Peanut2 Posted August 29, 2018 Posted August 29, 2018 Hi all, need advice. I was with my ex for a year and it was honestly the best relationship I've had I'd never been happy and I thought he was happy too. Few weeks ago he just came packed all his stuff and left and just said he couldn't be with me anymore without giving a reason why? I tried to message him phone him to find out what happened but he just refused to talk to me. I was so distraught I'd never felt so low and worthless on my life. So distraught that I stupidly took an overdose and ended up in hospital. He wouldn't talk to me for a few a days, but I was being so clingy, I couldn't help it I just couldn't understand what had happened, anyway he told me eventually it was because he didn't feel the same anyway but he had never changed the way he was in the relationship which is why I was so confused. He said he has really bad anxiety now and depression and he even messaged me at one point saying he didn't want to be here anymore. We kept talking on and off for a while and he would say things like hes still in love with me and would like to think we could get back together. I feel like he's just giving me false hope as he keeps changing what he says. Anyway we decided to do no contact for a month (my idea) and he said he will message me if he decides he wants to get back together. Is there any chance for us? I don't want to through away something that was so good but he said that because of what I did he doesn't know if he can get back together with me. Thanks
Zahara Posted August 29, 2018 Posted August 29, 2018 (edited) When someone wants to walk away from you, let them go. Don't beg, don't bargain, don't plead. Gather your self-respect and your dignity and move on, as painful as it may seem. You've placed yourself in a holding pattern that is only going to cause you more hurt. And you did it because you didn't want to accept his decision. You opted to stall. And he accepted your offer because he didn't want to hurt you and possibly feels prolonging it may give you time to come to terms with it. Been there done that and it usually doesn't change the outcome. If you need to give your partner a month to decide how he feels about you, then you already have your answer. I hardly believe this relationship was as great as you claim it to be based on how emotionally volatile you both are. I would suggest you retract your 30 days and accept his decision to end it. If at some point he wants to try again, you can do so but all you've done now is position yourself as a sitting duck. Edited August 29, 2018 by Zahara 3
Ralph79 Posted August 29, 2018 Posted August 29, 2018 Hello Peanut2 Sometimes people are so fulfilled in a relationship that they sometimes overlook their partners true wants and needs. We can be so sublimely happy, that we neglect or completely ignore details or clues that would shed light on the fact that our partners don't share that same euphoria we feel when things are "in our minds" perfect. Barring external factors like affairs and stuff, a lack of both shared quality time & open communication are usually the cause of disillusionment in a relationship. I'll give you my blunt straight opinion on your question: Given your reaction to the breakup, and the fact that he stated that he was no longer interested initially, if I were in his shoes, I would choose my words carefully around you. Because evidently he does love you. He does care about you. But maybe he's not "In Love" with you anymore as he told you at the end. I wouldn't want to be the cause of a tragedy in your life. I think the month long NC was a great idea in your part because it'll give you time to come to grips with whatever comes. Its seems you have grown emotionally dependent on this person and you need to get a foothold on your current situation. You have to be independent , you have to be strong and seek help from friends and family. I think he won't be back and is trying to let you down easy. For your sake, I hope you don't get back together with this guy until you are emotionally independent again. And that takes several months, with professional help. 1
d0nnivain Posted August 29, 2018 Posted August 29, 2018 NC does not fix what is wrong in a relationship. You fix stiff by communicating & working together. He's not interested in that & you are desperately clinging to straws. Discuss all of this with whoever is treating you after your overdose. That medical professional will have the best insights for you. Your only obligation right now is to take care of yourself. If your EX told you he is so depressed & anxious right now that he can't be in a relationship, love him enough to let him go so that he can go somewhere that gives him peace, even if that is away from you.
Gretchen12 Posted August 31, 2018 Posted August 31, 2018 One of the worst ways to leave someone is to just disappear like that, without giving you an answer. It's very cruel. Also the fact that he has been pretending things were ok, tells me he's either extremely manipulative and sneaky, or he has mental illness. A lot of people with mental illness are good at pretending, maybe for survival. That's why their behavior appears erratic when in fact previously they've been pretending. You might look into the kind of things that people with anxiety and depression do to their loved ones. Maybe then you wouldn't want him back. Yes there is a good chance he will be back in some form, but I can almost guarantee you he will leave again. Then you're back to nothing. You're better off cutting ties now.
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