ljn1650 Posted August 25, 2018 Posted August 25, 2018 Met a guy online, who I've been chatting to and he seems lovely and is keen to meet up next week and has given me his number. However, after a google search I randomly found an article that he had been given a suspended sentence for assaulting an exes boyfriend and breaking his jaw a year ago, he also has two other convictions for assault from his past. I know where he works etc, have seen his fb so know he is legit. Just feels....wrong? so haven't given my number or personal details yet, and I wanted an outside perspective. Am i being too judgemental? Should I at least meet him? Would you date a guy with a violent past?
preraph Posted August 25, 2018 Posted August 25, 2018 No. Chances are he wouldn't let her go, and that's a bad sign. It's highly unlikely he was defending her or something. It's always them just being jealous and not taking no for an answer. So do NOT date this guy. Just block him. You don't want him focused on you or to know how to find you. And he could have convictions in different towns or states you don't even know about. Good for you to look into his background. Knowing this, I say absolutely not. A paid background check could reveal more info, but I say this is enough as is to eliminate him. 1
noelle303 Posted August 25, 2018 Posted August 25, 2018 Absolutely not. This probably means that he is jelaous, controlling and has poor impulse control. Especially since it's not an isolated incident. This is a major red flag, don't do it. 3
MidwestUSA Posted August 25, 2018 Posted August 25, 2018 No, absolutely not. His last violation is too recent. Couple that with his past, and he's shown that he's incapable of change. Before criminal data was more accessible, I began dating a guy. I got suspicious of some of his drinking patterns, so I had a lawyer friend look him up. He had at least six DWI convictions, and was driving despite having had his license revoked. Bye Felicia! 2
carhill Posted August 25, 2018 Posted August 25, 2018 Once violent, always violent, or does age matter? OK when young, he's a hothead they change. Bust a few heads, hug babies later? Happens! People do date and mate with such men, even while in prison, that's why they have the conjugal trailers on campus. Wanna wager how many letters Scott Peterson has received on death row at San Quentin? Heck some chick was trying to marry Charles Manson before he croaked awhile back and he was in his 80's? Proves there's someone for everyone. The main problem now is guys go to jail for what we used to consider normal male behavior, sure aggressive and dominating behavior, when I was young. Violence was common. It was how one proved they were a man, or at least not a sissy. At some primitive level it must activate a protect/serve appreciation gene in women since they apparently liked it, and them. Then everyone grew up, settled down, popped a few babies out and mellowed. The guy in the OP sounds pretty normal to me for one of the young bucks carving out territory and putting other males on notice. Civilized? IDK, not to me but sometimes I gotta accept the real after spending too many years denying it. However, if he's not activating that protect/serve appreciation gene in the OP then I'd move on. Bad fit.
MidwestUSA Posted August 25, 2018 Posted August 25, 2018 And, yea, that one incident doesn't quite fit the definition of 'domestic' violence, but imagine what he probably did to the ex. In all likelihood, there was plenty; she just didn't report it. 2
preraph Posted August 25, 2018 Posted August 25, 2018 There's just no reason to rough up an ex's boyfriend unless you have not accepted that she doesn't want you anymore. And that is very controlling and abusive. 2
ExpatInItaly Posted August 25, 2018 Posted August 25, 2018 Absolutely, unequivocally, forever and ever and ever - hell no.
Scarlett.O'hara Posted August 25, 2018 Posted August 25, 2018 Do you know the force it takes to break someone's jaw? Do you want to stick around and potentially find out? These are just his three convictions. In all likelihood there have been more incidents that haven't been reported over the years. I wouldn't go anywhere near him if I were in your position. 2
amaysngrace Posted August 25, 2018 Posted August 25, 2018 No way. I'll save that kind of thing for the boxing matches I love to watch.
Redhead14 Posted August 25, 2018 Posted August 25, 2018 Read some domestic violence blogs/sites. NO, NO and NO. These types can be very charming and convincing until . . . they aren't and the first incident of violence will come out of nowhere. They flip on a dime.
lovebitme Posted August 25, 2018 Posted August 25, 2018 (edited) Not trying to sound like a jerk. But for you to even consider dating this guy knowing ahead of time what his recent past is I say just go for it. Just let us know how it works out for you. If it's not you then it will be some other girl who dates him. Why let that other girl take the prize of some guy who is potentially violent. Not to mention the fact that it's possible he will beat up on you too. Some girls like that crap. I see it all the time. A guy who treats a woman like total crap and she keeps going back time after time after time. Sheer stupidity. I know most likely you're going to do it. There is some attraction here that is irresistible to you. If you do get yourself into a bad position then it's your own fault because you have been warned. Edited August 25, 2018 by lovebitme
Malin889 Posted August 26, 2018 Posted August 26, 2018 Don't go there. Because in a couple years, you'll dump him for god knows what and you'll find someone else, and then he'll go ahead and break that guy's jaw. Sorry but it's true. This is your red flag. This is the universe giving you a great big sign. No need for you to go any further. Next.
bene Posted August 26, 2018 Posted August 26, 2018 And, yea, that one incident doesn't quite fit the definition of 'domestic' violence, but imagine what he probably did to the ex. In all likelihood, there was plenty; she just didn't report it. This is a very important point! Conviction means that someone went through the courts, had solid evidence, witnesses etc. And in his case there have been several cases where his violence has been proved enough to result in a conviction. It’s a lot more hazy with domestic violence and the girlfriend could have been too scared to report him or didn’t have direct evidence or just felt intimidated by the legal procedures or whatever. Let’s be real - physical assault is how he operates. You don’t want it into your life and you will not magically change him because you are just so awesome that he does a 180 on his personality. 1
Desesperado Posted August 26, 2018 Posted August 26, 2018 Nope, would you eat at a restaurant where all the online comments say, I got a bacteria and everyone was then sick !? Then why risk dating psychos, isn't there normal people all around !?
OatsAndHall Posted August 26, 2018 Posted August 26, 2018 No. Don't learn your lesson the hard way like I did. I dated a woman who ended up stalking me after I called it off with her. She showed some seriously unstable behavior and I ended it. She tried to get into my house and I ended up calling the police on her. A Google search after that pulled up a local news article revealing that she had been convicted of harassing and stalking her ex-husband about a year prior. I started doing far more thorough research on the women I went out with after that nasty experience.
d0nnivain Posted August 26, 2018 Posted August 26, 2018 No I would not date this guy with THREE violent convictions the last being only 1 year ago. If somebody did a hot headed thing when they were young I could probably look past that. BIL was in a bad bar fight at 19; got in a lot of trouble for hurting the other guy with a beer bottle. As a middle aged man, he's pretty chill so I wouldn't hold his drunken teenaged mistake against him. The guy you are talking about is still a ticking time bomb.
Lorenza Posted August 26, 2018 Posted August 26, 2018 Into bad boys, eh? No, I would never even consider meeting a man like that, because I'm not insane.
stillafool Posted August 26, 2018 Posted August 26, 2018 Absolutely not. I can't even believe you are even entertaining the thought much less taking the time to bring this to a forum.
I'veseenbetterlol Posted August 27, 2018 Posted August 27, 2018 (edited) Met a guy online, who I've been chatting to and he seems lovely and is keen to meet up next week and has given me his number. However, after a google search I randomly found an article that he had been given a suspended sentence for assaulting an exes boyfriend and breaking his jaw a year ago, he also has two other convictions for assault from his past. I know where he works etc, have seen his fb so know he is legit. Just feels....wrong? so haven't given my number or personal details yet, and I wanted an outside perspective. Am i being too judgemental? Should I at least meet him? Would you date a guy with a violent past? I did date a guy w/a criminal past and wouldn't suggest it to nobody else. The guy dated had some other convictions and never in my life I thought I would be up for that. The guy turned out to be completely crazy. He told me from the beginning and me being a bit desperate, I went for it. I did find a new article about incident and that really disturbed me. Of course he said that a lot of the stuff was lies, but after being w/him a short period, I understood that he was rightfully convicted, not just a poor guy who was in an unfortunate turn of events. I'd advise you not to continue because he could turn out to be abusive. Date someone w/a clean history, trust me that's much better. You aren't being judging because you are looking out for yourself. Distance yourself and do not give out your info, better not to get involved at all. Edited August 27, 2018 by I'veseenbetterlol
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