Vanity1 Posted August 31, 2018 Posted August 31, 2018 over seven months after my breakup I find myself having obsessive thoughts. I know it's normal to feel angry, sad ,confused , and to be in denial but I'm passed that. Now I'm dealing with the aftermath and taking the toll of what I LET this guy to do me for almost two years. I constantly have to keep myself occupied mentally & physically or else my mind goes to a negative place. It's managable durning the day, but at night when I finally doze off those thoughts come rushing into my head and I wake up at least three times a night and can't fall back asleep for hours inbetween. Usually it's negative stuff he has said to me and making me feel like I was never good enough. Every fight, every scenerio replays in my head over and over again? The thing is I've started to believe everything he has said about me and it's making me think everyone sees me that way. Basically its affecting other aspects of my life with family, and friends. I find myself easily angry, and snappy. Now it's a personal issue and I'm not liking myself or life. I feel like those obsessive thoughts are consuming me. Is this normal ? Can anyone relate ? 1
Blanco Posted August 31, 2018 Posted August 31, 2018 It's common, but here's the thing (and I've learned this from personal experience): These thoughts will continue for as long as you permit them to. It's normal and understandable to examine real and hypothetical examples from all angles after a tough breakup. There does come a time, though, when you've analyzed all you can as much as you can. At that point, continued analysis is really nothing more than a negative feedback loop. And as I said, this can continue on endlessly if you let it. I know some people say that one day, they just woke up and realized they were over it. For others, it takes a more proactive approach. An example would be maybe letting yourself have some time each day to think about things, but the rest of the day, you don't allow yourself to focus on those issues. 2
Author Vanity1 Posted September 1, 2018 Author Posted September 1, 2018 It's common, but here's the thing (and I've learned this from personal experience): These thoughts will continue for as long as you permit them to. It's normal and understandable to examine real and hypothetical examples from all angles after a tough breakup. There does come a time, though, when you've analyzed all you can as much as you can. At that point, continued analysis is really nothing more than a negative feedback loop. And as I said, this can continue on endlessly if you let it. I know some people say that one day, they just woke up and realized they were over it. For others, it takes a more proactive approach. An example would be maybe letting yourself have some time each day to think about things, but the rest of the day, you don't allow yourself to focus on those issues. Ok I'll listen and trust your advice this time. Thank you
preraph Posted September 1, 2018 Posted September 1, 2018 I agree with Blanco about allotting a limited certain time in your routine each day to purposefully think about the situation. Doing it not long before you go to sleep may keep you from dwelling on it in your sleep. Only give yourself a few minutes. Think about "Is there anything I can do to change it? Is there anything I can do to give myself some joy. Is there anything I should learn from this so I don't end up the same hurt again? If the answer to Is there anything I can do to change it is no, then you must make yourself accept that worrying about something it it out of your power to change is wasted time. You worrying about it will not change anything. If the answer to Is there anything I can do to change it yes, then DO it, exhaust your possibilities, but be realistic about it. Is there anything I can do to give myself some joy? The answer is yes, and then you don't just sit there and not do anything, you say to yourself, Tomorrow, I am going tubing or I am going to the zoo or I am going to rewatch the funniest movie I ever saw or I am going to ask my friend to do something for the weekend. So you allot that time to problem solving. You accept when you can't change things. You put momentum into getting happy, and then you stop yourself from thinking randomly about it so you don't end up in a rut. It may help that if you randomly think one good thing about him, then you make yourself think of two negative things about him -- the least of which won't be that he's made you feel this bad!
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