Vusi Posted August 19, 2018 Posted August 19, 2018 So I have been dating a woman for 5 years. She has cheated once on our 4th year but I forgave her because the thought of loosing her killed me. So after forgiving her I didn't treat her very well I would tell her to leave me alone every time we fought and she would come back a couple of days later and we would fix things. This happened for about 4 months until I got better and got my trust back. Fast forward to this year earlier she got a job 5 hours away from me. I'm the only one who supported her not even her family when she had to move and start a new job. Things were going well until recently she started acting distant from me. She would come back home for a weekend and not tell me that she's around. When I found out she would say shes too stressed she just wanted to be with her family only but she wouldn't tell me what's the reason for her to be stressed . Sometimes I would even beg her to come back home so we could talk. I ended up ending the relationship a month ago. It's been quiet until a couple of days ago her friend spoke to me and asked for some details. I gave her the details and to my suprise she told me what my ex girlfriend said about the relationship. It's seems I have been treating her badly and she's tired of begging. Most of the reasons about giving up on me she speaks about are things that happened last year after she cheated. She says she will never come back to me because she has had enough and that if I love her I will come to her. She also asked her friend to make sure that she doesn't tell me so she doesn't know that I know what she said. Why is she doing this? Has she found someone better than me and using any excuse she can to give up on me or does she really believe what's she's saying?
ExpatInItaly Posted August 19, 2018 Posted August 19, 2018 Why is she doing this? Has she found someone better than me and using any excuse she can to give up on me or does she really believe what's she's saying? She's doing this so she doesn't look like the bad guy in this break-up. She knows her own behaviour ultimately caused this, and by completely avoiding you when she was home, it is clear she didn't want to be in the relationship anymore anyway. Essentially, she's trying to inflate her own ego and avoid taking any responsibility for the relationship falling apart. Let her rant. It's all meaningless noise.
FMW Posted August 19, 2018 Posted August 19, 2018 Call me suspicious, but I would probably be looking at the possibility that she's found someone else in her new location. She doesn't want to look like a xxxxx to her friends and family so she spins this tale about you not treating her right. But again, I'm suspicious. At the very least, if you did eventually get past treating her badly for a few months following her cheating on you and things were "going well" until she relocated, then you've done all you can do and are right to let her go. She cheated on you - like it or not she has a higher burden of patience required to help you get past that. You can't punish her forever of course, but if indeed it was only for four months and then you moved forward, then there's nothing unreasonable about that. Expecting you to come to her is kind of offensive in this situation.
OatsAndHall Posted August 19, 2018 Posted August 19, 2018 This is always the conundrum when there's infidelity in the relationship; that period where you're trying to rebuild trust is a tough one. Things don't just continue trucking forward as they did before after an SO screws around; it messes with the other person's head and takes time to readjust. If she were mature, she would have approached YOU about your behavior and not whined to a friend about it. She's looking for validation for her cheating and for her current behavior by talking to her friend. In my opinion, she's showing that she's probably not going to change her ways when she didn't talk to you about her feelings.
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