Lagoon1212 Posted August 27, 2018 Posted August 27, 2018 Will try to keep it short. A year ago I went out with this guy. We used to work together, he had a gf. But when he asked me out they broke up. She cheated on him, he moved out. But, they have two kids ( 5 and 3 years old) together. So, he was single, we dated, had sex. In meantime he told his ex he is never coming back and to stop trying (she kept apologizing and calling him). Few days later he asked me to be his gf, and said hd would like to be in a relationship with me. I said no. It was too much for me at the time. Ex, kids... i am single and no kids, never married. He was really hurt, i even suggested that we could keep seeing each other casually (read fwb) but he refused. Slowly we stopped communicating and that was that. 4 months later I reach out to him, and he tells me that he is back with his ex. I got the hint and left him alone. 10 months later he reaches out to me and suggests we see each other casually. I went out with him, and we slept together. I knew he was still with his gf. I saw him few more times then I stopped. Until last week, when I saw him again. Here is my question. He suggested fwb with me. But he keeps texting me, like every morning, during the day and good night. I can kinda see myself in a relationship with him now but I am scared to bring it up. Your input?
Zahara Posted August 27, 2018 Posted August 27, 2018 Here is my question. He suggested fwb with me. But he keeps texting me, like every morning, during the day and good night. I can kinda see myself in a relationship with him now but I am scared to bring it up. Your input? Why would you even consider being in a relationship with him? He treats you and his girlfriend appallingly. It all sounds very toxic. Aim higher. Create better standards for yourself. 1
Author Lagoon1212 Posted August 27, 2018 Author Posted August 27, 2018 Why would you even consider being in a relationship with him? He treats you and his girlfriend appallingly. It all sounds very toxic. Aim higher. Create better standards for yourself. I am not sure. Maybe because he was so sweet while seeing me a year ago. Like he wouldnt play games. We had sex, he texted me next morning, kept scheduling dates, started giving me actual calls every few days.... he even invited me to him moms house for Thanksgiving. He also doesnt make lots of money but was paying for everything (i have more than enough money, i just noticed how much effort he was putting). He also introduced me to his siblings within the first month of going out. Other guys dont gave baggage but they were never as sweet. Now, he did suggest fwb this time, however, I guess, it could be because I regused to be in a relationship with him before. Idk. Talk some sense into me.
Redhead14 Posted August 27, 2018 Posted August 27, 2018 Will try to keep it short. A year ago I went out with this guy. We used to work together, he had a gf. But when he asked me out they broke up. She cheated on him, he moved out. But, they have two kids ( 5 and 3 years old) together. So, he was single, we dated, had sex. In meantime he told his ex he is never coming back and to stop trying (she kept apologizing and calling him). Few days later he asked me to be his gf, and said hd would like to be in a relationship with me. I said no. It was too much for me at the time. Ex, kids... i am single and no kids, never married. He was really hurt, i even suggested that we could keep seeing each other casually (read fwb) but he refused. Slowly we stopped communicating and that was that. 4 months later I reach out to him, and he tells me that he is back with his ex. I got the hint and left him alone. 10 months later he reaches out to me and suggests we see each other casually. I went out with him, and we slept together. I knew he was still with his gf. I saw him few more times then I stopped. Until last week, when I saw him again. Here is my question. . But he keeps texting me, like every morning, during the day and good night. I can kinda see myself in a relationship with him now but I am scared to bring it up. Your input? You need to get focused about what you want in terms of your dating goals. Either you want a long-term exclusive relationship with someone or you don't. It's not a good idea to co-mingle goals. This guy says he wants FWB, but you're interested in more. He says he wants FWB, that is what you'll get. Don't compromise yourself in hopes he will change his mind. By the way, he's changed his mind already more often than he changes his underwear . . . A woman who wants a real relationship and settles for anything less isn't being good to herself. Don't try to sex any man into giving you more than that.
Zahara Posted August 27, 2018 Posted August 27, 2018 I am not sure. Maybe because he was so sweet while seeing me a year ago. Like he wouldnt play games. We had sex, he texted me next morning, kept scheduling dates, started giving me actual calls every few days.... he even invited me to him moms house for Thanksgiving. He also doesnt make lots of money but was paying for everything (i have more than enough money, i just noticed how much effort he was putting). He also introduced me to his siblings within the first month of going out. Other guys dont gave baggage but they were never as sweet. Now, he did suggest fwb this time, however, I guess, it could be because I regused to be in a relationship with him before. Idk. Talk some sense into me. He sounds emotionally toxic. People that rush through the dating process are usually seeking relationships for all the wrong reasons. You noted within days he asked you to be his girlfriend. I think he was rebounding from his ex. He needed you to fill that emotional void. Months later he is back with his ex and considering cheating on her. Sounds like the kind that latches on to the nearest available crutch. What he did for you in the beginning is superficial. You need to focus on your boundaries and your values. Those are crucial towards building a relationship, a foundation. If you want to be a in healthy and rewarding relationship, then focus on creating those standards rather than settling for the potential you've created in your mind. Don't demote yourself because you think sex can possibly turn into something more. Plus, don't engage people that propose cheating. Chances are they will do it to you one day.
Author Lagoon1212 Posted August 27, 2018 Author Posted August 27, 2018 Also, when he asked me to be fwb, I was ok with that at first. He was still the same guy with kids who always struggles with money, the opposite of me. So, I thought I dont want anything serious with him. However, I dont understand why he keeps texting me. I, not once, initiated conversation. He is involved in my life. He knows how my day went, about my exams, about my professors... because he keeps talking to me multiple times a day, every single day. He is also very funny and makes me laugh. And, I guess, that is the reason, I started considering something more with him. I like his personality and I am trying to be more open to date people who have past (I am not saying this guy is good for me, just explaining why I kind of changed my mind about dating him).
d0nnivain Posted August 27, 2018 Posted August 27, 2018 How would you like it if the father of your 2 kids was sleeping with you & simultaneously lying to you by keeping a FWB on the side? Why would you want to be the person who enables him to cheat on the mother of his children? Is he really so funny, sweet & good in bed that you are willing to over look the fact that he's a cheating liar? If so carry on. But to answer your original Q what you are doing in being a homewrecker. 1
Redhead14 Posted August 27, 2018 Posted August 27, 2018 (edited) Changed your mind . . . In this case, accepting a FWB arrangement when you really want more is just a "hat" for allowing yourself to be a backburner girl while waiting to see if HE will change HIS mind . . . Edited August 27, 2018 by Redhead14
Zahara Posted August 27, 2018 Posted August 27, 2018 just explaining why I kind of changed my mind about dating him). Sure, he's funny. He makes you laugh. He has a great personality. All superficial qualities. He wants to cheat on his girlfriend. That should repulse you. It should be sending you running up the hills. What does that speak of his true character? You're focusing on all the wrong "qualities". 2
Author Lagoon1212 Posted August 27, 2018 Author Posted August 27, 2018 I guess I am overlooking the fact that he is the one who is cheating now. How I see things: she cheated, he tried to work things out (when I reached out to him, he told me he is trying for his kids). Ten months later, he probably realized things will never be the same between the two of them. I give him credit for trying. Now, if he realized things cannot work out between the two of them, he should end it with her. But, I guess it is not that simple. And on top of that, in his mind, I dont want a relationship with him
smackie9 Posted August 27, 2018 Posted August 27, 2018 He was still the same guy with kids who always struggles with money, the opposite of me. This^^^ is the reason why you shouldn't even waste your time, even if it's casual. Also I don't buy his "FWB" offer. He's trying to hoover you back under false pretenses...telling you what you want to hear. He's a cheater and a liar,...he's bad news. Getting involved with him, will involve you in his mess of a life. He can't get his crap together...you are better than this for sure.
Thingsfallapart Posted August 27, 2018 Posted August 27, 2018 He is in love whith you but only got back with the ex for the kids. He is saying fwb hoping that you’ll become more serious. I’m talking from experience 1
Author Lagoon1212 Posted August 29, 2018 Author Posted August 29, 2018 (edited) Not sure if he is in love. Not clear why he keeps in touch either. As Zahara said, maybe I was a rebound, an escape from his bad relationship. Anyway, I told him it is over and not to contact me again. He said that he understands and that I can contact him whenever I need him. Then he said that he likes me, “probably a little too much.” I told him that “being fwb is not working for me anymore, and that, even though I agreed to it, it hurts when he has to rush back home.” I even said that I am ready for something serious and was planning on seeing him, until I meet someone (probably the worst way to communicate that I want something more from him) but I realized fwb is not what I wanted. He said that we have a great connection and he would have spent more time with me but his time is limited because he has a family. Edited August 29, 2018 by Lagoon1212
Zahara Posted August 29, 2018 Posted August 29, 2018 You did the right thing. Don’t settle for scraps. Demand more for yourself. I’m sure he’ll sniff around at some point. These types usually do.
dranoel Posted August 29, 2018 Posted August 29, 2018 Run. Why would you want to be involved with a cheater? Why would you want to become someone’s side piece? And if he ever started a relationship with you, wouldn’t you ever worry about him doing the same to you that he’s doing to his gf now? This guy is a prick and you probably should try not to get involved with taken men anyways. Find a honest single man that you can take part in honest relations with.
Author Lagoon1212 Posted August 29, 2018 Author Posted August 29, 2018 (edited) Run. Why would you want to be involved with a cheater? Why would you want to become someone’s side piece? And if he ever started a relationship with you, wouldn’t you ever worry about him doing the same to you that he’s doing to his gf now? This guy is a prick and you probably should try not to get involved with taken men anyways. Find a honest single man that you can take part in honest relations with. Because we started something when he was single, and he went above and beyond to make me feel good. I rejected all of it and now I was having a second thought. I also felt bad for rejecting someone I had a great connection with, just because he has kids, never went to college and has not such a great job. And here I am with all different degrees, a decent job and dating an engineer (few months ago) with whom I absolutely had no connection and who was just weird. And given that his gf is a cheater too, I guess I wasnt too hard on him. Edited August 29, 2018 by Lagoon1212
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