irresolute Posted November 26, 2018 Posted November 26, 2018 I’m sorry you’re hurting but he doesn’t love you and he doesn’t want to compromise his freedom to have sex with others to be just with you. My guess is you’ve always been plan b or c for him and he does not depend on you to have sex: he has options. Sorry, I’ve been there too. You’ll probably fall again and he’ll probably continue using you for sex. Love addiction is tough one. Take care
ChatroomHero Posted November 26, 2018 Posted November 26, 2018 But I think I'll wait at least a month before I do that. Part of me still hopes that he'll come around and get in touch with me before that. And another part of me hopes that I'll be over him by then and not even want to get back together. But that's not very realistic. So you are in the position with #1 that you put #2 in. Should #2 contact you in a week or two and ask to start over? If your answer is no, your answer to contacting #1 should be no as well. 1
stillafool Posted November 26, 2018 Posted November 26, 2018 I feel awful for treating him so bad, but to be honest... I don't even care that I won't see him again. I'm a terrible person. Don't let the tears fool you as this is probably the way guy #1 feels about you.
Author LauraXX Posted November 27, 2018 Author Posted November 27, 2018 I’m sorry you’re hurting but he doesn’t love you and he doesn’t want to compromise his freedom to have sex with others to be just with you. My guess is you’ve always been plan b or c for him and he does not depend on you to have sex: he has options. He said that he didn't have sex with anybody else in the past six months and I do believe that. He said a few other things that really hurt me so I don't think he was sugarcoating anything, but my gut feeling tells me that he didn't lie about the sex thing. But since he definitely wants to have the option to have sex with others, it doesn't matter in the end. I'd be so curious about his options though. Well, not really. I'd rather poke my eyes out than actually knowing who he's chatting with and who he's seeing, but I clearly remember my first impression of him and that I was rather disappointed. He was older than he claimed to be on his OLD profile, he was much shorter than I expected, he has a speech impediment (that I think is quite charming, but I think a lot of women might not). I mean, I've obviously fallen for him so others might as well, but it's not like he's Ryan Gosling.
Author LauraXX Posted November 27, 2018 Author Posted November 27, 2018 So you are in the position with #1 that you put #2 in. Should #2 contact you in a week or two and ask to start over? If your answer is no, your answer to contacting #1 should be no as well. My answer is definitely no, but that's different. I never had sex with #2. I never claimed to have any feelings for him whatsoever. We spent hardly any time together and neither of us invested anything in this "relationship". While #1 is obviously not in love with me (because I don't think he would have hesitated then) and we're clearly not on the same page, I refuse to believe that he didn't have any feelings at all. We spent almost every weekend together in the past six months. I only went to his place 3 times, so he basically did all the driving and that adds up to at least 200 hours in the car. He renovated my whole appartment, one project at a time. He asked to meet my friends & family. He told me that he could see a future with me, he just wasn't there yet. He always seemed very interested in me as a person, asked tons of questions about my job, didn't seem too focused on the whole sex part of the "relationship". So no - doesn't compare at all to the #2 story. And I do believe there's hope that he might come around (while I will never have any feelings for #2).
brigit87 Posted November 27, 2018 Posted November 27, 2018 He renovated my whole appartment, one project at a time. He asked to meet my friends & family. . That sounds like someone who is head over heels for you.
Author LauraXX Posted December 3, 2018 Author Posted December 3, 2018 13 days without contact. I opened Tinder today and there he was on top of my "new messages" list. But he didn't actually send a new message. It's just our old messages from six months ago (before we exchanged numbers). How could that happen? I haven't checked his profile in months, so I definitely didn't click on "new message" accidentally or anything like that. And there IS no new message in the thread. I really don't get it. But it can't be a coincidence, right? I have 100+ matches on Tinder and it has never happened that somebody showed up in the "new messages" list without actually having sent a message. Why him of all people?! I really don't get it Of course I clicked on his profile then and saw that he changed his text and is now looking for a person to share his life with. That REALLY REALLY hurts. I can't really believe it. I was expecting to read something along the lines of "just looking for sth. casual" after the whole drama. And that would have hurt as well. But seriously WTF - share his life?!! Is he crazy? Is he the world's best actor? I don't get it. And now I'm crying again :/
SophieG Posted December 3, 2018 Posted December 3, 2018 The fact that he said he's looking for a life partner on Tinder tells me that he probably liked you, but didn't see a future with you in the long run, because if he had, he would have deleted that stupid app WAY before the 6 months. He wanted to keep his options open in case someone « better » came along, and that seriously sucks. I personally don't understand why some people spend 6 months with someone; getting to know then, becoming a part of their lives, when they don't intend on being committed! I mean, how can you really get to know someone, invest in the relationship while still being on dating apps... it just doesn't make sense to me.
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