JosiePosie Posted September 6, 2005 Posted September 6, 2005 Things between my bf and I have been slowing down lately. Maybe I am not used to it, but even the physical affection isn't there as much as before, and I am really starting to miss it. Our relationship started really fast, I moved in after 2 months of seeing each other. We have been stuck at the hip and we noticed that we were getting frustrated with each other the past month or so. After a long talk and getting things out in the open, we decided to start taking more personal time from each other. Myself, I have been dealing with some personal issues (emotional past, etc), losing a friend/coworker to cancer, close friend's son committed suicide, mother in the hospital, and now trying to get back on track with finances. I have been pretty stressed out the past two weeks and I notice a difference in my relationship with my bf. We talk, but the physical affection isn't there as much anymore. With all that is going on, I can really use more hugs, etc from my boyfriend. I come home at the end of the day and we don't talk like we used to. It seems like I reach for him more than he reaches for me. I don't know....I am stressed and can use more support from my bf. I want to talk about it last night but his son came and spent the night with us. Is this a normal phase in a relationship? We have been going out for about ten months now. Any comments will be great.
Love2share Posted September 6, 2005 Posted September 6, 2005 I think every relationship, especailly when you live together, reaches a comfortable point where more emphasis must be placed on the little things in order to keep things good. With all that's going on in your life, maybe your BF isn't sure how to console you. Sometimes, when people are stressed, they rather be alone than to be bothered. And if you tell your BF that you want him to hug you more and kiss you more, it won't be the same as him doing it out of his own desire. Every time he hugs or kisses you he may wonder if he's doing it because he wants to or because you asked him to do it. If hugs and kisses are what you need from you BF, continue initiating them and don't worry too much about why he never initiates it. Because another answer could be that he has grown used to you initiating it.
bluechocolate Posted September 6, 2005 Posted September 6, 2005 I don't think it's abnormal, especially as you say you two had a whirlwind romance, living together after only 2 months & joined at the hip. All relationships cool down after a time & I think the more intense the beginning the more noticeable the cooling down. I can really use more hugs, etc from my boyfriend. Then ask for them. Go up to him, arms open & say, "I could really use a hug right now". I have been pretty stressed out the past two weeks and I notice a difference in my relationship with my bf. Did you have the long talk about personal time from each other about 2 weeks ago? It seems like I reach for him more than he reaches for me. Perhaps you are because it sounds to me like you're the one who needs the extra support right now.
Art_Critic Posted September 6, 2005 Posted September 6, 2005 It is normal for relationships to have their peak issues it can be cyclic. Just keep up the communication with him and you should weather the storm. Tell him how all the things you are going thru make you feel and ask him for some emotional support.. He might not know that you are requiring that since you are newly involved
Author JosiePosie Posted September 6, 2005 Author Posted September 6, 2005 Actually, I have been stressed for over a month. With the recent events, it has been magnified. Like someone said, it is the little things that count, and I have noticed that the little things are dwindling. My bf did apologize to me Saturday night for being distant when I heard my mom being put in the hospital. He has been caught up in his own projects and said not to worry too much. Maybe I am not used to us calming down in that sense. I don't want to us to be those old couples that sit in restaurants with nothing to say....lol.
Author JosiePosie Posted September 7, 2005 Author Posted September 7, 2005 We talked when he got home from work today. He basically said that he is not happy with our relationship and that maybe he needs time alone. I have emotional issues to deal with and plus we got into the relationship too fast. I pretty much gave up my life once we got involved. He said that he feels guilty for that. But I know it is mainly my fault for allowing that to happen. I did ask him about three times if he wanted me to leave. He replied that he wanted to work things out. I told him that I made a commitment to myself to get my life back. I enrolled in school, going to start working out again, spend more time with my friends, and I even started seeing a therapist to help with the emotional issues. He said "how can I miss you if you don't leave" with a sheepish laugh. I replied that we need to compromise on when we need alone time. I know that I have things to deal with, and so does he. I told him that I know what I need to do in order to heal and live life. Do I want to break up? No, I want to work things out. He said he doesn't want me to leave either. I feel like I am being pushed and pulled by him. I spoke to a friend of mine this evening and they might be able to put me up for a month or two. I don't know, I don't want us to give up as soon as things get tough. At the same time, I don't want to be around someone who feels crappy for being around me. I need help here.
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