JVort Posted August 25, 2018 Posted August 25, 2018 (edited) So I just started dating this woman 48 yo looks 35. Very attractive, smart and funny. After a few days of talking a ton she mentions how this young bartender was hitting on her which I thought was odd. I told her I heard that cougar culture was real. She then says " Yes, young men like me" Antennae go up a bit as I recently got out of a relationship with a male attention seeker. So I shake it off and we talk about it a.bit and she says that it cracks her up. So stupidly I ask so you never partake in that and she says yes twice 27 & 29.Last year. My stomach sinks as this woman has a 23 yo daughter. She goes on to say it was hot but thats all I say. Im aware don't ask questions you don't want answers to. Since she thought it was funny it I thought it was a safe question to ask. I was wrong. Im not trying to judge but it did freak me out the 20 yo difference. Would I sleep with a woman that young if I had a 23 yo daughter, I'm not sure. My concern is Im getting involved with another attention seeker which essentially broke up my last relationship? Thoughts out there? Edited August 26, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Paragraphs
preraph Posted August 25, 2018 Posted August 25, 2018 You know, she's probably just not on your wavelength. Different strokes. I agree that when you have kids, you shouldn't be dating around their age range. I just find it creepy, but I don't have kids and I certainly dated some younger guys, if you use the term loosely. One of them I dated for years but he was gay and didn't want to face it, so it wasn't anything like a normal sexual relationship though. No sex, just possessiveness and friendship. Young guys liked me, too. And yes, I'm an attention seeker in general. She probably just thinks it's fun and why not. But your ethics are different and I do agree it gets creepy dating around your kids' ages -- and just hope she wasn't hitting on their friends, yuck!
guest569 Posted August 25, 2018 Posted August 25, 2018 I'm not sure I see any attention seeking behaviour. Some young guys hit on her. So what? 1
mossycup Posted August 25, 2018 Posted August 25, 2018 I think that you should look at her general personality traits. Anyone having sex between the ages of 18 and 110 is appropriate. Our culture has prejudices about age, but sex is sex. It can be a fun time, between adults. Each person is different too - some 18 year olds are more mature than some 50 year olds. But my point is that you can avoid judging her for wanting to have fun sexually. In fact, this is a great trait in a person; it means you won't be bored with her, she's adventurous, youthful, open minded, all wonderful things in sex partner. What you need to find out is: - did she ever CHEAT with a younger man? - is she having unprotected sex? - is she out every night of the week having sex with a different person (even that I'm not going to judge too harshly because it's still not wrong, but it can speak to attention issues) - when it comes to her RELATIONSHIPS: is she loyal? is she caring? is she faithful - when you are out with her, does she hit on men in front of you? - when she sleeps with younger men, does she treat them like ****? - when you are out, does she monopolize conversations? only talk about herself? create drama? These are the questions that matter. If she has a good character and is sexually adventurous, then you've found a great woman! 1
mossycup Posted August 25, 2018 Posted August 25, 2018 Also, let's step away from thinking about "cougar culture". What a depressing way to think about aging and sexuality. People are people, whatever their age, and people want love and sex. If you find something good, who cares about age? But especially, let's not label women over 40 for having a sexuality and being attracted/attractive to all ages. 3
SevenCity Posted August 25, 2018 Posted August 25, 2018 Personally I would throw her in the temporary bucket for a few reasons: - Women who’s past includes dating much younger guys is inductive of bigger issues (maturity, non-commital, promiscuous) - Arrogent/Insecure: She is throwing other guys in your face on a first date. Imagine the reaction here if a woman went out with a guy and she said he was telling her about all the young chicks who wanted him? - Referencing previous sexual experiences (I.e.: “It was hot”). Not so romantic. I’m not saying to stop seeing her. Rather have some fun but NEVER develop feelings for her. She sounds like she might be a good time girl worth keeping around for a few months until you find a better one. However, she does not sound remotely close to a good, loyal woman. 1
guest569 Posted August 25, 2018 Posted August 25, 2018 I just don't get why OP is putting it all down to "attention seeking just like the ex". In my opinion those are the people that have to be centre of attention and get upset and stomp their feet and wave their arms when attention is diverted. Not a woman who had sex with a few young men. Huh? If you have an issue with her past sex life then we can discuss it in those terms. But tell us, what are the attention seeking behaviours she is exhibiting? 1
Author JVort Posted August 26, 2018 Author Posted August 26, 2018 Not sure you read the post it was a lot more than them hitting on her. I just wonder if she needs that attention based on pervious experience. I don't wanna do that deal again. Its exhausting. Perhaps it was a phase or she was going through something. I just don't wanna get sucked in again...
Author JVort Posted August 26, 2018 Author Posted August 26, 2018 I just don't get why OP is putting it all down to "attention seeking just like the ex". In my opinion those are the people that have to be centre of attention and get upset and stomp their feet and wave their arms when attention is diverted. Not a woman who had sex with a few young men. Huh? If you have an issue with her past sex life then we can discuss it in those terms. But tell us, what are the attention seeking behaviours she is exhibiting? Well, other than bagging two men her daughters age.Who knows? She remarks a lot on how much attention she gets from young men and men in general. Posts Lots of selfies, Talks a lot about her appearance and having a fan club. to me not things a mature 48 yer old woman would say. Its not as though she just got divorced in which case I would totally get it. She's was in a relationship but has been single for a bit. These just seem like red flags to me. I could be wrong...
FMW Posted August 26, 2018 Posted August 26, 2018 Like SevenCity said, my problem with this would be how she made sure to tell you that young guys like her and then talking about how hot the sex was with them. Who feels the need to say that. Yes, I see it as attention seeking and it would turn me off big time if a guy said something like that to me. 1
Versacehottie Posted August 26, 2018 Posted August 26, 2018 I think the bigger issue is a woman who brags to her new bf about her sexual conquests--no matter the ages, but yeah that makes it all the more tacky. I mean what is she trying to prove? 2
MountainGirl111 Posted August 26, 2018 Posted August 26, 2018 I think it’s inconsiderate of her to brag to you like that... was she bragging or did it just come up in the conversation?? What was the context? 1
Scarlett.O'hara Posted August 26, 2018 Posted August 26, 2018 Well, other than bagging two men her daughters age.Who knows? She remarks a lot on how much attention she gets from young men and men in general. Posts Lots of selfies, Talks a lot about her appearance and having a fan club. to me not things a mature 48 yer old woman would say. Its not as though she just got divorced in which case I would totally get it. She's was in a relationship but has been single for a bit. These just seem like red flags to me. I could be wrong... I was willing to give her the benefit of the doubt from your first post because sometimes people try to show off when they start seeing someone new to make themselves appear more desirable. However, after reading the above post, I'm more inclined to believe that she is an attention seeker, like you feared. 1
Fair Posted August 26, 2018 Posted August 26, 2018 (edited) I assume by 'attention seeker' you mean potential cheat. If you don't trust her you probably shouldn't date her. If you're 'not sure' you wouldn't sleep with a 20 year old yourself, you probably shouldn't judge her either. It sounds like strategic bragging, to me, deliberately designed to make you worry you could lose her. It's working nicely. She's trying to tell you she's still attractive to all men at 48 out of insecurity at getting older and wants to keep you on your toes so you don't take her for granted or leave out of boredom. I may be wrong, but I can almost guarantee I'm right. At 48 women start to worry they won't be enough of a challenge to men or be desirable enough to keep one so they play games like that to keep your attention. So it is attention seeking in a way but it's your attention she wants, not necessarily anyone else's. Edited August 26, 2018 by Fair
Desesperado Posted August 26, 2018 Posted August 26, 2018 I admit I like walking around with a very cute yound woman on my arm, but I will never brag about this to friends and even less when having a date. It tells me this woman has got an ego and is all about hot and appearances, she talks about these guys like trophies she earned because of her great "cougar" skills or something ! That's a huge red flag, you didn't say your age but honestly I would pass on that one, at any age you can find someone who talks about her exes or sexual encounters with more respect, or don't even bring them up on the first date actually...
Versacehottie Posted August 26, 2018 Posted August 26, 2018 Like others have said, I would pass on this girl if you are looking for anything serious. If it was me, I probably wouldn't even have the patience to sit through an evening of that crap just to hook up with her. I'd probably just pass on her altogether. Her getting hit on and being flattered by the attention those younger guys give her is one thing, sharing this nonsense with you in the early stages of dating is another. When she called it hot, I would have called it a night and went home. The last thing a dude wants to hear about on a date is the previous sexual escapades of his date. Ok, ladies, this is gonna be tough to hear, but someone needs to say it. It is absolutely meaningless if a younger guy hits on you. While I admit it is flattering to have a younger person hit on you, men will hit on pretty much anything, and if a younger guy hits on an older woman, it's often because he sees her as an easy target. It's not because he wants her to buy her a ring and get married. Agree. Which makes it all the more pathetic, because from the way she is acting with the OP, attention-seeking women are easy targets altogether--so yeah it's quite possible that she gets hit on because she is older AND acts like a floozy or someone who is desperate for attention. And the type that pass on that info to guys who might genuinely like them as if it bolsters up their appeal, shows she just isn't that smart socially. 1
OatsAndHall Posted August 26, 2018 Posted August 26, 2018 For me, these topics of conversation would have thrown up red flags for me, even outside of the "cougar chasing". Bringing up exes/flings and commenting on how attractive people perceive them to be would have me on edge. I don't really care why they're making mention of these topics; it just doesn't make for an enjoyable evening.
MountainGirl111 Posted August 26, 2018 Posted August 26, 2018 It depends on the context of the conversation when she said those things about younger men...it's likely she is flattered by the attention; maybe it just makes her feel good...as women get older, just as men get older they start to worry a little bit whether or not they are still desirable. So, maybe the greater question is this: Does this woman have a healthy self esteem. If she has poor self esteem she is going to take attention from other men a little farther. If she has a good self esteem she will likely just acknowledge the attention but not allow it to go any further. She won't "feature" it, so to speak. If she feels she is going to be more attractive to you, OP when she points out how others find her attractive, she's missing the mark there because you don't like when she does that. So many women, regardless of age have low self esteem and don't feel very confident about their attractiveness. Many reason this is so. Some never out-grew the "ugly duckling" complex they may have carried over from childhood. I believe that much of a person's self esteem does get established in childhood.
Logo Posted August 27, 2018 Posted August 27, 2018 From your posts, it sounds like she enjoys attention and needs it to feel good about herself, has low self-esteem or a negative self image. I wouldn't be surprised if a few months down the road she started flirting with younger men in your presence.
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