Thatguy223 Posted August 30, 2018 Posted August 30, 2018 (edited) Hello. I’ve been dating a girl for almost a year. There is a little distance between us. It’s mostly been online and through phone. We have shared a lot of information, we got along great, started out as friends but it grew. She has been hurt in the past so I didn’t push or pressure anything. She has some issues where she won’t fully open up to me. But I respected and hoped in time things would change. I gave her all of me and was always there when she needed me. Well the last month has kind of been off, she takes things the wrong way or ways they weren’t meant and I try to explain to her it’s not how it was meant but there was like no getting through. I have to believe it’s from past where she was in a mentally abusive relationship. She always talked down on herself and I’d try to pick her back up and make her realize she was none of those things. We got in a pretty big argument last week because I was feeling like I had to beg for her to talk to me and of course she took things and twisted. It’s always been ok for her to do things but wrong for me. Anyways she said she needed space and time to figure herself out and get herself together. So I acknowledged and respected her wishes. Gave her space and every few days just said good morning or made sure she was ok. Well day before yesterday she told me she thought it was best to end it. It was hurting both of us and it was for the best. I said no problem, I respect that, best of wishes to you, I appreciate the time we did spend together. Good luck. So it was silence until last night she started snap chatting me. Sent me a picture of her, then started messaging saying she was struggling, it was really hard on her, she does miss me, she hates herself, she wished she had more time with me, she tries to be strong but she gets weak, etc. I replied saying she needed to figure out what she wanted, follow her heart, I can’t make the decision for her, and that she has all the time with me she wants if she allows herself. She changed subject and started talking about something random then fell asleep. This morning she said sorry she still stands by her decision and it was only her feelings at the moment. So I say farewell again and she replies with “moment of weakness”. Now I’m not desperate, but I understand her past and how it may cause conflict. Her mind may be telling her one thing and her heart saying another. But why is she messaging me if she wanted to end it? Is she playing mind games? Or is she really confused and doesn’t really wanna end it? Should I keep replying or just ignore? I don’t wanna be strung along, but I also really cared and loved her and don’t want her to feel like I didn’t care. My mind is going crazy. Any thoughts or advice is greatly appreciated. Edited August 30, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Paragraphs
Ralph79 Posted August 30, 2018 Posted August 30, 2018 It's a telling sign when your partner constantly misinterprets you in a negative way. They are usually steering the relationship towards a breakup. When there are double standards and you feel like you are walking on eggshells because it's been decided that you aren't allowed to make mistakes, but they can ... Brother, get ready for a emotional train wreck coming your way. i replied saying she needed to figure out what she wanted, follow her heart, I can’t make the decision for her, and that she has all the time with me she wants if she allows herself. With this comment you practically validated her decision to dump you. What you perceive to be an act of kindness on your part , she takes it as weakness. You are saying : "Take your time, sort your feelings out, in the meantime I'll put my life on pause for you. I'll be here when you are done sorting your feelings out". What incentive does she have to come back with you if she already broke up with you and you just told her that you'll still be there? My advice is to stop initiating contact. And next time she does send you a message , just tell that you thought things through and that you realize that she was right. That it's best if you just part ways and that you will contact her in the future if you ever need anything from her. And cut her off. You've been way too patient and considerate and all you've gotten in return for your kindness is being treated like a floor mat. You are in this position because you allowed yourself to be put in it. If you feel that you deserve to be treated this way, then by all means, continue to pursue this girl until she makes you lose your self respect and dignity. A lot of us have been there. It's not the end of the world. But you are at the precipice of this disaster. It's up to you to walk back or keep going and fall. Once you find a girl who actually respects herself, that CAN respect you and knows what she wants, you will be laughing at your situation looking back. There are better relationships out there for you than what you described, but if you insist on trying to make it work with her, then show a little dignity and self respect. Convince her that your relationship is something not worth risking . The only way to convince others that what you have to offer is of value to them, is to first convince yourself and not sell yourself short , like you have been doing throughout your relationship with her. Think about it. At least that's my opinion bud. Good Luck!
Author Thatguy223 Posted August 30, 2018 Author Posted August 30, 2018 I appreciate that brother. Helps a lot. I sent a message and said I was gonna get myself together and move on good luck to her. Blocked all points of contact and I will go on. Thank you for opening my eyes.
Marc878 Posted August 30, 2018 Posted August 30, 2018 Good, you tie yourself down in this you won't hind a good one that is out theré for you
indifferenceiskey Posted September 4, 2018 Posted September 4, 2018 (edited) Your situation hits close to heart, except mine took a messy turn for the worse. All I can tell you is what you're doing is the right thing, once those feelings of doubt surface its pretty much done. Yes residual feelings will linger and she will reach out, but in all honesty you'll come to realize its all breadcrumbs. My situation with my ex was very close to yours, friends to romantic partners, long distance, and doubt reigned supreme. At the end I felt like I had to beg her to contact me more. Its a short relationship, so I tell you cut your losses, realize your worth, and know that if you treated her right even though she treated you like trash, she'll always remember you and she'll realize what she lost...but by then you'll have moved on and found something way better. Trust me. p.s. sounds like she's hiding something from you and if you continue the relationship it'll have toxic written all over it homie Edited September 4, 2018 by indifferenceiskey addition
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