Is this still "normal" after a breakup?

[RollerC]

Hey there folks!

 

First I'm not a native english speaker so please don't wonder if its not perfect english! Sorry!

 

Here my story so far:

Last year I (man, 26 years old) met a girl and I really fell in love with her (not my first love, but the first "real" realationship I should have).

But she was not ready for a relationship because she quit one a few month before we met.

Not the best situation for me but I kept going because she said she needed time. In the 2-3 month we did really many things together but just in a friendship way (sometimes it was really hard for me and it cost me a lot of strenght).

 

In the beginning of this year I or we made quite the progess, we came really close and then it went pretty quick (kissing, sex etc). From there it started to be like a real relationship. We really made a lot of stuff together, almost met everyday and yeah. I was really happy. But she still was not really ready for the realationship. I probably was to blind of love so I should have noticed she still was not done with her ex (emotionally).

 

Anyhow she kept saying she needed a bit more time and kept me motivated to keep on going (told me shes almost ready to say that she love me, send me pics with many lovequotes etc). That too cost me a lot of strenght because it was still a kind of unresponded love. From my point of view now it cost me all my strenght and even a bit more to kept going. But what you do for love...

 

So yeah it was on one side really beautiful with her but that she couldn't fully commit to me made me really sad.

 

Anyhow. That went for 3 month and then it hit me hard. It came out that she still had something with her ex... We had 2 personal talks after that. she apologized a thousend times and kept saying that the thing between us was real and she just ****ed it really up and she doesn't want to loose me but she would understand if i dont want to see her ever again. But again she said she now needs time more than ever to sort everything out (she had a lot of problems piled up that she didnt worked on).

 

So I said i quit the "relationship" before it crushes me completly. I said to her that I don't know if thats forever but that I need it to end for now to think about it ( I couldn't call it the complete quits back then).

 

Before we seperated she told me that she promise me that she wouldn't contact me because shes afraid that it will be to soon or something like that and she wants me to give me the time I need.

 

 

The first month after that really was the lowest point in my life. I had suicide thoughts and even cut my arm two times (not hard or deep but I never did that before! It didn't helped me so I didn't do it again)

I wrote her once, it was about three weeks after we seperated. I just asked why she did that and what i was to her. She only said she thinks we talked about everything and that she needs time now too. After that we had no contact.

 

That **** is now almost half a year ago and I would say it is better now but still a rollercoaster of emotions.

It went better but REAAAAAALLY slow.

BUT it still bothers me way too much today! I almost think about her 24/7. I wake up and think about her and my thoughts always drifting towards her in the day and my heart feels so bad. I mean it wasn't even a real realationship and then it wasn't even that long -.- But I really did love her.

 

 

A few weeks ago I started dreaming about her and that **** really isn't helping :laugh: But at least its not that often (once or twice a week).

Apart from feeling bad my life hasn't suffered anymore than that (job still running, no sleep problems, no missing motivation, no eating problems). I'm really into sports latley.

 

But I still wonder everyday if shes going to contact me in any form... With every message or unknown caller my heart skips a beat, when I open my

mailbox I hope everytime that there is something from her... But so far nothing. Then I remeber her saying that she wont contact me and I really ask myself why... It's her job now to fight (if she loves me)! Her job to get me back! With that sentence she just got out of all responsibility?!

 

And now my desire to write her or look at the old fotos with us just grows stronger and stronger. I just dont know what to do and whats right or wrong. I really want to know how she feels about me and yeah... that kind of stuff...

And she isn't even in the country till end of the year (at least that was the status before we sperated).

 

And I ask myself if its still normal whats happening to me... Half a year I felt bad over a "relationship" that wasn't even 4 month. I dont know what to do.. Because nothing seems to help. By the time I thought I would already be over with it but now I sit here and ask the internet

 

I dont know what to do.. I obviously can't forget her/get over her and I'm not sure if I should contact her either...

 

Any thoughts or tips?

 

 

Thanks for your time!

Edited August 19, 2018 by RollerC

[ExpatInItaly]

With kindness and sincerity, have you considered seeing a counselor?

 

The fact that you experienced some suicidal ideation and turned to self-harm is troubling, even if you'd never done so before. It's an outward manifestation of serious inner emotional turmoil that a compassionate professional could help you with.

 

The other areas of your life appear to be in order, but I would be worried about the dark place you slid into when trying to cope with your pain.

[RollerC]

I thought about it in the first month and even tried a few times to make an appointment. But everytime something came in between so I gave up (easily) and waited to see how my emotions develop. Now I dont really have those thoughts anymore

[RollerC]

I thought about it in the first month and even tried a few times to make an appointment. But everytime something came in between so I gave up (easily) and waited to see how my emotions develop. Now I dont really have those thoughts anymore

 

Maybe I have to add some more info. My grandpa died right before that and my now ex best friend ****ed me really over. So I got served a real big dish

[ExpatInItaly]

Maybe I have to add some more info. My grandpa died right before that and my now ex best friend ****ed me really over. So I got served a real big dish

 

I'm sorry to hear that. It's hard when life just keeps throwing mud at you.

 

Still, I would consider talking to a professional. Feeling so terrible you think about ending it all is worrisome, even if you are past the initial crisis-type feelings now. It wouldn't be a bad idea to arm yourself with some effective coping mechanisms in case you face a series of difficulties again.

 

As for this girl, I think you just need to be careful to not wait around for people like this in the future. Demand more for yourself and exit stage left when someone just isn't interested in the same things you are.

[Marc878]

You were just a rebound for her.

 

Keep NC. Time will fix the rest

[RollerC]

I cant really (or mostlikly dont want to) believe that i just Was a rebound for her. For this Option too many Things happend between us. In the end it wont matter but my mind cant work with this