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Did I start no contact too late?

Metroknox

By Metroknox
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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Metroknox Member

Metroknox

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My girlfriend of 3 years dumped me back in late June due to religious differences, she's a Christian and I don't really follow any faith. I was always really respectful of her beliefs and even went to church with her a few times. However since she started dating me, her values did change a bit. We started having premarital sex, which is a big no-no for her, and she wasn't going to church as often.

 

We had these religion issues at the start of our relationship, and even broke up a few times because of it, but always got back together after a few days, maximum 3 weeks. Anyway, this time we're 2 months into the break up now, and it seems serious.

 

One month into the break, she was still sending me texts and calls about how much she missed me and loved me, but did not want to meet up or reconcile. I couldn't take it anymore and told her that I had to block her on everything because it was not helping with my healing process. She said that she understood and that she'll miss me. Well, she somehow found my email address 2 weeks ago and started sending me breadcrumbs there. She asked me if I stilled loved her, and I didn't reply. She ended up coming to my house unannounced when I wasn't home.

 

I started getting hopes up that we were getting back together. She emailed me one more time saying that she would coming back to my house again and hoped to see me. I met up with her, and everything was amazing. We were kissing, holding hands, and we even had sex. She kept telling me that she was so sad about me blocking her and that she couldn't stop thinking about me. I asked her what this night meant, and she said that she still thinks that we stay broken up. I was shocked and confused. I told her to think about for a week, and she seemed open to thinking about it.

 

After that night, she started sending me playful emails, but I ignored them as I did not want to get attached and have her dump me again. She kinda got the hint and stopped emailing me. A day before she was supposed to make her decision, I emailed her saying that it's best to just go our separate ways and that I would be blocking her on my email now. She immediately sent me about 4 emails begging me not to block her, and to meet up with her one more time. I ignored them all and blocked her.

 

Its now been 4 days since I've blocked her, and I feel like I made a mistake and should've atleast met up with her one last time. But the fact that she was so indecisive after our night back together, makes me believe that she was going to say no anyway, and I wanted to protect my heart. I've come a LONG in the recovery process, and am starting to feel somewhat normal again, so I didn't want any setbacks. I also did this in an attempt to have the upper hand and have her come crawling back again. I'm honestly hoping she'll come to my house unannounced again, or have her contact me from a different phone number or email address.

 

Should I unblock her and ask her to meet up, or would I look weak for not sticking to my decision?

Edited by Metroknox
Redhead14 Established Member

Redhead14

Posted
Posted (edited)

Do not unblock her. You two have had numerous "break ups". She broke up with you this time, then you talked again and then you gave her a week to make a decision about whether to come back to you! Please. I wouldn't wait around while letting someone else unilaterally decide what will happen in MY life. Never go backward in life. Keep moving. Get out there and date lots of nice women until you find one who knows what the heck she wants. All the best to you.

Edited by Redhead14
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Metroknox Member

Metroknox

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I feel like I should definitely just move on.

 

I can't help but feel that she'll pop back into my life again. Hopefully I'll have the power to turn her away.

 

I kind of feel like a jerk for ignoring her. We couldn't get a final goodbye. Do you think she'll reach out again?

ExpatInItaly Established Member

ExpatInItaly

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Its now been 4 days since I've blocked her, and I feel like I made a mistake and should've atleast met up with her one last time. But the fact that she was so indecisive after our night back together, makes me believe that she was going to say no anyway, and I wanted to protect my heart. I've come a LONG in the recovery process, and am starting to feel somewhat normal again, so I didn't want any setbacks. I also did this in an attempt to have the upper hand and have her come crawling back again. I'm honestly hoping she'll come to my house unannounced again, or have her contact me from a different phone number or email address.

 

Should I unblock her and ask her to meet up, or would I look weak for not sticking to my decision?

 

Once a relationship dynamic sinks this low, it's over.

 

You two have broken up multiple times. That should be an indication that you are not compatible and do not work as a couple. Unblocking her would just give her another avenue to reconcile and then dump you again.

 

This relationship has run its course. Unblocking her won't change that.

basil67 Established Member

basil67

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The relationship is a disaster. Leave her blocked and move on without her.

SevenCity Established Member

SevenCity

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Once a relationship dynamic sinks this low, it's over.

 

You two have broken up multiple times. That should be an indication that you are not compatible and do not work as a couple. Unblocking her would just give her another avenue to reconcile and then dump you again.

 

This relationship has run its course. Unblocking her won't change that.

 

I agree it’s not a good idea to continue, but the OP was correct in that he would have the upper hand. When someone reaches out, they give you power. You need that power in order to take the RL in the direction you want.

 

It’s not so much about manipulation as it is human nature. Also, it becomes their idea.

 

What’s interesting is how she is doing everything everyone here states is required to take back a dumper, yet everyone is stating not to take her back.

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Metroknox Member

Metroknox

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Yeah, I understand that getting back with her is probably not for the best. But if I do want her back, what should I do? I feel that unblocking her and reaching out will give her the power back and she'll turn me down. Should I just wait for her to reach out through other means of communication?

ExpatInItaly Established Member

ExpatInItaly

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What’s interesting is how she is doing everything everyone here states is required to take back a dumper, yet everyone is stating not to take her back.

 

Of course. This is not their first break-up. It's one of many. There's no reason to believe taking her back would lead anywhere but more misery for OP.

 

Gaining the upper-hand is futile at this point.

central Established Member

central

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Let her reach out to you. If she does, tell her to get lost. That would be the smart thing to do, and while (fruitlessly) waiting for that, you may as well find other women to date.

Blanco Established Member

Blanco

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Final goodbyes are overrated and not as critical to attaining closure as most people think.

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Metroknox Member

Metroknox

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I've been thinking of sending her an email saying:

 

"Hey, I haven't blocked you yet, and I did get your emails. I want to apologize for ignoring you, and feel that after all we've been through I atleast owe you a final chance to see each other, so if you're still up for it let me know. If I don't hear from you I understand. I just want to let you know that you'll be blocked by tomorrow night."

Redhead14 Established Member

Redhead14

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Yeah, I understand that getting back with her is probably not for the best. But if I do want her back, what should I do? I feel that unblocking her and reaching out will give her the power back and she'll turn me down. Should I just wait for her to reach out through other means of communication?

 

 

IF you must continue to treat yourself this way, unblock her but don't reach out first. And, no do not give her other avenues of contact. If she wants to talk to you she needs to call you. That would be the most respectful thing she could do in this situation. You need to take a hard line on this or else you will find yourself in a continuous loop of drama and pain. You keep doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results. You know what that means, right?

Blanco Established Member

Blanco

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I've been thinking of sending her an email saying:

 

"Hey, I haven't blocked you yet, and I did get your emails. I want to apologize for ignoring you, and feel that after all we've been through I atleast owe you a final chance to see each other, so if you're still up for it let me know. If I don't hear from you I understand. I just want to let you know that you'll be blocked by tomorrow night."

 

Nooooooo, this is terrible. You sound like a commercial. "Call in the next 10 minutes and we'll DOUBLE your order!"

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Redhead14 Established Member

Redhead14

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I've been thinking of sending her an email saying:

 

"Hey, I haven't blocked you yet, and I did get your emails. I want to apologize for ignoring you, and feel that after all we've been through I atleast owe you a final chance to see each other, so if you're still up for it let me know. If I don't hear from you I understand. I just want to let you know that you'll be blocked by tomorrow night."

 

 

Metroknox, you do not need to apologize to her for anything! Do not send her an email. You said above that you had blocked her and wanted to unblock her. So unblock her and sit tight.

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Metroknox Member

Metroknox

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Isn't what I did a little rude though? I just said goodbye on email and disappeared.

Melrose78 Established Member

Melrose78

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History has already shown an established pattern. The only thing you will achieve by allowing open communication is being hurt. What exactly are you hoping for? To me it sounds like she doesn't know what she wants. And sorry to say this, is being selfish by playing with you "just incase". That's not love.

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Metroknox Member

Metroknox

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Got it. I'll unblock her and just live my life. I've come a long way with recovering so it shouldn't be too hard.

 

Just unblock on email, right? I still have her blocked on all social media and my phone.

Redhead14 Established Member

Redhead14

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Isn't what I did a little rude though? I just said goodbye on email and disappeared.

 

 

 

And how she handled all this wasn't??? NO contact is for YOU to help you focus and move forward. It's not about being "rude". It is a healthy way to cut the string. You are stringing yourself along. Get out with some of your friends and stop thinking about her. If she calls, she calls. If anything, you should be thinking about the fact that this relationship doesn't work and won't work and get yourself prepared to end it once and for all if she does call.

ExpatInItaly Established Member

ExpatInItaly

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OP, just for a little context, how old are you both? Is this your first relationship?

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Metroknox Member

Metroknox

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We are actually kind of old lol. I'm 27, and she's 25. But it's the first serious relationship for me and her. She's the only woman I've ever loved. I've only had flings before this.

 

This is why it's hurts. I was planning on proposing to her this year. She knows this too.

Edited by Metroknox
Redhead14 Established Member

Redhead14

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We are actually kind of old lol. I'm 27, and she's 25. But it's the first serious relationship for me and her. She's the only woman I've ever loved. I've only had flings before this.

 

 

There has been nothing serious about this "relationship". It's a hot mess. Politics and religion make strange and strained bedfellows especially in your case.

Marc878 Established Member

Marc878

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If you like drama and getting dumped go back for some more.

 

How rude is getting dumped multiple times?

ExpatInItaly Established Member

ExpatInItaly

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We are actually kind of old lol. I'm 27, and she's 25. But it's the first serious relationship for me and her. She's the only woman I've ever loved. I've only had flings before this.

 

This is why it's hurts. I was planning on proposing to her this year. She knows this too.

 

There is really no sense in proposing to someone with whom you have such an shaky history. The fact that she knew you wanted to propose and broke up with you sends a strong message, which is that she doesn't want to marry you. I asked if it was your first real relationship because it was obvious, really. The dynamic you two have going on is quite immature and not what a healthy or long-lasting relationship looks like.

 

You would be best to stay single for a while and heal. The right woman for you doesn't repeatedly break up with you, and certainly doesn't need to be convinced to come back through some childish power struggle with No Contact.

OngoingThoughts Member

OngoingThoughts

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Unblock her, but stay NC and focus on yourself. If she truly loves you, she will reach out. In the meantime become the best version of yourself: happy and positive and learn to live without her. Because you are whole as a human being and you don't NEED her for that. If she wants to come back she'll have to work for it and show you she wants it more than the drama. By then you might not even want her anymore.

 

And do not send that email!

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Metroknox Member

Metroknox

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My girlfriend of 3 years broke up with me in late June. I messed up a lot during this 2 month breakup. I begged and pleaded, told her about a rebound date I had to make her jealous, I logged into her Facebook account and she found out.

 

I feel that the rebound date and Facebook stalking really messed up my chances. I know she told her friends and they all said it was creepy and pretty much "devalued" me to her.

 

However even after all of this happened she would still send me breadcrumbs. I told her that I had to block her and move on. She cried and said that she understood. After 10 days of being blocked, she emailed me. She came to my house crying and we had sex, but she still didn't want to get back together.

 

After that I've noticed that I've stated feeling better. Not great, but better. I feel like it made me wean off of her.

 

Im back on no contact with her (currently day 11), and told her that I had to block her on email. She begged not to and sent me 5 emails before I blocked her, but I didn't respond.

 

I feeling better and better each day and I'm wondering if it's having the same effect on her.

 

I feel that I should've started no contact from the moment we broke up.

 

She was still contacting me really actively after the breakup, and it slowly decreased over time.

Edited by Metroknox
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