Everything is Messed up After 6 months. My heart is broken.

[brokenheartszn]

Hey everyone. I love the community and appreciate all the feedback. I'll try to be concise and summarize as much as possible. I need to get this of my chest.

 

 

 

-I have been talking to a girl since last September 2017. I suffered a horrendous hockey injury the same month. I was on crutches for over 3 months. We had planned on going on a date but because I was hurt I was never able to meet up with her. In the mean time, she met a guy and they became exclusive bf/gf only after two weeks of dating lol. (red flag???)

 

 

-The guy she was with ghosted her only two months dating her as an official bf. The reasons for this remain unknown.

 

 

-I had stopped talking to her out of respect of her relationship. We used to text everyday.

 

 

 

-She initiated contact in February 2018 by sending me a pizza article on facebook. We resumed texting everyday and had great chemistry.

 

 

-I confirmed with her that she was single and she said she as as her ex blocked her and ghosted her.

 

 

-We started seeing each other in late February/early March. She said at the time she didn't want anything serious and just wanted to have fun (fwb)

 

 

-Over the next 6 months we broke all rules of fwb. I took her on dates, we met each other's friends. She stayed over most nights. We cuddled. We were in a relationship with no labels and she confirmed this via text. Our chemistry was off the chains on all levels (sex, personality, etc). We fkd every time we hung out. Life was amazing. I thought I had found my unicorn.

 

 

 

-Keep in mind this girl was not employed when I met her and she was going broke. Out of the kindness of my heart, I paid for most of our "dates."

 

 

 

-In August of 2018, she applied to be a flight attendant and she ended up getting the job. She is currently in training and its very intensive. She suffers from Diabetes Type 1, ADD, and dyslexia. Training is tough on her and it will be 5 weeks long.

 

 

-Before the week of training, she met up with an ex. This girl has very low self esteem and is an attention seeker from guys. She is always on her phone. After she met up with her ex, things have changed. She is acting distant and cold.

 

 

-Since training has started she sent me a text that she won't be available during training and will be texting less.

 

 

What should I do about this situation? She is acting distant and I have done nothing wrong. We have not spoke or texted since Thursday of last week. I am giving her space.

 

 

 

I am broken hearted as my gut instinct is that she may have done something with her ex. Either way, my heart is now guarded.

 

 

Any advice is appreciated. I am currently doing NC. Should I wait for her to initiate? She is a shy girl with social anxiety issues.

Edited August 29, 2018 by brokenheartszn

[ExpatInItaly]

Over the next 6 months we broke all rules of fwb. I took her on dates, we met each other's friends. She stayed over most nights. We cuddled. We were in a relationship with no labels and she confirmed this via text. Our chemistry was off the chains on all levels (sex, personality, etc). We fkd every time we hung out. Life was amazing. I thought I had found my unicorn.

 

Before the week of training, she met up with an ex. This girl has very low self esteem and is an attention seeker from guys. She is always on her phone.

 

Since training has started she sent me a text that she won't be available during training and will be texting less.

 

The only thing you did wrong was to expect a relationship from a girl who confirmed this was not a relationship. A relationship with no labels = a FWB, no commitment, no loyalty.

 

She was holding out for her ex. And now he's back.

 

I'm sorry, OP, I know you like her a lot and thought things were going well, but she is hung up on another guy. Social anxiety or shyness has nothing to do with it, and doesn't make much sense if she's the attention-seeker you describe. Her heart and mind are ultimately with him and she's already fading out on you.

 

I would brace yourself to get the "we should just be friends" talk. It's already heading there as she reacquaints herself with her ex. Honestly, you would be best to walk away and start fresh with a girl who wants the same things you do.

[mortensorchid]

I would steer clear of this one starting now. I'm sorry you fell for her but she's not going to make you happy. Because she refuses to make you happy. Nothing is stopping her, she just choses otherwise. Plus she seems like a user.

[preraph]

Stop. She's starting weeks of intensive training. She will often be where there's no good place to be on her phone. You are overreacting. You don't know if she got together with the ex or not. She told you about it, so it may have just been an incident. She warned you she can't text as much. That is NOT the same as saying, I don't want to talk to you ever again. You need to chill. Wait and see if she texts you at all. If not, then maybe you're right. But I think she just is busy and will be back in touch. I mean, sounds like you had a good time together. Give her space.

[Gretchen12]

After 6 months you deserve an honest answer. Now is the time to be open and candid. Tell her you need to talk, ask her if she is pulling away or just busy, ask her if she wants to have a relationship with you. If she wants to keep you, she will make an effort to reassure you. If indeed she has lost interest, she'll be vague and evasive at best, or she might just tell you it's over. If you can't communicate, you have nothing and you've lost nothing.

[Juha]

After 6 months you deserve an honest answer. Now is the time to be open and candid. Tell her you need to talk, ask her if she is pulling away or just busy, ask her if she wants to have a relationship with you. If she wants to keep you, she will make an effort to reassure you. If indeed she has lost interest, she'll be vague and evasive at best, or she might just tell you it's over. If you can't communicate, you have nothing and you've lost nothing.

 

Agree 100% you need to get everything out in the open before she goes to training so you know where you stand.

 

She did tell you she did not want a relationship so in her mind I am thinking she does not owe you anything since she did warn you.

 

Have the talk, get everything out and know where you stand.

 

If she plays games or does not answer clearly, wish her the best and delete her from your life.

[brokenheartszn]

Thanks for the responses everyone. I really appreciate your time. We haven't texted since last Thursday. We ran into each other by accident last Friday and hugged. Didn't have time to talk because she was with her friends and I was with mine. We were entering a venue as they were leaving. She never texted me or anything. On Saturday night, she sent me a snapchat of her out having coffee. She had told me she had no time to see me that weekend.

 

 

I have given her space. And texting someone takes seconds. She also takes the bus to work so there is no excuse not to text me. She also has lunch time to text as well. This girl is also on her phone 24/7.

 

 

 

I am in the process of thinking what to text to her. If anything, friendship is ok. She was never a girl I could seriously be with. Due to oneitis, I projected gf qualities on to her which were never there. This whole situation is messed up lol.

[ExpatInItaly]

Yeah, sorry man, but it seems pretty clear that she is done.

[kendahke]

I have given her space. And texting someone takes seconds. She also takes the bus to work so there is no excuse not to text me. She also has lunch time to text as well. This girl is also on her phone 24/7. .

 

The truth of the matter is: she doesn't want to text with you at any time, so stop expecting a text from her.

 

She's moved on, emotionally, from you--most likely back to her ex.

 

You should move on, too.

 

I am in the process of thinking what to text to her.

 

Stop texting--it's making you look thirsty a.f.

 

If anything, friendship is ok.

 

Thirsty. No, friendship isn't OK--you want to be her lover, not her bud she talks about her ex with: because that's what friends do.

 

She was never a girl I could seriously be with.

 

Then what is all of this about?

Edited August 31, 2018 by kendahke

[smackie9]

Let's throw caution into the [wind] here. Why not ask her to be exclusive and see where it takes you. That is when you will get your answer. You may as well get this over with if she's going to stop seeing you all together. Right now she has you flapping in the wind like an old pair of gaunch on a clothes line.

Edited August 31, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Typo

[brokenheartszn]

Let's throw caution into the [wind] here. Why not ask her to be exclusive and see where it takes you. That is when you will get your answer. You may as well get this over with if she's going to stop seeing you all together. Right now she has you flapping in the wind like an old pair of gaunch on a clothes line.

 

We had a “talk” months back. She sent me a text that she could not date anyone if we were seeing each other. She also said if she is going to see someone else that she would tell me. She has been cheated on by two of her last boyfriends. Her most recent boyfriend ghosted her a$$ this past January.

 

She seemed like such a good person but her true colours are definitely starting to show.

[brokenheartszn]

The truth of the matter is: she doesn't want to text with you at any time, so stop expecting a text from her.

 

She's moved on, emotionally, from you--most likely back to her ex.

 

You should move on, too.

 

 

 

Stop texting--it's making you look thirsty a.f.

 

 

 

Thirsty. No, friendship isn't OK--you want to be her lover, not her bud she talks about her ex with: because that's what friends do.

 

 

 

Then what is all of this about?

 

We were friends before we got involved. So I’d like to keep that friendship. We also have mutual friends.

 

It’s also very tough that we used to talk pretty much everyday and now she’s basically cut communications.

 

People nowadays...

[preraph]

Texting doesn't just take seconds. It takes having time to get around to something and collecting your wits. If someone is super busy, they have to put things on the backburner and focus on the most urgent needs. You're acting immature about this. So maybe it's not a match. You can't accept that she has responsibilities and personal priorities to keep her life going. When you're trying to accomplish something, you don't want to have to stop and frantically text all the people wanting your attention, your parents, siblings, friends, boyfriend. You expect them to understand.

 

My best friend is so busy when school's in (teacher) between working and family that I usually won't hear from her until a break and then she puts me on the list of people to catch up with faithfully. Truth is people working hard to start a career may not have time for a big clingy boyfriend but might be super happy to have a regular Saturday night date who didn't fuss like a toddler about everything.

 

Thanks for the responses everyone. I really appreciate your time. We haven't texted since last Thursday. We ran into each other by accident last Friday and hugged. Didn't have time to talk because she was with her friends and I was with mine. We were entering a venue as they were leaving. She never texted me or anything. On Saturday night, she sent me a snapchat of her out having coffee. She had told me she had no time to see me that weekend.

 

 

I have given her space. And texting someone takes seconds. She also takes the bus to work so there is no excuse not to text me. She also has lunch time to text as well. This girl is also on her phone 24/7.

 

 

 

I am in the process of thinking what to text to her. If anything, friendship is ok. She was never a girl I could seriously be with. Due to oneitis, I projected gf qualities on to her which were never there. This whole situation is messed up lol.

[ExpatInItaly]

We were friends before we got involved. So I’d like to keep that friendship. We also have mutual friends.

 

Let's say for a moment that she winds up back with her ex, or starts dating someone else.

 

How would you feel about maintaining a friendship in that case?

[brokenheartszn]

Texting doesn't just take seconds. It takes having time to get around to something and collecting your wits. If someone is super busy, they have to put things on the backburner and focus on the most urgent needs. You're acting immature about this. So maybe it's not a match. You can't accept that she has responsibilities and personal priorities to keep her life going. When you're trying to accomplish something, you don't want to have to stop and frantically text all the people wanting your attention, your parents, siblings, friends, boyfriend. You expect them to understand.

 

My best friend is so busy when school's in (teacher) between working and family that I usually won't hear from her until a break and then she puts me on the list of people to catch up with faithfully. Truth is people working hard to start a career may not have time for a big clingy boyfriend but might be super happy to have a regular Saturday night date who didn't fuss like a toddler about everything.

 

Are you having a bad day? No need to take it out on me.

 

She is on her phone constantly. She has lunch breaks and takes the bus to work etc.

 

You already mentioned your super busy friend who catches up with people on her breaks. So why can’t she?

 

And I’m not clingy at all. I have my own life to live.

[brokenheartszn]

Let's say for a moment that she winds up back with her ex, or starts dating someone else.

 

How would you feel about maintaining a friendship in that case?

 

When we met she was talking to me while she was dating someone. After that ended we were supposed to go on a date. Unfortunately, I suffered a horrific injury playing ice hockey and was on crutches for two months. Within that time she met someone else and they became exclusive bf/gf only after two weeks of dating. Subsequently, this guy ghosted her ass. We then started seeing each other and hanging out. I cut communication with her multiple times during these periods to be kinda fair to her relationships. She always initiated and kept me in orbit. While in orbit she did talk about guys to me.

 

I don’t have a problem going back to that. I thought she was nice but just see her as a user now.

[brokenheartszn]

Her birthday is also coming up on September 12. Should I continue NC?

[ExpatInItaly]

When we met she was talking to me while she was dating someone. After that ended we were supposed to go on a date. Unfortunately, I suffered a horrific injury playing ice hockey and was on crutches for two months. Within that time she met someone else and they became exclusive bf/gf only after two weeks of dating. Subsequently, this guy ghosted her ass. We then started seeing each other and hanging out. I cut communication with her multiple times during these periods to be kinda fair to her relationships. She always initiated and kept me in orbit. While in orbit she did talk about guys to me.

 

I don’t have a problem going back to that. I thought she was nice but just see her as a user now.

 

And do you generally try to befriend people you see as users? You really want to be Plan B while she dates other guys? Come on, now.

 

Look, it's obvious you would not really be okay just being friends. I think you need to stop trying to pretend you're not as hurt as you really are.

[brokenheartszn]

And do you generally try to befriend people you see as users? You really want to be Plan B while she dates other guys? Come on, now.

 

Look, it's obvious you would not really be okay just being friends. I think you need to stop trying to pretend you're not as hurt as you really are.

 

I’m not pretending not to be hurt.

[ExpatInItaly]

I’m not pretending not to be hurt.

 

This is why I believe you are somewhat in denial about your true feelings: "If anything, friendship is ok. She was never a girl I could seriously be with. Due to oneitis, I projected gf qualities on to her which were never there."

 

Thus, why this thread if you didn't ever take her seriously?

 

In any event, I don't see much point in contacting her again or wishing her a happy birthday if you don't hear from her. She isn't worried about keeping in touch with you, so I would take the same approach too.

[brokenheartszn]

This is why I believe you are somewhat in denial about your true feelings: "If anything, friendship is ok. She was never a girl I could seriously be with. Due to oneitis, I projected gf qualities on to her which were never there."

 

Thus, why this thread if you didn't ever take her seriously?

 

In any event, I don't see much point in contacting her again or wishing her a happy birthday if you don't hear from her. She isn't worried about keeping in touch with you, so I would take the same approach too.

 

I caught oneitis therefore catching feelings for her. I am not denying that.

 

You are right. If she’s not gonna make the effort to contact me then I should do the same.

[preraph]

Are you having a bad day? No need to take it out on me.

 

She is on her phone constantly. She has lunch breaks and takes the bus to work etc.

 

You already mentioned your super busy friend who catches up with people on her breaks. So why can’t she?

 

And I’m not clingy at all. I have my own life to live.

 

Not daily breaks -- breaks like when school is out for a whole week. That's the only time she has for anything that isn't cooking, working and hauling kids around.

 

So she's on her phone constantly. She's busy. She's in training. She probably studies on the bus.

 

Some people are compartmentalized. They can't keep all the plates in the air. I'm a little that way myself. I had a guy in love with me once who just totally stopped contacting when a job fell through and he had to prioritize making a living with temporary work. Once settled, he was back. Sometimes it's not time for a relationship. I advise just keeping your life going and chilling out and and you'll know soon enough if she's totally abandoned you or not. Doesn't sound like she has time right now for as much of a relationship as you want, but maybe she will eventually. If she has to travel a lot for her job, you may as well throw in the towel though because you are wanting way more contact than that sounds like.

Edited September 1, 2018 by preraph

[ExpatInItaly]

I caught oneitis therefore catching feelings for her. I am not denying that.

 

You are right. If she’s not gonna make the effort to contact me then I should do the same.

 

That's the best way forward. She could find time to message you if she wanted, let's be real here.

 

The right girl for you will consistently reciprocate interest and work towards the same relationship goals as you. This girl just isn't the one for that.

[Logo]

Did she go back to the guy that ghosted her?

 

If she did, then she doesn't deserve another second of you thinking about her.

 

She has no respect for herself, how can you expect her to respect you?

 

It was fun while it lasted, but you deserve better.

[brokenheartszn]

Did she go back to the guy that ghosted her?

 

If she did, then she doesn't deserve another second of you thinking about her.

 

She has no respect for herself, how can you expect her to respect you?

 

It was fun while it lasted, but you deserve better.

 

Nope. The ex she went back to was a guy she only dated for less than a month. This ex is a mess. His wife just left him. He has two kids. He’s an alcoholic and does drugs.

 

The guy that ghosted her remains a ghost. Maybe he saw red flags in the relationship and she is just playing the victim card.

 

Either way I thought this girl was super duper nice and emotionally steady. But in the end her true colours have started to show.