SarahUK Posted August 29, 2018 Posted August 29, 2018 Had a third date with a guy two Fridays ago and we went on a day trip to a nearby town (We are both expats in Italy). Ended up sort of having sex at the end of our trip which I feel kind of embarrassed and regretful about now (first time of any physical stuff together). I say "sort of" since we didn't get to actual sex since he completed before during foreplay.. It was a little awkward but neither of us acknowledged it. Not sure if that's a factor here. Anyway, we are both into photography and had gone out to take some pictures. We went to a bar after and he asked me to keep his camera in my bag so he didn't spill a drink on it or whatever. All fine but then I went home later and completely forgot about having his camera. The next day, I was heading out to meet friends for lunch and found the camera so I texted him like "**** sorry, I still have your camera! Completely forgot". Almost a day later he replied saying "lol No worries. How was your day?" (this was like, 2.30am). I didn't reply until the next morning because I was asleep, however then he didn't reply at all and a week passed. I sent a quick follow up text asking how he was doing and about the camera and telling him I could leave it with the concierge to my apartment building if it was easier. Radio silence... I don't know. I feel it's kind of *******y to have no contact after being physical with someone. I no longer have an interest in this guy tbh. If he contacted me, I'd prefer to just ignore him and I'd definitely turn him down if he asked me out again from now. But I have this $2000 camera. I don't doubt he's seeing other women. (We are not exclusive so I guess he can do whatever) and I had a feeling he was a bit of a womaniser. Ordinarily I'd block him from now and remove him from my life but I have this damn camera. I find it pretty weird he's not concerned about it, but it's not for me to be chasing him all the time like "dude, your camera!!" I suppose this isn't really much of a question. Just trying to make sense of the weirdness.
d0nnivain Posted August 29, 2018 Posted August 29, 2018 It is odd that he's not doing anything to get his camera back. You can't block / ignore until you return it. He knows you have it. The ball is in his court.
ExpatInItaly Posted August 29, 2018 Posted August 29, 2018 Expat in Italy myself, here! Small world. That's an odd predicament. Perhaps he's lost his phone or some such thing, or something has happened to him and he hasn't been able to contact you. Or maybe it's not his camera at all and he lifted it from someone else and doesn't care about getting it back. I realize that's quite unlikely, but stranger things have happened. I would leave him unblocked, only because he might in fact turn up looking for the camera. Keep us updated, I'm curious how this one might pan out.
Standard-Fare Posted August 29, 2018 Posted August 29, 2018 He knows you have the camera and that you want to get it back to him. It's really his responsibility at this point to make that happen, and if he doesn't (due to social awkwardness, or maybe other reasons you can't understand), that's truly not your fault. Keep it in a safe spot for now, and if you never hear from him after ... let's say two months ... that camera becomes yours to sell or use yourself. If he does make that decision, you can assume this man is either wealthy enough where the loss is no big issue, or he's financially reckless enough not to care. Because it's not normal to be that casual about parting with a $2,000 possession, and even if he doesn't want to see you again he could find an impersonal way to arrange the transfer.
Author SarahUK Posted August 29, 2018 Author Posted August 29, 2018 Expat in Italy myself, here! Small world. That's an odd predicament. Perhaps he's lost his phone or some such thing, or something has happened to him and he hasn't been able to contact you. Or maybe it's not his camera at all and he lifted it from someone else and doesn't care about getting it back. I realize that's quite unlikely, but stranger things have happened. I would leave him unblocked, only because he might in fact turn up looking for the camera. Keep us updated, I'm curious how this one might pan out. Ah that is a small world! I've just been living here for the last month. Still in the honeymoon phase and really excited to be here. Maybe I should find a handsome, suave Italian. I moved all this way to date someone that is also from the UK haha. The strange thing is that I am his "friend" on social media (facebook, instagram) and I can see him uploading pictures and stories but he didn't bother to reply. Weird. Maybe it could have been someone else's camera. I'd be in a real hurry to get it back if I left it with someone. For all he knows I could be super untrustworthy and just put the thing on ebay! Will wait and see if he responds. Will let you know...
Redhead14 Posted August 29, 2018 Posted August 29, 2018 (edited) <snip> I don't doubt he's seeing other women. (We are not exclusive so I guess he can do whatever) and I had a feeling he was a bit of a womaniser. Ordinarily I'd block him from now and remove him from my life but I have this damn camera. I find it pretty weird he's not concerned about it, but it's not for me to be chasing him all the time like "dude, your camera!!" I suppose this isn't really much of a question. Just trying to make sense of the weirdness. I usually tell women that the first time they sleep with a guy, especially if it's early in the dating scenario, she should assume it will be a one night stand until he demonstrates otherwise. I had a feeling he was a bit of a womaniser. - Your gut is probably right. However, there is this old school tactic that women usually use, but not unheard of from a man: Leave something behind to ensure that they see that person again. Frankly, right now this appears to me to have been a hit and run. And, this guy doesn't really have a real interest in you, but the camera will give him an excuse to come back around again when other options dry up. Either that or it was a sub par camera or a ruse for interest in your hobby. If he comes back around and it's over, say a week, I'd tell him that you will meet him somewhere very convenient for you and give it back but don't entertain a further dating scenario with him, unless, of course, he has a really credible, sincere explanation for everything. That will be a judgement call on your part. If you do decide to go on a date again with him, remove the sex, and get down to brass tacks about what you want out of your dating journey and have him be clear about what his dating goals are. Edited August 30, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Truncate quote 1
Author SarahUK Posted August 29, 2018 Author Posted August 29, 2018 He knows you have the camera and that you want to get it back to him. It's really his responsibility at this point to make that happen, and if he doesn't (due to social awkwardness, or maybe other reasons you can't understand), that's truly not your fault. Keep it in a safe spot for now, and if you never hear from him after ... let's say two months ... that camera becomes yours to sell or use yourself. If he does make that decision, you can assume this man is either wealthy enough where the loss is no big issue, or he's financially reckless enough not to care. Because it's not normal to be that casual about parting with a $2,000 possession, and even if he doesn't want to see you again he could find an impersonal way to arrange the transfer. Thanks for your comment. Yes I agree, it's really not normal. I just like to "get things over with" and give it back rather than still have it weeks/months down the line. If he was so adverse to seeing me, he could have just taken it from my concierge. Really bizarre.
Author SarahUK Posted August 29, 2018 Author Posted August 29, 2018 (edited) I had a feeling he was a bit of a womaniser. - Your gut is probably right. However, there is this old school tactic that women usually use, but not unheard of from a man: Leave something behind to ensure that they see that person again. <snip> Thanks for your comment. Sorry I don't know how to pick out specific sentences to quote. I definitely feel like he is a womaniser and yes, I did wonder that about the coming back around thing. Maybe he is so arrogant that he thinks that he can just contact me again out of the blue later about the camera and I will be around any time for a hookup or it's safe until it's convenient for him to get it. I just felt that dating scenario aside, it's basic manners to acknowledge it. I am not interested in pursuing anything further with this man. I just wanted to give the camera back and move on so even if he tried to initiate something else dating related, I'd decline and consider it incredibly rude. It's kind of awkward because I don't really want to keep him on my social accounts but don't know if it seems petty deleting him. It's a pretty expensive new Sony camera, so that's why I'm kind of surprised about it. If it was a $40 cheap digital one then maybe I'd get why he wasn't fussed about retrieving it. Perhaps it was a ruse also, who knows. It was kind of funny because he was telling me how much he loved photography, and demonstrating to me all of the features on this camera, but actually he was doing much of it wrong (I kept quiet) and all the photos he took came out terrible. It was always the fault of something else though - the lighting, the angle, the weather. Never him I think if I hadn't had a few wines and wasn't on a sort of rebound after a breakup I wouldn't have gone there. Nevermind! Edited August 30, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Truncate quote 1
Orokotikki Posted August 29, 2018 Posted August 29, 2018 (edited) Text him that you pawned the camera for $200 bucks and if he wants the cash he should get a hold of you by tomorrow. If he gets a hold of you, give it back (in a public place) and tell him you wanted to be done with this silly thing. If he doesn't, block him. Sell or keep the camera (it might be worth less than you think if you took his word on it). He either has his head up his tuckuss or is playing some game (probably to make himself seem wealthy and needing to be chased or some garbage (or I guess to use as an IP camera maybe)). Bada bing bada boom. Edited August 29, 2018 by Orokotikki
Redhead14 Posted August 29, 2018 Posted August 29, 2018 he completed before during foreplay - If you do see him again, tell him he needs to adjust his shutter speed . . . 3
alphamale Posted August 29, 2018 Posted August 29, 2018 (edited) he wants you to take a look at the pics on the camera also...I haven't heard of a lot of womanizers who spill their seed prematurely Edited August 29, 2018 by alphamale added second item
Redhead14 Posted August 29, 2018 Posted August 29, 2018 A lot of womanizers will "spill their seed" quickly for the simple fact that they are not interested in pleasing the woman or allowing himself or her to experience intimacy . . . they do it for selfish reasons . . . get what they need and move on. Experienced womanizers understand the sex bonds some women to a man. They don't want them chasing them down. 1
mortensorchid Posted August 29, 2018 Posted August 29, 2018 It does seem like he has ghosted on you, to be sure, but to leave behind a camera like that is … Careless of him. But I wouldn't sweat it. I've had people leave behind things but never something that expensive. If he wants it back I'm sure he will come back for it, but you're not being nasty and pawning it behind his back. Hang onto it for a while. Don't use it as an excuse to open the door to him again.
Author SarahUK Posted August 30, 2018 Author Posted August 30, 2018 A lot of womanizers will "spill their seed" quickly for the simple fact that they are not interested in pleasing the woman or allowing himself or her to experience intimacy . . . they do it for selfish reasons . . . get what they need and move on. Experienced womanizers understand the sex bonds some women to a man. They don't want them chasing them down. I guess it could be this. I was pretty shocked about it and it probably showed at the time. I thought that the end goal would be sex though, not just fooling around with a bit of foreplay.
alphamale Posted August 30, 2018 Posted August 30, 2018 I once left behind my favourtie mix tape at an ex's house. I still miss it to this day. To me it was worth $1,000
Standard-Fare Posted August 30, 2018 Posted August 30, 2018 I once had a lower-stakes version of this happen to me. I had two dates with a dude, sex on the second, and he left behind a pair of expensive sunglasses. I looked them up online, they were worth over $100, so I thought it was worth contacting him. I wasn't angling to see him again—just offered to drop them off in the lobby of his building, which I'd been to because, ya know, I spent the night with him. No response. Ever. Full ghost. Honestly, I was pretty insulted with the message he gave me there: That his aversion to me was apparently so strong it wasn't worth any further interaction to retrieve his possession. It ended up making me feel like some kind of invasive creep in my offer to come to his building. D*ckhead! If I wasn't already turned off by "expensive sunglasses," this incident surely sealed the deal on that. 1
losangelena Posted August 30, 2018 Posted August 30, 2018 This guy sounds like a douchecanoe, OP. Womanizing dude who buys a fancy camera and doesn't know how to use it? (eye roll) Then he can't even go the distance when y'all get intimate? What a waste of time.
stillafool Posted August 30, 2018 Posted August 30, 2018 Thanks for your comment. Yes I agree, it's really not normal. I just like to "get things over with" and give it back rather than still have it weeks/months down the line. If he was so adverse to seeing me, he could have just taken it from my concierge. Really bizarre. I would just leave the camera with the Concierge and forget about it so you can get this over with. Do it. 1
Author SarahUK Posted September 1, 2018 Author Posted September 1, 2018 So update: Two weeks went by with no response to me asking about his camera. Two weeks!! I removed him from my social media this morning because I was sick of seeing his updates but kept him unblocked so he could contact me. Almost immediately after I removed him, he messaged me and asked if he could come over and get his camera right away because he is taking a trip this evening and had a few hours to catch a flight. Then he backed it up with "I've been a bit busy". How rude is that? I was out with friends when I saw his message and basically responded telling him that I also have a busy life and he couldn't just expect me to drop everything and be available at a specific time. Anyway I've left the camera with the concierge. Weird guy.
Author SarahUK Posted September 1, 2018 Author Posted September 1, 2018 This guy sounds like a douchecanoe, OP. Womanizing dude who buys a fancy camera and doesn't know how to use it? (eye roll) Then he can't even go the distance when y'all get intimate? What a waste of time. Hahah I know. I mean, it probably can't get much worse than that can it?
alphamale Posted September 2, 2018 Posted September 2, 2018 So update: Two weeks went by with no response to me asking about his camera. Two weeks!! I removed him from my social media this morning because I was sick of seeing his updates but kept him unblocked so he could contact me. Almost immediately after I removed him, he messaged me and asked if he could come over and get his camera right away because he is taking a trip this evening and had a few hours to catch a flight. Then he backed it up with "I've been a bit busy". How rude is that? I was out with friends when I saw his message and basically responded telling him that I also have a busy life and he couldn't just expect me to drop everything and be available at a specific time. Anyway I've left the camera with the concierge. Weird guy. what a dick-head!
Standard-Fare Posted September 11, 2018 Posted September 11, 2018 So update: Two weeks went by with no response to me asking about his camera. Two weeks!! I removed him from my social media this morning because I was sick of seeing his updates but kept him unblocked so he could contact me. Almost immediately after I removed him, he messaged me and asked if he could come over and get his camera right away because he is taking a trip this evening and had a few hours to catch a flight. Then he backed it up with "I've been a bit busy". How rude is that? I was out with friends when I saw his message and basically responded telling him that I also have a busy life and he couldn't just expect me to drop everything and be available at a specific time. Anyway I've left the camera with the concierge. Weird guy. Christ. It's almost a good thing you went through this experience, because it was an easy way to see just how much of an ass this guy is. Thank God you didn't waste any more time with him.
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