theow17 Posted September 3, 2018 Posted September 3, 2018 (edited) Me: 28M. Her: 25F. Never had a real bf. Inexperienced. Somewhat religious. Background: Started working at a tech company in March this year. Got to know a female coworker and I eventually asked her out. She agreed and we went on 3 dates and talked for a month. It seemed to be going pretty well. Out of nowhere though she said she wasn't interested anymore, so I let it be and stopped talking to her. Didn't get a reason. **** happens. Talked to other girls. Now 4 months later we casually reconnected and started hanging out more 1 on 1 at work, as friends. We hang out during lunch together, hit up restaurants near by, and go on hour long walks in the middle of the day. This occurs 2-3 times a week. She would sometimes ask me, sometimes I would ask her. Basically we spend a LOT of time together. She always asks me how I'm doing, how my weekends are, and just genuinely seems interested in a life. She also remembers so many random things about me, even small things I've mentioned months ago. One time she asked what I did on a wednesday night, and I said I went on a date (I actually did). She seemed a little weird about it, not 100% sure, and then a week later asked how it went and if there would be a second one. She could just be giving friendly smalltalk, but I don't know! Big fact though: She mentioned to me that she broke up with a friend she was dating a month ago because he was abusive and manipulative. Apparently she had broken up with him 4-5 months ago too, but got back together with him a month later because he came back into her life after blocking her on everything. I have reason to believe he came back and that's why she stopped seeing me months ago. Makes sense since she just dropped me in a heartbeat, and this guy was the first guy she's ever dated in her life. But anyway I have no god damn idea if it's a good idea to ask her out again. We hang out a lot, have a lot of fun and connect well, and there seems to be tention with us. In the back of my mind though I feel like I'm just in the friend zone, but another part of me thinks she might still be interested. I'm leaning towards just saying **** it and asking her out again in person. What do you guys think? She's very timid and inexperienced, so I would never expect her to make any sort of first move. I'm also trying to keep my distance so I doubt she knows I'm into her. Tldr: dated coworker months ago but it ended. We reconnected and are hanging out a lot at work now. Thinking of asking her out again. Edited September 3, 2018 by theow17
coolheadal Posted September 3, 2018 Posted September 3, 2018 (edited) Listen my friend it's clearly she's into the other guy, otherwise she wouldn't drop you for him. You are just friends with her an nothing else. Ask other girls out even at work and forget about this one not really into you. Just option for her meaning she's has her options open and your not the main squeeze she wants! Unlike the others here I favor dating at work, if it can work? I did that last year and the results are up in the air!!!!!!!!! Edited September 3, 2018 by coolheadal
shellybing Posted September 3, 2018 Posted September 3, 2018 Me: 28M. Her: 25F. Never had a real bf. Inexperienced. Somewhat religious. Background: Started working at a tech company in March this year. Got to know a female coworker and I eventually asked her out. She agreed and we went on 3 dates and talked for a month. It seemed to be going pretty well. Out of nowhere though she said she wasn't interested anymore, so I let it be and stopped talking to her. Didn't get a reason. **** happens. Talked to other girls. Now 4 months later we casually reconnected and started hanging out more 1 on 1 at work, as friends. We hang out during lunch together, hit up restaurants near by, and go on hour long walks in the middle of the day. This occurs 2-3 times a week. She would sometimes ask me, sometimes I would ask her. Basically we spend a LOT of time together. She always asks me how I'm doing, how my weekends are, and just genuinely seems interested in a life. She also remembers so many random things about me, even small things I've mentioned months ago. One time she asked what I did on a wednesday night, and I said I went on a date (I actually did). She seemed a little weird about it, not 100% sure, and then a week later asked how it went and if there would be a second one. She could just be giving friendly smalltalk, but I don't know! Big fact though: She mentioned to me that she broke up with a friend she was dating a month ago because he was abusive and manipulative. Apparently she had broken up with him 4-5 months ago too, but got back together with him a month later because he came back into her life after blocking her on everything. I have reason to believe he came back and that's why she stopped seeing me months ago. Makes sense since she just dropped me in a heartbeat, and this guy was the first guy she's ever dated in her life. But anyway I have no god damn idea if it's a good idea to ask her out again. We hang out a lot, have a lot of fun and connect well, and there seems to be tention with us. In the back of my mind though I feel like I'm just in the friend zone, but another part of me thinks she might still be interested. I'm leaning towards just saying **** it and asking her out again in person. What do you guys think? She's very timid and inexperienced, so I would never expect her to make any sort of first move. I'm also trying to keep my distance so I doubt she knows I'm into her. Tldr: dated coworker months ago but it ended. We reconnected and are hanging out a lot at work now. Thinking of asking her out again. I am not really a person who would give a second chance. Even if you are on good terms, persistence isn't always a good answer, and given she is a co worker, there could be a harassment issue if you keep asking her out and she doesn't like you or want to go. There is another similar thread about a guy working with a girl he likes, always tread lightly when getting romantic with work partners. Your job could be at risk if you are manking unwanted advances at your workplace.
d0nnivain Posted September 3, 2018 Posted September 3, 2018 Given her inexperience, I doubt she knows what she wants. Since she essentially chose another guy over you, now that he's rejected her, you are sort of the safe back up plan. She can play at having a BF by doing date activities with you but without the expectation of any romance or physicality. I wouldn't ask her out again.
preraph Posted September 3, 2018 Posted September 3, 2018 She once told you she wasn't interested anymore, so her interest is tenuous at best. Why pursue someone who is lukewarm? You know, she's not going to heat up. It doesn't work like that. She knows she's not that into you. You are a convenient friend. Is she fickle enough to maybe go out and sleep with you again? Maybe. But you know she doesn't really care, so what is the advantage of that? You're not going to grow a proper relationship and you work with her.
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