Have never had any friends, people do not like me

[Realitysux]

Hello,

 

I am am extrovert who has gotten used to being alone. I suffer with poor mental health and I can't figure out if it was because of on going chrisis in my life since I was a teen, or lack of stability, or if the lack of stability and on going chrisis was because of my mental health. I still suffer with constant and on going battles with people on a social level as in they just don't like me.I've been called me weird, strange, annoying, different. My confidence is so low to the point that when a neighbor invited me for a barbeque I was nervous. I gave up on social gatherings a long time ago. I've been laughed at and even made the joke of former co-workers social networks and they went as far as to post fake ads and make fun of me.

 

Any advice on why I am treated so poorly.

[Happy Lemming]

Have you researched "Group Therapy"??

 

The only reason I bring this up is... my girlfriend is friends with a woman who has similar social anxiety. They met in "Group Therapy" and became good friends. My girlfriend takes her friend out to lunch, shopping, small social gatherings, art walks, small food festivals, etc. I think the friend enjoys it.

 

I don't know why people are mean to you. Sometimes these "mean" people make fun of others because they are unhappy with their own lives.

[preraph]

You do need to sort out your mental issues with a psychologist and then try to resolve it. That would be a good start. And then the psychologist can also deal with your anxiety. You might only need a mild medicine to stop that enough to go to a barbecue. Yes, it can be that simple. But you need to get to the root of the problems too. You owe that to yourself . No reason to stay alone and miserable. Sorry people make fun. Go work on it.

[maxi105]

hi there reality, first up. I think you need to look at the one thing that can help you, and as its part of you you wont have to try hard and be worried to fail, and that is your being extrovert. that's a great thing in your corner, so use it gently and slowly in new circles and newer places and you may over time start to feel a bit more positive.

 

it might be harder for you if you were having these issues and were real shy and introverted, so being able to talk to others freely is a good thing, just don't go over the top, take things slowly and move forward that way.

 

ok, so you can and it sounds like you do things alone, another good thing, doesn't mean you are weird to go some place alone, it takes guts to do stuff alone, you are showing people (many of whom are actually scared or have become so dependent on others to go out and do things without having to always get social approval and acceptance that they are as cool as they actually think they are in their safety zone of their little group need other people to judge and its easier to look down or judge if something is a bit different or not afraid or perceived as confident or a threat that isn't actually a threat to them)!!!!

 

those that are part of insecure groups, when they get together often need someone to make them feel like they are valued and its often doing others down, jokes, put downs, imagining how others live and adding things that may not even be true, its about feeling good and using situations as a quick fix and disposable laugh (whatever that might be, good or bad, harmless or hurtful), but you or anyone else that is on their own for whatever reason....just getting out there whether you do have friends or don't , really takes one hell of a lot of courage, and if you can have a fun time too, then even better.

 

look at those sad folks that drag themselves out week after week when at times they don't really want to go out, they are tired or dont have the money but go anyway, and they go to to the same places with the same people, laughing at the same silly things, looking over at people who are not part of the group and mocking them, they drink themselves stupid half the time, spend more money than they can planned most of the time with not much to show for it except a hollow feeling of being part of something that is shallow, probably a bit boring or just about fulfilling an image a bit further of how others see them and fear of missing out on stuff that the group always do and always probably will do. even when it isn't that fun for most of the group anymore!!!!

 

I think its far sadder to be involved with the situation abouve, or just as bad to be sat there wanting to do stuff on your own and you sit in never never going out for months or years on end because you are worrying what people in childish or judgemental groups will think.

 

being on your own is strong, sure you might fell a bit self conscious at times, but if your feeling good to be in a place or enjoying the atmosphere then you are strong and can have good memories of the night (just the same as those groups around you!!!!) and memories of something that is going to make your heart feel good and keep your mental health that bit more at ease or at least feel a bit happier in things for the while.

 

ok, sure if your not having a good time when you are out socially then you can always move on or go home, but at least you did something and you went out. you cant meet others or move on from how you are feeling right now if your never going to go out ever again in your life!!!! what a waste of a precious life!!!!!.

 

ok, so people think, call you weird a loser whatever...but if they don't really know you then they don't really know **** do they; and most of the people that make those kind of comments don't really know they people they target!!!!,

 

if they are that shallow, influenced by what their equally shallow group say because they feel superior over you or because they look down on you (when they don't or wouldn't have the courage to do anything without having to get permission from others, without having to feel that they are in line with the groups leaders or daren't be different in their thinking or creativity, then they are the sad ones really.

 

you say no one likes you, but someone has invited you to a barbecue! so that part of the situation isn't 100% as is it,

 

someone has thought of you and thought that they are willing to extend a hand to you, so don't turn them down, but talk to them and tell them your concerns and your current insecurities...not on a major scale burdening them, but just say your socially not that experienced at the moment, your confidence has dipped a bit, id love to come, but will it be just with people I know or a small group, im sure they will understand if you are honest and briefly explain things.

 

maybe ask someone for a barbecue or lunch or something and get to know someone new.

 

also maybe ask people that you know and you actually like or respect what they think some of the social problems you react with others might be...but be honest and listen, don't row or get upset, remember to respect what they say and really have a think whether there are parts of you that do actually need some work and improvement from you!!!!.

 

if what they say sound maybe fair or hurt you, then maybe you need to really look to getting therapy or to talk to a chatline and allow a professional or confidential person to share your issues and they may be able to go further to see what some of the real problems are here.

 

we live in a very socially insecure place and people gotta throw labels out, make themselves seem important 24-7. the young trainee that has a college place feels better than the school leaver that flunked high school. the graduate internee feels better than the part time middle aged mom that has a lower position and lower wages and knows that she goes in with more prospects and direction for promotion than the canteen worker or janitor etc...

 

but its all about what really matters. not all young trainees will be unthinking over people lower down, not all folks that flunk will end up on the skids, some will turn out highly successful or find love and get a part of their lives and real meaning back, not all janitors stay in that role, some work on up, some love the job and take real pride in what they do to feed their families...what I am saying to you is its all about how things are and seem, but knowing that at some point things can and often do change, not always for the good, but not always for the bad.

 

you have to want to help change, get out there and meet people and situations that can help things to change...not just sit around accepting others throwing labels or accepting them for yourself .

 

 

if you are trying to figure out aspects of your mental health then you need to see a professional and trusted person (the right one) that will be able to help you work with things and to keep wanting to help yourself at times, to rest at times, to reflect at times to think fresh or positive ...whatever...it takes time and will do if you have been thinking stuff or having health concerns since you were a teen. but the key is to actually do something not just sit there accepting other peoples lables or comments when they are not in your shoes.

 

things can change too....those over confident people in great jobs can find their company is under threat, the married couple who are perfect could have health issues and lose a partner and then a woman is left with her home not paid off, or the man has lost a wife to illness and is forced to stay home to be a homemaker and single father...and when that sort of thing happens, all those labels they slung around soon turn inside and those thast were bullying or mocking soon start to see that the things that they took for granted things they mocked thinking they would only happen to others less worthy, less fortunate, are real, (as others now start to label them!!!) being without a job suddenly is not just someone else, its fearing for other things, asking will you work again, can you pay the bills, losing some friends as they don't have the time or you dont have the cash to still be part of that group without over spending all the time.

 

so think of your being on your own as something to be proud of, you are surviving and you are living your life not by insecure group acceptance, but you are doing the best you can on your own way without all the frills. if you get back on track, its gonna make you an even more thankful, grateful and more attractive person, as you will have felt that sharp end of life the hard way so will have more (hopefully!!!!!) you will have more empathy for others and be a more thoughtful, kind and honest character that is not afraid of honesty, truth and addressing what really matters in life!!!!!

 

 

you are not weird.it is not weird, it is not sad.

 

 

but whatever happens you need to be honest with yourself. therapy may reveal things about yourself that you come to see actually they are right in some things and you may need to change your ways and behaviours, it may be that you have given into what others think and their views have affected you that you have become what they want and are lost in how you are a bit or need to get back to being in the happier days. it may be that you have treated others poorly and not realised that...but if that is true you need to work on that and change it...otherwise you will not be addressing the proper issues and wont do your chance to move on any good. you need to find out where the problems are and if they are as tough as you think.

 

if you can try to treat people with fairness, kindness and respect it can only help to ease whatever is going on or has gone on. if you are too caught up in social peer pressures,labels, selfish or immaturity at others expenses a lot because you need to be liked or part of a group (when inside you know this is not really the person you are, and you feel unkind to them, nasty, you gotta mock them or gossip badly about them or whatever...) then its always time for a rethink of how it might feel if others treated you in that shallow way. (and how you are actually impacting on other people wrongly with the protection of your group, yet you are strong in your group, but are abusing that situation to make a single person feel bad but you don't think or worry about that, but the reality is that its not a fair way to treat others...as its about cowardice of a group, not facing up to things or speaking to a person one on one judgement and sorting things out in the mature way!!!!!). how would it feel if that were you all of a sudden.... no body likes to be singled out or treated badly.

 

if you want new friends you gotta do something about that, they aren't just going to call at your place to do things, you gotta put yourself out...and it sounds like you are doing that.

 

it also sounds maybe that you need to maybe move on a bit from the immaturity that seems to be surrounding you from the insecurity that thinks of others a weird because they are alone at a place. get out there and do the things you enjoy. if you don't have the funds go to places that groups meet and use your skills (because you do have them) to talk to people and get to know a new set of friends.

 

I think the fact that you have posted and how I read it tells me you ARE ready to move on....so don't be afraid, and don't listen to what negative things or labels folks that are sheep with dumb minds mean.

 

you don't need these people in your life, and you certainly musn't allow their negative swipes to get you down or depressed any further.

 

 

they are laughing at you, but how old are they...I can image that they are not teenagers are they!!!!!! so that tells you just how immature they really are! in and outside of their little groups.

 

 

adults can be dumb and stupid, thoughtless and insensitive at times..but that is often to do with people who attacking others (being really relieved) that their shallow social group is not actually attacking them!!!!!

 

 

ok, that's my thoughts on it. good luck, it sounds as though you have the desire to begin to change things for yourself, you already have the strength to go out alone, you already have parts of your personality that is fun and can talk with others, and a mature wish for change or to at least figure out what is going on.

 

 

move on, change things, be strong for yourself and happiness and then you will be showing these idiots who really is the sadder person.

 

find new people that will not view you with negative baggage.....but also to remember, if there are parts of you that need to change or have been selfish or thoughtless in to others socially (if you didn't know about them...) then accept that and do something to becoming a more rounded and improved person.

 

I don't know why you are or have been treated badly not knowing you or not being there when things happened, but that doesn't mean you need to or will be treated that way for the rest of your life!!!...unless you sit back and do nothing to try and help things change.

 

 

your post is a lot more positive than you think it is right now....so reflect on what folks here have said already and im sure it wont be too long before you are able to talk to someone and gain some of that old confidence and security in yourself back.

 

 

don't keep yourself trapped in with so many negative shallow, socially vain judgemental and potentially childish and unsympathetic people. those folks that care about you or are mature in themselves will always opt to try to sort things out. whether things always sort out is never guaranteed, but if you don't start to make the changes if they cant help you to sort them then you cant move on when you need to!!!!! and as I said already, you sound ready to move on....

 

 

so what will I be having on this cyber barbecue I,ve just invited myself to hahah.????????? and do I need to bring any more ice cream or relish!!!! ....

 

 

...get yourself back to the good place you were at before all of this stuff happened (it is possible with the right people, right attitude, patience and honesty)ok, good luck with this journey…..maxi.