JamesRock Posted August 23, 2018 Posted August 23, 2018 Hi there everyone I am a 28 yo boy, never had a relationship with any girl before, no more than shaking hands, no kisses or anything, a total virgin, till about a few months ago, there came into my life this 20 yo girl telling me that she loved me because I always helped her in this Spanish learning forums. I kept telling her that it was not possible for her to be in love with me, that did not make any sense, she didn't know me, but she kept telling me that she loved me. I asked her how she knew me, she told me that she knew me for a long while now. But later on it turned out that she went to this Spanish learning center that some of my friends were teaching there as well. I suddenly had this image that she probably knows my friends, and probably because my friends think that I was alone, had told this girl to come into my life, that she was probably closer to them mentally than she was to me, and laughing behind my back with them, but I decided to ignore this thought. We had a few calls sometimes, she would call me and ask me these grammar questions, sometimes during the calls she would do a tiny bit of low scream or gasp, when I asked her what was going on, she would tell me that her girlfriends were pinching her, but in my head, I was thinking that she is probably with a boy, and he is touching her, or even pinching her nipples or something that she is making such noises, I ignored these as well. She would send me her occasional pictures, she one time suggested to send me her live video of taking a shower naked, and I said that I didn't enjoy the probability of some hacker or someone watching my woman, like what happened with Fappening(2014). But she would send me her occasional pictures. Any hows, she finally asked, or better to say forced me through continual begging, to go out with her. I asked her that we go to a coffeehouse, but she insisted that we go to this library sitting on this specific chair no place else. We didn't do much rather than some occasional putting her head on my shoulders, we studied a little bit Spanish and that was it. After this, I asked her if I could see her parents, and that if she could see mine, but she said that her dad would kill her if he knew that she was in a relationship with a boy, and she started crying that she only wanted to marry me and if she knew I married some other girl, she would kill herself. That she was mine and such things... she even put picture on her public profile in whatsapp and facebook. A few weeks after that she asked me out again, I wasn't prepared but I did go anyways. Again she insisted that we should sit on that specific chair in the very same location the very same library, I became suspicious that she is probably filming us being there, or someone is there, or else she would listen to me going someplace else, somewhere lovelier, more private. This time we kissed a bit and that was it. Now about two weeks ago when I was trying to have a conversation with her, she told me that you ask a lot of questions, or I am not in the mood and such. She even threatened me that you are making it easier for me, 'you have paved the way for me' was what she said, for me to be with other guys. That was when this feeling that she is probably already with other dudes was strengthened. I have always had this feeling that she is probably with another boy, having very intimate relationship with him. Considering that I don't have a place of my own, or a car of my own, or that much socially active, I feel like this girl is trying to play with me with her boyfriend, and that I don't have the necessary means or social power to know what is really going on with her. How can I know if her love for me is real, or a joke, or if there is another man in her life? Should I forget her and move on? Thank you everyone.
d0nnivain Posted August 23, 2018 Posted August 23, 2018 I have no idea if there is another boy but her behavior is unhealthy & you should not believe her. You are right that she doesn't know you well enough to love you. Her refusal to let you do the honorable thing & meet her parents is odd. Her statements that she wants to marry you & will kill herself if you are with another woman are over the top. At best she is a dramatic young girl in love with love. However the whole thing reads more like a delusion or mental illness IMO, The offer of the shower video tells me she is not playing with a full deck & you are right to wonder how many other guys there are. I'm trying to figure out the point of making you sit in a specific chair in the library. That is too precise. Thank heavens nothing happened but I was wondering if she was setting you up to be robbed. You can keep talking to her if you like but you must understand that she is playing some kind of game & is not genuine. 1
glows Posted August 23, 2018 Posted August 23, 2018 Your situation is alarming because there are very clear signs of manipulation and arm-twisting. Why are you so vulnerable and desperate for attention that you would even meet up with this psychopath? My suggestion to you: Avoid her. If you need to report harassment, do it contextually and report the issues to the facilitator of that forum or the parties involved with coordinating any meet ups if there are any organized meet ups. If it's just an online forum like this one, block that user and never respond to anything she has to say to you again. Document all the incidences and exactly what she says to you. If you need to or if you feel that your personal safety is in danger, report her actions and your documents of harassment to the police. My suspicion is that she's a complete idiot but unbalanced and manipulative. No decent person passes comments like what she has done or would make threats like the ones she has done to you in this short span of time. You don't know each other. Be careful who you meet and don't be so naive. 1
Author JamesRock Posted August 23, 2018 Author Posted August 23, 2018 I'm trying to figure out the point of making you sit in a specific chair in the library. That is too precise. Thank heavens nothing happened but I was wondering if she was setting you up to be robbed. You can keep talking to her if you like but you must understand that she is playing some kind of game & is not genuine. I was mostly just worried if she is trying to hurt me in some way or not? Like putting me up to something, or black mail me later on. But during one of our meetups she told me how happy she was that we are probably going to be able to be together in a few years. It felt like she was genuine with her expressions. Yet, in a very weird way the rest of the thing seems kind of fake, and like a game. The main question is, WHY would someone do this? I am really worried.
Author JamesRock Posted August 23, 2018 Author Posted August 23, 2018 Your situation is alarming because there are very clear signs of manipulation and arm-twisting. Why are you so vulnerable and desperate for attention that you would even meet up with this psychopath? My suggestion to you: Avoid her. If you need to report harassment, do it contextually and report the issues to the facilitator of that forum or the parties involved with coordinating any meet ups if there are any organized meet ups. If it's just an online forum like this one, block that user and never respond to anything she has to say to you again. Document all the incidences and exactly what she says to you. If you need to or if you feel that your personal safety is in danger, report her actions and your documents of harassment to the police. My suspicion is that she's a complete idiot but unbalanced and manipulative. No decent person passes comments like what she has done or would make threats like the ones she has done to you in this short span of time. You don't know each other. Be careful who you meet and don't be so naive. Thank you for your considerate help. I should have been careful, but this is what happens when you live a very lonely life, with no social activity, and always keep asking yourself why you are alone and have no one to love. You become extremely vulnerable. Any ideas how I can start a healthy relationship considering my situation (not that much money, no place of my own, no car, no job)? How can I find love? I am really alone...
d0nnivain Posted August 23, 2018 Posted August 23, 2018 I can't explain why she would do this. It's all bizarre. However at this point I think you are safe. Just keep your distance.
glows Posted August 23, 2018 Posted August 23, 2018 Thank you for your considerate help. I should have been careful, but this is what happens when you live a very lonely life, with no social activity, and always keep asking yourself why you are alone and have no one to love. You become extremely vulnerable. Any ideas how I can start a healthy relationship considering my situation (not that much money, no place of my own, no car, no job)? How can I find love? I am really alone... Work on yourself and stop depending on someone to make you feel better. You have nothing to offer so expecting someone to "love" you or support you is unfair and irresponsible. If you are feeling low about yourself, you're not going to be able to adequately support or love someone else. If you need professional help find a psychiatrist, therapist or someone who can work with you in counselling. 1
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