Did I start no contact too late?

[vla1120]

Let her go. Do that for yourself. I am 57 and still look back at my first love with fondness. That is normal. You WILL meet someone new and maybe this time, date someone whose religious beliefs (or lack thereof) are more in line with yours. Religion can definitely be a deal breaker.

 

She professed her affection for another man. That in itself should be enough for you to happily turn your back on her. I can give you a multitude of reasons why to let her go, most notably because you deserve to have someone who is totally into YOU. Give yourself time. The pain will subside, but not until you make a conscientious effort to close the door on that relationship for good.

[ThreeRainbows]

This is simply not always true. Nor should it be, given that some relationships are truly broken and unhealthy. Breadcrumbs are not always an indication of genuine interest, either. They can also indicate the dumper is bored, lonely, looking for some attention - but not a sincere desire to reconcile and work on the problems that broke the relationship down to begin with. I believe that ultimately is the case here.

 

 

It's not always true, but it certainly can be.

 

 

My ex sent me breadcrumbs. I ignored them at first (no contact). Then I started interacting with him. One thing lead to another, now we are back together, and he's taking me out to dinner this weekend.

 

 

What have ya got to lose? If you want her back, interact. If you don't, move on. What I want you to know, Metroknox, is that you have a choice. You have a choice, and you can do it, if it's what you want. It's not guaranteed success, but it is possible. Have the confidence to believe you absolutely can do this. That mindset is key.

 

 

 

Eventually, you'll find, she can no longer really hurt your feelings much. At that point, you really do have nothing to lose. You might just find that your ex really misses you. That doesn't mean she's going to want to reconcile right away, but it does mean if you keep up interacting with her in a positive, light way, she might become interested in reconciling.

 

 

 

You have to just accept the possibility of rejection, be OK with it, and trust her again.

 

 

 

If you don't want to, by all means, ignore my advice. I am not here to convince you. I am here to help you, should you want it.

Edited September 12, 2018 by ThreeRainbows

[Metroknox]

Hey guys, I wish I would've read these posts sooner, but a whole new issue has turned up, and is just adding more drama to the situation. I actually wasn't going to post anything, because my mind has been consumed with this new issue instead of the break up, but I figured I'd fill you guys in on the soap opera of this relationship:

 

So I ended up unblocking her and reaching out last Tuesday. She was super excited to hear from me, and said that she wanted to meet up for a proper "final goodbye." I agreed, and met up with her a few hours later. She was crying, telling me that she missed me, and was constantly holding my hand. We went to grab some food, had some laughs, and pretty much had a good time. She asked to come back to my place, so we did. We made out and cuddled, no sex. She spent the night, and I took her home the next morning. She asked me to unblock her, and I did. I didn't mention anything about getting back together, because I didn't want to pressure her.

 

2 days later, she texts me complaining about her job. This felt nice because we weren't talking about the breakup. It was like before we were broken up. We were joking around and no longer saying "i miss you".

 

The next day she calls me at like 8 pm, but I was out and couldn't talk. I called her back around midnight when I got home, and she said that she wanted to see me. I went over to her place, and we watched TV and cuddled until 2 AM. Then we went to her bed and had sex. I did not have a condom on me, so it was unprotected, and I don't think that I pulled out on time. We both freaked out, cried, and then got into a mini argument about the break up again. I asked her what her intentions were on inviting me over, and she said that she just missed me and does not plan on getting back together with me.

 

She was in the her most fertile day of ovulation, so we went to get a Plan B the next morning (about 8 hours after intercourse). She was no longer upset with me, but decided that with what had just happened it's best to stay apart again. We hung out for another 3 hours, where we were having our "final goodbye" again. We both cried, said that we loved each other, and kissed a few times. She said that she will update me on the whole pregnancy situation, and that when the time comes, she wants me to block her again, because she's not strong enough to stay away from me.

 

I texted her last night to check if she was doing okay after taking the pill, but she never replied.

 

 

sooooooo that's my life right now. I'm currently worried about her being pregnant. I hope that once this scare is over, the break up depression doesn't return.

Edited September 18, 2018 by Metroknox

[ExpatInItaly]

You have to stop engaging with her, OP. As you can see, she didn't come sniffing around for the right reasons.

 

The break-up depression will continue as long as you keep playing her games.

[Metroknox]

Question:

 

So after dating her, I can't help but feel that "Christian" girls are my type. I have been seriously thinking about joining her church to meet someone similar to her. Is this just a phase of the post breakup? Am I jumping the gun to quickly by limiting myself to Christian girls?

 

It's like every girl that I meet has a potty mouth, likes clubbing and drinking, etc.

 

The weird thing is that, party girls were my type before I met my ex.

[Zahara]

Not much to say about the sanctity of all Christian girls (I was raised Catholic) except that I used to have friends who are Christian that go to church every Sunday but still party, drink and cuss. So I would not generalize that all Christian girls are pious. Having been on LS for this long, I recall some posters on here who were preaching about God yet cheating on their partners.

 

As for joining her church -- join another church if you want to use it as a place to pick up women. Not good. There are other churches you can go to -- not hers. Besides, I don't even think you should be thinking about dating right now.

[Ralph79]

Question:

 

So after dating her, I can't help but feel that "Christian" girls are my type. I have been seriously thinking about joining her church to meet someone similar to her. Is this just a phase of the post breakup? Am I jumping the gun to quickly by limiting myself to Christian girls?

 

It's like every girl that I meet has a potty mouth, likes clubbing and drinking, etc.

 

The weird thing is that, party girls were my type before I met my ex.

 

Can you please define what "Christian-y" qualities this girl exhibited that you found desirable ?

 

Dude, you said this girl was now dating her crush. Then she calls you and you two end up having sex. You get yourself emotionally entangled again, and then she tells you she doesn't want to get back together. She just wanted you there ... "just because".

 

This girl is a whirlwind of Chaos and you want to be part of it. Honestly man, almost every poster except 1 has told you this girl is just trouble, and you refuse to do the right thing.

 

Being someone's boy-toy and being emotionally turned on and then off at the snap of their fingers is not something to be proud off. I would tell you that you deserve better, but perhaps this is exactly what you deserve. Because this is what you want.

 

Keep having sex with a woman who goes out with other men, and sooner or later you'll be questioning who the father of the inevitable baby is. That is no way to spend your 20's dude. There's is so much more you could do, and a richer life you could live, then to spend your days wondering when this girl will miss you again, so you can have another "Final Goodbye", so you can waggle your tail into her bed again for leftovers.

 

I'm sorry dude but geez, you are so close to messing your life up .

[Metroknox]

You're absolutely right Ralph. I need to stop this, but it's just so hard. I still love her, when I really shouldn't given her actions.

 

It turns out I was wrong. She's not dating anyone, but she did let her chrush know that she liked him, and he turned her down. This honestly doesn't make much of a difference, because this makes me her plan b.

 

She currently not talking to me. She ignored my last text, but I have keep communication open for atleast 3 weeks to see if she's pregnant. I'm praying so much that she's not.

 

Another thing that may be contributing to all of this depression is the fact I revolved my life around her way too much. I would see her EVERYDAY, so when we broke up I felt like I didn't know what to do anymore. Weekdays are easy, because I have a routine, I go to work, come back home, eat, relax for about 1.5 hours, go to the gym, come back home and sleep. The weekends are tough, because I don't have many friends so I'm literally just laying on my couch all day watching TV. I'll be lucky if I go out with my friends once a month.

 

This is why I miss my ex so much. She was a very social person, had many friends. So we always had something to do, and if we didn't, we would cuddle and watch Netflix.

 

I'm beginning to wonder if I really miss HER, or just miss having a companion. Hmmmm

 

Now that being said, I am definitely wayyy better than a few months ago. I guess I need more time

[SevenCity]

I was surprised to learn that women will use you for sex and companionship after they dump you. You think when they have sex with you it means they want to get back together. It usually doesn’t.

 

I went through that mess for 3 months with my ex. She left the door open by saying “maybe we’ll get back together one day”. 2 years later and that obviously wasn’t the case.

 

Don’t buy into getting her back. That poster was female, it is a completely different ball game when a woman dumps a man. There are plenty of programs that will take advantage of your hear ache - stay away from them.

 

Depending on how much you loved her, this could be the hardest journey you’ve embarked on in your life. But you’re young, and will eventually become indifferent.

 

I found this site extremely helpful:

 

Breakup Recovery Guide

 

Good luck brother.

[Metroknox]

Thanks for all of the help and advise everyone. This pregnancy scare has definitely opened my eyes to the type of woman that she is. It's so scary that you can see people's true colors after a breakup, and she has shown me to be a selfish, manipulative, uncaring person.

 

I'm going to try my best to move on from this point forward. I'll update you guys on the status of pregnancy once I get the news. Most likely in 3 weeks.

 

 

Thank you for everything! I hope to come back at some point and help others.

[SevenCity]

There’s a saying “You don’t truly know someone until you break up with them”

 

Very true.

[Metroknox]

Hey everyone!

 

So I figured I update my status with something positive. I'm at a weird stage where I feel like I'm forgetting my ex. She feels like someone in my far past even though it's only been 3 months since the breakup.

 

Something happened today that I thought would never happen!

 

I was actually crying this morning missing my ex. Mainly because we always had plans on the weekends, and now I'm sitting on the couch all day. Well later in the day I had to attend a family party. I was still kind of sad when I got to the party, but my cousin showed up with 2 female friends. One was gorgeous, and I figured I go talk to her. We hit it off instantly! I immediately forgot about my ex while talking to her. We had the same exact interests! It was almost like I was talking the female version of myself. We were going through each other's music playlists and she liked the same weird music that I liked!!!! I've never met anyone with the same musical taste as me (mix of indie pop, rock, hip hop). She knew every artist that I knew and vice versa. We spent the entire night talking to each other.

 

She is 100x prettier than my ex and 100x more compatible with me than my ex, and best of all she isn't a Christian. She exactly my type too (not a party girl). Unfortunately I do think that she has a boyfriend, though she never mentioned it. But just knowing that there is a woman more compatible for me than my ex made me realize that I shouldn't be hung up on her. The thought of I'm never going to find anyone better than my ex is completely gone .

 

Wow, what a day.

Edited September 24, 2018 by Metroknox