What's happening here?

[tokidoki]

Her “we’ll see” wasn’t indifference to your proposed date. It was a “let’s see if you stick to your word.” If it were indifference she would’ve said “I’ll see.” Then you got back and didn’t make a date eg. Her text about your ‘confidence trick.’ You should’ve asked her out when you got back. She’s acting up because you didn’t do what you said you would.

 

Yeah that wasn't a text - she said it to me in person.

 

So you say she wanted me to ask her out, others say she didn't. Very confusing.

 

Why not just say 'sounds good!' the first time instead of playing games? Childish!!!

[tokidoki]

That is why it is really best not to hook up with work colleagues as the "awkwardness" afterwards can ruin working environments.

 

This I very much agree with. Was maybe a bit silly but hey, there were drinks involved and that isn't always conducive to good long term decisions, but rather short term satisfaction. Lesson learned.

[Jane Deaux]

Wait, right in front of you she told someone else you were "**** annoying" and you didn't take that to mean she is completely over anything to do with you? Why? Do you have a different feel for the situation that what you are telling us? Because it seems as if she has zero interest in you any longer and she is trying to shoo you away. Are you thinking that she is mad at you so she is acting out because she is in all actuality very interested but upset because you aren't stepping up and chasing her?

 

Yes, women have been told from very young that men like a challenge. Don't be too needy, let them chase you a little. Show interest but DO NOT ask them out or chase them. And don't be overly attentive right in the beginning. And men like the chase whether they realize it or not. This advice does not apply once you have a set thing going. But you guys don't. You definitely could make one more for sure effort to ask her out, if you wanted, and then just give it up. Step back and just let it take its course naturally.

[tokidoki]

Wait, right in front of you she told someone else you were "**** annoying" and you didn't take that to mean she is completely over anything to do with you? Why?

 

She said that in front of me and in front of others. It was a little bit embarrassing to be honest - If I wasn't interested in somebody I wouldn't go out of my way to upset them/insult them in front of people for no reason. That's probably something I'd do if I was frustrated that they weren't giving me the attention I wanted from them, and I was trying to provoke a reaction. Sorry but people do things like that when they want attention, not when they don't want any whatsoever. She's obviously trying to get a rise.

 

Do you have a different feel for the situation that what you are telling us?

 

I'm trying to put it across as best I can.

 

 

Because it seems as if she has zero interest in you any longer and she is trying to shoo you away.

 

Then why act normal and then start getting silly when the date isn't confirmed. Seems super backwards.

 

 

Are you thinking that she is mad at you so she is acting out because she is in all actuality very interested but upset because you aren't stepping up and chasing her?

 

In that instance it felt more like that was the case.

[tokidoki]

I should add that she didn't say it directly to me, but about me, to someone for no real reason. We were playing a card game and I didn't deal properly or something like that.

[ExpatInItaly]

OP, I asked further up in the thread if you happen to know if she's involved with anyone else at work. Any thoughts on that?

[Orokotikki]

Maybe she WAS interested but obviously that ship has sailed and is far out to sea by this point...

[tokidoki]

update: So I just left it be for a while (a month, six weeks, maybe?).tried to avoid seeing her, Not in an overly obvious, manipulative way, but just trying to limit interaction, just so that she would feel that she had space and I wasn't forcing anything.

 

Anyway, a situation arose where it would've been very rude not to talk. We were the only two people in the room (by chance) and I said Hi, how are you etc.. I felt that she was rather cold and tbh a little rude in her response, So I just said 'there's no need to be awkward you know...We might as well be friendly with one another'. She said 'well, you ignored me the other day so I didn't think we were on speaking terms'. I don't remember doing this at all. I think she might've got the wrong end of the stick but I certainly didn't deliberately ignore her.

 

I said let's not be awkward with each other going forward and she said 'you always do this! you always come up with these scenarios!' - Again, I'm puzzled by this. She seems to have put a lot of thought in to it. I just said I wanted to do away with what I saw as not a particularly nice atmosphere, and she agreed with that. She's definitely making an effort now to be more amiable, which I think is a good thing.

 

I'm still kinda confused and conflicted. I think the attraction is there but I don't want to push anything because I don't think it would end well with this particular girl. Her responses about me 'ignoring her' and 'coming up with scenarios' did baffle me a little bit. they don't seem like the utterances of someone who has no interest in the situation. Am I wrong?

[tokidoki]

OP, I asked further up in the thread if you happen to know if she's involved with anyone else at work. Any thoughts on that?

 

Well, funnily enough there is one dude who she seems close with. Although he told me he has a girlfriend. I imagine they're just buddies but they seem awful close. I can't rule out the possibility that this may have something to do with it but no, they aren't dating. He does seem to appear any time I'm talking to her though. If I were being cynical I might say it comes off a little possessive, but I could be totally misinterpreting that.