jjb117 Posted August 30, 2018 Posted August 30, 2018 Kind of a crummy situation but the girl I was somewhat seeing has gone back to her ex. They aren’t officially dating, but it’s obvious they are talking again. This mainly happened because I was going back to school, so our summer fling had to end. I noticed there was a slight shift towards the end of summer, and I couldn’t put my finger on it but now it’s painfully obvious. I don’t want the worst for her, it just doesn’t seem like a couple who has broken up before can stay together again. At least in my experience, it didn’t work out. Maybe temporarily but the problems in the relationship before usually always resurface. But again, no couple are the same. Now at this point, I am a bit hurt. So usually the best route for me is to delete them completely. Out of sight out of mind usually works best. But at the same time that is a bit aggressive for someone I didn’t date. They are single btw and I can always leave that door open if she wants to see me again. Do you think it’s best if I just delete her completely? The fact that I’m writing a post about her says a lot. But idk, not sure what would be the best thing to do. 1
Juha Posted August 30, 2018 Posted August 30, 2018 Yes, that is the best tact to take in this situation. If she tries to keep you in a holding pattern while she is "talking" with the ex, do not allow that. Put her on the back burner and do not contact her again. She still has that connection with the ex and a woman will more than likely choose the emotional connection with the ex over someone new. She may be back in touch if/when things go south again with the ex. Up to you if you want to be bothered dating her again, she may be better as a fwb than dating material.
Author jjb117 Posted August 30, 2018 Author Posted August 30, 2018 Yes, that is the best tact to take in this situation. If she tries to keep you in a holding pattern while she is "talking" with the ex, do not allow that. Put her on the back burner and do not contact her again. She still has that connection with the ex and a woman will more than likely choose the emotional connection with the ex over someone new. She may be back in touch if/when things go south again with the ex. Up to you if you want to be bothered dating her again, she may be better as a fwb than dating material. Like don’t get me wrong, I did like her. But when it comes to dating, I want to be completely sure about taking the next step. I just didn’t feel a month was long enough to know her, and go into long distance . But I’ll leave her be. This is her decision, and considering I did tell her I didn’t want something serious, I can’t blame her for looking for a relationship, or at least something close to it. At first I wanted to lash out, go in guns blazing, basically telling her how she’s a liar and such, but honestly life moves on. I’m in school right now. Over 800 miles from where I live. Even if she wasn’t with her ex, I still wouldn’t be with her. But thank you for responding. I really do appreciate it.
MountainGirl111 Posted August 30, 2018 Posted August 30, 2018 This is someone you didn't even date?? C'mon...yes it's a bit aggressive to delete someone you didn't date. What's up with that? If you didn't date her but wanted to-that's not her fault. Maybe you should have indeed dated her. Maybe she really wanted that but you didn't make the move to do so. So, I don't know that deleting her is even on the menu here. 1
maxi105 Posted August 30, 2018 Posted August 30, 2018 hi jjb...to be honest with you, I think its pretty clear from the situation as it is (and was back then) that you didn't really have her and are unlikely to get a look in anytime soon. good luck though, it sounds as though the best thing to do for now is to just have a fun with your friends till you meet another girl who likes you back without all the complications and inability to put your feelings out there (yours or hers) so you can just be yourself with her and talk stuff over ect. folks are different with dating, some wanna wait others like to jump straight in, so you need to talk about it all and hopefully you can meet someone happy to also to get involved at a similar time frame, but really, time frames are not always realistic, it depends on the person and how you guys feel and how things are in the situation... there's nothing wrong with waiting, but as you have seen, not everyone goes about dating in the same ways, and sometimes if you wait you miss an opportunity, or it can go the other way and you rush into something way too soon!!!! arrgghhhh...its just how you grow into finding the right people unless you one of the rare people that meet mr, ms or the special person and end up happy forever, it does happen, but most folks gotta run around a while and make mistakes or get heartache along the way, but it makes you stronger..in the end when you have something lasting and special on both sides. but as for this blocking folks thing just because people don't want to be with you, or they don't want to keep doing everything your way and you don't see it, or you've fallen out with someone/cant communicate what the issues are (at least first before taking some kind of action maturely) then maybe you need to also think about how folks are possibly gonna treat you when you are in a similar situation and you really need to talk it over and they just want to block you out. if you block folks you are showing them you don't have the maturity to respect them or the smartness to deal with things properly. in most cases that i read online I don't agree with blocking its immature!,its not the way to go,....(unless its a serious threatening or some kind of legal / potentially dangerous or proven distructive health situation etc that can lead to dangerous or real social/dangerous problems etc...)then I feel you need to talk and get things as calear as you can and give someone a chance to at least sort things with you. I agree with mountain girl in the context of what she posted there, maybe your frustration at what happened had something to do with how you felt, but calling someone out just cos your not getting what you'd hoped from a relationship when that person is actually a free agent or has chosen someone else isn't showing them the maturity that maybe they would prefer. either way; something tells me even if you ever got with this dame, I really don't think it wouldn't be anything that was real long term or of any substance. I wouldn't bother giving too much time or thought to whether the ex is right or not, that's for them to sort out if it works for them. so see this as a new opportunity to learn from how it went, and how you think things should be, how you wanted to react or how you don't always react to things that maybe might have given you an answer much sooner (and saved any building frustrations)!!!!! and im sure before you know it you'll be crushing on some other gal in town!!!! good luck. its a lesson that is a common one (going back to an ex) that doesn't figure on peoples ages or how much they thought they were secure with someone. and like anything, it depends on the situation and the people involved. and maybe also take into account that flings are often just that. folks that meet and get caught up in a short time scale away from the usual! see ya. maxi 1
ExpatInItaly Posted August 30, 2018 Posted August 30, 2018 Yes, I would delete her. I don't see a reason to keep in contact with her. It has nothing to do with being aggressive, and everything to do with just simply moving on.
Author jjb117 Posted August 30, 2018 Author Posted August 30, 2018 This is someone you didn't even date?? C'mon...yes it's a bit aggressive to delete someone you didn't date. What's up with that? If you didn't date her but wanted to-that's not her fault. Maybe you should have indeed dated her. Maybe she really wanted that but you didn't make the move to do so. So, I don't know that deleting her is even on the menu here. I did. What I mean is she was never my girlfriend. I did see her many times though. And we did go on “dates”
Author jjb117 Posted August 30, 2018 Author Posted August 30, 2018 hi jjb...to be honest with you, I think its pretty clear from the situation as it is (and was back then) that you didn't really have her and are unlikely to get a look in anytime soon. good luck though, it sounds as though the best thing to do for now is to just have a fun with your friends till you meet another girl who likes you back without all the complications and inability to put your feelings out there (yours or hers) so you can just be yourself with her and talk stuff over ect. folks are different with dating, some wanna wait others like to jump straight in, so you need to talk about it all and hopefully you can meet someone happy to also to get involved at a similar time frame, but really, time frames are not always realistic, it depends on the person and how you guys feel and how things are in the situation... there's nothing wrong with waiting, but as you have seen, not everyone goes about dating in the same ways, and sometimes if you wait you miss an opportunity, or it can go the other way and you rush into something way too soon!!!! arrgghhhh...its just how you grow into finding the right people unless you one of the rare people that meet mr, ms or the special person and end up happy forever, it does happen, but most folks gotta run around a while and make mistakes or get heartache along the way, but it makes you stronger..in the end when you have something lasting and special on both sides. but as for this blocking folks thing just because people don't want to be with you, or they don't want to keep doing everything your way and you don't see it, or you've fallen out with someone/cant communicate what the issues are (at least first before taking some kind of action maturely) then maybe you need to also think about how folks are possibly gonna treat you when you are in a similar situation and you really need to talk it over and they just want to block you out. if you block folks you are showing them you don't have the maturity to respect them or the smartness to deal with things properly. in most cases that i read online I don't agree with blocking its immature!,its not the way to go,....(unless its a serious threatening or some kind of legal / potentially dangerous or proven distructive health situation etc that can lead to dangerous or real social/dangerous problems etc...)then I feel you need to talk and get things as calear as you can and give someone a chance to at least sort things with you. I agree with mountain girl in the context of what she posted there, maybe your frustration at what happened had something to do with how you felt, but calling someone out just cos your not getting what you'd hoped from a relationship when that person is actually a free agent or has chosen someone else isn't showing them the maturity that maybe they would prefer. either way; something tells me even if you ever got with this dame, I really don't think it wouldn't be anything that was real long term or of any substance. I wouldn't bother giving too much time or thought to whether the ex is right or not, that's for them to sort out if it works for them. so see this as a new opportunity to learn from how it went, and how you think things should be, how you wanted to react or how you don't always react to things that maybe might have given you an answer much sooner (and saved any building frustrations)!!!!! and im sure before you know it you'll be crushing on some other gal in town!!!! good luck. its a lesson that is a common one (going back to an ex) that doesn't figure on peoples ages or how much they thought they were secure with someone. and like anything, it depends on the situation and the people involved. and maybe also take into account that flings are often just that. folks that meet and get caught up in a short time scale away from the usual! see ya. maxi Thank you for the very thought out message. It definitely is a learning experience for the both of us. You live and you learn!
kendahke Posted August 30, 2018 Posted August 30, 2018 Do you think it’s best if I just delete her completely? The fact that I’m writing a post about her says a lot. But idk, not sure what would be the best thing to do. She's not going to know the difference if you delete her or don't call now that she's occupied with her ex again. I say delete it to avoid future messiness, like drunk dialing.
ExpatInItaly Posted August 30, 2018 Posted August 30, 2018 She's not going to know the difference if you delete her or don't call now that she's occupied with her ex again. I say delete it to avoid future messiness, like drunk dialing. Yes, this is also true. I don't think she'll really be paying much attention to even know she's been deleted. I speak from experience! 1
smackie9 Posted August 30, 2018 Posted August 30, 2018 are you sure you weren't a rebound? There's usually never a return to a rebound. Block delete, save your dignity.
Author jjb117 Posted August 30, 2018 Author Posted August 30, 2018 Yes, this is also true. I don't think she'll really be paying much attention to even know she's been deleted. I speak from experience! I would assume so. I guess the only way she’d find out is if she snapped me but I doubt she’d care either way. And honestly I shouldn’t either. I was in this situation before, and even though I didn’t actually “date” someone for longer than two dates, the moment I would speak to my ex, no one else mattered. Mainly because the bond we shared, at least in the moment, was greater than anything else I’ve experienced. And again, I must say, I did tell her I didn’t want a serious relationship, so she is entitled to see and date whomever she wants.
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