Should I trust my Instinct about this man?

[cherrycherryspice]

I recently got out of an verbally abusive relationship. I conveniently met a man afterwards, who was very helpful took me on a date shortly after ending it and had admitted that he was interested in me for a while.

 

Im not debating, if I should be dating someone after leaving a traumatic relationship, I know the answer is no, I had told him I needed some time. however theres something a bit shady about his behavior that I observed and would like to know if I'm blowing it out of proportion as he says I am.

 

I told him, in the past that my ex would get access to my messges via whatsapp , fb etc and routinely check them. and how I got my phone secured as of recently. One day I came over we had sex stayed the night went home, when I was there I noticed a few things, he was constantly on his phone, looked nervous to answer his messages and a bit distant. I asked him if he was seeing anyone else- he said "well you said we wernt serious right"

 

The next day after sleeping over , I messaged him via whatsapp and told him my feelings for him are growing and I would like to take it further, and I had a good time. Days had passed no response. Approximately 3 days. I seen he was online and everything, I tried to shake it off. Three days later he messages me on snapchat which I thought was strange and didnt adress the situation, he just said good morning. after seeing that I felt a bit insulted, asked him why he dissapeared and more importantly why did he change platflorms to message me?

 

He said, well your ex might be monitoring our conversations as you said. I found this to be a wierd excuse because we always talk through whatsapp. then I told him, theres nothing to worry about, I secured my phone now. But that to me didnt answer the 3 day dissaperence, I asked him why 3 days?

he couldnt give me a direct answer and I felt off so I stopped talking to him.

Later on he started calling my phone once he realized I wasnt buying it. He then said, I wasnt sure if it was you on whatsapp.

 

Then I thought to myself, why would that be. My messages were pertaining to us having a good night, how I have feelings for him. In any context this is not something my ex boyfriend would say to another man. If anything, if it was him, he would probably just exchange curse words.

 

Now hes telling me Im blowing it out of proportion, that its not a big deal. and he wants to talk about it, should I just cut him off for good? or give him a chance to explain himself once again? Im getting vibes of dishonesty but I dont know if Im hypersenstive to everything right now

[Chloefrost]

Omg, he is a thousand shades of shady. I tend to always pause and wonder if I'm being oversensitive/overreactive too, but looking at what you wrote, even with a huge dose of benefit-of-the-doubt, he is definitely just not that into you. Sounds like he is definitely seeing someone else, but i guess if you guys aren't exclusive, wouldn't be a problem. But it actually sounds like he has a girlfriend. Who may be monitoring his whatsapp or something?

 

Protect your heart.

[smackie9]

Did you read over your posts? Well you should. It's obvious he's not interested in something serious...he doesn't have to tell you that, his behavior does. Plus he was told by you, you didn't want to jump into anything serious...well he has every right to sleep with or date anyone he wants...and he doesn't have to tell you with who or when. You have made the choice to sleep with him. It was a mutual decision, you both are consenting adults and wanted sex. Sex is not a currency where he or even you have to be committed. If you wish to have it that way you need to come out and say it straight with him, but you haven't. You haven't had that conversation, so he is not being "shady", he wants you to mind your own business. There has no commitment being made here.

 

 

 

Now this is where you need to wash your hands in all of this. His lack of response is your answer...this is not going to go in the direction you want. So you better break yourself free of him.

 

 

 

Tip: you cannot convince or force a man to fall for you by having sex with him. Sex is just sex. If you are looking for a relationship, start out with dates, and stay out of the bedroom for awhile. Let him show you by his actions, he is interested in you on that level. You can watch, make judgment, and decide if he is the right one to start a relationship with. Stand up, and make your expectations known. Communication is key. Be straight, don't "hint". If you hint, that's when they can ignore you, twist it around, and take advantage of you. Be a strong, independent woman, speak your mind.

[Gretchen12]

What instinct? He practically flat out told you he's seeing another woman, or two, or three. He has been honest about that.

[mortensorchid]

Remember this about not just dating but people in general:

 

1) If something doesn't seem right, it usually isn't. You may never know what that is or is not but if you choose to ignore it, it will always linger.

 

2) If someone lies or has a reputation for lying a lot about things, they are usually lying to you about something. And you can decide whether or not you want to trust them or not again or take them back. And if you do remember you will take them back multiple times before they cross the line for the last time.

 

3) Stay away from this guy based on what you said. He's trouble.

[ExpatInItaly]

Forget this guy. He is not interested in a relationship and doesn't share your feelings.

 

And he's full of malarkey regarding his reason for not replying on What's App.

 

Just cut ties with him. He's not what you are looking for.

[pandagirl2018]

You're right, you should be on your own and going through the healing stages of the end of your abusive relationship.

 

Even maybe going through counselling.

 

The only person you should "have feelings" now is yourself. Focus on yourself, give love and care to yourself, and stop trying to find that in a man, or you'll only hurt yourself further because at this point you won't be attracting anyone healthy.

 

You need to heal and love yourself now.

[preraph]

Just because he coveted you when you were attached to another man doesn't mean he's in love with you and has serious intentions with you. He just wanted in your pants. now he's done that and he's on to someone else and someone else after that. He's not a keeper. Just let him go. Wait a little while and try to find a guy who's not connected to your other guy and who will be a good guy. Good luck.

[kendahke]

I noticed a few things, he was constantly on his phone, looked nervous to answer his messages and a bit distant. I asked him if he was seeing anyone else- he said "well you said we wernt serious right"

 

He's seeing other girls--there's no reason for him to have answered like this if he wasn't.

 

But did you say you two weren't serious?

 

If that is your position, then yeah, he can pretty much get texts from other girls and smash with you at the same time--no harm no foul. There was no declaration of exclusivity made by either of you yet, right?

 

I'm trying to understand your disconnect.