Dodgersfan11 Posted August 19, 2018 Posted August 19, 2018 I decided to try Tinder again, I got a few matches, one guy messaged me and this is how it went: Him: Hi. What are you up to do this morning? Me: Just waking up. What are you up to? Him: Did you do anything fun last night? Me: Yeah, I went out with a friend for drinks. And you? Him: Went to bbq at a friends house. Okay, after his last message, I unmatched him. He just gave me a short response and didn't ask me a question in return to keep the conversation going. I certainly didn't want to ask him questions and give effort for him to keep talking. Now, if he would have asked me a question, I would ask something back. Am I overreacting? Am I doing this the wrong way? In the past, I've dealt with these type of guys that just send countless messages back and forth to the point where I'm engaging 100% and putting in effort majority of the time and there is no hints about meeting up. I'm not looking for a pen pal, I don't understand why guys don't get that if a girl is messaging them its because I'm interested in the possibility of meeting up or else I would have swiped left and wouldn't have responded.
OatsAndHall Posted August 19, 2018 Posted August 19, 2018 There shouldn't be any hints at meeting up. Either he needs to bring it up or you do; The sooner the better. I'll be honest; I wouldn't fault guys for dragging out the messaging back and forth on OLD as I'll guarantee they've asked for a date early on and either a) were told by woman they wanted to "get to known them" via messages or b) were ghosted.
coolheadal Posted August 19, 2018 Posted August 19, 2018 I decided to try Tinder again, I got a few matches, one guy messaged me and this is how it went: Him: Hi. What are you up to do this morning? Me: Just waking up. What are you up to? Him: Did you do anything fun last night? Me: Yeah, I went out with a friend for drinks. And you? Him: Went to bbq at a friends house. Okay, after his last message, I unmatched him. He just gave me a short response and didn't ask me a question in return to keep the conversation going. I certainly didn't want to ask him questions and give effort for him to keep talking. Now, if he would have asked me a question, I would ask something back. Am I overreacting? Am I doing this the wrong way? In the past, I've dealt with these type of guys that just send countless messages back and forth to the point where I'm engaging 100% and putting in effort majority of the time and there is no hints about meeting up. I'm not looking for a pen pal, I don't understand why guys don't get that if a girl is messaging them its because I'm interested in the possibility of meeting up or else I would have swiped left and wouldn't have responded. Depending on the ages they could be doing all this behind their GF back or while in bed with them while she sleeps. Thus the replies you get back are so lamed. Keep searching.. Don't settle for these crappy replies.
Erik30 Posted August 19, 2018 Posted August 19, 2018 (edited) While his questions and answers were pretty boring, a lot women will unmatch a guy if he mentions meeting up in the first couple of messages. Probably because it might look like the guy is just after sex. Some women want to get to know the guy a little bit first, even if they are interested. You seem to be an exception, at least in my own experience on Tinder. The few who are into it, are usually just looking for something casual. (But I'm not American, so there might be a cultural difference here) So that's possibly why these guys start out with some small talk Edited August 19, 2018 by Erik30
Gretchen12 Posted August 19, 2018 Posted August 19, 2018 I decided to try Tinder again, I got a few matches, one guy messaged me and this is how it went: Him: Hi. What are you up to do this morning? Me: Just waking up. What are you up to? Him: Did you do anything fun last night? Me: Yeah, I went out with a friend for drinks. And you? Him: Went to bbq at a friends house. Okay, after his last message, I unmatched him. He just gave me a short response and didn't ask me a question in return to keep the conversation going. There was no conversation. You only copied him. What are you up to? What are you up to? Did you do anything? Did you do anything? Now if he asks more questions to get to know you, will you throw the exact same question right back at him? It makes you seem like you don't have your own thoughts. 3
Versacehottie Posted August 19, 2018 Posted August 19, 2018 I decided to try Tinder again, I got a few matches, one guy messaged me and this is how it went: Him: Hi. What are you up to do this morning? Me: Just waking up. What are you up to? Him: Did you do anything fun last night? Me: Yeah, I went out with a friend for drinks. And you? Him: Went to bbq at a friends house. Okay, after his last message, I unmatched him. He just gave me a short response and didn't ask me a question in return to keep the conversation going. I certainly didn't want to ask him questions and give effort for him to keep talking. Now, if he would have asked me a question, I would ask something back. Am I overreacting? Am I doing this the wrong way? In the past, I've dealt with these type of guys that just send countless messages back and forth to the point where I'm engaging 100% and putting in effort majority of the time and there is no hints about meeting up. I'm not looking for a pen pal, I don't understand why guys don't get that if a girl is messaging them its because I'm interested in the possibility of meeting up or else I would have swiped left and wouldn't have responded. yes you are overreacting. Your side of the conversation wasn't riveting by any means either. I don't get why: a) you are apply bad behavior of some guys in your past online experience to every guy you come across in the future. it's a bad plan, otherwise known as unhealthy baggage. You need to have a better attitude toward this if it is going to be successful. yes of course you will meet lots of duds by why do it if you are cynical and overly suspicious. Having that attitude yourself will taint your results. b) if you DO use the standard and rules that you have in your head about how the communication should go for you to find a guy interesting (some of which can absolutely be valid), then why be angry, bitter and annoyed when some guy doesn't make the cut. You are using these "rules" as your own filter. So let them filter out guys that you don't believe are putting in the right type of effort FOR YOU. Not something to be angry about since it is YOUR own process. You would either need to change your rules for filtering or stop being angry about it. It doesn't seem very bright to be angry about something that you've decided to use as your own filter, does it? It's a tool of your own choosing--that will work for you if you let it. You can't want a guy to be something he is not. I do think in this case you were overreacting. Neither of you was bringing much to that conversation. You might have been right about him, you might have been wrong. Maybe he was bored by your conversation and dropped out--just a thought. 3
Highndry Posted August 19, 2018 Posted August 19, 2018 This wasn't just an overreaction, it was a gross overreaction. I'd take a step back and evaluate yourself, because nobody's that special to be kicking people to the curb so quick. 3
BaileyB Posted August 19, 2018 Posted August 19, 2018 Wow. You are tough. You may have been right about this guy, or you may have been wrong... You will never know, because you cut the conversation off after a few superficial questions. Its going to take you a while to find a boyfriend if you cut them off at the knees when they answer your question, but don't ask a follow-up question in return. My boyfriend would stand no chance with you.
rightondude Posted August 20, 2018 Posted August 20, 2018 this guy aint very good at this. And neither are you (if this is what you call major effort). 1
Desesperado Posted August 20, 2018 Posted August 20, 2018 This is why OLD is such a pain in the ass, guys need to initiate, if you're too questionney or straight the women block you. But if you're too cool and laid back, they stop replying as well because you're not making much effort etc. Typical example of a boring exchange on both sides, OP you need to check your mentality, men are human beings too, if you can't come up with better stuff than them, don't complain about them...
MaleIntuition Posted August 20, 2018 Posted August 20, 2018 Type of guys that likes to waste time on apps? There are no such thing. They simply aren’t interested enough in You to ask for a date. No one will purposely waste your time for the sake of wasting it. 1
basil67 Posted August 20, 2018 Posted August 20, 2018 (edited) So basically you're telling us that the amount of cynicism you carry with you prevents you from asking a question as you wish to test the guy from the outset. This suggests to me that you need a break from online dating. If you aren't willing to initiate a decent conversation, you shouldn't be there. Of course, if you DO initiate a decent conversation and get no questions in return, then sure, move on. Edited August 20, 2018 by basil67 typo 1
kendahke Posted August 20, 2018 Posted August 20, 2018 (edited) Okay, after his last message, I unmatched him. He just gave me a short response and didn't ask me a question in return to keep the conversation going. I certainly didn't want to ask him questions and give effort for him to keep talking. Now, if he would have asked me a question, I would ask something back. Am I overreacting? Am I doing this the wrong way? In the past, I've dealt with these type of guys that just send countless messages back and forth to the point where I'm engaging 100% and putting in effort majority of the time and there is no hints about meeting up. . You are going to have to bring up the first meeting. That's what I do. By the third on-site message they send, I tell them that we should meet for a coffee so we can answer each other's questions in person. Either they'll say "great idea/let's do it" or they'll come up with excuses/vaporize. I'm not looking for a pen pal, I don't understand why guys don't get that if a girl is messaging them its because I'm interested in the possibility of meeting up or else I would have swiped left and wouldn't have responded A woman messaging doesn't necessarily mean that she is interested in meeting the guy. Some chicks are married and are seeking attention. Some just like marking time and seeing how many guys will respond with no intention on meeting them. Him: Hi. What are you up to do this morning? Me: Just waking up. What are you up to? Him: Did you do anything fun last night? Me: Yeah, I went out with a friend for drinks. And you? Him: Went to bbq at a friends house I don't come away from reading this with you having interest in him to the point where he would have picked up the hint. It sounds like a conversation one would have with a work colleague, not someone they're supposedly interested in getting to know. Edited August 20, 2018 by kendahke
Desesperado Posted August 20, 2018 Posted August 20, 2018 A woman messaging doesn't necessarily mean that she is interested in meeting the guy. Some chicks are married and are seeking attention. Some just like marking time and seeing how many guys will respond with no intention on meeting them. Exactly, I'm not sure OLD is such a progress, because some people now get attention without giving anything in return and there isn't any motivation to move to reality, I think it made a kind of weird generation of emotionally unavailable people. 1
Recommended Posts