hobo Posted September 6, 2005 Posted September 6, 2005 Hi all Hope someone can help with some words of wisdom here, its going to be a long one so I thank anyone who reads this for their time! Have been in a relationship with my current GF for 2.5 years now, been living together for just over 1.5 years. We both have 2 children so now together we have 4. Whilst we were dating, everything worked out really well. Since we've been living together, things have gotten much harder. I mean she still gets really jealous of my ex and in my opinion for no good reason other than the fact she breathes. My GF often says that my ex should take on more responsibility yet when she trys, she gets accused of trying to have the kids when its convenient to her. Also, the relationship between my GF and my eldest daughter (9) is rocky at best. She accuses my daughter of ignoring her and giving her filthy looks all the time. I also think that sometimes she expects adult behaviour from a nine year old. Her kids are a lot younger so I think she finds it harder to relate. I have tried to encourage her to spend time together in an effort to bond but she has "...given up". We still have arguments over whether or not I treat my kids better than hers. I've argued that its more the fact that she is actively looking for differences than anything else. To the point where I get comments if I wipe shampoo from my son's eyes but not her daughter. (My son cries when he gets shampoo in his eyes, her daughter does not). Juggling 4 kids is a nightmare. Overall the kids are good but just the sheer number of them! There's always someone bitching, fighting, crying etc. There's also the issue of her parents. They are good people but she is a bit too reliant upon them and wants to be EXACTLY like them. I often get comments "...my dad would have done that for my mum." or "...my dad would have done that by now". She's told me she wants to be just like them. Once when arguing, she even admitted to me that I would never be able to make her happy her because she wants someone just like her dad. Phew, that's a lot! Reading it back it seems like not a lot is good. I suppose at the moment its not. We do have our good times. I do love my GF. She is an amazing woman whose biggest shortcoming is probably the fact she is a perfectionist. Living with 4 kids, I think you can't be a perfectionist. The house will be untidy. I do help around the house and somedays she says I do loads, other days I am accused of not helping at all. So I suppose the question I'd like opinions on is, should I call it a day? I love her, I believe that she loves me. Yet somehow, it doesn't seem enough. If I can never make her happy, that I am not her father, if she cannot accept my ex will always be part of my kid's lives and if she cannot cope with looking after 4 kids then is it better to call it off now and mend our hearts or is it better to soldier on, hoping and trying to make things better? Thanks all for listening and reading.
Outcast Posted September 6, 2005 Posted September 6, 2005 Your home and family should be a source of comfort and pleasure to you, not a constant struggle. I think you need to include this as part of your considerations as you make your decision.
Candy Cane Posted September 9, 2005 Posted September 9, 2005 I'm not going to tell you what to do either...it's an important decision. But I do question this...why have you two been living together absent being married? Not only do I feel this sets a bad example for your children but you need this sort of commitment in order to get through the difficult times that every relationship will invariably find itself in. I'm not trying to judge you (because I am no saint myself), but I do want to call your attention to how this lack of commitment could be affecting your relationship and your children. Your children will learn from the example that you set, and is this the setting that you would wish upon your children? I'm just asking. It's for you to decide. Take care.
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