Blindsided? Need some perspective..

[Whisky]

I'm a 22[M] who briefly dated a 21[F] recently and probably had my worst casual dating experiences yet a few weeks ago, still trying to process it.

 

Met this girl at her work as I go there almost everyday (library) and asked her out after talking to her on several occasions. I had a huge crush on her, and she seemed eager about going out with me which was quite uplifting as the last few girls I've dated and even had sex with I wasn't really that into.

 

I don't really "date" much, maybe 10 girls in the last 3 years, some hookups, and had a couple long term relationships through high school. So basically either a few dates or a few years lol.. Getting back into the game recently.

 

We went out for drinks and had a nice time, madeout for a bit outside at the end, and she ended up leaving town for a few weeks but insisted I text her when she returns to go out again, and seemed very interested in me.. At this point I guess I got my hopes up quite a bit because it had been years since I've had such a nice first date with someone who I was sincerely attracted to, not just in a sexual way.

 

Anyways, the second date went over like poop in a punch bowl, she was not the same and didn't seem too interested.. she's a poor conversationalist and can't deal with silences so just talks about superficial things like movies,books, etc.. I tried to kiss her again and she rejected it.. and basically said she wasn't attracted to me.. anyways i was suffering from insomnia at the time and thought that it didn't go well because my mood wasn't very good ( had maybe 4-5 hours of sleep the night before) and I wasn't there to lead the conversation as she clearly couldnt. I told her this a few days later and she said that she understands and would give it another shot..

 

3 days later we hungout in the afternoon and my intention was to get her to open up a bit more and see if we could make a better connection. The conversation went much better but she was still a bit reserved, I honestly think she's just a bit immature and has a hard time getting close to people, but anyways , I found out she's bisexual and sometimes she dresses kind of lesbo but I couldnt care less tbh, shes very pretty. After a few hours of joking around, getting to know each other better, we ended up at her place ( keep in mind we are dead sober in the middle of the afternoon and she had something to attend at 5pm) and her roommates were there which was weird because we could hear them right outside her room, she didnt even shut the ****ing door (noob) , I didn't see sex happening at all but after a while i went for the makeout. Here's where I am bothered.. We madeout for like 10 minutes or something and things werent really that sexual , I wasn't hard or anything and I was feeling her up a bit but couldn't get into it as much as I would've thought. She wasn't dressed particularly feminine and it felt a little weird touching her butt lol. After a while I kind of stopped making out and just wanted to cuddle, and we were gazing into each others eyes, and I thought she was into me , at least enough to hang out again.. I had to drive her to her event right after this and she told me she had fun , I was at this time under the assumption we would hangout again later in the week. I planned on bringing her to my place for dinner and wine , and ultimately hooking up , as my place is much more private than her small student dwelling.

 

Two days later I asked her when she was free and she told me (in person) that she's not interested in me romantically and doesn't want to see me again.

 

I asked her if it was because i didn't escalate further and she said no, that my intuition was correct. shes too nice and naive to lie so i can't say that I screwed that up as many young men would suggest. Shes what you would consider a "good" girl (never drank in high school, never smoked, never even been to a house party, very innocent and naive woman. ) and has very limited dating/sexual experience.

 

 

Did I blow it ? I really don't know what the **** happened.. I've hooked up with girls before that I didn't have great sexual chemistry with and it was fine, though in those cases they were more into it.

 

If she liked me , wouldn't she have agreed to hangout again regardless of whether or not something sexual happened? especially since I'm pretty sure this girl hasn't had sex in like 3 years.

 

and finally , is this **** normal or is this due to her being a rare case?

 

I feel like **** because I'm still into her, and definitely desire her in a sexual way, I'm just tortured because I wasn't really in the mood at her place and thought she wanted to hangout again.

 

If you're still reading this I appreciate it, please share your thoughts.

[d0nnivain]

No you didn't blow anything. You were always more into her then she was into you. That is all. If anything you pushed too much. I find the idea that you are concerned that you didn't escalate enough on date 2 & expected sex on date 3 the most disconcerting part of your post. Especially if she's a "good girl" she probably sensed you wanted to move much faster then she was comfortable with.

 

You also need to adjust your expectations. Dating 10 women over 3 years with some hook-ups is hardly the worse dry spell in history. Read the posts from the middle aged virgins if you want to understand dating problems.

 

 

It isn't fun when you like them more then they like you but that is all that happened her. She's made her choice, respect that.

[ExpatInItaly]

You didn't blow it; she's just not interested in you that way. That much was fairly clear from Date #2, when she told you she isn't attracted to you. There was no point trying to hang out again after that, but hey. You gave it a shot.

 

It's not because you didn't "escalate" (to put it into dating "guru" terms.) It's not because you weren't in a great mood on the second date. This one is out of your hands, and it's nothing personal. Not all girls are going to be into you.

 

Just leave it be now. At least she was honest and left no room for confusion anymore. Now you are free to pursue other girls who are equally interested.