Thingsfallapart Posted August 24, 2018 Posted August 24, 2018 Dude, Seriously? She went out drinking with a guy, he took her home and she didn’t message you until morning and now he is texting her? Wow. You’ve a cooler head than me. Did you ask to see the text? I’m guessing not. I’ve still got money on she cheated on you. Good luck luck though
d0nnivain Posted August 24, 2018 Posted August 24, 2018 Thingsfallapart It really depends on what the text said. If it said "tomorrow's staff meeting is moved from 8:00 a.m. to 7:30" there is nothing to worry about. If it said, "Hey I had a great time hanging out with you the other night in [other city]" that is some indication the other guy is interested but his interest is not her fault & it's not evidence that she cheated. If it said, "Have you told your BF it's over yet" that is a problem.
Author Jimmy3858 Posted August 24, 2018 Author Posted August 24, 2018 I believe boundaries are necessary. The couples feelings are always priority, as long as it’s not manipulative. Socializing is one thing, getting so drunk to where you can’t get home safely is another issue. Which if that happens again, with a male and she’s alone, I’ll be leaving the relationship. To the other guy that said I have a cool head. Trust me man I wanted to ask, but I’m gonna just wait a week and see if the behavior continues, if it does then I’m gonna ask to see the text. The fact that a coworker texted her at 8 pm is not a problem, depending on what the text said. You can't put parameters on how other people in her life act. I'm glad you talked to her but you setting "boundaries" & her agreeing to them sounds awfully controlling on your part. If what happens again will cause you to walk away? Are you saying you will dump her if he goes on another business trip or that you will dump her if she socializes with business colleagues? That is very short sighted. Networking is a powerful tool for advancing in any field.
Gaeta Posted August 24, 2018 Posted August 24, 2018 Update: I did see her co worker text her last night at like 8pm. I was walking by her phone and noticed it, same guy she went out with.. didn’t really ask about why he was texting her that late though. Am I being naive or is that fair? So he text her? For all you know this guy may be gay. He could be texting her about work, or he could be letting her know his fiancée said yes to his marriage proposal...who knows! You are jumping the gun. I told her that in order to continue this relationship and keep it healthy that we needed to set certain boundaries for both parties. The conversation went well and she agreed to all of them and then apologized, so we shall see. If this happens again I’ll just walk away from the relationship. Boundaries like what? Sounds more like an ultimatum to me. 1
d0nnivain Posted August 24, 2018 Posted August 24, 2018 I believe boundaries are necessary. The couples feelings are always priority, as long as it’s not manipulative. Socializing is one thing, getting so drunk to where you can’t get home safely is another issue. Which if that happens again, with a male and she’s alone, I’ll be leaving the relationship. To the other guy that said I have a cool head. Trust me man I wanted to ask, but I’m gonna just wait a week and see if the behavior continues, if it does then I’m gonna ask to see the text. Boundaries are fine. One person setting them and demanding that the other person accept them without Q is the problem You are now making big leaps about her level of sobriety / drunkenness. If she'd had a few & was tipsy, the colleague walking her back to her room when his was probably nearby was simply a guy with manners. Would you prefer he abandoned her? That is also a far cry from her being stumbling drunk so that she was unable to get back to her room unaided. Again, even if she put herself in that position, as long as the colleague didn't take advantage, that makes him a good person. I'm still not clear on the boundary you set. Is she never allowed to consume alcohol with a male colleague ever again? Can she have 2 drinks but not 3? Are there time periods in here? Does she understand what you find acceptable so she can chose to abide by the standards you are forcing on her or to walk away because you are being unreasonably controlling? Absent more info all I see is a woman who cut loose (in a party sense not a moral sense) on a business trip & then while tipsy (I'm not convinced she was sloppy drunk) had it slip her mind to text her relatively new BF. Some people avoid drunk texting. There is a possibility that she & this guy crossed a line but you don't know that for sure. 1
Gaeta Posted August 24, 2018 Posted August 24, 2018 This is a 5 month relationship. I don't think it's right to give each other ultimatums at the very beginning like this. Your role is to observe and make a decision if this person is suited for you. She didn't text you one evening, she apologized. Accept her apology and continue observing. If this type of behavior become repetitive then you break up. You want to date her for the person she is, not because you order her to be a certain way. 2
Thingsfallapart Posted August 24, 2018 Posted August 24, 2018 One thing I’ve learnt in this life is; Always, always follow your gut. It’s scientifically proven aswell.
Malin889 Posted August 25, 2018 Posted August 25, 2018 (edited) I’m not exactly sure. She said that he walked her to her room and that was it. I trust her but at the same time it seems sketchy. Im totally okay with her drinking with co-workers, but within a group setting. At 3am if you’re drinking with another man, out of town, and then doesn’t even have the common courtesy to let me know she safe. Well that just seems disrespectful on my end. You’re “ok” with her drinking with co-workers? “The common courtesy to let you know she’s safe”?? That sounds a bit controlling to me. And how did she “mess up”? By not calling? Does she really need to say goodnight every single night? And if she doesn’t, she’s “messing up”? No. Please give her some breathing room and stop being so controlling. It’s only been 5 months. Edited August 25, 2018 by Malin889 1
Malin889 Posted August 25, 2018 Posted August 25, 2018 Update: I did see her co worker text her last night at like 8pm. I was walking by her phone and noticed it, same guy she went out with.. didn’t really ask about why he was texting her that late though. Am I being naive or is that fair? I told her that in order to continue this relationship and keep it healthy that we needed to set certain boundaries for both parties. The conversation went well and she agreed to all of them and then apologized, so we shall see. If this happens again I’ll just walk away from the relationship. What is she apologizing for this time? And why does it seem like you are calling all the shots in this relationship? Personally I don’t think she did anything wrong and I think you are blowing this way out of proportion. Stop being so controlling.
Lorenza Posted August 25, 2018 Posted August 25, 2018 You’re “ok” with her drinking with co-workers? “The common courtesy to let you know she’s safe”?? That sounds a bit controlling to me. And how did she “mess up”? By not calling? Does she really need to say goodnight every single night? And if she doesn’t, she’s “messing up”? No. Please give her some breathing room and stop being so controlling. It’s only been 5 months. I so agree with this. It's absolutely ridiculous to expect your partner to text you every single night and then freak out when they don't. 100% controlling and reminds me of a parent-child dynamics. I'd understand why a child would be obligated to let a parent know they're safe and apologize for not breaking the curfew, but an independent adult doesn't have to let check in with you every single night. Also, you sat her down (again, just like a parent) and basically told her not to do whatever you consider inappropriate. In a 5 months relationship I would consider it healthy to let your girlfriend know how you felt about the whole situation, but then continue to observe how she will act on her own. Once again, you cannot tell an adult to not do something and threaten to walk out if they do. You're very controlling and already you doubt her even though she's been a great girlfriend up till now. If you really think she slept with the coworker, just break it up and be done with it 1
Malin889 Posted August 25, 2018 Posted August 25, 2018 I so agree with this. It's absolutely ridiculous to expect your partner to text you every single night and then freak out when they don't. 100% controlling and reminds me of a parent-child dynamics. I'd understand why a child would be obligated to let a parent know they're safe and apologize for not breaking the curfew, but an independent adult doesn't have to let check in with you every single night. Also, you sat her down (again, just like a parent) and basically told her not to do whatever you consider inappropriate. In a 5 months relationship I would consider it healthy to let your girlfriend know how you felt about the whole situation, but then continue to observe how she will act on her own. Once again, you cannot tell an adult to not do something and threaten to walk out if they do. You're very controlling and already you doubt her even though she's been a great girlfriend up till now. If you really think she slept with the coworker, just break it up and be done with it Exactly what I was thinking! :-)
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