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3 dates with guy that's going great but I'm having major anxiety and scared??

sunflowerandclouds94

By sunflowerandclouds94
in Dating

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hippychick3 Established Member

hippychick3

Posted
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Another woman expecting men to entertain her daily, while she sits and waits on him, if texts are not crazy inventive then she loses interest ! I'm sure your replies are always amazing on the other hand... Yawn

 

Really silly reasoning, I can't stand this entitled thinking, so if the guy is bad at texting or doesn't text every day, he's not worth any effort on your part ?

 

Dating is 50/50, if you can't text sometimes, I'm not texting back either, men aren't at your service and only, sorry it's time for equality.

 

Those are a lot of erroneous assumptions on your part. Exaggerate much?

 

Funny/fun/not always mundane does not have to equal crazy inventive or amazing :rolleyes:

 

There was actual substance to the texts and communication other than ONLY "How was your day?" or "WYD?" and nothing else.

 

And who said I didn't text back or text the guy too?? My texts weren't "amazing" but they were just as fun or interesting back. When you have two intelligent and witty people with a good personality who really are into each other, the communication back and forth is usually interesting. No entitlement there, just higher expectations. It has worked well for me.

PRW Established Member

PRW

Posted
Posted
I made sure to always offer to pay when I was on dates with him.

 

 

Let the guy pay, the guy should pay, at least in the early dates before you are exclusive. (Just bring money in case he is a jerk and doesn't). It shows the guy is responsible and it is part of him demonstrating he can take the lead.

 

 

 

When I was out of town I even bought him souvenirs / bought his niece something when he asked me too. He offered to pay me back but I said no since he does a lot for me.
Save doing stuff like that for when you are exclusive. He offered to pay you back because it made him uncomfortable.

 

 

Fast forward to now, he told me he likes me but wants to move slowly because he was hurt in his past relationship.
Don't put much stock in the "past relationships" excuse. Both men and women used that and it is never the real reason. If someone wants you bad enough they will be "over" the Ex before they are even an Ex and will break up with the person to be with you. Things like the above paragraph probably made him nervous. I dated one woman that kept trying to pay for things when I knew good and well she couldn't afford it, and her insistence on it really wore on me and she began to "drop in my eyes" as that progressed.

 

 

Anyway, just keep working on your social life and dating life as you are doing. Practice makes perfect, you make less mistakes and get a thicker skin on other things,...it will work out.

PRW Established Member

PRW

Posted
Posted
I understand about the multiple dating but I just can't do it. It's hard. My emotions get haywire and I suck at it lol
Well, I kinda suck at it too, truth be known. It is always easier to tell someone what to do than to do it yourself. But you can kind of accomplish the same thing by just developing a frame of mind where you acknowledge that you are still free to date others at the same time,...even if you don't actually do it. After all, just having the mindset alone helps,...a lot of this is a mind game anyway.

 

But this guy said he likes me but doesn't want to move quickly because he was hurt in his last relationship. I understand everyone moves at their own pace and I was hurt a lot too. I feel like it's an excuse though.
It is just an excuse,...but let him have that one. You'll probably have to use that excuse somewhere along the way yourself.

 

I'm going to go back online and find someone else to talk to. You're right even though it'll be hard.
Very good. Now if you hear from him, don't be afraid to get together with him and give a benefit of doubt. But if not, just keep chugging along.
Desesperado Established Member

Desesperado

Posted
Posted
Those are a lot of erroneous assumptions on your part. Exaggerate much?

 

Funny/fun/not always mundane does not have to equal crazy inventive or amazing :rolleyes:

 

There was actual substance to the texts and communication other than ONLY "How was your day?" or "WYD?" and nothing else.

 

And who said I didn't text back or text the guy too?? My texts weren't "amazing" but they were just as fun or interesting back. When you have two intelligent and witty people with a good personality who really are into each other, the communication back and forth is usually interesting. No entitlement there, just higher expectations. It has worked well for me.

 

Great then but your text with the yawn sounded pretty contemptuous and having heard this so much, from women complaining guys suck at texting, while when a girl texts me it's always the very same, what's up or how are you...

Some really don't apply the same standards to themselves, glad for you it's not the case.

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sunflowerandclouds94 Established Member

sunflowerandclouds94

Posted
  • Author
Posted
Well, I kinda suck at it too, truth be known. It is always easier to tell someone what to do than to do it yourself. But you can kind of accomplish the same thing by just developing a frame of mind where you acknowledge that you are still free to date others at the same time,...even if you don't actually do it. After all, just having the mindset alone helps,...a lot of this is a mind game anyway.

 

It is just an excuse,...but let him have that one. You'll probably have to use that excuse somewhere along the way yourself.

 

Very good. Now if you hear from him, don't be afraid to get together with him and give a benefit of doubt. But if not, just keep chugging along.

 

I knew it was an excuse. I think he was looking for something casual because he's just not communicating well. I took a friends advice and just stated I understood him and changed the topic fully. Asked him if he still wanted to hangout then to let me know. I don't believe he was serious and he was just telling me things to stay on the hook. I honestly thought going on multiple dates during the same week was weird. Also how he texted me constantly. Idk. I'm taking this as a lost. It's kind of a turn off that he can't communicate properly and let me know how he feels.

 

Regarding the plushie, I told him not to pay me back because he paid for everything. We had dinner and went to the movies. All the dates he paid for except a coffee (which I did).

 

I appreciate the advice I do. But I felt in my stomach I'm just a rebound and he was bored. Like always... A lot of guys I talk to they just broke up or had a past relationship that sucks. Don't we all though? I don't understand why people keep that weight on.

 

I'm moving on. I don't expect to hear back from him and I'm glad I tried an optimistic approach but I'm not attracted to him anymore.

Desesperado Established Member

Desesperado

Posted
Posted (edited)

Don't put much stock in the "past relationships" excuse. Both men and women used that and it is never the real reason. If someone wants you bad enough they will be "over" the Ex before they are even an Ex and will break up with the person to be with you. Things like the above paragraph probably made him nervous. I dated one woman that kept trying to pay for things when I knew good and well she couldn't afford it, and her insistence on it really wore on me and she began to "drop in my eyes" as that progressed.

 

 

Anyway, just keep working on your social life and dating life as you are doing. Practice makes perfect, you make less mistakes and get a thicker skin on other things,...it will work out.

 

I beg to differ, it's not necessarily an excuse, I'm there myself, I'm way over my ex, we interacted and are friendly now I saw she can't give me what I want.

Still after many difficult GFs, LDR, or women that suddenly flipped on me out of nowhere, I really just don't trust a woman that quickly now, I'm taking my time and am very attentive to their behaviour while dating, if anything seems off with my long experience of red flags, it tell the women my boundaries, if they fail to respect them I'm out.

I'm now dating a woman since a month and barely starting to think I can trust her...

 

Anyway excuse or truth, OP as long as you have boundaries and since it's nowhere exclusive, he can see other women there's nothing you can do about it, as he can't do anything about you seeing other men.

If you want to date people, you have to be opened to people lying or deceiving you, because nobody reads minds so you'll have to go with it, just look at his actions if they are always consistent !

 

Also side note "practice makes perfect" is wrong my martial art sensei said it, "practice makes permanent" if you practice wrong it won't be perfect just permanent, so many people do not get this.

Edited by Desesperado
PRW Established Member

PRW

Posted
Posted
Also side note "practice makes perfect" is wrong my martial art sensei said it, "practice makes permanent" if you practice wrong it won't be perfect just permanent, so many people do not get this.

 

 

Yes grasshopper...she must, wax on, wax off, properly.:p

glows Established Member

glows

Posted
Posted

Good for you, OP, for coming to your senses (re: your last post, p. 2).

 

This one is a dud. When a person advertises his or herself as available as it is oft easy to do online in writing, read that this is a very gray area in future. Some profiles will be clear about "nothing serious" wanted or not looking for a serious relationship/not ready etc etc etc. For every profile that is truthful or self-actualized there are 99 billion out there (individuals) who believe they are "available" but really are not. You need to work on your filter in future and don't become too jaded and frustrated with the dating pool. It's as murky online as it is in person so don't kid yourself that it's any sleazier online as many are also prone to do. Be cool and be safe. Good luck.

Saracena Established Member

Saracena

Posted
Posted
I beg to differ' date=' it's not necessarily an excuse.[/quote']

 

I agree. I've said this in the past and meant it not wasn't because I wasn't into the person but in fact, the opposite and I was afraid I was falling too fast!! So instinctively I tried to pace things, slow things down.

 

Not saying this necessarily applies in the OP's but sometimes it's easy in some instances to feel overwhelmed in the early stages so taking things slow helps to redress the balance!

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hippychick3 Established Member

hippychick3

Posted
Posted
Great then but your text with the yawn sounded pretty contemptuous and having heard this so much, from women complaining guys suck at texting, while when a girl texts me it's always the very same, what's up or how are you...

Some really don't apply the same standards to themselves, glad for you it's not the case.

 

My intent wasn’t at all to be contemptuous. It was more of a reaction to this particular man’s communication with the OP which I interpreted as little effort on his part given the extraneous information.

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sunflowerandclouds94 Established Member

sunflowerandclouds94

Posted
  • Author
Posted
I beg to differ, it's not necessarily an excuse, I'm there myself, I'm way over my ex, we interacted and are friendly now I saw she can't give me what I want.

Still after many difficult GFs, LDR, or women that suddenly flipped on me out of nowhere, I really just don't trust a woman that quickly now, I'm taking my time and am very attentive to their behaviour while dating, if anything seems off with my long experience of red flags, it tell the women my boundaries, if they fail to respect them I'm out.

I'm now dating a woman since a month and barely starting to think I can trust her...

 

Anyway excuse or truth, OP as long as you have boundaries and since it's nowhere exclusive, he can see other women there's nothing you can do about it, as he can't do anything about you seeing other men.

If you want to date people, you have to be opened to people lying or deceiving you, because nobody reads minds so you'll have to go with it, just look at his actions if they are always consistent !

 

Also side note "practice makes perfect" is wrong my martial art sensei said it, "practice makes permanent" if you practice wrong it won't be perfect just permanent, so many people do not get this.

 

Oh of course. I know we aren't exclusive. Its not like I said okay we need to be bf and gf now! I just told him I would like to work on being more than friends. When we texted he would always say, I want to travel with you. I would love to go to amusement parks with you one day. I want to do this with you.

So I thought okay great maybe he's thinking on the same page as me. Working towards exclustivity. But then he didn't kiss me on the third date. Like nothing so I questioned if I was wasting my time. His actions were wisjg washy. Yes he messaged me all the sweet stuff but like he didn't show it in person. I thought he was shy so I went slow with a kiss on the cheek. I think I was just a rebound and he was bored. I get through whole have yo trust thing. I've been severly burned too from relationships but I still go out there

Desesperado Established Member

Desesperado

Posted
Posted
Oh of course. I know we aren't exclusive. Its not like I said okay we need to be bf and gf now! I just told him I would like to work on being more than friends. When we texted he would always say, I want to travel with you. I would love to go to amusement parks with you one day. I want to do this with you.

So I thought okay great maybe he's thinking on the same page as me. Working towards exclustivity. But then he didn't kiss me on the third date. Like nothing so I questioned if I was wasting my time. His actions were wisjg washy. Yes he messaged me all the sweet stuff but like he didn't show it in person. I thought he was shy so I went slow with a kiss on the cheek. I think I was just a rebound and he was bored. I get through whole have yo trust thing. I've been severly burned too from relationships but I still go out there

 

Being scared deaming everyone bad and playing the hermit, is cowardice and easy, but as it was allready said, everything worth something takes effort, so we have to go out there, there's no middle ground or magical way around it.

 

You know what, you say he messaged you all the sweet stuff, then you saw his actions didn't align, that's really what should have hinted that wasn't real.

Even if I want to go slow in my dating and I don't text like crazy, my words match my behaviour, that's always a good indication.

The last women I've dated, funnily all told me the exact same thing, that they chose to date me because I'm not the typical complimenting guy, which surprised me when I heard it 3 times from 3 women. But yeah if I like someone I show it, I don't feel the need to compliment them, I don't really compliment physique so much either, it's more about character traits or funny, they seemed to think that's a good indication of a guy not being a player, maybe they are right, I've always found the guys over complimenting to be pretty fake.

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