Thingsfallapart Posted August 30, 2018 Posted August 30, 2018 My girlfriend of 1 year is going to study abroad for one month in Italy next month and I’m thinking about breaking up with her. I know she is loyal but I can’t help thinking that it would be easy for her to meet someone else and something could happen. I trust her but my last relationship I was cheated on a few times, so I guess there are some residual paranoia remaining. I don’t want to spoil her time as well, because it’s only one month but I think I’ll be a downer for her having to contact me or call me while she is busy studying, making new friends and having a good time. What do you guys think? Is breaking up a bad idea?
ExpatInItaly Posted August 30, 2018 Posted August 30, 2018 Yes, it's a bad idea. Unless you have a valid reason not to trust her, you are creating a problem and deciding her feelings for her. It doesn't make sense, but if you are this afraid, you might not be ready for a relationship. If you want to end it, go ahead. But don't do it under the assumption that you know how she will think and feel. 1
FMW Posted August 30, 2018 Posted August 30, 2018 It sounds like you probably are not ready to be in a relationship because you aren't over what happened in your earlier relationship. One month is a blink of an eye. Unless you have relationship problems you didn't include in your post or she has given you some reason to believe she would feel burdened by keeping in touch with you while she's away, breaking up with her is an odd overreaction. If things are going well in your relationship then she will probably be looking forward to keeping in contact with you. She can easily meet someone else at any time and in any place, this one month away does not necessarily increase that likelihood.
Author Thingsfallapart Posted August 30, 2018 Author Posted August 30, 2018 (edited) She is not good at communicating via telephone or text when we are in the same country. So I’ve got the feeling she is going to be even worse when she is in Italy studying and sightseeing and making new friends. She says that she loves me and I’m number 1 and she wants a future with me but that could quickly go out the window... Plus, I know what women are like when the go abroad for a length of time without their significan others. How many women have one night stands with the natives and never tell their partners? It’s a lot I’m guessing even the most loyal girls can do it I know I’ll be stuck here in this country missing her while she explores a new country with new people experiencing new things while I’m sat at home with instant ramen and my **** in my hand Edited August 30, 2018 by Thingsfallapart
ExpatInItaly Posted August 30, 2018 Posted August 30, 2018 Plus, I know what women are like when the go abroad for a length of time without their significan others. How many women have one night stands with the natives and never tell their partners? It’s a lot I’m guessing even the most loyal girls can do it Goodness me, you are making a lot of very general assumptions. No, the most loyal women don't cheat. That's what makes them loyal, OP. How do you know what "women are like" when we're abroad without their partners? You are basing this on what, exactly? What I see here is your fear leading you to view all us women through a very negative filter, which is both erroneous and unfair. You seem to believe that being abroad means women can't control themselves enough to maintain their ethics and moral standards. This is your insecurity and jealousy speaking, not to mention a pretty crappy view of women in general. I live in Italy (obviously) and while it's an amazingly beautiful country full of exciting experiences, it doesn't suddenly turn loyal girls into floozies. I happen to teach many students just like her, here on a short-term basis to flesh out their academics. Sure, they have fun and love their time here. But I can't tell you how many also miss their partners back home and talk about them all the time. Cheating is a question of character and poor decision-making, which can certainly come out in certain circumstances, I grant you - but if that happens, then you have to realize she was just not committed to you anyway. She doesn't need to be abroad to cheat on you. I think what's also making you worry is that she doesn't communicate with you as much as you'd like even now, right? Do you feel you're more into her than she is into you? 2
umarmalkh Posted August 30, 2018 Posted August 30, 2018 Truly just say the truth that you not ready for her now that she is going away you have got a weak excuse to let her go a month is totally nothing to a person you love 1
Interstellar Posted August 30, 2018 Posted August 30, 2018 Don’t break up with her. It’s a very bad idea. Once you do that you can never go back. It doesn’t sound like she’s given you any reason to be worried about. Don’t tell her any negative feelings, reservations about her trip. Keep that crap to yourself. That’s not gonna make her want you more. What you should do is smile, and tell her to have fun and be safe. if she hasn’t given you any reason to be suspicious then don’t condemn her. You can watch and observe her, but under no circumstances are you to say, or e-mail, or text, anything negative or how much you miss her.
d0nnivain Posted August 30, 2018 Posted August 30, 2018 If you want to break up with her, do it. Your insecurities should not be a dark cloud over head while she has this amazing opportunity. The fact that you think so little of your GF and all women, tells me you date the wrong kind of people. Many people goes years apart through LDRs & military deployments. People do have self control, you know. If she's going to cheat on you, she can do it as home as easily as in Italy. You are being short sighted but it's your life & if you want to throw away a good relationship because you can't handle a measly 30 days apart, go ahead. It's your life. She will be better off without you & I would encourage her to have an Italian fling to get over you.
BaileyB Posted August 30, 2018 Posted August 30, 2018 It's a month. She is going to be studying in Italy for a month. There is so much to see, and do, and learn in Italy. I doubt that men will be on her mind during her month in Italy. And if she does cheat... Well, she would probably eventually cheat on you here too. You can't stop someone from cheating if they are going to do it, but you also shouldn't preemptively assume someone is going to cheat when they have given you no reason not to trust them. Let her go. Wish her well. She will be back soon... 1
Author Thingsfallapart Posted August 30, 2018 Author Posted August 30, 2018 We have a very open and honest relationship, sonwe had a date tonight and both talked about everything honestly and she reconfirmed how much she wanted a future with me and I her. So we decided to continue as we are and I want to thank everyone for confirming to me what a stupid idea it was 2
Els Posted August 30, 2018 Posted August 30, 2018 You want to break up over ONE MONTH apart? You probably should in that case, because there would be something fundamentally wrong for you to be wanting to do something like that. 2
Radarsat Posted August 30, 2018 Posted August 30, 2018 How many women have one night stands with the natives and never tell their partners? It’s a lot I’m guessing even the most loyal girls can do it I know I’ll be stuck here in this country missing her while she explores a new country with new people experiencing new things while I’m sat at home with instant ramen and my **** in my hand I'm sorry you're hurting. I've been there. Even in my current situation, I've had jealousy and paranoia that I'm now dealing with. But honestly, assuming your "loyal" girlfriend is GOING to cheat on you? Wow. You are reliant on her. I know exactly the feeling. At the same time, I know it's wrong. Let her live her life. Let her for 4 damn weeks MISS you. Whatever happens, will happen. Stop trying to control the situation that you can't control. And you breaking up with her is exactly that. Taking control. Like myself, (I admit it's easier to give out medicine than take it! lol) you need to go with the flow more. Take this opportunity to have more self care when she is gone. Reconnect with some old buddies, go on a trip, do what YOU love. Don't let her go over this. It would be ludicrous in my opinion. Unless of course there are other issues and this is just bringing it all to the surface for you and you're looking for a way out. If not, take it as an opportunity to actually make your relationship with her that much stronger. Good luck and I wish you well!
kendahke Posted August 30, 2018 Posted August 30, 2018 My girlfriend of 1 year is going to study abroad for one month in Italy next month and I’m thinking about breaking up with her. I know she is loyal but I can’t help thinking that it would be easy for her to meet someone else and something could happen. I trust her but my last relationship I was cheated on a few times, so I guess there are some residual paranoia remaining. I don’t want to spoil her time as well, because it’s only one month but I think I’ll be a downer for her having to contact me or call me while she is busy studying, making new friends and having a good time. What do you guys think? Is breaking up a bad idea? Considering your past triggers which you haven't resolved if you're saying what you've said above, then yes, I think it would be a good idea for you to break up with her. As long as your vivid imagination is stronger than your confidence in her character, you need to let her go. She won't have to constantly be walking on eggshells worrying about what scenarios are being invented and her getting blamed for them.
kendahke Posted August 30, 2018 Posted August 30, 2018 We have a very open and honest relationship, So honest that you've told her that you expect for her to cheat on you once she gets to Italy? I seriously doubt you have a very open and honest relationship. 1
glows Posted August 30, 2018 Posted August 30, 2018 She's already terrible at communicating with you and you're both local, you said. Why on earth would you want to get more attached to someone so unreliable at communication given their track history with you already? I think you have every right and are entitled to your questions about this girl. I'd say dump her and be done with it already. You will feel so much lighter and happier. As for her, maybe she'll learn not to take people forgranted and communicate a little more effectively. I don't think you should be with her at all even if she wasn't going to Italy. This girl and you just aren't compatible.
Author Thingsfallapart Posted August 31, 2018 Author Posted August 31, 2018 I realised that I was an idiot. I can’t push away someone who loves me just because I’m scared to lose them. It’s only 4 weeks and it might make our relationship stronger. She has been 100% faithful and honest for 1 year and she says she loves me and doesn’t want to lose me, so I guess I was being an idiot and what will happen will happen. I can’t push people away because I’m scared to be hurt again. 1
Chilli Posted August 31, 2018 Posted August 31, 2018 Your being ridiculous. let her go you talk when you can it's only a month for crying out loud. Don't push her like a baby to be with you every second let her do what she's there for. lf there's anything in you two when she comes home all will get back to normal. 1
bathtub-row Posted August 31, 2018 Posted August 31, 2018 My son’s gf did the exact same thing - went to Italy, all that. She came back with a great experience. You can’t base your past relationship on your current one. What you’re thinking of doing is extremely immature. One month. Really? Not only is it a bad idea, you’ll break her heart and probably ruin her trip. That’s pretty selfish, if you think about it. Why not just let her enjoy the trip and give her the benefit of the doubt? Unless she’s done something to cause you to doubt her integrity, then you’re making her guilty without cause.
bathtub-row Posted August 31, 2018 Posted August 31, 2018 I realised that I was an idiot. I can’t push away someone who loves me just because I’m scared to lose them. It’s only 4 weeks and it might make our relationship stronger. She has been 100% faithful and honest for 1 year and she says she loves me and doesn’t want to lose me, so I guess I was being an idiot and what will happen will happen. I can’t push people away because I’m scared to be hurt again. Good to know!
FMW Posted September 3, 2018 Posted September 3, 2018 I realised that I was an idiot. I can’t push away someone who loves me just because I’m scared to lose them. It’s only 4 weeks and it might make our relationship stronger. She has been 100% faithful and honest for 1 year and she says she loves me and doesn’t want to lose me, so I guess I was being an idiot and what will happen will happen. I can’t push people away because I’m scared to be hurt again. Excellent!
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