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My Ex Hates Me **Updated**

kayj1216

By kayj1216
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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kayj1216 New Member

kayj1216

Posted
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Has anyone dealt with steroid use and change in behavior?

Me and my ex were supposed to get married soon. We have been together for years even have a child together. However he recently called off the wedding. We went from talking about wedding songs to him telling me he has no feelings for me and didn't want to get married. I was devastated and so was our child. After he called off about the wedding I found out he was cheating also. He has been seeing a girl he worked with, she knew about me, the wedding and our child but didn't care.

 

The day after he called it off he took off and left me & our daughter picking up the pieces. Both I & his family had noticed major changes in him recently. Not sure if it was the cheating or the steroids he has been taking. He started taking steroids awhile back and there have been major changes with his body but his behavior is what concerns me. He has threaten to commit suicide, he has threatened me & my family, he goes from extreme highs and lows (one minute threatening me the next asking for sex, he is still with the other girl btw), I truly believe there are times he despises me you can see the hatred.

 

He talks bad about me to our daughter and he does not make a whole lot of effort to have a relationship with her. I already see it suffering. He went from crying because he had to leave her for work to not even coming home to see her.

When I was packing up his stuff I found the needles so I know he is injecting. He has also admitted to taking other drugs (cocaine) which is totally out of character for him. I do not know how you can be with someone for 12 years and they do a complete 360 in a matter of minutes.

 

My fear is his hatred for me, which I do not know where it is coming from, will make him do something stupid. You hear the horror stories about roid rage and murder suicide I am truly concerned. I spoke to him about his behaviour and his response is I am jealous he can get attention and I can't. Anyone go through anything like this? I know our relationship is over there is no way to repair this damage but we do have a child together and I want to ensure her safety.

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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ExpatInItaly Established Member

ExpatInItaly

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What a scary experience. I do hope you're in a place where you and your little one feel safe.

 

I have known men who abuse steroids, and the associated mood changes were pretty awful. However, given that you mentioned cocaine, I would also be very concerned that he's using other drugs as well. This combination can be lethal to him, and incredibly dangerous for you and your daughter or anyone else in his vicinity.

 

You said he's threatened you and your family. Have you gone to the police about this? Seen a lawyer to restrict his access to your child?

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Mr. Lucky Established Member

Mr. Lucky

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When I was packing up his stuff I found the needles so I know he is injecting. He has also admitted to taking other drugs (cocaine) which is totally out of character for him.

 

I'd guess you're dealing with a broader cocktail of drugs here than what you've listed, hard to pin this just on steroids. Much of what you describe is typical addict behavior, they come to prioritize the immediate drug circle above everything else in life. If he's employed and you depend on that for support, be prepared for a change there also.

 

Not what you want to hear but's probably a good thing he's made himself scarce. He may be volatile, unpredictable and ultimately violent. I certainly wouldn't let him be alone with your child.

 

Make yourself safe and depend on friends and family. Sorry this has happened...

 

Mr. Lucky

BaileyB Established Member

BaileyB

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I agree with Mr. Lucky.

 

I would also add, if you haven't spoken with a lawyer already, you may want to consider doing so.

 

If he threatens you in any way, you should go to the police and get a peace bond/restraining order. Your primary responsibility is to keep yourself and your child safe. If you don't have a custody agreement in place, you may need to get one. I would work to limit his custody with the child, for her safety.

 

Take care.

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kayj1216 New Member

kayj1216

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Has anyone else dealt with an ex that hates you? I just don't understand it. We were together for years, have a kid, were set to get married, he cheated moved on with a new girl, left his family and he is mad with me. I don't understand it. I was a loyal girlfriend stayed home while my friends went out, pay the majority of the bills, forgave him even though he wasn't the nicest to me, and now he is so cold and angry towards me I don't understand it.

d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

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When he sees himself through your eyes -- knowing what a louse he was -- he doesn't like what he sees so he's taking it out on you.

Lotsgoingon Established Member

Lotsgoingon

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Why on earth do you care that he hates you? Him hating you ... if he's a real jerk ... can actually be a compliment on your character.

 

No need to care what he thinks.

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d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

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He is the father of her child so maybe it's best that we preserve the little one's feelings.

ExpatInItaly Established Member

ExpatInItaly

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Has anyone else dealt with an ex that hates you? I just don't understand it. We were together for years, have a kid, were set to get married, he cheated moved on with a new girl, left his family and he is mad with me. I don't understand it. I was a loyal girlfriend stayed home while my friends went out, pay the majority of the bills, forgave him even though he wasn't the nicest to me, and now he is so cold and angry towards me I don't understand it.

 

He's probably trying to justify cheating and leaving in his own twisted mind, so to fit that narrative that paints him as the victim, he tries to rewrite history and make you look like the bad guy.

Lotsgoingon Established Member

Lotsgoingon

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Oops, I'm sorry ... I foolishly missed that you have a kid with this ex.

 

NOW I know why you care about what he thinks ... you have to interact with him ... Sorry!

d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

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I also read your other thread. He's not thinking straight. The 'roids screwed with his brain.

CautiouslyOptimistic Established Member

CautiouslyOptimistic

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Is child support involved?

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kayj1216 New Member

kayj1216

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He refuses to pay child support stating "he will not be giving me a cent to help with my mortgage." However he doesn't consider it is his child. The money I get for child support goes towards our child not my mortgage. My job pays my mortgage and has kept a roof over his head for the last few years but he doesn't see it that way. I am currently going through lawyers to get this issue addressed but he has already indicated he will drag it out.

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kayj1216 New Member

kayj1216

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I also read your other thread. He's not thinking straight. The 'roids screwed with his brain.

 

 

 

I am thinking that too. He has zero remorse and is currently not acting like a good father to our child either. He refuses to admit he has a problem and refuses to get help. Right now he would rather stay on steroids than be with his own son.

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kayj1216 New Member

kayj1216

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Oops, I'm sorry ... I foolishly missed that you have a kid with this ex.

 

NOW I know why you care about what he thinks ... you have to interact with him ... Sorry!

 

 

 

And unfortunately he hasn't been acting like a great father either. I think his hatred for me and refusal to stop steroids is impacting his relationship with his son. And the worst thing is he son is suffering and it doesn't seem to bother him he just puts the blame on me.

CautiouslyOptimistic Established Member

CautiouslyOptimistic

Posted
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He refuses to pay child support stating "he will not be giving me a cent to help with my mortgage." However he doesn't consider it is his child. The money I get for child support goes towards our child not my mortgage. My job pays my mortgage and has kept a roof over his head for the last few years but he doesn't see it that way. I am currently going through lawyers to get this issue addressed but he has already indicated he will drag it out.

 

Well, then that's why he hates you.

Zahara Established Member

Zahara

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I am currently going through lawyers to get this issue addressed but he has already indicated he will drag it out.

 

Likely the reason why he hates you. He doesn't like being made accountable.

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ExpatInItaly Established Member

ExpatInItaly

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Posted
He refuses to pay child support stating "he will not be giving me a cent to help with my mortgage." However he doesn't consider it is his child. The money I get for child support goes towards our child not my mortgage. My job pays my mortgage and has kept a roof over his head for the last few years but he doesn't see it that way. I am currently going through lawyers to get this issue addressed but he has already indicated he will drag it out.

 

If he's blowing money on drugs and steroids, I think he is going to find it hard to actually finance a legal battle with you. My sense is that his bark is going to be worse than his bite on this issue.

 

Also, if evidence of any drug use comes out in court, he's going to be hard-pressed to find a judge that will see things his way. Your lawyer will advise you on this. I would do everything in my legal power to keep the little one away from him if he's under the influence of a substance.

 

Sadly, this is what drugs do to a person. You're talking to his addiction and toxic mind rather than the man you once knew. I'm really sorry you're going through all of this.

Despr8 Member

Despr8

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Steroids don't change most users a jerk is a jerk regardless of juice. I will say that emotions fly allover the place and you get sex obsessed. New gym body and all that test attracts females and some guys just can't handle the new attention. Probably picked up the coke habit by some girl he was screwing. Every gym rat I ever met that juiced wants to screw everything in sight but their mostly the same person.

d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

Posted
Posted
I am thinking that too. He has zero remorse and is currently not acting like a good father to our child either. He refuses to admit he has a problem and refuses to get help. Right now he would rather stay on steroids than be with his own son.

 

Addicts are like that.

 

Get a court order for the child support then get help collecting. Keep your child safe & carry on. It's all you can do.

preraph Established Member

preraph

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Steroids can make people very violent, plus using other drugs with them is really bad. So you have reason to fear.

 

Start with going to court to get child support out of him. Unfortunately he can't be trusted with the child the way he is now and possibly ever. Do tell the court what is going on though. The court will require drug testing from him to even have any visitation assuming he wants any visitation. Either way, tell the court. He'll either pay or he'll go to jail. He doesn't pay you. He pays the state and they pay you, so no muss, no fuss and they'll get him if he's delinquent and put his butt in jail where he can get off steroids. If he makes threats, get the court to get you a protective order. It's just a piece of paper, but once he breaks the rules on it, they can arrest him. I think you need to stop hoping he changes and take care of this now.

marky00 Established Member

marky00

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When he sees himself through your eyes -- knowing what a louse he was -- he doesn't like what he sees so he's taking it out on you.

 

This is basically the reason he seems to hate you. You are his mirror and he doesn't like what he sees. It's the ultimate selfish dumper. Like leaving you wasn't enough. They then display anger just because u remind them of their faults etc.

Edited by marky00
Lotsgoingon Established Member

Lotsgoingon

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So given the background here ... it seems your ex is simply a jerk ... and a jerk who is flirting with drug/steroid danger ...

 

So the question isn't why he hates you ... as in YOU! He's just flat-out a person with weak character and who doesn't like to take responsibility ... In order to block being responsible with you and the child, he has to blame others--in this case you!

 

You could have a 180-degree different personality, a different name, different income group, different appearance ... and he'd hate that person too.

 

It's not about YOU. It's about HIM! ... His immaturity. His actions say nothing about you personally.

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