Kitteney Posted September 5, 2005 Posted September 5, 2005 This is going to be a long one, so please pull up a chair, pop open a cold one and dig deep for your best advice for this newbie (to Loveshack.org and to dating/breaking up) I have just been dumped, I admit it. But I have so many questions... A little background about me—I’m 38, female, no kids. After 10 years, I left my husband. That was a little over a year ago and I have been officially divorced for about 6 months now. I started dating a guy about five months ago. I had been seeing other men, but more of him than anyone else. Then after a couple of weeks, I stopped seeing other people, and focused more on him. Besides I had a lot of traveling to do for work, and so did he. But then our dates started to move from the weekend to the middle of the week and then we might go for as long as two weeks before he would contact me again. Our last encounter was about four weeks ago. I had texted him a couple of days later, but did not hear anything until this past Thursday. I had pretty much given in to the idea that he had found someone else. Well, now he wants to see if I’ll join him at the lake this Saturday. He has a boat and I recently bought a jet ski and he suggested we meet up. When we finally meet up at the lake, he has a guy and a girl with him. I think this guy and girl are a couple BUT there was some body language between my guy and the other girl that made me think something was going on with THEM. I started to get sick to my stomach and wanted to take my boyfriend aside to question him about this, but I couldn’t do it. A little later they were talking what they were going to do that evening. The guy asked if I have plans and did I want to join them. I said I guess it’s up to him (gesturing to my boyfriend)—he hadn’t said anything to me about it so I did not know if I was to be included. Well, a little while later, we’re packing up to head home and my boyfriend gives me a little peck on the lips and says, “Be careful driving home” and “I’ll call you later.” I was so embarrassed. I felt so stupid. Humiliated. I sent him text message the following morning asking if he would return some of my things that I had left on the boat on previous outings. He responded a few minutes later he would drop things off later in the week. Well, today, Labor Day, I can’t stand it anymore. I call and leave a voice mail message with him asking if he could please call me explain to me just what was happening on Saturday. O.K., I know I was dumped. That bothers me enough. But what really gets me all torn up is wondering what in the hell was going on with these other people. Did they not know that we had been dating? Why did he think it was appropriate to dismiss me in front of them? Surely they asked about where I was when they went out that night. What did he say to them? This is all new to me. Is this how people ditch people these days? I feel he owes me an explanation. Is that asking too much? Oh, and what do you think my odds are of getting one?
Blackfrost Posted September 5, 2005 Posted September 5, 2005 What a jerk. Sounds like he just relegated you to "friends" status, without you knowing about it. Yes you deserve an explanation - but I'm unsure if you will get one - depends on the kind of guy that he sees himself as. Dating is hell. I never enjoyed it, as there are so many people out there who just play games. I'm sorry to hear that you were treated this way. This guy is going to seriously need to give you some dedicated TLC before you should forgive him for treating you this way.
Beachgrl486 Posted September 5, 2005 Posted September 5, 2005 I do not think you are over reacting at all. I am just a little confused. Yall broke up and then he invited you out of town with him and two other people but was acting like he was with this other woman? If I have it right then I would say he is a jerk and for some odd reason was rubbing it in your face. He might have been just trying to get a reaction out of you. Before I go any further though am I right so far about what happened?
Author Kitteney Posted September 5, 2005 Author Posted September 5, 2005 we live in neighboring towns. the lake is just outside of mine. he had invited me to the lake for saturday. we thought it would be fun to scoot around on the jet ski and still have a boat for "base camp" so to speak. We were going to meet at my house and follow each other out to the lake. then on saturday he said he would be late because a friend from out of town was coming over the for the long weekend--he said it was was a kind of last-minute deal. then he called yet again to say he would be even later because his friend picked up a friend on the way and had to wait for them to get ready--he was apologetic saying he did not know his friend was bringing someone else. I'm assuming that it was his guy friend that made the last-minute self-invite and that he had to wait on the girl to get ready, but ya know why they say you should never ass-u-me. Anyway, the plans changed to us meeting up at the lake... and it went downhill from there. So much for my re-introduction to the dating scene.
Author Kitteney Posted September 5, 2005 Author Posted September 5, 2005 oh.. we hadn't broken up, we just had not communicated in a while. I figured he had moved on, although he never said "screw off, I'm done with you"--so when he called about going to the lake, I thought, "sure, why not." i wasn't getting my hopes up for anything to develop, like he hadn't called because he had to sort through his feeling and that he really did care for me. I was just going into it as fun on the lake, I didn't know I was going to be humiliated like that. I enjoy(ed) his company, plain and simple. And I thought he did mine.
Outcast Posted September 6, 2005 Posted September 6, 2005 If he has two houseguests for the weekend, that creates a 'group' that you, not staying there, aren't part of officially. Very often if people are staying with someone, the whole group makes plans together. Any in-town people aren't automatically included. You were not invited for the weekend or for anything other than the lake event. There was nothing odd or wierd about you not automatically being considered part of the entire weekend's activities and you should not have reacted the way you did. Your message is going to send the message that you are kind of uptight and can't conduct yourself casually in a casual situation. If he wasn't going to break up before, he probably will now.
Cupcake Posted September 6, 2005 Posted September 6, 2005 Sounds like his guy friend brought the female friend with intentions of hooking her up with your guy. Since it was like a blind date, your guy probably invited you along just in case the female turned out to be unattractive, or not his type. He dismissed you when he realized that he didn't need you as a backup plan anymore. Unfortunately, everyone knew what was going on except you. He probably told them that you were just a "good friend" who needed some company for a little while. Beware of him coming back sometime in the future for you to be his sidekick again!!
Author Kitteney Posted September 6, 2005 Author Posted September 6, 2005 Thank you Cupcake. I was kinda suspecting that I might have been "Plan B". Seems plausible. I guess I was stupid to have answered the phone on Thursday. I should have just blown him off and spared myself a lot of heartache. Oh well. Live and Learn, right?
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