marky00 Posted August 22, 2018 Posted August 22, 2018 (edited) So it's necessary to say he's lying, she's dangerous, she threatened her and they need to break up?? I don't understand the dreadful exaggerations. It seems rather toxic to me. She's a jealous ex. I've looked at who my exes were dating on FB. I have even looked into their profiles and saw who they are friends with. Don't people do that? She saw Macaronie's ex and contacted him which I haven't done and probably wouldn't ever do but how does that make her violent? It doesn't. Not even a little. Macaronie's not a mistress either, she's a girlfriend. smh I guess if the situation were as truly bad as people want to make believe it is I'd be telling her to run for the hills too but I just don't see it that way. If you read my post, I did say its possible she has just been hacking his accounts etc. But all this has happened after 1 month. That just seems extreme. I very much doubt, he would have posted profile pics with him and the OP this soon on social media. And if so, he has been careless and has done a terrible job of keeping his crazy ex from interfering. He wasn't born yesterday. He knew she was crazy. I'm not jumping to extremes here. Just saying that I would be treading cautiously because unless the ex-wife is just an amazingly effective stalker, it's looking like the OPs bf has let info slip either intentionally or though being careless. Also, you shouldn't really be able to see an exes friend's list because most exes would unfriend an ex. Sure, you can look at the profile still but you won't be able to see their friend's list (unless they set their privacy to "public" which is rare). Unfriending is different to blocking. They can still see your profile but if you set your profile to private, then only friends can see your friends list and your full photo library. If this guy has his crazy ex wife on his on his friend's list, then he made it considerably easier for his wife to do the stalking. I personally think the ex wife calling up the OP's ex bf makes this ex-wife bat-chit-crazy but hey, that's just my opinion Not sure we can give the OP gf status until the OP tells us what is going on regarding the divorce. As off now, she has totally dodged that question. Edited August 22, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 1
amaysngrace Posted August 22, 2018 Posted August 22, 2018 (edited) I think people watch too much drama TV. While this woman may be a little bit jealous and may have a problem overstepping boundaries due to her envy I don't believe it's this drastically dire situation that people are making it out to be. This too shall pass and OP should be bold and hold her ground without letting this woman get the best of her. Someone upthread mentioned having sense enough to leave which is fine but what about a backbone? Macaronie came here looking for advice on how to diffuse the situation because she doesn't want to break up with this man and many told her to leave him alone, fabricating things to make it seem like a dire situation. It's not. The ex is being highly emotional right now but she'll get over it. We all do. How are you suppose to navigate through a difficult situation if you only run away from them? This woman will be a non-issue in time and while you can't change someone's actions you can change how you react to them. Once she learns to accept they're together she's going to back off, and it will happen even quicker if she sees that her efforts to sabatoge their relationship is having zero affect on them. Edited August 22, 2018 by amaysngrace
ExpatInItaly Posted August 22, 2018 Posted August 22, 2018 Amaysngrace, while I can appreciate where you are coming from in terms of reminding folks not to blow things out of proportion, my guess is that you have never had the misfortune of dealing with a truly emotionally unstable person. I am not necessarily saying this particular ex is completely unhinged and won't eventually calm down. But I do think it's important to remember that it's also not always true that upset and agitated people always get over it. It's not always the case that someone like this backs down and moves on when they see they're not getting their way, becoming a non-issue. That would be wonderful, and I hope it's true for OP's situation. But we have to keep in mind that we cannot make the claim that all people would behave as reasonably as we hope. It's not always based on TV crime drama plot lines, either. Ask me how I know. 2
amaysngrace Posted August 22, 2018 Posted August 22, 2018 Amaysngrace, while I can appreciate where you are coming from in terms of reminding folks not to blow things out of proportion, my guess is that you have never had the misfortune of dealing with a truly emotionally unstable person. Your guess would be wrong.
BaileyB Posted August 22, 2018 Posted August 22, 2018 As someone who is dating a man who has an ex-wife with a mental illness, her behavior is not as outrageous as what has been described in OP’s first post. And to be clear, she is irrationally jealous, paranoid, and sometimes very irrational. That is the basis of my suggestion that OP get out of this situation before she gets in too deep... not because I watch too much tv crime drama.
amaysngrace Posted August 22, 2018 Posted August 22, 2018 As someone who is dating a man who has an ex-wife with a mental illness, her behavior is not as outrageous as what has been described in OP’s first post. And to be clear, she is irrationally jealous, paranoid, and sometimes very irrational. That is the basis of my suggestion that OP get out of this situation before she gets in too deep... not because I watch too much tv crime drama. So that's a do as I say not what I do type thing then?
amaysngrace Posted August 22, 2018 Posted August 22, 2018 Look, I don't want to argue with anybody because I do like everybody here but it's only been just one month in. She's saying he makes her happy and to end it would break their hearts. I was trying to suggest how she could work through it. I wouldn't want anybody in danger for advice I've given, that's the last thing I would want, so knowing how fresh the ex's wound is I'd like to think she'll burn out eventually once she isn't getting a reaction. If her behavior escalates into something more drastic then I'll change my tune but for now I think it's a workable situation. I listened to OP and offered a suggestion. I also think Donnie gave good advice when she suggested they inform the boss first to beat her to the punch. That's a very good idea. I didn't mean to offend anybody for having a different approach than my own though. I'm sorry if I came off that way.
stillafool Posted August 22, 2018 Posted August 22, 2018 So it's necessary to say he's lying, she's dangerous, she threatened her and they need to break up?? I don't understand the dreadful exaggerations. It seems rather toxic to me. She's a jealous ex who is being a b****. I've looked at who my exes were dating on FB. I have even looked into their profiles and saw who they are friends with. Don't people do that? She saw Macaronie's ex and contacted him which I haven't done and probably wouldn't ever do but how does that make her violent? It doesn't. Not even a little. Macaronie's not a mistress either, she's a girlfriend. smh I guess if the situation were as truly bad as people want to make believe it is I'd be telling her to run for the hills too but I just don't see it that way. I think Macaroni is a mistress because she won't say whether these people are divorcing. How do we know it is even true that the wife has had 2 bfs and Macaroni is his first? 1
BaileyB Posted August 22, 2018 Posted August 22, 2018 So that's a do as I say not what I do type thing then? My boyfriend's ex wife has some undiagnosed mental health issues. If I'm being honest here, she is a pain in the a$$. I did an assessment and made a decision early on not to forgo my own happiness for someone else's crazy because - they had long been divorced, he had very firm boundaries with her, she had never threatened mine or my boyfriends safety. In this situation, they are STILL MARRIED, they do not have firm boundaries, and OP believes that she is being threatened. Read my pervious post. There are some obvious differences between these situations.
ExpatInItaly Posted August 22, 2018 Posted August 22, 2018 (edited) Your guess would be wrong. Then surely you already know that we all don't always "get over it". I am surprised you'd make a sweeping generalization and condescend to other posters if you have personal experience. Those of us, evidently including yourself, who have dealt with unstable people know that these concerns do not always come from watching too much drama TV. It's that sort of dismissiveness that can lead to trouble if people are not paying close enough attention to red flags. Some of us are simply concerned that OP has reason to be on the lookout for more trouble, and not to assume everything will just become a non-issue. Edited August 22, 2018 by ExpatInItaly 1
amaysngrace Posted August 22, 2018 Posted August 22, 2018 Then surely you already know that we all don't always "get over it". I am surprised you'd make a sweeping generalization and condescend to other posters if you have personal experience. I go for the rule and not the exception. I guess I'm just one of those who see the glass as half full types and has the ability to make lemonade from lemons or as one ex put it, I take the bull by the horns. Personally I think this should be called cyber stalking because it's not physical stalking. I have been both. I wasn't being condescending by pointing out that people make things up out of thin air. It's called being observant. Meh, whatever....I hope things work out for you Macaronie and this chick chills out soon. Most people do.
William Posted August 22, 2018 Posted August 22, 2018 Let's consider member disagreements resolved and return to focusing on the posts offered by the thread starter and respond with content related to this salient question: At the moment I have been ignoring her and not replying to her but she seems relentless. Is this the right tactic to use? Thanks!
marky00 Posted August 22, 2018 Posted August 22, 2018 (edited) I This too shall pass and OP should be bold and hold her ground without letting this woman get the best of her. I agree. I'm actually more concerned about the MM. Edited August 22, 2018 by marky00
FMW Posted August 22, 2018 Posted August 22, 2018 Maybe I've missed some finer points, if so I apologize, but my overall reaction to this is: She's. His. Wife. You only have his side of the story what their marriage is about, what talks they've had about ending it, about how many boyfriends she's had, etc. If you choose to continue seeing him then until they settle their situation formally in an agreed upon fashion - then you're probably stuck with her. It's not unusual that she would be unhappy about you being involved with her husband. Until he deals with the situation, she's part of the package he's bringing to you. If she threatens you then go to the police. If she truly did hack into your electronic files then go to the police and see what can be done. But unless it crosses legal lines there's not much you can do about your boyfriend's wife letting you know she's upset as long as you're determined to stay with him. 3
BaileyB Posted August 22, 2018 Posted August 22, 2018 Maybe I've missed some finer points, if so I apologize, but my overall reaction to this is: She's. His. Wife. Exactly. She is not a jealous ex. She's. His. Wife. And, they have children together. Which means, whether the divorce, or not, she is not going anywhere... She will be in his life, in some way or another, for years and years to come. So, consider that, when you decide whether to continue with this relationship. 2
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted August 22, 2018 Posted August 22, 2018 OP, are you absolutely sure this guy is even telling you the truth about being separated? Google Scott Peterson and Amber Frey.... 1
bravojohn Posted August 25, 2018 Posted August 25, 2018 I would suggest putting everything on ice until the divorce is final. Yes it may take some time but you have to think of your own well-being here. When me and my ex split (cos she was unstable to begin with) she really went off the handle and accused me of having relationships with almost every female on my social media account. Even went as far as contacting one of them cos she posted a picture of a cup of coffee with a shadow in the background that the ex was convinced was me. Yes this happened. She harassed my friends and accused and contacted female friends and acquaintances left and right. It was crazy. Getting rid of her was a nightmare but she eventually calmed down and focused her erratic behaviour elsewhere. Regardless, you don't want that kind of BS in your life. Distance yourself from the situation and if all turns out well, return to it. But I would not hold my breath.
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