Girlfriend came out as gay. I accept it but sad it may of all not been real.

[MrWobblyTickle]

Hey all,

 

I met this girl online and we ended up in a relationship that was about 2 and a half months. Not a long time I know but during that time she made me feel amazing. Making lots of future plans to go places, cuddling and kissing me a lot, lots of sex and telling me she loved me. She also flooded me with gifts. Even made hints about marriage.

 

Last weekend things went wrong fast. She was ok on the Saturday a bit of affection here and there and then Sunday. No affection at all. Would move away from me, not let me touch her. Spoke to me like normal though.

When I got home I messaged her to ask if everything was ok and she said just tired. I followed up with a comment about the lack of affection which is the total opposite of how she usually is and got no response for over a day. She then messaged me Monday night to say she wanted to come and see me after work.

 

On the way to mine very awkward. Barely a conversation and an obvious elephant in the room. When we got to mine she took a while to build up to say what she had to say. She said she was gay even though she told me she was bi when we got together. She then told me how for the last 3 to 4 weeks she has been having doubts and the realisation that she just wants to be with a girl. Her previous partner was a girl of 4 years.

 

She said this relationship has shown her how she wants to be treated in a relationship and I have been fantastic the whole way through. She just wants the female version of me. I want the straight version of her. She ticked all my boxes. She even used to remark how I ticked all her boxes.

 

She said she knows what she has done is wrong and I have been lead on and she is sorry. I told her I am disappointed because I thought the relationship was going somewhere but I accept her for how she is. She cannot change who she is and I don’t expect her to either. She said she wants to remain in contact and be friends. I said yes but not right now while feelings are still there and it is so raw. We even made a few jokes about it all and had a laugh. On the way back into town the conversation flowed like it did when we first met.

 

After she left we text a bit back and forth. Just to say thanks for everything and told her I would contact her when I am ready. We both need space. Me to come to terms with it all and her to forgive herself. She did say she doesn’t think she can forgive herself for this but we both learnt a lot and grew as people so tbh she should forgive herself. The fact she came and saw me face to face to tell me shows that she respects me a lot and cares for me.

 

I think I just need help with coming to terms with the fact that this was all potentially not real and just her trying to fool herself into think she could be with a guy. She had pressure from family and friends to get a boyfriend and I came along at around the time that was going on. I did make her happy though and brought her out of a dark place she said.

 

I am just hurt and confused. Sad for what could have been. I can see us being friends though as we get on so well and her family and friends really like me. She said her mum will be devasted by this as she really was pleased for us.

 

Thank you for your time.

[ExpatInItaly]

Sorry you're dealing with this, OP.

 

I think there were a couple red flags, being that you only dated 2.5 months and she was already hinting at marriage. That's almost never a good sign, regardless of sexual orientation. It suggests that someone is trying to fill a void, or perhaps in her case, fulfill the expectations of her family and friends. Watch out for that in the future.

 

Maybe you can be friends again someday, but I would take a lot of space for a while so you can heal.