tukorob9 Posted August 27, 2018 Posted August 27, 2018 Hi! Have a lot on my mind and thought I could get some advice. I got out of a 3 and a half year relationship 4 months ago. This is the second breakup in the same relationship and she did them both so this time I’m not going back. I started to feel good again after a few months and decided to go on a date with a girl I met. First date went well and I got a kiss at the end so she invited me to tag along with her and some friends at this food truck event the following week. I was a little shy because I didn’t know anyone except for her but I tried to keep conversations flowing as best I could. I drove her home that night and we had some really good conversations while being stuck in an hour of traffic. The next day she posted an Instagram photo of us and her friends at the event and then deleted it an hour later. We also had plans to meet up that night but her texts seemed like she just wasn’t too into it responding every couple hours. I ended up going to a friends place cause I didn’t want to end up doing nothing that night. She texted me the next day “I’m horrible! Sorry.” I have no idea how to figure out if she’s still into me. It’s like one week she seems super into it holding my hand in front of her friends and the next moment her texts are dryer than ever but still always ends up responding. Is there a mature way of asking if this will go anywhere or if we should leave it as friends without spooking her? Thanks for the advice!
I'veseenbetterlol Posted August 27, 2018 Posted August 27, 2018 Doesn't sound like she interested. Her deleting the pic might mean she is seeing someone else. Cut your losses and move, don't let anyone treat you in such a cold way.
Larry56 Posted August 27, 2018 Posted August 27, 2018 As a man, don't ask. Women should be chasing you. Next time she hits you up. Make a date and try escalate the physical. If she seems cold to that, sorry she ain't interested.
ExpatInItaly Posted August 27, 2018 Posted August 27, 2018 How did you meet her, OP? Given that you have only been out a couple times, I don't think it's necessary to ask where it's going. At the moment, she doesn't sound overly interested, unfortunately. You would know if she were eager to see you again as she likely would've suggested meeting a different day when she blew you off the night you were meant to meet up.
memekay Posted August 27, 2018 Posted August 27, 2018 I’d ask if she’s still interested. It seems like the adult thing to do. But I’d also be prepared for a very lengthy “it’s not you, it’s me” response.
Redhead14 Posted August 27, 2018 Posted August 27, 2018 (edited) Hi! Have a lot on my mind and thought I could get some advice. I got out of a 3 and a half year relationship 4 months ago. This is the second breakup in the same relationship and she did them both so this time I’m not going back. I started to feel good again after a few months and decided to go on a date with a girl I met. First date went well and I got a kiss at the end so she invited me to tag along with her and some friends at this food truck event the following week. I was a little shy because I didn’t know anyone except for her but I tried to keep conversations flowing as best I could. I drove her home that night and we had some really good conversations while being stuck in an hour of traffic. The next day she posted an Instagram photo of us and her friends at the event and then deleted it an hour later. We also had plans to meet up that night but her texts seemed like she just wasn’t too into it responding every couple hours. I ended up going to a friends place cause I didn’t want to end up doing nothing that night. She texted me the next day “I’m horrible! Sorry.” I have no idea how to figure out if she’s still into me. It’s like one week she seems super into it holding my hand in front of her friends and the next moment her texts are dryer than ever but still always ends up responding. Is there a mature way of asking if this will go anywhere or if we should leave it as friends without spooking her? Thanks for the advice! You asked her for a date and she reciprocated by asking you to another event for the second date. Ask her for another date. If she declines, you have your answer. If she accepts, you have a better idea at least. It's only been two dates. Dating is a process not an event. Be patient, develop a thick skin and just enjoy the time you spend with dating prospects even if they don't go anywhere. Edited August 27, 2018 by Redhead14
d0nnivain Posted August 27, 2018 Posted August 27, 2018 Chill. It's been 2 dates. The only place you need to ask about where it's going is to a 3rd date. If she's responding every few hours that is interest. Nobody owes you instant communication this early. I'm sorry the 3rd date didn't work out. Glad you went out with friends. Do reach out to her & plan a different 3rd date. If that doesn't work out, you have your answer: this is going no where. For now just relax & enjoy. There is no need to define things. This relationship, this early is not going to have the ease of the 3.5 year relationship you just got out of. Are you sure by the way that you are not simply seeking to get over that break up by starting something else with just anybody? It seems awfully fast for you to be seeking a new relationship 2
Author tukorob9 Posted August 27, 2018 Author Posted August 27, 2018 I’ve been on a few dates and this one just felt the best so I think that’s why I’m catching some feelings so early. Not going to chase her just going to sit back considering the balls in her court. Thank you all for the input. I really shouldn’t be getting this worked up.
Redhead14 Posted August 27, 2018 Posted August 27, 2018 I’ve been on a few dates and this one just felt the best so I think that’s why I’m catching some feelings so early. Not going to chase her just going to sit back considering the balls in her court. Thank you all for the input. I really shouldn’t be getting this worked up. The ball is in your court. She asked you on the last outing. It's your turn now. 1
kendahke Posted August 27, 2018 Posted August 27, 2018 this one just felt the best so I think that’s why I’m catching some feelings so early. Stop doing that. That's what clouds up everything because with those feelings comes expectations--unexpressed expectations at that---and those are fertilizer for future resentments. This situation hasn't even sprouted nubs which will become the legs a relationship would stand upon. Keep your feelings on their leash until you two come to a mutual agreement on proceeding. Having one or two good dates doesn't automatically mean she's devoted to you and this situation here. 1
SevenCity Posted August 28, 2018 Posted August 28, 2018 As a man, don't ask. Women should be chasing you. Next time she hits you up. Make a date and try escalate the physical. If she seems cold to that, sorry she ain't interested. Exactly this. Never ask a woman where things are going. That’s her job. Every girlfriend (and girls who didn’t become my gf) I’ve ever had posed the question to me. Why? Because it’s feminine to need to put labels on a relationship as a measure of security. Also, it makes it their idea Since she asked you out the second time ask her out again. If she doesn’t enthusiastically say yes you have your answer. Keep intra date chit chat to a minimum. Build her anticipation and give it to her in person. Be a prize, have other options so you are not hung up on one chick. And be ok being alone. Actually, enjoy it while it lasts as some chick is gonna lock you down because you’re a catch.
ExpatInItaly Posted August 28, 2018 Posted August 28, 2018 Exactly this. Never ask a woman where things are going. That’s her job. Every girlfriend (and girls who didn’t become my gf) I’ve ever had posed the question to me. Why? Because it’s feminine to need to put labels on a relationship as a measure of security. Also, it makes it their idea This depends on the individual. To offer a counterpoint to your experience, every boyfriend I have had has been the one to ask where things are going and to define the relationship. It wasn't something I was waiting on either; they simply beat me to it. Some women prefer the man to be more assertive and take the lead in this way. Others will do it themselves. There are plenty of men out there who want the labels too. My own experience speaks to that. It's nice when we meet a guy who knows what he wants and isn't afraid to ask for it, social constructs be damned. But I digress. The bottom line, OP, is that it's too early for that type of conversation here. See how things unfold in the coming weeks. As solid relationship is about give and take, not expecting one person or the other assume the role of chaser.
Author tukorob9 Posted August 28, 2018 Author Posted August 28, 2018 This is all really solid advice. To me it was just weird how much she would take the lead and invite me out and then all of a sudden had that picture deleting incident. I havenÂ’t reached out since Sunday should I just give it some time before doing anything? It definitely feels like sheÂ’s keeping her options open which is totally understandable.
kendahke Posted August 28, 2018 Posted August 28, 2018 This is all really solid advice. To me it was just weird how much she would take the lead and invite me out and then all of a sudden had that picture deleting incident. I havenÂ’t reached out since Sunday should I just give it some time before doing anything? It definitely feels like sheÂ’s keeping her options open which is totally understandable. You need to do the same--keep your options open and don't settle on her right now.
Author tukorob9 Posted August 31, 2018 Author Posted August 31, 2018 waited a few days and asked to take her out but I'm ghosted. Happens, time to build some thicker skin. Thanks for all the replies everyone.
preraph Posted August 31, 2018 Posted August 31, 2018 Stop being insecure. And stop expecting her to KNOW yet if she's into you. She barely knows you! You cannot ask someone to commit to "being into you" after two dates. She likes you fine. She invited you somewhere. She flaked a little, but I don't know how young she is. If she's under 25, that's nearly normal. And she apologized. She posted a photo at least for awhile, so that's good. Now, she likes you just fine so far, but if you go begging for some guarantee from her you're going to look pathetic, so don't. Just call her up and invite her on a nice date where you pay and take her somewhere and kiss her at the end of the night. Do it now.
Author tukorob9 Posted August 31, 2018 Author Posted August 31, 2018 Stop being insecure. And stop expecting her to KNOW yet if she's into you. She barely knows you! You cannot ask someone to commit to "being into you" after two dates. She likes you fine. She invited you somewhere. She flaked a little, but I don't know how young she is. If she's under 25, that's nearly normal. And she apologized. She posted a photo at least for awhile, so that's good. Now, she likes you just fine so far, but if you go begging for some guarantee from her you're going to look pathetic, so don't. Just call her up and invite her on a nice date where you pay and take her somewhere and kiss her at the end of the night. Do it now. That’s what I did today. We talked a few weeks back about heading to a concert so I asked if she wanted to head to a band we both like. We’re both 23. She checked out my snap story but didn’t respond to me asking her out. All I can do is wait and see. I think if she wasn’t into me and just said sorry but I don’t want this it wouldn’t be on my mind.
preraph Posted September 1, 2018 Posted September 1, 2018 Well, I guess it's wait and see then. Now, someone delaying answering you can just mean they have to check with someone to get out of another engagement or whatever. It's not always bad. Let us know what she said, if she accepted.
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