Asmera Posted September 7, 2005 Posted September 7, 2005 Ok, my boyfriend and I broke up a week and a half ago. The day after he moved out, he called me four times and emailed me once to get his leather jacket back. He calls me one or two times a day and emails me alot. He calls for stupid reasons! He says he needs his shampoo he left, or an ashtray, or whatever. He says we are just friends. We hung out all weekend long this past weekend. We don't hug, kiss, or have sex anymore. He and I decided to 'work on things' but to start out as friends. He is hot and cold with me. When I ignore his phone calls or emails, he calls or emails me more. I want him back and he knows this. He keeps telling me he doesn't know what is going to happen, and that 'we'll see'. He plays on all the cutesy things we shared....pet names, certain phrases, etc. What is going on>? What can I do to get him to commit to me again?
Merin Posted September 7, 2005 Posted September 7, 2005 Ok, my boyfriend and I broke up a week and a half ago. The day after he moved out, he called me four times and emailed me once to get his leather jacket back. He calls me one or two times a day and emails me alot. He calls for stupid reasons! He says he needs his shampoo he left, or an ashtray, or whatever. He says we are just friends. We hung out all weekend long this past weekend. We don't hug, kiss, or have sex anymore. He and I decided to 'work on things' but to start out as friends. He is hot and cold with me. When I ignore his phone calls or emails, he calls or emails me more. I want him back and he knows this. He keeps telling me he doesn't know what is going to happen, and that 'we'll see'. He plays on all the cutesy things we shared....pet names, certain phrases, etc. What is going on>? What can I do to get him to commit to me again? Well IME when you move backwards in a relationship (he moved out) it is really difficult to move forward... Also sounds like this Guy is typical in the pursuit... he likes the game and for real that gets old. You ignore him then he calls... bah! At this point I think it's better for you to accept him at his word that he is just your friend, then decide IF you still want to be JUST his Friend... or really if at this point that is something you can offer him. Let him know that being with him as Friends isn't working for you and the reason(s) why... if he still wants to play this game of "We'll see" and keep you waiting, then honestly I would probably say you need to let go here and tell him you will be friends again maybe one day and put it back on him.... the trick here is meaning it. Good Luck
Candy Cane Posted September 7, 2005 Posted September 7, 2005 Yeah, he's playing some whacked up game called, "Bait, Catch and Release." (I sort of made that up but it sounds really good, doesn't it?) It seems that a lot of guys really like this game for some unknown reason. It's such a hurtful game. The whole "friend" thing...whatever. It's a demotion. It sucks. Men who suggest this in order to keep a girl on a string should seriously be locked up...or at least smacked around some. What can you do to get him to commit? Nothing. There is nothing you can do nor is there anything you should do. You should do...nothing to try and get him back. Why? Because you are commit worthy just the way that you are. Just tell him that you understand that he's not ready for a real, committed relationship and to let you know if he ever is....and to take care of his bad self in the meantime. That's what I'd do. Good luck!
Author Asmera Posted September 8, 2005 Author Posted September 8, 2005 Thanks for the help! I am just so confused and lost and anxious! He called me three times today.....he had the day off from work! He told me the other day that he wants to see if things can work out and that's why he always asks me to do things with him and hang out. I've been trying not to contact him much as it makes it difficult to get over him. He has his cake and is eating it too if I hang on. I want him back, but I want it on my terms this time! Any more advice from anyone?
Candy Cane Posted September 8, 2005 Posted September 8, 2005 How about...if he's not really all that serious, you ask him if he'd be okay with you dating other people. I mean, he's kind of got you stuck in a place where you're available to him but not committed and yet you can't move on. If he wants to do this "see how things go" deal with you then he should let you date other people. Don't you think?
Cupcake Posted September 8, 2005 Posted September 8, 2005 Forget about asking him to if you can date other people !!!!! You should TELL him you are dating someone else (but actually date someone else first). When he ask you out sometimes, just tell him you already have plans.
Author Asmera Posted September 9, 2005 Author Posted September 9, 2005 I've been ignoring his phone calls and most of his emails...............which come more frequently when I do that. I did email him back today as we were supposed to hang out, but he said "we'll see what happens". SOOOOOOOO, I said I was making other plans and that he could TRY and reach me. I hate having to play his game back, but I feel like I am doing a much better job of it then he is. He's seeing that I am not waiting by the phone for his calls..........even if I really am! Caller ID is wonderful!!! He has to wonder what the heck is going on with me now. I'm being distant and mysterious all over again and it seems to make him contact me much more frequently! YAY! It's all on my terms too..........he has lost the power over me! Checkmate baby, I beat you at your own damn game!
jhurtinct Posted September 9, 2005 Posted September 9, 2005 I've played this game before and it's not fun I came home one day from work and was told by my live in bf that he didn't love me the way he should and I deserved better. I packed up and moved out the next day NC works, but it needs to be longer than a day a week he needs to think he lost you, your moving on without him, and you are okay with it. If he means what he says trust me he'll be back. Other thing is though becareful taking him back guys use this time to "see what else is out there" if you let him do it once HE WILL DO IT AGAIN. stay strong NC and remember you don't deserve it.............................................
connie Posted September 9, 2005 Posted September 9, 2005 we had a online relationship for 10 months; talked seriously about marriage etc; On May 20th, I left a high powered executive job and moved 12000 miles to live with him. We were really happy untill I found out that he used to 'messed around' with other guys/gals in the chat room. I told him that is a form of cheating and he agreed to stop. We are happy for about 2 months before I got real agitated of not finding a job/money etc. He gave me money but taught me how to live frugally. We don't go out at all as he suffers from agrophobia, and he doesn't like to eat out. He loves riding on his harley to the mountains and that's about it. I got bored with my life in a small town, and felt very unloved sometimes so I decided to move back to my country. That was after he said "I don't feel for you like what you felt for me!!". He was quite about my decision and say we could still be friends. I went back to my old life, got my old job back, and now we are back to chatting on the computer/phone. Sometimes he'll flirt with me but I keep things very lightly. I love him to pieces and missed him horribly but I don't know I can handle the relationship anymore. I know he missed me, his mum told me so but I'm pissed off that he's so fickle and do not marry me after what he promised. Can someone out there give me some advice please? [email protected]
jhurtinct Posted September 9, 2005 Posted September 9, 2005 connie I would post this on your own thread and maybe in long distant relationship you might get more and better advice.
Author Asmera Posted September 12, 2005 Author Posted September 12, 2005 It's crazy because he just left my place! He spent the entire weekend here (no sex.....not from me if we're 'just friends'). We had a good time. We laughed, joked around, played, dry humped (LOL), slept, and watched TV. He snuggled me all up, and held me unlike when we were together. I am kinda confused. What is going on? I asked if we were more than friends but not boyfriend/girlfriend. He said yes. Do I keep him at arms length like he's done to me? HELP!
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