Im being stalked

[kendahke]

I know its easier to just pack it in and let her win but thats assuming that Im a robot and can instantly shut down emotions and attachments.

 

"Let her win"? Is this a game to you?

 

After only one month, your emotions and attachments shouldn't be this calcified. You are smack dab in the middle of when weak foundation relationships fail at the one month mark and that's what is happening here. He's not legally done with his marriage and until he is, you stand no good chance. '

 

She's going to be a part of your life and until she crosses a line, she can pretty much continue doing what she's doing because it's not harming you--just making you irritated.

 

"Don't mess with married people" is a good policy to adopt.

Edited August 21, 2018 by kendahke

[amaysngrace]

Play her game by posting up happy pictures of you with him enjoying yourselves. Don't let her know she's bothering you or keeping you from happiness and she'll back off.

[smackie9]

That's like pouring gasoline on an already roaring fire.

[Timshel]

At only one month dating and neither of these two having filed for divorce, how in the world did his ex wife even find out that he is dating you?

How did she get your name to stalk you on FB? Did he tell her, this soon in your relationship? Why would he do that?

 

 

She left him and is dating others, is he trying to make her jealous?

Take care of yourself, don't be too quick to think you know their relationship and how he feels about yours.

[kendahke]

Play her game by posting up happy pictures of you with him enjoying yourselves. Don't let her know she's bothering you or keeping you from happiness and she'll back off.

 

OP-do not provoke someone who you dont' know what they're capable of. If she is already this bent out of shape as it is, doing the above may put yourself in unnecessary danger.

[Noproblem]

I feel like he even lying about her having a boyfriend etc.

 

In the eyes of the society, you are the homewrecker, the cheater's enabler

you are the witch who took a loving husband from his lovely wife!

you are the enchantress who despite the wife pleading and meltdown decided to ride the storm out!

This is the reputation that she will spread about you and you know what, people will believe her & judge you!

 

 

I mean, you said you are not from the US, a month ago I saw a video on a Brazilian wife who goes to the airport and attacks her husband's mistress before their trip to another land starts.

 

she humiliated her, beat the crap out of her, and what the world did?

 

They laughed about the girl who got beaten saying it served her right!

 

and what did the husband do, he stood there watching his mistress gotten beaten by his wife!

 

Yes! You are his mistress, now enjoy that label for the rest of your life!

 

because he is not a divorced man, he is just a cheater who claims his wife having a boyfriend, well I don't buy that lol.

[bathtub-row]

LOL you guys aren't telling me what I want to hear I don't want to break up with him. We're going to ride it out together.

 

Im more concerned that she's going to try and wreck my life both personal and professional. Yes, she is already thinking about contacting our boss to tell them that we're together. Not really sure how this should affect anything as plenty of people get together through their job but Im guessing she's clutching at straws.

 

Very few people on this site are going to tell you what you want to hear just because that’s what you want to hear. If you ask for advice, then listen to what’s being said. It doesn’t mean you have to take it but, given how the consensus here seems to be leaning in one direction, you’d be smart to think about why you’re staying in this situation. It’s bad enough that it’s happening, worse because your bf of one month is still legally married.

[amaysngrace]

OP-do not provoke someone who you dont' know what they're capable of. If she is already this bent out of shape as it is, doing the above may put yourself in unnecessary danger.

 

The only reason she's doing this is because she wants a reaction. If you show it doesn't bother you then she loses.

 

Breaking up with him means she wins.

 

I'd tell the same thing to my own daughter, especially if this man makes her happy.

 

She's suppose to forego her own happiness for someone else's crazy? I don't think so.

[Malin889]

He should not be allowing her to do this. You should not be in this alone.

[stillafool]

People like her are insane. You need to end this relationship because it’s threatening your safety. It really doesn’t matter how you feel about this guy. If you stay with him, you’ll always have to contend with her. It’s not about her winning or losing, it’s about you making smart choices.

 

This^ and you will have to interact with his children whether you want to or not. People with kids are a package deal.

 

We asked you 4 times where are they in the divorce proceedings but you will not give an answer. Have they filed for divorce yet?

[stillafool]

The only reason she's doing this is because she wants a reaction. If you show it doesn't bother you then she loses.

 

Breaking up with him means she wins.

 

I'd tell the same thing to my own daughter, especially if this man makes her happy.

 

She's suppose to forego her own happiness for someone else's crazy? I don't think so.

 

Since OP won't answer the question about divorce proceedings. This couple is still married and the wife is probably under the impression that they are going to reconcile so she views OP as an obstacle. The husband is probably still seeing her and no telling what he's saying to his wife.

[bathtub-row]

The only reason she's doing this is because she wants a reaction. If you show it doesn't bother you then she loses.

 

Breaking up with him means she wins.

 

I'd tell the same thing to my own daughter, especially if this man makes her happy.

 

She's suppose to forego her own happiness for someone else's crazy? I don't think so.

 

If my son was involved in a situation like this, I already know he has the sense to get out. But just in case he didn’t, I’d recommend that course of action to him. Never in a million years would I ever suggest to him that he stay in a situation that could mean his life, or that would mean him spending his days in the midst of a crazy person.

[amaysngrace]

Since OP won't answer the question about divorce proceedings. This couple is still married and the wife is probably under the impression that they are going to reconcile so she views OP as an obstacle. The husband is probably still seeing her and no telling what he's saying to his wife.

 

I read that she's had three boyfriends and OP is his first. I don't see where he's a liar.

 

I honestly think this is a case of 'I don't want him you can't have him'. The best anecdote for that is showing that she does indeed have him.

 

It will give her back her power rather than cowering in a corner.

[preraph]

^ Yeah, but that's what he told her. It's the oldest story in the book that the man says he's unhappy and getting a divorce so he can have another woman to cheat with. Fact is, if he didn't want to be married to her, he's had 18 months to fix that. Fact is, she's still privy to his phone or something or she wouldn't have known who it is and where to find her. How many cheaters you know who leave their phone around their separated wife when they're AWAKE?

[amaysngrace]

If my son was involved in a situation like this, I already know he has the sense to get out. But just in case he didn’t, I’d recommend that course of action to him. Never in a million years would I ever suggest to him that he stay in a situation that could mean his life, or that would mean him spending his days in the midst of a crazy person.

 

His life? What has she done that's violent? Did I miss something?

 

I read OP feels like she'd be battered but the only thing the ex has done is creep on her FB and contact her old boyfriend. AFAIK none of that is a crime and definitely not a violent one even if it breaks some stalker law somewhere.

[kendahke]

The only reason she's doing this is because she wants a reaction. If you show it doesn't bother you then she loses.

 

Breaking up with him means she wins.

 

I'd tell the same thing to my own daughter, especially if this man makes her happy.

 

She's suppose to forego her own happiness for someone else's crazy? I don't think so.

 

This isn't a game to win. OP is dealing with someone potentially dangerous. I would never in a million years tell her to do the equivalent of taking a 2x4 to a hornet's nest.

 

I love my daughter too much to encourage her on a destructive path.

 

She's not going to be too happy if this guy's lawful wife is wiping the floor with her and he's doing nothing and has done nothing to stop it. So far, dude isn't doing much but giving lip service.

 

OP isn't happy with someone else's husband. OP is in a precarious place being with someone else's husband. She has no standing in anything should something unforeseen happen to him. They've only been dating one month---if they'd been dating over 8 months---long past the time where weak foundation relationships fail--then my answers would be different. But one month in? No. It's irresponsible to tell her to provoke that woman by posting pics on Facebook when HE hasn't gotten his wife in check NOR has he even BEGUN the process of divorcing her.

Edited August 21, 2018 by kendahke

[amaysngrace]

OP is dealing with someone potentially dangerous.

 

Why do you say that? Did I miss something?

[BaileyB]

The only reason she's doing this is because she wants a reaction. If you show it doesn't bother you then she loses.

 

Breaking up with him means she wins.

 

I'd tell the same thing to my own daughter, especially if this man makes her happy.

 

She's suppose to forego her own happiness for someone else's crazy? I don't think so.

 

There is no prize for the person who hangs in the longest... There is no winner and loser here. It's not a contest.

 

Second, there is crazy, and then there is CRAZY.

 

My boyfriend's ex wife has some undiagnosed mental health issues. If I'm being honest here, she is a pain in the a$$. I did an assessment and made a decision early on not to forgo my own happiness for someone else's crazy because - they had long been divorced, he had very firm boundaries with her, she had never threatened mine or my boyfriends safety.

 

In this situation, they are STILL MARRIED, they do not have firm boundaries, and OP believes that she is being threatened - such that she would go to the police. For those reasons, I would be gone before he could say "Bye, bye, bye..."

 

Now again, let's remember... It has been a MONTH. This is still the "get to know you" phase of the relationship. What does she know about this guy - he is married and her personal safety is at risk if she stays in this relationship. That's all I would need to know... OP would be vin radially foolish to stay.

[stillafool]

I read that she's had three boyfriends and OP is his first. I don't see where he's a liar.

 

I honestly think this is a case of 'I don't want him you can't have him'. The best anecdote for that is showing that she does indeed have him.

 

It will give her back her power rather than cowering in a corner.

 

I know this but she still won't answer as to whether they are in the process of divorce or this is just a separation. My answer will change depending on which situation is true.

[d0nnivain]

Im more concerned that she's going to try and wreck my life both personal and professional. Yes, she is already thinking about contacting our boss to tell them that we're together. Not really sure how this should affect anything as plenty of people get together through their job but Im guessing she's clutching at straws.

 

 

You better get out ahead of this. Make sure your boss knows about you two from you two not his crazy wife. If she gets to the boss the boss is going to think you two are demented for not warning him / her.

[amaysngrace]

OP believes that she is being threatened - such that she would go to the police.

 

I really don't know why a few people are making things up about this situation.

 

No she hasn't threatened me at all

[BaileyB]

His ex has hit the roof that he is seeing someone new. She has been threatening him by claiming she'll move his children away, screaming down the phone at him, ringing him up to 18 times a day.

 

Now she has turned her attention onto me. She has contacted me through facebook.

 

Its getting really bad and I feel quite threatened by it all. I get the feeling that if she saw me in person then she would batter me. At the moment I have been ignoring her and not replying to her but she seems relentless.

 

My apology, I believe she said the police would do nothing. So, she hasn’t gone to the police. I was thinking of another discussion.

 

OP has said that she feels threatened by this woman - “she has turned her attention to me” and “I feel quite threatened by it all” and “she seems quite relentless...”

 

Then she said in her next post that she has not been threatened by this woman.

 

However she feels about it, it wouldn’t make any difference for me. This is way too much drama to cause me to want to hold onto a one month relationship with a married man...

Edited August 21, 2018 by BaileyB

[marky00]

I really don't know why a few people are making things up about this situation.

 

I tinnk the point people are trying to make is "how after just 1 month has the ex wife been able to find out the name of the OP and thus contact her ex etc".

 

A mistress after one month and a co-worker, surely most people would keep things under wraps or at least discreet.

 

We could deduct from this that the husband has told his ex-wife about the OP. We don't know this for sure of course. She might have hacked one of his old social media accounts by knowing his password or w/e.

 

But the fact is he hasn't done much to keep the new relationship under wraps like it should have been until the divorce proceedings get under way. What the husband has said about his ex-wife dating several other men should probably be taken with a grain of salt for the moment.

[kendahke]

Why do you say that? Did I miss something?

 

 

Post #1:

I really need help with this situation as I the situation is so strange. I have just started seeing a coworker who used to be married - his wife split from him about 18 months ago. We are only a month into our relationship but hitting major roadblocks.

 

His ex has hit the roof that he is seeing someone new (she herself has a boyfriend and it was her who split from him). She has been threatening him by claiming she'll move his children away, screaming down the phone at him, ringing him up to 18 times a day.

 

Now she has turned her attention onto me. She has contacted me through facebook saying how dare I spend time with her husband the day after their wedding anniversary (?!), she hacked into my bfs messenger and read all our messages to each other and has now contacted an old boyfriend of mine - who I broke up with but was still friends with - and told him god knows what. We think it might be putting the idea into his head that I was cheating on him with my current bf but who knows.

 

Its getting really bad and I feel quite threatened by it all. I get the feeling that if she saw me in person then she would batter me. At the moment I have been ignoring her and not replying to her but she seems relentless. Is this the right tactic to use?

 

That doesn't sound like someone who cool with her husband dating someone. Plus, she's got a side of this story that he's not about to tell his rebound. It's quite common for the cheater to drag the spouse to their cheating partner and the cheating partner to buy 100% into that without knowing any real backstory.

 

That's why I say that.

[amaysngrace]

I tinnk the point people are trying to make is "how after just 1 month has the ex wife been able to find out the name of the OP and thus contact her ex etc".

 

A mistress after one month and a co-worker, surely most people would keep things under wraps or at least discreet.

 

We could deduct from this that the husband has told his ex-wife about the OP. We don't know this for sure of course. She might have hacked one of his old social media accounts by knowing his password or w/e.

 

But the fact is he hasn't done much to keep the new relationship under wraps like it should have been until the divorce proceedings get under way. What the husband has said about his ex-wife dating several other men should probably be taken with a grain of salt for the moment.

 

So it's necessary to say he's lying, she's dangerous, she threatened her and they need to break up?? I don't understand the dreadful exaggerations. It seems rather toxic to me.

 

She's a jealous ex. I've looked at who my exes were dating on FB. I have even looked into their profiles and saw who they are friends with.

 

Don't people do that? She saw Macaronie's ex and contacted him which I haven't done and probably wouldn't ever do but how does that make her violent? It doesn't.

 

Not even a little.

 

Macaronie's not a mistress either, she's a girlfriend. smh

 

I guess if the situation were as truly bad as people want to make believe it is I'd be telling her to run for the hills too but I just don't see it that way.

Edited August 22, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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