pholdgrl Posted August 31, 2018 Posted August 31, 2018 28 F here. I met a 38 yr old guy online and we have been out 5 times (all initiated by him). On Day 3 of not hearing from him after our last date, I sent him a funny meme about something we had joked about during our last date (which got no response). About 5 days later, he responded to the meme and then sent another text saying he likes me and would like to hang out more and have fun but he is not sure if we are a good long-term match. I take that to mean he wants to hang out and be intimate but he will keep dating others and disappear once he finds someone he thinks is a better fit long-term. Some of my friends think I am being too hasty and can just hang out and see where it goes- that it could develop into more. Thoughts? I am not looking for FWB or casual sex so think I should just move on. Should I bother to respond to his text?
Gretchen12 Posted August 31, 2018 Posted August 31, 2018 He didn't ghost you. He delayed in replying, and he basically told you he's not feeling it. It's a polite rejection. You have no reason to feel wronged. You're not going to be a match for every guy out there. 1
anduina Posted September 1, 2018 Posted September 1, 2018 If you're not looking for a sexual fling, then don't respond and move on since that's all he's offering. Your friends are offering bad advice unless they believe you need a sexual fling. 1
hippychick3 Posted September 1, 2018 Posted September 1, 2018 He's not feeling it with you and tried to let you down as gently as he could. He was probably hoping you wouldn't contact him again and he could just fade away. But, he likely felt compelled to respond to your meme and not leave you hanging. There's no reason to respond. Just put him behind you and find someone else.
Butterflying Posted September 1, 2018 Posted September 1, 2018 It’s not a “polite” rejection. Otherwise he would have replied with that soon after you texted him. People who ignore you inexplicably for days & resurface spontaneously are inconsiderate, selfish, and disrespectful. This guy also told you he’s not interested in a serious relationship. So he’s asking you to be a FWB. Now it’s your turn to ghost him. Don’t respond. Save yourself heartache. Block & delete his contact. What really happened: he met someone else that he likes more than you. He wants to keep you as a backup in case that doesn’t work out. While he was with her, he ignored you. That’s what people do when they are with someone they truly care about.
Lotsgoingon Posted September 1, 2018 Posted September 1, 2018 Your friends are so wrong ... you sure they're telling you to go along some more? ... Seriously, let's get you some truth on this matter. People MAKE IT CRYSTAL CLEAR when they are interested in you. There could terrorist attacks, world wars, forest fires, deaths, the return of dinosaurs ... ... people will make their interest clear if they are genuinely interested in you. Seriously I was dating this woman when my mother died ... I was really interested at the time (later I lost interest) ... My mom died and I talked to this woman around the same time! Now you could push forward if you want, but here's what happens 99 percent of the time ... You end up dating an ambivalent person ... ambivalent people are those who never commit to dating us ... They appear and then disappear ... they show up and then don't show up ... they leave you always in a state of dissatisfaction ... They always disappoint ... and just when you think things are going well, they dump you and tell you they were never all that into you in the first place. So your friends apparently don't know that this guy is giving off all the typical signals of someone who is ambivalent. Keep dating ... and you'll know when a guy shows strong and consistent interest and does not disappear and then suddenly appear. That's the kind of guy you want to go out with ... assuming he meets your other requirements. 2
Logo Posted September 1, 2018 Posted September 1, 2018 He's just telling you that he wants sex from time to time and nothing more. Block him and move on.
ExpatInItaly Posted September 1, 2018 Posted September 1, 2018 I completely disagree with your friends, OP. He has been clear he isn't interested in something longer-term. Him taking ages to reply support that; his interest is very low. If you are looking for a relationship, this isn't the guy for you.
Purrrfect Posted September 1, 2018 Posted September 1, 2018 Going 3 days without communicating tell me he’s seeing someone else. I don’t think this guy is as interested as you are. At this point I would just let this one go. Sorry. This happens from time to time
smackie9 Posted September 1, 2018 Posted September 1, 2018 Men do say it like it is. He told you is exactly how he feels about you, and his actions say it too...he's not interested in having a relationship with you.....period. Your friends (if they are girls) are thinking like girls. Yes a girl can warm up to someone later...most men, that's a big fat no.
Author pholdgrl Posted September 1, 2018 Author Posted September 1, 2018 Thanks everyone. I agree with your comments. I’ve deleted his text. I did like him but I’m also dating other guys so I’ll just keep it moving.
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