Guidance required with dating situation

[Jt93]

Hi all. 24m here. I have been meeting a 24f for the last 2 month's and I thought things were going well.

As we both work shifts it's sometimes hard to get the time off together. 3 weeks ago she asked me to let her know about me getting time off in dates towards end of October and November.

After spending time with her Wednesday I sent her a message saying I got the time off she wanted to which i got a reply saying that it was too far in advance and that she doesn't plan that far and doesn't know what she will be doing then. I said I was very confused about the situation and didn't understand. She ended the conversation saying that she feels she can't make me happy even though I've told her she does. But when I told her she said it felt like i was point scoring. She said that maybe we should just leave it where it is with no hard feelings but wants to meet on monday to talk about things. I said that I respect that and hope she has a good night at work and to let me know when she's home safe. She sent me a message saying okk night when she got in which was early hours Friday.

We have texted every day since we met, nothing forced as often take hours to reply as we are busy. I didn't reply back to her message as I didn't think there was anything to reply to and wanted to give her space.

I want things to still carry on with her as I think she's great so I was thinking I would give her some space for a few days and send her a message Sunday but unsure of what to say? I was thinking along the lines of:

Hi, I have been thinking about you a lot the last 3 days and I've missed you. Are we still meeting up tomorrow ?

 

Is this a good way to approach the situation do you think or should I just leave it and let her reply to me if she does? I dont want her to think that I'm not interested or not bothered by not talking to her but again don't want to smother her so much.

 

Sorry for the long post.

Thanks in advance

[d0nnivain]

Can you undo your time off request? I would not want to waste precious vacation days on this flake at this point.

 

Then if you still want to keep talking to find out what the <bleep> she wants, fine but right now she is all over the place, in your shoes I couldn't rely on a thing she says. You do need to get her to explain what she means by it feels like "point scoring". She also needs to elaborate on why she thinks she doesn't make you happy. And finally you need her to define what it is she wants. Unfortunately I don't think she knows.

[Jt93]

Thanks for your reply donnivain.

Time off isn't such a bad thing as it's only 2 days and my job allows me to be self rostering anyway so i am not using any paid vacation leave. I wouldn't have done that.

 

By point scoring; when she said she couldn't make me happy I said that I always try and make sure I have at least 1 day off a week with her, always nice to her and come up with ideas of things to do and im still talking to her and meeting her so obviously she makes me happy. She said she felt like I was just point scoring as if to say she doesn't do any of that which is not how I intended to mean it at all.

 

We have both said that in this stage of our life we aren't ready for a relationship right now but if things progressed well with us then we would be open to it in the future.

 

Do you think I should send the text or leave it ? I feel if I leave it nothing will happen and the chance and the last 2 month's will just be gone

[Chloefrost]

I feel that your plan to text her after a few day's space is good, pretty casual but still thoughtful.

 

Perhaps she's going through a rough time now, and needs time for everything to settle down, or for her to sort her head out.

 

Probably giving her some space but still expressing concern in a non-pressurising way (your msg content sounds perfect) would help?

 

But I do have to say, do watch out for possible signs of manipulation. Totally not saying this is what is happening here, she is probably just having a tough time, just be careful. Hope this helps

[smackie9]

I know it hurts when someone you thought was into it as much as you back peddles, leaving you confused.

 

 

 

I suspect she's feeling one of two things...A) insecure and testing your intentions, which some girls will do....thinking if they push you away, you will express your feelings more, or B) she's trying to make up excuses to get out of this arrangement, by not doing it in a direct way.

 

 

So maybe she is ready for something more serious, but questions you or she's (I hate to say it) has changed her mind, possible found someone that isn't as busy and can spend more time with her. Having to "make arrangements" months in advance isn't ideal for her.

 

 

It's obvious she wants something but maybe hesitant to say it. Let's hope Monday you will get your answers.

 

 

As for reaching out, keep it neutral if you do. Being sappy might make this meeting difficult for her if the out come is not positive in what she has to say. It might make her back out last min.

 

 

I know a lot of guys think if they don't push for it they will lose opportunity...the reality is it has the opposite effect. To be desirable is to be less available. Keep cool, stay calm.

[Lotsgoingon]

You're begging and sounding desperate when you haven't done the slightest thing wrong.

 

Your gf makes a planning request ... you follow through by getting the days off ... She then says she's can't plan that far ahead.

 

Here are the possibilities:

 

1. 
    
   
2. She's brain damaged and has a memory problem.
    
    
   
3. She's unreliable and moody and emotionally flakey and fickle.
    
    
   
4. She's a liar and has changed her mind about spending time with you but doesn't want to own up to changing her mind.
    
    
   
5. She has decided to break up with you ... and is just being clumsy about it.
   

 

Step out of this soap opera. Most likely she's planning to dump you. Stop begging and being all "nice" and move on.

[Mrin]

Move on. Radio silence from you. Don't reach out

[Gretchen12]

It sounds like she has something to tell you on Monday. If you want to say something affirmative to her, just let her know you are ready to listen. Often we don't listen very well, and you may have missed some of her issues in your communications. Even though you are not in a relationship, you should still try to understand. It doesn't hurt you. It can only give you clarity and peace of mind.

[Whodatdog]

I wouldnt contact her again. She said maybe you should meet on Monday to discuss things; let her contact you to plan the where and when on that, since its her idea. If she doesnt contact you I think you know how she feels.

[Jt93]

Thanks all for your replies. Im still unsure of what to do.

 

On one hand people don't text twice ( I know it's weird but it happens) so she may be waiting for me to reply as she sent the last message

 

And on the other hand I think i shouldnt as she's the one that owes it to me.

 

I don't know I might send my message and gauging her reaction to what I say will then determine what the outcome is, whether I meet up tomorrow or just leave it. There's no point in me meeting up with someone I've known for 2 months for them to tell me they that it should be left as it is, I already know that and it would be a waste of time.

[d0nnivain]

Stop game playing & counting whose turn it is to text & that she "owes" . It's Sunday. Reach out. Confirm that you will having this talk tomorrow, Monday. See what she has to say. Listen more then you talk then make a decision