Zoey Posted September 6, 2005 Posted September 6, 2005 My Boy just broke my heart last weekend, and I miss him so much. I haven't spoken with him since the deed was done and I have no idea when we will speak again in the future. He hurt me so much. I hope that eventually we will be together forever, but in my heart, I know that the healing will take time and it isn't realistic to think that we will get back together anytime soon. So, given the above, is it crazy for me to want a rebound relationship? I have a specific new guy in mind, and I have some inkling that he might be up for it. Only thing is, that going into it, I know it would only be a rebound. I know I would only want to be with him because it would be comforting, and that it might take the pain away and help me get over the Boy. I feel really guilty about this. I feel guilty for not being loyal to my Boy (even though he was the one who dumped me...I just sort of feel like I need to be loyal to him for when we get back together eventually). I also feel guilty for entering a fling with a rebound, with zero intention of staying together. I don't want to break new guy's heart....but, I kind of want to be cared for and appreciated. Anyone feel this way too?
Numb Posted September 6, 2005 Posted September 6, 2005 Hey Zoey, Having a rebound won't help you any, all it will do is hurt the other person involved. It will seem to take your mind off of your EX but its only temporary. I've done this and it was fun for alittle while but went to crap pretty fast. I just realized that I needed time for myself and not be with anyone......you need time to heal. Good Luck
Peak99 Posted September 6, 2005 Posted September 6, 2005 hey zoey, I've been reading your posts, and its been really comforting, since (like many people out here probably) I am going through something eerily similar. I'm ok some days, i'm blessed with a great support system. but in most times I don't want to overwhelm them with my sometimes intense emotions. You seem like you're going through the same, but have your head on your shoulders and keeping it together real well, I was wondering if we could e-mail? And btw, I'm really against rebound relationships, I've heard nothing but bad things about them. Would it be totally out of the question to maintain a close friendship with this guy? I only say this because in most instances, if there's chemistry there, I really think that you should take is slow and give it a chance to develop, rather than selling it short and giving the relationship a death sentence.
riceboy Posted September 6, 2005 Posted September 6, 2005 Hi Zoey, Sorry to hear about your bf. Yeah just take it easy. I've been wanting to get in touch with you regarding your comments to my post and was wondering if we can email or even IM? I am going through the whole living together not working out situation....so any help would be great.
Author Zoey Posted September 6, 2005 Author Posted September 6, 2005 Hi guys...been stewing about this rebound question for awhile and I've discovered that my emotions are absolutely crazy. In the past week I have vacilate between PISSED, to HURT, to SAD, to peaceful...to sad and hurt again. Now, I find myself missing my boy like crazy...and to make myself not think about him (because it hurts to think about him), I find myself directing that pain onto someone else in the form of a stupid crush. It's not a real crush...just a little something to make me not feel bad. Another reason why I think I am compelled to try the rebound thing is that a part of me is SO scared that my boy is dating other girls. I can't imagine how it will feel if he calls and tells me he is with another girl. SO, in my effort to head off this emotional pain, I want to try and date someone else too. I want to preempt the pain...maybe even cause a little pain... I'm also able to see why rebounds are a total mess. One, I would only be using the new boy as a way to get over MY boy. Whenever it is that I find myself able to cope by myself, then I could see myself dropping the new boy without a second thought...which is also why lots of people on this board are sad (they were the rebounds and can't see why they were dropped so fast). So, I'm going to take things slow. I'm trying to heal by myself. But honestly, who knows. My emotions are crazy things these days.
brooke7777 Posted September 7, 2005 Posted September 7, 2005 Zoey and Peak99- I feel like I am in a very similar situation as well. My boyfriend and I of almost 3 1/2 years broke up just about 3 weeks ago and it has been agonizing. It's totally consuming me and I'm not functioning too well. At first we tried talking once or twice a week, but it just made it too hard. Although it was comforting to hear his voice and hear that he didn't sound his usual happy self, it set me back every time I talked to him. Last night, we decided that we should try to make this a clean break for at least another month or two. As much as it's killing me...and I know it's only been a day, I think I know in my heart that I won't be able to begin to heal while I'm still talking to him. Even though everyone had advised me to have no contact, I didn't listen...I guess I thought that maybe one day he would change his mind. It took all my strength to get through those conversations without compeltely breaking down before the conversation ended. It's still just so unbelievable that I have to go so long without talking to him. I guess I'm just scared that he is going to forget about me. Anyways, I have been contemplating the whole rebound thing as well. My neighbor and I always had this weird chemistry and I know that he is single right now. It would be an easy rebound relationship, but in my heart, I know that I would only be using him as a sense of comfort and that I would only be hurting him. Plus I value him as a friend too much. I think the only reason I am even considering this is because of my lonliness. As for the whole support system thing. It's really a shame that it's these hard times that truly let you see who your friends are. My family has been my number one support and I don't think I would be here if it weren't for them. I have learned that some people who I considered to be really good friends aren't and that has hurt almost as much as this breakup. It's really tough to get through the days when you feel like you are a burden and that no one wants to hear your thoughts. But a word of advice, talk to those few people that you know will listen and talk their ear off. You need to get out your feelings and emotions...it really helps to vent.
Author Zoey Posted September 8, 2005 Author Posted September 8, 2005 Good! I'm glad it's not just me that is feeling this way. Honestly, it's just a little something that helps me feel good about myself - which I know is pretty sick. I need to learn how to feel good about myself without the attention of a male...but, I'm not there yet. I am aware enough to know that I have no business actually starting anything with this dude, because I am so crazy right now that I will only hurt myself, him, and the ex-BF. Brooke, I'm glad you are going to stop talking to your boy so frequently. It really helps. When my boy first broke my heart, I found it impossible to think that I wouldn't talk to him everyday. But, since then, my mind has been going crazy places. Everyday I wake up feeling different. Not speaking to him is the only way that you can really begin to sort out how you feel. Do know that even though he isn't talking to you each day, I can gaurentee that he is thinking about you each day...even if you don't have the physical email/call to remind you. Plus, not speaking to him is good for him too. You want him to come back to you on his terms, not yours. You don't want to have to convince him to come back. Let him get there by himself.
brooke7777 Posted September 8, 2005 Posted September 8, 2005 I do want him to come back on his own terms and not just because he feels sorry for me. I know that the only thing I can do is have hope that we will one day reunite and that things will be better than ever. I hear you on the whole mind going crazy thing. I haven't gone a day yet without crying. It's still so hard to live life day to day without his presence because it just seems to be everywhere. I was food shopping today and memories came flooding into my head. It still seems so impossible for me to begin to move on. I just feel like I'm going through the motions each day.
brittanyjean259 Posted September 11, 2005 Posted September 11, 2005 My Boy just broke my heart last weekend, and I miss him so much. I haven't spoken with him since the deed was done and I have no idea when we will speak again in the future. He hurt me so much. I hope that eventually we will be together forever, but in my heart, I know that the healing will take time and it isn't realistic to think that we will get back together anytime soon. So, given the above, is it crazy for me to want a rebound relationship? I have a specific new guy in mind, and I have some inkling that he might be up for it. Only thing is, that going into it, I know it would only be a rebound. I know I would only want to be with him because it would be comforting, and that it might take the pain away and help me get over the Boy. I feel really guilty about this. I feel guilty for not being loyal to my Boy (even though he was the one who dumped me...I just sort of feel like I need to be loyal to him for when we get back together eventually). I also feel guilty for entering a fling with a rebound, with zero intention of staying together. I don't want to break new guy's heart....but, I kind of want to be cared for and appreciated. Anyone feel this way too? 1 thing, what makes you think you guys will get back together? do you guys randomly break up with eachother just to do so bc your mad? bc thats how it was in my case, if i know that i could maybe give you advise...eather way rebounds are unhealthy, and selfish....it wont help you get over some1 be sensiable here....its a quick fix for a lil bit...but it doesnt change the pain..and it makes the healing process slower...than your back from sctrach.....and once your over this guy...you will get rid of your rebound..and find some1 else....dont:) get your indepenace dont be the lower party and just go out with some1....you need space...you had a life b4 this relationship you can have a life after it:)
brittanyjean259 Posted October 4, 2005 Posted October 4, 2005 HEY zoey, i know this is a little late, but i just got out of a realationship, and i nkow it hurts....break ups with someone you love well trust me i know their not easy. but i cant tell you from my friends experience...she did rebound and thought she liked him and yeah she does....but she goes back secretly to her ex bf who she loves!, her current bf i nkow she really could care less about....please give your self some time....than you can have a true healthy relationship where you wont even think about your ex!
BadBadGirl Posted October 4, 2005 Posted October 4, 2005 search some of the rebound threads on this site. it may help you understand the "other side" a little better before you do something.
brittanyjean259 Posted October 4, 2005 Posted October 4, 2005 hahahah i replyed to your post, but didnt realize i also relplyed to it weeks ago .HOW SILLY!!...my bf is on the rebound. it hurtsssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss :-(
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