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Ended up hanging out with a girl after having asked her out and she basically said no

ikonik

By ikonik
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ikonik Established Member

ikonik

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So tonight I was at a bar where I was having an event. This girl who I asked out for a coffee date a few days ago, was at the event. I thought it would be awkward, but we sat at the bar with a mutual friend having convo, then at one point it was just us. After a few of us went to another bar to hang out and me and her were sitting across from each other the whole time. I thought it would be awkward since she basically said no when I asked her out, saying she had to fly to a meeting that day I suggested (she told me the night before)...but it wasn't awkward and almost like I hadn't even asked her out. Do I read into it even though she pretty much said she wasn't interested? I feel like I shouldn't.

ExpatInItaly Established Member

ExpatInItaly

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Do I read into it even though she pretty much said she wasn't interested? I feel like I shouldn't.

 

Read into...what, exactly?

 

She said she wasn't interested. I don't see much room for reading that any other way.

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SevenCity Established Member

SevenCity

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Next stop, friend zone.

 

If you want to be her male girlfriend keep going out with her which she will end once she finds a guy she likes.

 

A better approach is to hang out with women who actually like you.

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d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

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It wasn't awkward. That means she is a nice person who has good social skills. It does not mean that she changed her mind & wants to date you. Learn from her poise but don't do anything else.

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smackie9 Established Member

smackie9

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Believe it or not, people don't dwell on it, and move on like normal. What.. she's supposed to get up and leave when you sat down by her? Give you the cold shoulder? Give you dirty looks? Look down at he feet? Completely ignore you? That's just silly.

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ikonik Established Member

ikonik

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I saw her again tonight at an event she was mc'ing. I coincidentally ended up sitting next to her the whole night. There were times when she was leaning really close to me almost to the point we were touching. This happened a couple times. Then at the end of the night she kind of rubbed my shoulder (which I actually did to her the other night) and said "I'm sure I'll see you around." Probably means nothing but it stood out.

Highndry Established Member

Highndry

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Great, now make sure to bring a date next time who is better looking than this gal, or at least openly flirt with other women while putting her on ignore. She had her chance, and lost it.

preraph Established Member

preraph

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Well, sounds like you're going to continue to run into her so all you can really do at this point is see if she shows any interest in the future. if she told you she wasn't interested then you might as well give up now. if she just said she wasn't available that day because she was going out of town then that sort of leaves you wondering whether that was a no or if she was really busy but the thing is once someone does that the ball is in their Court to bring it up again. You know it would be up to her to say when you going to take me for that drink or something like that. So don't waste a bunch of time at it but if you're going to run into her anyway, you might as well be nice.

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I'veseenbetterlol Established Member

I'veseenbetterlol

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Read into...what, exactly?

 

She said she wasn't interested. I don't see much room for reading that any other way.

 

Yep this is true. If you try to read into it or pester her, you will end up looking like a creeper.

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ikonik Established Member

ikonik

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I'm not sure if this is considered "pestering her" but last night I saw her and suggested we should get together. She basically said after the 13th she's free.

Orokotikki Established Member

Orokotikki

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Unclear from your original post if she actually wasn't interested or had to fly out of town. Do you think she didn't fly out of town? Or that she was uninterested because she didn't change her schedule?

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ikonik Established Member

ikonik

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Unclear from your original post if she actually wasn't interested or had to fly out of town. Do you think she didn't fly out of town? Or that she was uninterested because she didn't change her schedule?

 

Idk what happened but it seems like she ended up not flying out on that day.

d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

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She is agreeing to get together with somebody she considers a friend who she has to interact with socially because you keep running into each other. She is NOT agreeing to go on a date with you.

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snowboy91 Established Member

snowboy91

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Next stop, friend zone.

 

If you want to be her male girlfriend keep going out with her which she will end once she finds a guy she likes.

 

A better approach is to hang out with women who actually like you.

 

Partially agree with this - she's definitely interested in you as a friend and most likely nothing more. The signals are confusing but I'd just assume it's a friendship. If nothing else, you have a buddy you can go to more of these events with.

 

But if she meets someone else, it doesn't mean you two can't hang out unless it will make you feel upset.

rightondude Established Member

rightondude

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I dunno, maybe it's possible she learned more about you and liked what she sees?

 

I'd quit with the "get together" ish though and actually ask her out again. Whats the worst that can happen?

guest569 Established Member

guest569

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Did she actually say "I'm not interested"? Or just that she had other plans.

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ikonik Established Member

ikonik

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Did she actually say "I'm not interested"? Or just that she had other plans.

She never outright said she wasn't interested, all she said was "I'm sorry I'm flying to a meeting." Then that day I suggested she was posting IG stories showing she was in town. I got the hint after that.

Edited by ikonik
guest569 Established Member

guest569

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She never outright said she wasn't interested, all she said was "I'm sorry I'm flying to a meeting." Then that day I suggested she was posting IG stories showing she was in town. I got the hint after that.

 

Ah got it! And you say "hang out with her" but it's a bunch of you hanging out. I would just carry on taking the hint. If she has changed her mind, the ball is in her court.

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ikonik Established Member

ikonik

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Ah got it! And you say "hang out with her" but it's a bunch of you hanging out. I would just carry on taking the hint. If she has changed her mind, the ball is in her court.

 

Wait are you asking about the last time I saw her or the first time I asked her out? Because when I asked her out I made it clear I was. When I asked her when are we going to get together (the last time I saw her), I was implying the two of us.

ChatroomHero Established Member

ChatroomHero

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It's a bad sign she knows you're interested and not really doing that with the information. If she is even mildly interested in dating you, usually they make it pretty easy. They also clearly accept it as a date and not a vague, "I'm sure I'll see you again".

 

Dates are pretty easy to set up when both parties are interested and you don't get left with the whole deal of trying to interpret things one way or the other. I wouldn't put much effort in her, she's had plenty of opportunity to give you a clear yes, yet you're still not sure if she is even interested.

 

I'd really move on. No need to ignore her, but I wouldn't think she was an option to invest in.

  • 4 months later...
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ikonik Established Member

ikonik

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I run into this girl all the time and whenever I do it’s normallly a hug greetin, last time it was even a two armed waisted hug ( I know, really reading into things). But I ran into her again yesterday and she gave me “flown kisses” which are like obviously not really kisses but not sure how to describe them. I was kind of caught off guard by it because she’s never done that before so I thought it was a meant for someone next to me, but she was looking prettty much right at me when she did it. Do I read into it?

somanymistakes Established Member

somanymistakes

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It's a little flirty, sure. But just because it's flirty still doesn't tell you anything meaningful. Some people act flirty with everybody. Some don't. Some people act flirty only if they absolutely want you to hit on them. Some people just think it's funny.

 

If you want to know what she's thinking you'll have to ask her, not us.

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globalgirl12 New Member

globalgirl12

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I agree with the previous poster. Either the flown kisses were meant to be flirty, in which case you should ask yourself what you want - are you attracted to her? If so, perhaps reciprocate her flirtatious behaviour and observe her reaction. On the other hand it may be innocent and not necessarily flirtatious, but you will never know either way unless you try and find out. The ball is in your court. The question is what do you want?

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ikonik Established Member

ikonik

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So yea I'm definitely into this girl, I've asked her out before and she basically said no without saying no. She also asked what my plans were for one night. She's also very confident and outgoing but I also notice she does things with me that she doesn't with other guys.

Marc878 Established Member

Marc878

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She likes your attention but not enough to go out on a date with you.

 

Which means you have nothing.

 

Sounds like you are playing yourself

 

She’s not interested

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