High Flyer Posted September 6, 2005 Posted September 6, 2005 Hi all, new to these forums, hope you are all well... I am male, 25 years old and unfortuanalty have only had 2 realtionships, this being one of the two, and am after some advice... I am currently seeing a girl (26 y.o.a) who i consider to be experienced in the realtionship game, unlike me!. I have been seeing her for about 2 months but have only just begun to have serious romantic feelings towards her, which is great as this is what i am looking for in this realtionship, but, she has mentioned that she is'nt really looking for anything at the moment, but she wants to carry on a casual/sexual relationship and see how it goes from there... I should also mention that i work with her as i support the school that she teach's at, but i only visit the school on a friday, so don't see her on the other weekdays... The thing is, i am starting to have as mentioned before serious feelings towards this girl, love could be on the horrizon if you like?, but don't want to get too attached to her if she is'nt looking for a steady realtionship. So here is my problem, i want to be with her more (only seeing each other on weekends) but don't want to frighten her away by telling her how much i like her and wanting to make more of a relationship together. What do i do? should i sit down with her and tell her how i feel?, should i end the relationship myself in fear that if i stay with her longer i will get to like/love her more and make the breakup more painful...??? Please help before i drive myself insane...lol... Regards, Jon...
PlayedUK Posted September 6, 2005 Posted September 6, 2005 Dont do it!... women are complicated creatures.... and us men are not... a man has 2 possible answer to every question... YES and NO.... women have ATLEAST 3... YES/NO and the worst one "MAYBE" ..... if shes saying she's not after anything serious, dont screw yourself up over it... instead, give her what shes after, BUT HOLD BACK your feelings.... else its just going to be suicide for u.
bluechocolate Posted September 6, 2005 Posted September 6, 2005 ....but she wants to carry on a casual/sexual relationship and see how it goes from there... I think you need some clarification as to what that means exactly. It sounds to me that "casual/sexual" means "free to date other people". In my opinion, depending of the amount of contact you've had over the period, two months is a good length of time for a dating couple to reach a decision about exclusivity. If I were in your shoes I would seriously consider stopping seeing her. You're both looking for different things & hanging around in the hopes that she'll change her mind could lead you into bigger trouble later. Or you could put a deadline on it - say after month 3 or 4 if she still feels casual about it you go your separate ways. In the meantime, try not to invest too much into this relationship, approach it with the attitude that it could end at any moment (though is sounds like you may have already invested too much - there you are calling it a relationship & she's thinking casual/sexual).
Author High Flyer Posted September 6, 2005 Author Posted September 6, 2005 In the meantime, try not to invest too much into this relationship, approach it with the attitude that it could end at any moment (though is sounds like you may have already invested too much - there you are calling it a relationship & she's thinking casual/sexual). I do agree with you. TBH i think she just thinks i am also up for a bit of casual sex and does'nt think i want a realationship with her at this moment in time... I think your advice about maybe waiting till month 3/4 is good, and i think this is something i will give thought to today... Thanks for the advice guys. Jon.
Chimerical Posted September 6, 2005 Posted September 6, 2005 Let her know how you feel now? 3 - 4 months later may be too late. She might get tired of waiting around for you, and find someone else who is able to make it clear that they want more then a fling. Or wait it out, and just enjoy the sex for what it is. This is just my perspective. I've never been able to have sex and not fall for the guy. And if it'd been 2 months! I would've been hook, line, and sinker at that point. If I wasn't, then I wouldn't still be sleeping with him after that long.
Author High Flyer Posted September 7, 2005 Author Posted September 7, 2005 Let her know how you feel now? 3 - 4 months later may be too late. She might get tired of waiting around for you, and find someone else who is able to make it clear that they want more then a fling. Or wait it out, and just enjoy the sex for what it is. This is just my perspective. I've never been able to have sex and not fall for the guy. And if it'd been 2 months! I would've been hook, line, and sinker at that point. If I wasn't, then I wouldn't still be sleeping with him after that long. Thanks for the comments... I am hopefully going to be seeing her on the weekend, and am going to bite the bullet and let her know how i feel. I think this is going to be the best solution to my problem. If i tell her i want to make the relationship more serious and she rejects me then i will most likley call it off myself there and then, which will solve my insanity problems, but, on the otherhand if she agrees with me that a steady relationship IS what she wants then even better, problem solved...??? Can anyone see any flaws in my plan... I will keep you all updated as to what she decides... J.
bluechocolate Posted September 7, 2005 Posted September 7, 2005 I am hopefully going to be seeing her on the weekend, and am going to bite the bullet and let her know how i feel. I think this is going to be the best solution to my problem. I agree. Can anyone see any flaws in my plan? Nope - in this case honesty is the best policy (just don't be too gushy about your feelings for her - the fact that you want to be exclusive should be enough for her to know your feelings - save the gushiness for when you're a committed couple). Good Luck.
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