANY of their friends, didn't trust them & didn't like what they got up to. IMO, sooner or later, that has got to impact the relationship in a profoundly negative way. Just hope whatever it is that makes you two compatible is strong enough to overcome this.
laRubiaBonita Posted September 8, 2005 Posted September 8, 2005 all i can say is................... "Duh..........you are like, Waaaaay older than her, dude!" And that is why you maybe quiet er than she, and not like the younger-louder-'til-they-realize-it's-stupid-way-of-life.....which, you learn as you get older and wiser. what DOES keep you with her? the wild crazy sex? it IS[/] a great story to say that you [/]Were[/] someone's Sugar Daddy.......i have used it in my "younger-crazy' days too. i say...Lose Her and start frequenting the Library.
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