My date told me he once shoved his sister to the ground

[Nabely]

I've been dating my co-worker for about 2 months. We haven't made it official yet and overall he seemed an alright guy until what he told me this Friday.

 

We were on his parking lot and he briefly told me the story:

4 years ago, he had an argument with his sister and it was getting bad. His sister followed him from the house to the parking lot, screaming profanities and charging towards him. Then after several moments of silent, he said ''and then I shoved her to the ground, she fell''.

 

That's all the information I got. So should I treat this as an isolated incident or should I be concerned? I once heard from others his sister is currently under mental health medications.

[PegNosePete]

Screaming profanities and charging at him? Sounds like self defence to me.

[Els]

Sounds like self-defense.

[thefooloftheyear]

I don't see the issue...I have no idea why he would tell you this, though...

 

TFY

[carhill]

How old is your co-worker?

 

Has he been aggressive in any similar manner towards yourself?

 

Some people share to outline their growth. Some to provide disclaimers. Some don't like skeletons in the closet. Can't read his mind so don't know. How's the dating going? How is he as a lover? Gentle, rough, etc?

[Nabely]

Nope, I haven't seen nor heard of any aggression from him so far. He's 28 years old.

 

The date is going well. I guess I'll just regard this as a case as self-defense.

[carhill]

I recall one time when my mom went into one of her psychotic rages and went after my wife. I had to grab her and lift her completely off the ground and restrain her to stop her. She back kicked me in the nuts. I knew she was nuts (demented) so didn't take it personal but I wasn't going to let her harm my wife. Stuff happens.

 

I'd focus on how your guy treats you and others today. If his sister has mental problems, there's likely a long history and he was 24 when the incident occurred, so young and still learning about such matters.

[somanymistakes]

Are you worried about whether he's a bad guy, or are you worried about whether his sister is going to attack you some day?

[Gaeta]

What is the rest of the story, did she press charges? did they go to court? If yes then check the real story for yourself.

[preraph]

Be concerned. He's got a bad temper. They probably fought growing up, but that's no excuse at his age.

[Nabely]

Are you worried about whether he's a bad guy, or are you worried about whether his sister is going to attack you some day?

I was concerned about what he said. I'm going to be looking out for signs, but apparently there aren't any.

 

I got a bit more detailed. Base on his message just recently (I don't log in to fb too much), his sister got physical with him and had her nails digged in his face, not letting go, then he shoved her.

[Nabely]

What is the rest of the story, did she press charges? did they go to court? If yes then check the real story for yourself.

Negative on both

[Nabely]

I don't see the issue...I have no idea why he would tell you this, though...

 

TFY

I don't know why either. His last message explaining a bit more her attack towards him says he had no option but still felt some guilt upon seeing her on the ground.

[Gaeta]

I got a bit more detailed. Base on his message just recently (I don't log in to fb too much), his sister got physical with him and had her nails digged in his face, not letting go, then he shoved her.

 

 

It's a normal reaction to push someone when they inflict pain on us. Pushing her to the grown because she digged her nails in his face seems a bit over-done. He could have grabbed her arms, push her arms away but shoved her to the ground? Did she break his skin?

[Nabely]

He said he was trying to leave during that whole altercation and she wouldn't stop come after him. His face had a couple scratches and a bit of blood from her nails.

[thefooloftheyear]

It's a normal reaction to push someone when they inflict pain on us. Pushing her to the grown because she digged her nails in his face seems a bit over-done. He could have grabbed her arms, push her arms away but shoved her to the ground? Did she break his skin?

 

Eh...A lot of factors at play....

 

If the guy is big and the sister is pretty small, it won't take much effort to shove her to the ground..She could have been thrown off balance, whatever...

 

Also, bear in mind that (most?) people are pretty reserved, but can be pushed to a limit...It doesn't necessarily mean they are sociopaths, but a one time event, after being pushed to the limit where they are sustaining physical injury, wouldn't, IMO, mean they are bad people..

 

TFY

[Gaeta]

OP apart from this story he told you, do you have any other reasons to suspect he may have a short temper or be violent?

[Nabely]

OP apart from this story he told you, do you have any other reasons to suspect he may have a short temper or be violent?

Not that I can think about. No signs so far.

[somanymistakes]

It's not wrong to defend himself with reasonable force. Pushing someone away who's clawing at you is reasonable.

 

If he'd kicked her around on the ground for a while afterwards, THEN you'd have something to worry about.

[anduina]

This is clearly self-defense. Shoving her away from him is fine when she was attacking him with nails in his face. That she fell to the ground was incidental. He evidenced self-restraint since he could have punched her.