patooks Posted August 22, 2018 Posted August 22, 2018 Hi all, basically after 2 1/2 years of been single & dating & having 0 luck, I feel like I'm wasting my time with OLD. I've met maybe 20 ladies off various sites ( Tinder, Bumble etc ) in that time, and none have gone past the 2nd date. I don't know what I'm doing wrong. I'm 39, avg height, I keep in shape, own my own place, good career, no hangups, things that I thought woman would like in a guy. Most of my dates range from 30-35, mostly single mums as well. I looked at late 20's but haven't had really any dates there, but 40 and up I'm not sure about, as I've never dated woman that age before. Quite a few of them have been quite flakey, couple crazy, some we both knew 1st date it wasn't the right connection, where I have friends who have had 2 or 3 GF's in that time frame I've been single. I really don't know what I'm doing wrong, kicks me in the guts a bit, as I feel I'll be single forever. Any advice, or people who have been in a similar situation, I'm quite a introverted person, I don't do clubs or pubs or go out much to anything. Cheers.
grays Posted August 22, 2018 Posted August 22, 2018 That's only one date every six weeks. OLD is a numbers game. If you were meeting two new women a week, you'd be way more likely to find a good one. And as you go along you'll get better at picking them. You've barely got your toes wet so far.
Chilli Posted August 22, 2018 Posted August 22, 2018 Well , l pity your friends going through 2 or 3 or 4 relationships in that time at that kind of age, God how depressing, so is dating 20 different women to my mind. Because l don't agree no offense to anyone but the whole numbers game idea , sounds ridiculous to me , to me that just means someone isn't even using their picker or senses at all , just dating anyone's and anyone's go no where just ware you out. l mean how about actually waiting and choosing someone that could be really right for you. Better off trying one good apple than 20 silly no hope just wasting your time ones. 1
Desesperado Posted August 22, 2018 Posted August 22, 2018 Well , l pity your friends going through 2 or 3 or 4 relationships in that time at that kind of age, God how depressing, so is dating 20 different women to my mind. Because l don't agree no offense to anyone but the whole numbers game idea , sounds ridiculous to me , to me that just means someone isn't even using their picker or senses at all , just dating anyone's and anyone's go no where just ware you out. l mean how about actually waiting and choosing someone that could be really right for you. Better off trying one good apple than 20 silly no hope just wasting your time ones. Of course just like at work when you really want your work to be recognized and get a promotion, what you do is wait for your boss to be nice and give it... Sorry but dating is like everything in life, if you suck at it then you need to try more to get better, things don't fall from the sky like magic, few people nowadays meet that easily or by luck.
d0nnivain Posted August 22, 2018 Posted August 22, 2018 Any advice, or people who have been in a similar situation, I'm quite a introverted person, I don't do clubs or pubs or go out much to anything.. I hated OLD. Granted I only did it for 90 days but I found it worthless & demoralizing. I realize you are introverted but you are going to have come out of your comfort zone & put yourself out there. I made a pact with myself to go out to places to meet people at least once per week. There are all sorts of niche dating groups. Find one that sparks your fancy & Attend. Volunteer somewhere doing something you are passionate about. Election season is upon us; get involved with a campaign. You don't have to make speeches; you can sit quietly & stuff envelopes. Go to meetup groups. Play a co-ed sport. Just make a point to get out there at least once per week & smile
sickoflove11 Posted August 22, 2018 Posted August 22, 2018 Sadly, I completely agree and have no luck on OLD either. I can't even get 1 date which makes me feel even more horrible about myself. Guys message me and we seem to have a good conversation and then it just died. Or they say something like "hey cutie" and idk why but that's super off-putting to me. Ugh I have no advice I'm sorry. I'm going back to accepting that I'll be alone forever.
nospam99 Posted August 22, 2018 Posted August 22, 2018 Hi all, basically after 2 1/2 years of been single & dating & having 0 luck, I feel like I'm wasting my time with OLD. I've met maybe 20 ladies off various sites ( Tinder, Bumble etc ) in that time, and none have gone past the 2nd date. I don't know what I'm doing wrong. IMHO what you're doing wrong is Tinder and Bumble. Hookup sites. If you're just looking for sex, yeah, maybe you're doing something wrong. Disclaimer: I'm 64 so the demographic is different. But FWIW I've met more than a dozen ladies in less than a year (though only one past the 2nd date; another offered to keep dating as long as I kept paying for the food and movie tickets and didn't want to join me for any of the more active things I like to do). Try POF and Match. Pay to see if and when your messages get read. And be selective - only contact women whose profiles 'push enough of your buttons' that you feel like you'd enjoy dating them. BTW, I like and respect d0nnivain. She regularly offers excellent advice to posters. But .... her bad OLD experience was eharmony. Been there, done that. If not the worst of the OLD sites, certainly in contention. eharmony fails because rather than allowing the user to search for matches on their own, the site picks them for you - and their picker just ... fails. 1
Gaeta Posted August 22, 2018 Posted August 22, 2018 I've met maybe 20 ladies off various sites ( Tinder, Bumble etc ) in that time, and none have gone past the 2nd date. I have met 200 men over a period of 3,5 years before meeting my current BF. It takes patience to do online dating. You can meet her right away or it can take 200 meetings in 3,5 years. The only certainty is that no one is gonna come knocking on your door so when you want something you need to be pro-active and go for it. Most of my dates range from 30-35, mostly single mums as well. I looked at late 20's but haven't had really any dates there, but 40 and up I'm not sure about, as I've never dated woman that age before. Then give women 40 + a try. Women over 40 know what they want and aren't afraid of going for it. Nowadays women 40+ take care of themselves and look hot. They also have a certain freedom of thoughts, free from inhibitions, you won't find in younger women.
alphamale Posted August 22, 2018 Posted August 22, 2018 OLD is worthless for most people. You need to get out more and join interest clubs like on meetup.com. You'll do much better in real life than on OLD. 1
Gaeta Posted August 22, 2018 Posted August 22, 2018 IMHO what you're doing wrong is Tinder and Bumble. Hookup sites. Totally agree. Why are people looking for serious dating on dating apps where people have no profiles but only a picture. OP get yourself on a real dating site. Create a profile, take time to read women's profile, and communicate with women that are searching for the same thing as you. .
kendahke Posted August 22, 2018 Posted August 22, 2018 IMHO what you're doing wrong is Tinder and Bumble. Hookup sites. Not anymore... So what was the most commonly cited reason for using Tinder? It's popular: 48.3% of the respondents indicated that the main reason they used Tinder revolved around its popularity — the media hype or the fact that many of their peers were using it. Only about 5% of those surveyed indicated that the desire for hookups was their main motivation for joining the site. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/close-encounters/201706/is-tinder-really-hookup-app 1
Gaeta Posted August 22, 2018 Posted August 22, 2018 OLD is worthless for most people. You need to get out more and join interest clubs like on meetup.com. You'll do much better in real life than on OLD. Most couples meet online these days. Here is the research. If you are single and looking you better be online, something like 75% of singles are online so why deny yourself this database! There is a way of doing online. Hooking apps aren't it. I met my BF online, my daughter as well, my brother met his wife online, my friends met their bf/gf online. I have a hard time believing your statement it's not working cause from where I sit it's been working pretty well. https://www.bustle.com/p/how-do-most-couples-meet-these-days-online-is-the-top-way-people-are-finding-their-spouses-today-survey-finds-3344742
Gaeta Posted August 22, 2018 Posted August 22, 2018 Not anymore... Well your link says out of 48.3% of people on Tinder only 8.9% have a desire for a relationship, I would not call that the best app to find a gf or bf.
d0nnivain Posted August 22, 2018 Posted August 22, 2018 so why deny yourself this database! It's not so much about denying yourself an opportunity. It's about using the opportunity that works for you. I found OLD soooooo demoralizing. It made me depressed & zapped my self esteem. It was like every day was more rejection. I'd sit in front of my computer & cry. I felt like such a loser. It was awful. In 90 days I spoke to 4 men & only managed to meet 2 for a date. My "batting average" in real life was so much better. I couldn't stand the feeling of failure so I got off OLD & went back to hunting in real life. I probably left most events with a new phone # or 2. Just because "everybody" is allegedly on OLD doesn't mean it's right for everybody. I think people should try it but it's not the perfect solution. Also that number has to be skewed to include people who tried OLD which I will agree is the majority but I find it hard to believe that 75% of all singles are active on it at any given time. Many people play around with it I think. Also sites like eHarmony match people with customers who are no longer paid members so no match can happen. The person who received the match just feel more rejected when then don't get a response from somebody who is not on the site anymore but the active customer doesn't know that about their match. The system meanwhile is bombarding the lost person with emails saying you have new matches, pay come back it will be great. It's marketing scam. Gaeta your persistence amazes me. I would have given up. The 3 months I tried showed me it wasn't for me. 1
Desesperado Posted August 22, 2018 Posted August 22, 2018 People that are introverted like me, tend to think because the don't like clubs or big parties, they won't ever meet a woman. But let's be real for a while, if women want to f*** where do they usually go !? I give it to you, clubs and bars, of course they can go there for fun too, but not to date. So think about it, you want a serious relationship then meet people like you in places you like. If you're bookish go to book shops and libraries, if you're an outside person do it maybe join mountain clubs or something, or if like me you're a motorcyclist, join a motorcycle club! This way you'll connect with people easily even being an introvert, there's no fatality in not going to clubs and nightlife, forcing yourself isn't going to make you comfortable anyway with women in these settings. 1
Gretchen12 Posted August 22, 2018 Posted August 22, 2018 I've had really good luck with OLD. I have been on it 3 times in my life, each time I am on it less than 2 weeks before starting a long term relationship. I write very little in my profile, just the vital stats and a simple picture. I must be doing something right. I would suggest to people to - think outside the box. don't disregard the inconspicuous profiles. - contact the ones that are not trying too hard because those are the people who are probably also meeting people IRL. They have other options. - don't text. I just meet right away and chat in person. - contact people who are relatively new to the site, some people have been on the site for like, 10 years. - don't judge too harshly. don't over analyze, because you actually don't have enough reliable data. 1
Desesperado Posted August 22, 2018 Posted August 22, 2018 I've had really good luck with OLD. I have been on it 3 times in my life, each time I am on it less than 2 weeks before starting a long term relationship. I write very little in my profile, just the vital stats and a simple picture. I must be doing something right. I would suggest to people to - think outside the box. don't disregard the inconspicuous profiles. - contact the ones that are not trying too hard because those are the people who are probably also meeting people IRL. They have other options. - don't text. I just meet right away and chat in person. - contact people who are relatively new to the site, some people have been on the site for like, 10 years. - don't judge too harshly. don't over analyze, because you actually don't have enough reliable data. Not being an ass, but as your name suggests being a woman you'll be asked to dates online, but if you want to understand the pain of men, do like 2 of my friends. A guy and a girl they swaped their OLD accounts, my male friend was shocked at the hundreds of messages the girl got doing nothing and the girl was shocked seeing how not much women respond at all. Being a woman sure you get creeps and d*** pics, but you also get good contacts, as men it's much more complicated, no a lot of women initiate texts.
Zippy2000 Posted August 22, 2018 Posted August 22, 2018 NEVER GIVE UP! On line dating like most people say on here is a numbers game. You have to keep on choosing your numbers before you hit the jackpot. Like the lottery. You have to be in it to win it! Ive done up to 10 years on line dating. I have had 2 mini relationships out of it but I feel the more I dwelve into it the more I learn about myself and what I want. Online dating wasnt like what it used to be. Ten years ago it was for people who were serious in looking for a relationship. Now EVERYONE is at it. Some people get mixed up what dating is all about. For example Tinder was originally a hook up site only for just one thing. However through time. Some people have gone on there to find romance. I usually have difficulty getting a second date. If youre getting second dates then you must be doing something right. You need to keep at it and learn from any mistakes. Giving up isnt an option if you want to find someone to be with.
Gretchen12 Posted August 22, 2018 Posted August 22, 2018 Not being an ass, but as your name suggests being a woman you'll be asked to dates online, but if you want to understand the pain of men, do like 2 of my friends. A guy and a girl they swaped their OLD accounts, my male friend was shocked at the hundreds of messages the girl got doing nothing and the girl was shocked seeing how not much women respond at all. Being a woman sure you get creeps and d*** pics, but you also get good contacts, as men it's much more complicated, no a lot of women initiate texts. Actually I am aware of what you're saying. The guy I met online has been searching online for many years on several sites. He didn't have much luck but he contacted me despite how simple my profile was. He didn't only focus on the hot sexy girls. And he was willing to take a chance and meet me. I got many messages that's true, but most of the men just want to text so I stop talking to them. I don't have time to keep conversations going with so many people. I just want to see a real man, in the flesh so to speak, haha. 1
Desesperado Posted August 22, 2018 Posted August 22, 2018 Actually I am aware of what you're saying. The guy I met online has been searching online for many years on several sites. He didn't have much luck but he contacted me despite how simple my profile was. He didn't only focus on the hot sexy girls. And he was willing to take a chance and meet me. I got many messages that's true, but most of the men just want to text so I stop talking to them. I don't have time to keep conversations going with so many people. I just want to see a real man, in the flesh so to speak, haha. That's a great mindset I'm sure the men talking to you feel it, to me you know the women with too many cleavage or sexy stuff, I do not care because it tells you all you need to know about their personnality, that they try to attract guys only with looks and it's superficial, not interested.
kendahke Posted August 22, 2018 Posted August 22, 2018 Not being an ass, but as your name suggests being a woman you'll be asked to dates online Being a woman does not hardly guarantee that you'll be asked out on dates online. Only women of a certain age group and pedigree get that, just like men of a certain pedigree and carriage get that. I've been using OLD for some time now and I'm lucky if I get two dates/year. I just am not obsessed with having a partner right now and settling down nor do I think I'm owed just because I want a relationship. Being a woman sure you get creeps and d*** pics, but you also get good contacts, as men it's much more complicated, no a lot of women initiate texts. Nope. Doesn't work that way in real life. I've sent out about 20 initial messages and have gotten no replies this week. Their loss. 1
BluEyeL Posted August 22, 2018 Posted August 22, 2018 I agree with the above. Not all women get relationships within 2 weeks o line. In fact, it’s not typical. When I dated (ages 41-42) , I had enough men to ask me out (3-4/month) but it took me 18 months to meet my husband. Within the first 5months online I wasn’t getting beyond date 2, or not even at date 2. After I learned a few tricks the situation with getting to dates 3-5 improved a lot. So I don’t know what you’re doing wrong , but because I was doing things wrong initially and got better, I think you may find room for improvement yourself.
JuneL Posted August 22, 2018 Posted August 22, 2018 In general, it’s true that women are getting a lot more first messages than men on average. However, the ratio of men to women should be roughly equal on average (there’re fewer women for the younger age range and fewer men for the older age range) and every monogamous heterosexual serious relationship consists of exactly one man and one woman, I never understand how it can be much easier for a woman to find a committed relationship online. Granted, I do believe it’s easier for a woman to have casual hookups if she wants, but it’s just because women on average are less willing to do casual hookups. 1
Desesperado Posted August 23, 2018 Posted August 23, 2018 (edited) No but if you're reasonably attractive, present yourself well, men will write to you because even though it's 2018 and OLD should have equalized roles in dating, reality is that the majority of women will still not initiate, so it's still up to men to send messages and try to get dates mostly. But I mean women also want attractive men, so it goes both ways, attractive people of course have it easier. So it's maybe not easier to get dates, as you some say they don't get many every year, but it sure is very draining when you're a man having to text a hundred females to get about 10 replies, which some are plain boring not making any effort and the rest might just disappear anytime. This isn't fun this feels like constant rejection, when you text and text and don't get replied, I'd prefer not having to text so much have few messages but that were replied to, that's where to me it's more difficult for men, it is very draining because being a number's game, I'd say the odds are in favor of women getting texted, rather than men texting. But actually I get enough dates, I figured out the hurdles, still this isn't always fun, I sometimes kind of want "vacation" from my dating... Edited August 23, 2018 by Desesperado 1
mortensorchid Posted August 23, 2018 Posted August 23, 2018 OLD is bad in general. It's rather sad because I think when it started people had such hope that this was the avenue you could go through in order to find someone. But, like everything else, people take it and use it for other things and it became something it wasn't intended for to the point of abuse. But I digress ... It's just a means of communication. Just because you say hello to someone while waiting at a bus stop doesn't mean that person is The One. That was true before OLD and afterward. And just because you meet the person face to face doesn't mean you're going to have a relationship either. It's depressing, truly. But it's what it is. You do it because you can't think of anything else to do. 1
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