I don't know her last name yet I love her

[hummusiah]

Greetings everyone.

I have a very unique story here.

Last January I met a girl on Tinder.

I'm from a relatively wealthy country and she's from a poor country (it's long distance, I have Tinder premium so I can virtually travel).

 

I remember the first time I called her through Whatsapp, she was very different than all the other girls I've met, her presence demanded respect and she was a lady not a "chick".

 

Like a princess.

 

I treated her with respect from the start but I wasn't really into her, as I've seen her photos and she wasn't really photogenic.

Even though she told me more than once that "she likes me so much".

I still didn't pay much attention to her, a call once a week or two and that's it.

That made her even more into me.

 

3 months passed and my impression of her through the voice calls was that she's a nice respectful girl that's marriage material and would make an excellent mother and wife.

I decided I want to push thing a bit forward with her, so I told her to video call.

She refused and told me she doesn't want to do that.

I insisted and i just pressed the camera button during our voice call and said if you're not comfortable you don't have to open your cam just accept mine.

She did and she saw me, she liked me even more and she told me we will video call tomorrow.

So i waited for the next day eagerly and when the time came we video called and I was more assured of my impression of her as a decent wife and a good mother, as she was cooking food during the call and was talking about the health benefits of fruits and vegetables.

 

Days went by and we were video calling almost daily for about a month.

This was during April.

She was hooked to me and at times we would video call for 5 hours and she would tell me to voice call her until she fell asleep.

Her neediness was so cute and got me hooked to her.

 

I loved her intellect, her smile, the way she talked and she was a very very classy girl.

 

She was absolutely perfect.

 

Days went by and I decided to talk to her about meeting up in her country and her moving to mine.

She was very excited that I come visit her, but whenever I mentioned marriage or her moving to my country she would get uncomfortable.

She said let's meet first and see what happens then.

I told her if I'm coming to your country I need to meet your parents otherwise no point in me coming in the first place.

She said I can meet her mom but not her dad, and that her dad will be outraged if he knew that she uses the internet to meet men. (conservative old man)

So we agreed we would meet in June. (this was during April).

 

Then came along May and things started going downhill.

She began to lose interest even though we had already discussed marriage, but I noticed she wasn't texting as often even though she was constantly online.

She would end our calls briefly and tell me she needs to sleep and 30 minutes later she's online and her line is busy.

I confronted her about this and told her, if you don't want this anymore just tell me and we can both move on and look elsewhere.

She got upset and said that I don't trust her.

She told me she has 3 guy friends and that she's been texting them for years and has no intention to stop doing so.

I said it's fine (mistake I should've not agreed).

 

At the end of May I mentioned my visit during June she told me that we agreed in August.

I couldn't believe what I heard, this was the girl that was literally begging me to visit ASAP whenever I get the chance. and Now she wants me to postpone my visit 2 months later.

 

After a few days I asked her if she still uses Tinder, she said she does.

I told her you can't talk to a guy about marriage and use Tinder at the same time.

She said ok I will delete my Tinder account.

She did.

 

I checked a few days later using a fake Tinder account and there she was again, swiping, talking, flirting and asking my fake account to meet up.

 

So I blocked her on Facebook.

 

She called the next day crying and I confronted her about this, I said why on earth would you use Tinder while w'ere discussing our future children's health and education (which we were during that time).

She said that she uses Tinder because she gets lonely and doesn't have many friends.

I told her go find a guy who's ok with his GF using Tinder, I'm not that kind of guy.

Then while we were talking she started mentioning having a dog after marriage, I said we'll discuss this later.

Then out of the blue she said she wants to buy an "iphone".

So she said she wanted to ask someone who knew about electronics if the iphone 6 plus or 7 was better.

I felt repulsed.

Because I knew she saw things falling apart between us and she wanted to get something out from me before she ended it.

 

I told her, "if you want an iphone all you have to do is ask, it's ok to ask your BF/future husband to buy you stuff"

She went crazy and told me how dare you speak to me that way, I'm not that kind of girl.

I said if you don't want the phone why mention it in the first place?

 

Then I said something VERY VERY stupid.

I told her "You know, if you were my wife, and we had these arguments I would lick your p*ssy and give you a hard F*ck and everything would be back to normal again".

She said "WOW, I can't believe you just said that" (she's a virgin BTW)

and she blocked me on whatsapp

 

That's when it all Collapsed.

 

I went crazy and instantly used my brother's phone to send her a long message apologizing for saying those explicit words and that it won't happen again.

 

No response.

 

3 days later and about 10 messages and 10 calls later she still didn't respond.

 

I felt absolutely devastated.

 

She blocked my phone calls and SMS messages and the only option I had left was either whatsapp through other numbers (which she eventually blocked) or through Skype.

about 2 weeks later I decided to send her this SMS as my last attempt:

 

"Sometimes I wonder if I bought you an apartment in your city, a car and gave you $80K USD, would it make things different between us? I guess we'll never know.."

 

8 hours later she removed the Wahtsapp block and told me we will be "just friends".

 

I said "welcome back" and I didn't talk about the past or my messages.

 

I just felt relieved she was there again.

 

Days went by and I realized this isn't the same girl anymore.

She would reply hours later, with 1 or 2 words, and rarely initiate contact with me.

 

I called her later and we talked for couple of hours and I cried.

She said it will never work out, and long distance relationships are prone to failure.

I told her, they only are if finance is an issue, and it isn't for me.

She said she would never move to my country if she didn't find a job there.

She just started her PhD and would need at least 3 more years to complete.

 

Days went by and I realized things aren't as they used to be, I asked her on a couple of occasions to video call me, and she refused.

I felt really shocked at how cold hearted she was, that she would refuse to see me after about a month passed by of not seeing each other.

 

She kept her distance, but we still fought and argued about the past whenever we voice called.

And she would be pushed further away.

 

I sent her hundreds of messages, some of them saying stupid things like how rich my family are and that she's missing out. And that her life will change if she got married to me. (I know, very lame.. but I wasn't thinking clearly during the time, I just wanted her back)

 

She got more repulsed and now I think she lost complete interest in me.

 

She told me bluntly "Find another girl, don't waste your time with me, there will be nothing between us." I felt dead inside when I read those words.

 

Currently she's cold as ice, but whenever I pull away and not talk to her for a few days, she would send "how are you?"

I get excited and start talking in a humorous upbeat way and she goes cold again. and doesn't respond.

 

She's constantly adding and deleting my number (I can tell by her photo appearing and dissappearing)

 

Whenever I'm silent for a few days she adds my number in order to "taunt" me into talking to her.

And when I do she acts cold and distant.

 

It's driving me crazy.

 

I told her that we can be friends later in a few months not now, because now I still love her.

 

Honestly I've only loved 3 girls in my life (she's the 3rd), and I'm beginning to get older, I really feel like if this girl is gone, I won't find love again.

 

I'm thinking about this girl 24/7 I've become obsessed.

 

I started reading a lot about female psycology and realized all the mistakes I've been doing. (I've acted weak and needy a lot)

 

I just wish I knew about NC sooner and had better emotional intelligence.

 

I'm thinking of going to her country and sending her a video to show her that I'm there, but I can't imagine how painful it would be if she didn't even reply to that.

 

What do you guys think I should do?

[d0nnivain]

I think you should leave her alone.

 

First you can't love somebody you never met in person.

 

Second, you fell too hard too fast for an illusion. All the video in the world is no substitute for a real in person relationship. All that talk about marriage on your part was delusional. She was right to back away from you.

 

She only wanted the fantasy & thought you -- some guy several countries away -- would give her G rated attention with no obligations on her part. Then you pressed & pressed, & pressed even though she was having fun flirting & Tindering. She only ever wanted a virtual relationship.

 

Finally you spoke in a very vulgar manner to an innocent. Plus your solution to a fight -- rough sex -- is not good communication or appropriate conflict management. Then you tried to buy her like she's some kind of prostitute. No wonder she is not talking to you.

 

Do not fly to her country. Don't waste your time with a video. If you persist you will eventually meet her dad & that won't be pleasant. He's going to threaten you to stay the <bleep> away from his daughter.

 

Get off Tinder premium. Learn to date locally & take your time getting to know somebody before you give your heart away. The whole point of Tinder when it was created was to hook up 2 willing people who were DTF & geographically close to each other in that moment. Stop thinking your money can buy you a woman.

[hummusiah]

 

First you can't love somebody you never met in person.

 

I've seen long distance relationships lasting 10 years before the couples finally meet.

 

 

All the video in the world is no substitute for a real in person relationship.

 

Is it the physical attributes in the person that makes us love them?

I was willing to be with this girl even if she didn't have a leg when I met her.

 

She only wanted the fantasy & thought you -- some guy several countries away -- would give her G rated attention with no obligations on her part. Then you pressed & pressed, & pressed even though she was having fun flirting & Tindering. She only ever wanted a virtual relationship.

 

Finally you spoke in a very vulgar manner to an innocent

She's 26, I'm sure marriage crossed her thoughts at a certain point.

She works at a hospital and has seen a lot of gore and blood, I'm pretty sure she could've handled hearing the F word.

 

Then you tried to buy her like she's some kind of prostitute. No wonder she is not talking to you.

 

 

I wasn't trying to buy her, I was telling her that the challenges we would face as a long distance couple are null because money makes everything easier. She could go to her country whenever she wants.

 

Let's see if someone with a more neutral view could comment please.

[MountainGirl111]

She sounds like an amazing person, really on the inside and the outside. I think you've been incredibly patient..I don't think she's playing hard to get or anything like that. Part of the problem could be the avenue of communication you are mainly using. She may not "get" how much you love her and are into her and what you're willing to do for her. It sounds like she loves and cares for you, but is being cautious for some reason. Maybe she's afraid of getting hurt. I'm sure you're afraid of getting hurt too. You sounds like a great man. Hopefully she'll realize that and show you that she loves you. People need to show one another that they love one another....it sounds like you are doing the best kinds of things to show her you love her. It's very frustrating for you when you don't feel like you are getting through to her. Long distance relationships are very hard, despite all the ways people can communicate these days. Nothing replaces being with someone in person.

[CantTakeMySmile]

What makes you believe she would entertain you sending her a video, when she has purposely made it difficult for you to contact her? Since this relationship was 100 percent based on electronic communication, and she cut that possibility by blocking you, why would you continue trying? What is it that you need to say to her that she is not aware of?

[hummusiah]

She not currently blocking me.

She's saying "Hi" every few days after I ignore talking to her

 

Did you even read the thread??

 

I'm getting mixed signals,

I don't know if she wants us to give this another shot or not

Even though she told me nothing will happen between us,

She still adds and deletes my number and reaches out

 

And when I reply and try to initiate things again with her

She acts cold and distant

 

The video I planned to send is to prove to her I'm in her city .

So we can finally meet face to face and maybe have a real thing going on not just virtual.

[hummusiah]

She sounds like an amazing person, really on the inside and the outside. I think you've been incredibly patient..I don't think she's playing hard to get or anything like that. Part of the problem could be the avenue of communication you are mainly using. She may not "get" how much you love her and are into her and what you're willing to do for her. It sounds like she loves and cares for you, but is being cautious for some reason. Maybe she's afraid of getting hurt. I'm sure you're afraid of getting hurt too. You sounds like a great man. Hopefully she'll realize that and show you that she loves you. People need to show one another that they love one another....it sounds like you are doing the best kinds of things to show her you love her. It's very frustrating for you when you don't feel like you are getting through to her. Long distance relationships are very hard, despite all the ways people can communicate these days. Nothing replaces being with someone in person.

 

She is the most amazing girl I have ever met.

I complimented her constantly on her intelligence and beauty , which was a mistake honestly, because I've learned the hard way that compliments for other human beings are always at the expense of your value and worth.

She was crazy about me when we first met, and she always told me that I'm not into her and that this is only 1 sided interest, but I was into her, she won me over,, and we were both super excited about each other, constantly texting and calling on a daily basis.

I became needy and super jealous when I saw that she ended my calls to call someone else and actually lied to me that she's busy or needs to sleep.

I was afraid someone would take her away from me.

And that's when things went downhill.

When she finally blocked me I was extremely needy because I was thinking in my mind that she might be afraid of moving to another country for someone she barely knows.

So I was very persistent and assuring her that everything will be ok.

I told her my family are very nice, respectful, educated and that I will always protect her from any harm as long as she's respectful and loyal to me.

I told her I would give you my kidney if you ever needed it, I would literally die for her. And all of this meant absolutely nothing to her.

I don't easily fall for a girl, last girl I loved was when I was 24,

I'm 34 now.

And time moves fast, I don't think I will find someone I feel the same way towards.

 

The harsh lesson I got out of this is never try to convince a girl about marriage, if she's not interested walk away and move on.

[hummusiah]

And never ever act needy, insecure, beg, cry etc..

Men should never do that,

When they realise something is not right they warn the girl if she doesn't respond he simply walks away indifferent and moves on.

 

Plenty of girls out there.

[CantTakeMySmile]

And never ever act needy, insecure, beg, cry etc..

Men should never do that,

When they realise something is not right they warn the girl if she doesn't respond he simply walks away indifferent and moves on.

 

Plenty of girls out there.

 

Right on! You now see the light! Good

Job!!

[todreaminblue]

You havent met her yet...you dont even know who she really is..and she doesnt know you...if you truly knew her..and had any relationship you would be able to communicate with her and know with honesty and openness what was going on

you AND HER have many issues that are surely future relationship breakers even if you were to continue in a relationship with her....and to be honest if she really wanted you...it would have happened already ..

 

love would have found a way to help your communication be more productive and open.......say goodbye wish her well...and heal.....and yes i have read your post and all your replies....that is my advice to you....i wish you well./.....deb

[glows]

I think the both of you acted poorly and are insecure and dealing with issues of inadequacy. I'd avoid both of you if I were still online dating to be honest and I'm sorry if that's harsh.

 

1) You seem raised with a silver spoon and a bit off-kilter with the references to money and wealth. Your language doesn't suggest that you have two feet on the ground.

 

2) I don't believe for one second she's a virgin or that her cooking channel/Martha Stewart feature during your first video call was accidental. I think she's hook, line and sinker an online scamming profile and you were too vulnerable to see through it because of your issues feeling inadequate and insecure.

 

My suggestion to you:

 

Take this opportunity to re-evaluate where you're going with your life and take the time to really think about all the things in your life and what those things (or people) mean to you. Right now. You're living with your head in the clouds if you think that a premium membership of anything is going to buy you access to happiness. Happiness is unlocked from within. I am talking about true happiness. Happiness of self. Happiness and being at peace. You, sir, don't have it and you're going to keep chasing your tail around and around in circles and continue barking up the wrong (very wrong) trees in order to find that illusive happiness.

 

You're already burning out and feel you've made a fool of yourself. Everyone goes through tough times and makes a fool of themselves every now and then. The important part is what you make of it and how you get on with your life after you've learned its lessons. So learn something from this and start to face whatever issues you've got regarding your issues of inadequacy and any insecurities you have about yourself.

[hummusiah]

I think the both of you acted poorly and are insecure and dealing with issues of inadequacy. I'd avoid both of you if I were still online dating to be honest and I'm sorry if that's harsh.

 

1) You seem raised with a silver spoon and a bit off-kilter with the references to money and wealth. Your language doesn't suggest that you have two feet on the ground.

 

2) I don't believe for one second she's a virgin or that her cooking channel/Martha Stewart feature during your first video call was accidental. I think she's hook, line and sinker an online scamming profile and you were too vulnerable to see through it because of your issues feeling inadequate and insecure.

 

She is a virgin.

I haven't mentioned this before but she's a Muslim.

And I see people here suggesting for me to date locally.

I don't have that luxury, the only option I have in my country is an arranged marriage, which I don't believe in and the main reason why I'm still single at 34.

I just don't believe in 2 random people getting married and having kids, as if they were cattle.

[hummusiah]

and to be honest if she really wanted you...it would have happened already ..

 

love would have found a way to help your communication be more productive and open.......say goodbye wish her well...and heal.....and yes i have read your post and all your replies....that is my advice to you....i wish you well./.....deb

 

That's exactly what I did, yet she's not helping me forget.

She reaches out every few days with "Hi" or "How's it going"

 

I know she lost interest but I haven't.

I still like this girl and she's not helping me forget about her.

 

Should I block her?

[hummusiah]

This was my last message to her:

 

 

Jasmine I know I promised you I won't send you a message but there's something I have to make clear to you because it's been bothering me for weeks now.

What I meant last month, when I said I will give you "so and so" to convince your family about our marriage, was that your parents would be comfortable knowing their daughter and their future grandchildren will be in good hands and have a secure future and a good education, that was my only option at trying to change their perspective about a foreigner like me.

I meant absolutely no disrespect in anyway to you or to your lovely parents.

I actually feel deep sorrow that I haven't had the privilege to meet your parents, or the honour to have a piece of them in my children's souls.

To me that is even a greater pain than losing you.

 

Forgive me for sending this message but I had to make this point very clear.

 

Farewell Dr Jasmine and take care.

 

As always,

 

I am proud of you

[hummusiah]

I just got a message from her

 

She says she wants to meet me in Europe

 

She has work there

 

And she expects me to leave everything in my hand and agree as if I'm her dog lol

 

I told her in a nice way to F*ck off

[hummusiah]

After what she's put me through I can't meet her

 

It's obvious she wants to use me, maybe wants me to pay for her expenses in Europe

 

I've decided to close this chapter in my life and move on.

[hummusiah]

She blocked me on WhatsApp and I sent her like 50 SMS messages

 

Something is seriously wrong with me

 

I need help..

[Marc878]

Yes you do. Get an IC.

 

50 messages is stalkerish

[hummusiah]

I think it's over now.

I need to block her as well and never look back.

She knows I like her and she's using me.

 

Time to look elsewhere

[preraph]

Any chance she might have been an internet opportunist just looking for someone to buy her that iPhone, and then trip to Europe? Anything is possible. The fact she's a so-called virgin and she's trolling Tinder is suspect to begin with. Like why?

 

Assuming she is just a guileless virgin as you believed, then at the very least, she was nowhere near ready to be exclusive with you, because you don't troll Tinder like that just to find friends....

 

She wasn't who you thought. Date local.

[AsonUnique]

You're so back & forth, as soon as she shows interest you pull away and vice versa. No wonder there's so much confusion, and all of the communication that is done is online where important aspects of communication are not always translated as intended.

 

I can't stand those games, an honest talk at least on the phone or via video chat could clarify a lot. Anything less than a conversation on wants/expectations should be left alone.

I wish u the best.

[hummusiah]

People say date local.

I don't have that luxury, I live in a conservative Muslim country where dating is scandalous.

 

My only option besides arranged marriages is Tinder and online dating.

She was interested at the start, and yes I did suspect that she was just trying to use me, but I called her mom after we broke up, her mom was crying and the girl had a nervous breakdown at a certain point when she ended it with me.

I know she wanted me at a certain point and we did discuss marriage a lot even though we haven't met.

 

Thing is for Arabs (we're both Arab) people usually dive into marriage when they find the right person even if they knew eachother for a little while. Sex before marriage is out of the question in my culture and the girl's culture as well.

 

She's been blocking me for about 10 days now, I sent a lot of things I regret, but she knows I'm still very much into her.

I also think if she was serious about rekindling things she would've asked for us to text and video call instead of just asking to meet up in Europe out of the blue.

 

I really don't know what this girl wants anymore, I miss her so much but I decided I will stop persuing her and act indifferent.

 

I don't think it's possible for a person to be interested again in another person after they choose to break up with them, I say this because that's how I feel with girls I broke up with in the past when I lost attraction towards them.

 

One really hot Greek girl I met online was really into me but I wasn't into her, i was also being logical, the cultural differences are too much, It will never work out , that drove her crazy and she wanted me even more.

 

It's funny how pulling away raises your value in the other person's eyes. Human psychology is full of ironies.

[hummusiah]

Any chance she might have been an internet opportunist just looking for someone to buy her that iPhone, and then trip to Europe? Anything is possible. The fact she's a so-called virgin and she's trolling Tinder is suspect to begin with. Like why?

 

Assuming she is just a guileless virgin as you believed, then at the very least, she was nowhere near ready to be exclusive with you, because you don't troll Tinder like that just to find friends....

 

She wasn't who you thought. Date local.

 

She did mention her phone more than once, I offered to buy her a phone and she got upset and told me never to offend her again.

 

I said it's fine to get gift from a guy you're discussing marriage with and she was still angry.

 

She also mentioned more than once her flight tickets for her PhD conferences, and she told me "I need to start saving money for the trip".

 

She never asked me directly for anything, but she always best around the bush, and even though I did offer her more than once, she always refused no matter how much I insist.

 

I have no doubt she is a virgin, it's quite common for unwed Arab girls to be virgins even at over 30 years old.

 

At the beginning she wanted me to visit her country and "hang out" I don't think she ever wanted anything serious even though I offered to buy her a car apartment etc as wedding gifts.

I think she's still in the phase of looking around and she's not ready for commitment.

She just wants fun I guess.

 

I told her in a text message that she has GIGS syndrome, that she will never be satisfied and that even if a prince came along to marry her she will still look around.

[hummusiah]

I think it's reached a point where it's irreparable,

The only hope is for us to finally meet in person and maybe she will have a different impression of me than merely online communication.

 

Honestly I miss her and I like this girl, but after my experience with her I don't think I want her back.

 

I think loyalty and respect are more important than love in a relationship.